So what is a person to do, when you are positive that you are being wronged, but your pepetrator is not only not your size, but so large in numbers, have infinite resources, and counts on you not to resist?
Much like my days as a child, I faced bullies every day. I say bullies, because no one ever took me on one by one. It always had to be a gang. To this day, I still do not understand why. I was tiny, I never fought back, I was no challenge. I was an easy mark for even girls to come after me because I was raised never to retaliate. Though it was clearly a moral reason as to how I was raised, a clear example of why not to retaliate can be seen in sports. It is never the first guy to throw the punch that has been witnessed, but the one who throws back is the one to get caught.
My nine years of elementary and junior high school gang beatings accomplished two things. The first, I have a ridiculous tolerance to pain. The second, and just as important an issue, I no longer pick my battles, I fight everything. I surrender to nothing, no matter what. Neither is necessarily a good characteristic to have. This behavior often alienates me, misrepresents who I am, and on occasion has resulted in threats of litigative action.
But then again, that negative experience had also prepared me for one of the biggest fights in my life, a battle with Hodgkin’s Disease, cancer. I did not let it take away my spirit, my fight, my life.
But as I said, I no longer pick battles. If I even sense that someone is being anything more than courteous with me, anything stronger than a recommendation, I immediately become defensefive. And with too much time to think about the situation, it is likely that I may feel that instead of working with me, you are working against me. No matter the size of the issue, if I sense no respect coming from you, I react as if you were one of my school yard bullies. And I do not mess around either. Granted, I do not physical, but I will resort to any other tactic to get you to leave me alone. Some examples…
Imagine, you are a telephone solicitor or even just someone conducting a survey, you have literally just a few seconds to reconsider contacting me before you realize you “dialed a wrong number.” It may have been the number you saw, or the robot dialed, but it was definitely the wrong call to make. Every phone call from anyone other than family or friend has an ulterior motive, a strategy, and prepared for my “no.” And it is the refusal to accept my “no” that sends me back into the “bully defense” mode. The call is ended shortly after that begins.
Wendy and I bought a dog at a pet store (something we will never do again because with so many dogs that need homes, the last thing I ever want to do is support puppy mills who sell their dogs to pet stores). When Pollo got real sick as a puppy, as in no breath, tongue out, eyes rolled, and carried him into the vet, as he came back out of the exam room on his own power and tail wagging, I thought I could help the vet by finding out information on his mom and dad to see if there were any cardiac issues. Their simple refusal to even answer that simple request resulted in my unleashing the PA Department of Agriculture, the USDA, countless news agencies, and even The Peoples Court on them. There was a good thing that came out of it. Sadly we found out Pollo came from a puppy mill, but at least now that one was shut down because of all of the investigation.
If you are a manufacturer or retailer that will not back up the product you sell? You are a bully.
Try to negotiate a labor contract through the media by printing a teacher’s salary publicly (meant to enrage the public?) You are a bully. Hence what began my politcal run for the local school board two years ago.
Of course I am a firm believer that a bully in school grows up to be a bully in adulthood. Instead of the school playground, the environment is the workplace. But the atmosphere is still the same, bully versus victim, bystanders, and people who do not want to get involved at all. So in my current job, I spent the first four years fighting against my supervisor who routinely tried to get to work in certain ways, short cuts if you will. Because I would not, he made things personal with me. Everyone knew it, but just as bystanders on a playground, no one wants to get involved. Eventually you take the work home with you, and family and friends no longer want to spend time with you. But just as I did with my cancer, I survive everything I face and he moved on.
And there are more examples of when I have seen bullying take place in the adult world, most noticeably by our school board over the last few years. The chances are pretty good that their behavior will show up. I seem to have taken after a Stephen King character from Storm Of The Century, as I repeatedly quote “give me what I want, and I’ll go away.” It is that originally posturing that is taken that puts me on the alert, it’s going to be rough.
And now, just as the three rivers flowing into Pittsburgh, I have a similar event occurring right now, unfortunately not as beautiful to watch, but just as dangerous. Time will tell by the end of the week if I have three more things to deal with, all major.
character from Storm of the Century