Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Animals”

24 May 2026

Paul’s Heart Milestone – 100,000 Views!


It certainly took long enough, definitely longer than I thought it would, and then last night, as I realized it was going to happen real soon, it took even longer. I was taking screenshots of the counter, for just before, and then when 100,000 was hit. But as most things in life, not having control, my counter went cuckoo as multiple visits registered at the same time.

Though I am a 37 year cancer survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I did not start the concept of Paul’s Heart until thirteen years ago, five years after I became aware of the complicated health issues I had and was developing due to the treatments of my cancer back in 1988 at the age of 22, just out of college.

I have always enjoyed writing. I actually have kept school assignments from elementary, junior high school, and high school. I always got good grades. In junior high school, I began writing song lyrics (though very tacky and cheesy) and poems, but it was documentary and testimonial pieces I enjoyed writing most. In college, I experienced my first bad and quite rude critique, and the way I handled it was definitely wrong. My professor not only handed me my first “F” (I had never had less than an “A” on any writing assignment), but my professor also wrote in big RED letters, “you don’t have the intelligence to get past a comic strip page.” And with that, I dropped out of her class. I was devastated. I felt I was a good writer. It was one thing to get a bad grade, after all, grading a paper is subjective, but the insult definitely crushed me. And I stopped writing, for a long time.

But it was during my later years of survivorship, my passion and my need for writing returned. As a patient and survivor advocate, I often encourage people to put their feelings and experiences down in writing. There is a catharsis, a releasing of pent-up emotions, stress, or trauma, resulting in a feeling of relief, renewal, or emotional cleansing that comes when you let those feelings leave your body. This is especially good if you have an aversion to speaking to a therapist, which I can tell you, is also a good option.

In 2013, I created Paul’s Heart originally with the web address http://www.pedelmanjr.com , later adding http://www.paulsheart.com . I have published 1323 posts over those years, averaging about 8 posts a month, sometimes a lot more, sometimes a lot less. I still have 285 sitting in a cue to finish, stalled by writer’s block or distracted by other topics that came up in the meantime, now sitting in their own purgatory. I have 48 pages, short stories also published on this site, as well as links to other resources. I have allowed comments to my posts, well, except for a few trolls (their comments are actually saved should I ever decided to approve them). I avoid only two topics by choice if it can be avoided, politics and religion, unless there is a tie to cancer, health care, and survivorship.

It definitely took a lot long to hit this milestone than I thought. At least in the beginning, average views to the page were around 20, and depending on the topic, there would be hundreds of views. It had been my hope, that in spite of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma being considered a rare cancer, Paul’s Heart would hopefully finally get Hodgkin’s on the conversation map. I am a small fish, not like the American Cancer Society or the Leukemia Lymphoma Society, but unlike them, I am solely focusing on Hodgkin’s and long term survivorship. Little ol’ me, not famous, not rich, and without the help of anyone famous who had also recently dealt with Hodgkin’s who had an opportunity to draw attention to the cancer we shared (Michael C. Hall “Dexter”, Martin Fry – lead singer of 80’s band ABC, comedian Dick Gregory, actor DJ Quals, literal “Survivor” Ethan Zohn, Pittsburgh Penguin hockey great Mario Lemieux, Kansas City Chiefs Eric Berry, and though he has passed, Microsoft founder Paul Allen), though in fairness, as anyone who has dealt with cancer, nobody wants to stay in the cancer world once they are done with treatment and in remission. I am an anomoly. For me, it is my way of giving back for the efforts of those who saved me.

So yes, I am doing this one post at a time, one person at a time. I am also doing this organically. This count was done with the efforts of those who follow or read Paul’s Heart, and then share it. Word only gets out, when it gets passed around. Not once did I ever pay to publicize any of my stories here. 100,000 views is a legit and honest effort!

I have also expanded Paul’s Heart with 2 Facebook pages, both titled Paul’s Heart, I am on Youtube at @paulsheart, and have a Paul’s Heart page on Tiktok at @paulsheart2022 where I rank in the top 10% of creators with the similar follower counts.

I have been doing peer to peer counseling with patients and survivors nearly my entire survivorship. I have given countless survivorship speeches and interviews on cancer survivorship, though still waiting for that one big opportunity with major media, but I realize the big ones don’t care about publicizing happy stories. And then of course, I got to publish so many projects, newsletters and book anthologies for other organizations (like Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center). I even got to have one of my stories performed by broadway actors, that was way cool (see the link on this page “My Dad Was Just Like Me”). And then finally, my biggest effort, publishing my own book, called “Paul’s Heart – Life As A Dad And A 35-Year Cancer Survivor,” available on Amazon. And I have four more book projects started and undoubtedly will either need to do another book on my survivorship as I have lived even longer, or at least do a second edition. I am also working on doing an audible version of the book. One other thing I would like to do, is create a podcast.

I have tried to balance my topics here not just with things related to cancer and survivorship, but with all things, life after cancer, a life that definitely was no longer like what I was doing before cancer. I have shared stories of other survivors, and memorialized those who have passed. I have dealt with everything from relationships (married twice, divorced twice), to employment issues, and even dabbled in local politics as a school board candidate (an interesting experience). But perhaps the biggest thing that I got to share here, was my experiences with parenthood. The BEST THING hands down about my 37 year cancer survivorship is being the Dad of two of the most wonderful, intelligent, beautiful, kind, empathetic, all around, best daughters a Dad could ever hope for. They were not there when I dealt with my cancer, but they have witnessed the last 18 years of my difficult survivorship with all the health issues that I face. Only in recent years do they understand the gravity how serious some of these issues are, because now as adults, they are included in all of my appointments. There is no one that matters more to me than my daughters and each and every moment I get to spend and witness with them. This unconditional love has been the bond that has kept us together, and going, and keeps me going wanting so many more years of time with them, to see what else they accomplish.

Today is a big day for Paul’s Heart. It is a compilation of so many things that have come together, hopefully achieving what I set out to do when I was told I was in remission, making a difference, wanting to inspire others facing cancer and survivorship, even if one at a time.

And though I am sure that old battleax of a professor is no longer in this time and place, whereever she is, I am hoping she can see the two finger salute I am giving her. Her words did not stop me forever and I am quite proud to have done what I have. And finally, my daughters have their legacy of their Dad to be immortalized forever, right at their fingertips.

Posted in Adoption, Animals, Bullying, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Food, Inspired By..., Politics, Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
18 Jul 2024

Running Out Of Summer Memories


I have a lot more Summers behind me, than I have ahead of me. Memories that I have of Summers in my youth are only slightly more than the photos I have as pictured above, not many of those either. I recall this little hard plastic shell pool, filled up with garden hose water. Once school age, I graduated to the town swimming pool, eventually learning to swim and jump off the high diving board (and learn the hard way what a “belly flop” was).

(picture from Google pics)

The other frequent activity during the Summer was the weekly trip to Shankweiler’s Drive-in to see a double-feature movie. Since it is likely that noone after Gen-X has any idea what this was like, allow me to describe it. You park your car in front of a giant movie screen. There were likely two movies being shown; a younger age-appropriate movie, then a movie for the older crowds, the first starting once it was dark enough. You hung a two pound speaker on your car window for everyone in the car to hear the sound, or as others did, simply set up lawn chairs or sat on the back of a pick-up or station wagon. In between the movies, there was a rush to the bathrooms, the refreshment stand, and to the playground directly below the screen. You were a real boss if you stayed awake for the entire second movie, and had enough mosquito bites to “connect the dots” with a Sharpie.

Toward the end of my youth, my Summers were spent working. One of the best seasonal jobs for teens was a local amusement park. I spent a lot of visits at Dorney Park as a child, and it was a totally different experience operating the games and rides. But still, I had so many memories. I just do not have a lot of photos.

There would be even less photos in my twenties, as my life was interrupted by a cancer diagnosis, Hodgkin’s Lympoma. There was no social media or internet at the time, so there was no desire or behavior to take pictures. There were two weddings over the next decade and a half, but as they both ended in divorce, those are pictures that won’t get posted. Besides, other than the weddings, my Summers were spent working, especially overtime, no need for pictures of that.

But with parenthood, came a new approach to Summers, and a lot more photos, much to my daughters chagrines. For the last twenty years, although I had worked many hours during the first ten years, my memories are as clear as the photos that I put together in photo album number one (500 photos).

We took trips to the beach, travelled to various places. I even pulled off the ultimate trip, to a “super Con”, where my daughters got to meet some of their favorite Manga characters. It should be noted, I also got to meet some celebrities in attendance as well, such as the original Karate Kid, Ralph Machio, pro Wrestler, Jerry Lawler, and the one and only Incredible Hulk, Lou Ferrigno.

But as much fun as I could pack into the two months of Summer break for my daughters, there was one thing I felt was important to be done, every Summer. It was not fun, well, not really, but necessary. In full transparency, I did not have a lot of support with school, just a reaction when I would flash my report card (again, for millenials and Gen-Z, these were paper copies of the grades that were sent home each marking period). I really had no role model for how to parent my children during the Summer breaks. But as my daughters were both good and hard working students, my fear would be during the Summer, if there were not some sort of learning exercises, even just fifteen minutes per day, that could lead to some habits making it hard to get back into the groove once the Fall rolled around.

Each year during the Summer, every day, usually during the time I would be getting ready for us to go out, I had my daughters complete a few worksheets of exercises from reading to math and other learning opportunities. It wasn’t tedious or boring. Most importantly, it kept them in the habit of “learning.”

Those workbooks stopped being a “thing” around the beginning of middle school. And as my daughters got older, while we enjoyed our Summers with each other, I felt it became more important for me to start sharing things that they would need to learn as they got older, to prepare them for adulthood. Again, not having the typical examples set for me to learn responsibility, I had in my head things that I felt were important for them to learn, such as learning to save money, budget, and prioritize needs and wants. I wanted to make sure that as they came of dating age, that they “took care of themselves” from a hygiene point of view and more importantly, what to expect of anyone interested in having a relationship with them. I wanted them to learn money management, responsibility, and decision making. I took opportunities to have them learn first aid, visit historical museums, and volunteer visiting animals in shelters.

There are no bigger opportunities for decision making than they have as adults now. With the custody order officially closed due to both aging out, they alone are now the ones who make the decisions to visit me here in Florida. They know they constant reference to “Cats In The Cradle” by Harry Chapin, and were are now at the point of their college tenure, balanced with working during breaks, and spending time with the tri-fecta package of mother/father/friends with any available time. I have made it clear, as I have warned them that their “free” time was going to be even less these days, and I know that time would have to be shared in many directions. I asked both only one thing, something that has really become a tradition, and emphasized to them even more important than spending holidays, if at all possible, all efforts made to spend Father’s Day with each other, as we have done every year (with the exception of two years that were beyond my control and will not be discussed in this post). It is just now, instead of spending most of the Summer following the weekend of Father’s Day with me, I have taken as much pressure off of them, and asked only a few days of that holiday weekend. Any other time of the year, we will make arrangements as we can, based on schedules, and likely even split between both my daughters as their schedules will not always align.

But there is one final thing that I did need to discuss with my “now adult” daughters, while I had them in front of me, not to be discussed over the phone or by text messaging. My daughters are aware of my health history, part of which they have read about in my book, “Paul’s Heart – Life As A Dad And A 35-Year Cancer Survivor” and my history with cancer, but it has been the second half of their life, that they have personally witnessed the many episodes of ill health I have faced due to the treatments from my cancer. For years, they have been told by many close to them, that I was “fine,” in clear contrast to what they were being told by me. In recent years, and even in spite of Covid19 policies, through Facetime, my daughters were able to be with me during my 3rd heart surgery, to replace my aortic valve. My daughters know my health is far from “fine,” and those who try to convince my daughters otherwise in an attempt to portray me to their advantage are only hurting their relationships with my daughters.

My daughters know I have legal documents in place as to my “living directives,” what will happen to me, should I be unable to decide my medical care for myself, but my wishes stated in writing and certified. But there was one thing I needed to discuss with them. A recent visit and CT scan, has led to a new level of an old concern that I have been aware of for sixteen years. There is a new term being used in the results of that scan, besides the characteristics continuing to have changed, “adenocarcinoma” (cancer) is now being mentioned in my report on my one lung. Though the circumstances behind their grandfather dying from lung cancer (a smoker), and a nodule on my lung (likely from radiation treatments 35 years ago), I wanted to have the discussion with them in person so that they could see, that currently, adenocarcinoma is just a word being used, and the type, unlike my father’s cancer, is a slow enough developing cancer, that it is quite possible nothing may be done with it, that my mortality would have an end due to a different issue before this cancer would have any impact. But my daughters would hear everything from me, not what “others” wanted to tell them.

Sure, hearing the word “cancer” is scary whether you are the patient, family, or friend. I knew of this news for a couple of months, trying to figure how I would discuss this with my daughters, knowing that hearing “lung cancer” would detour their thoughts to their grandfather. My situation is completely different, and right now, manageable.

No, not the way I had planned our last Summer together of the final phase of their childhoods, but I definitely feel a lot better knowing the heads that they have on their shoulders are more thoughtful, empathetic, and definitely have learned that the things they are doing today, are going to lead to opportunities tomorrow.

All too often, non-custodial parents, usually fathers, are referred to as “Disney Dads,” a really bad stereotype, implying that since the parent is allowed only minimal time with their child, it is always spent doing “fun” things like going to amusement parks, or the beach, not doing any of the hard stuff. Not only did I find this term offensive when I first heard it, I fought any attempt and opportunity to level that claim at me. The truth is, to this day, regardless of how much time I get to spend with my daughters, and in the future with my daughters, I have not changed. I am still about memories and lessons as I know they are not far away from the next phases of their lives, serious relationships and personal responisibilities. They will hit the ground running once they graduate college and hopefully secure good jobs, remember the things that I taught them, and then live their own “cats in the cradle” lives. My second photo album of 500 photos has already begun being filled, and will hopefully include more faces in the future.

Posted in Adoption, Animals, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Food, Inspired By..., Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
18 Feb 2024

Debunking Three Myths


Up until a couple of years ago, there was a popular game that teens played among each other, as my daughters often challenged me to the game. It was an interesting concept, though I disagree with the one premise, the game did provide something valuable, an opportunity to learn about an each other. It was called “two truths and a lie.” This game is considered an “ice breaker” or conversation starter, and found not only in schools, but also in media such as Parade Magazine, even the Ellen DeGeneres show. You simply state three things, but two of those must be the truth, and the third must be a lie.

As a parent, I thought I had a pretty good edge with my daughters in this game, clearly knowing more about them than they themselves. It turns out that they were pretty good at finding things to tell me that I might be unaware of, one of the favorite topics, food choices. My youngest daughter was real good at getting me on that one.

So with that explanation, these are two of my truths, and one of the myths (I prefer to use myth as opposed to a lie because this is not something I say or believe, but rather what others believe.

  1. I love to attract drama.
  2. I am a shy person.
  3. I am a private person.

Now if you have followed “Paul’s Heart” long enough, it might actually be difficult to tell. But the fact is, two of these things are actually true about me, while the third, is more of a manifestation or a means for someone to justify how they feel about me as a person.

This first one really baffles me.

I have been told by a few people, that I “love to attract drama.” While I have had my share of intense events in my life, I certainly have never gone looking for them. When I ask for examples of the drama they refer to, I hear crickets chirp. I guess they must be comparing their lives to mine as far as things going on. They must be fortunate not to have anything nipping at their heels constantly. And for that, they feel I must go looking for trouble. I don’t.

I will admit however, that I have an unusually calm demeanor in dealing with crisis after crisis. But do I go looking for drama? Absolutely not. This is just one misconception that some people have expressed to me. I can say for certain, that when I face a crisis, I have a defense mechanism that kicks in, removing all emotions, allowing me to think rationally, recognizing that any kind of escalation in my emotions would likely make the situation worse. And so, I do not make it worse. I simply give myself time to think things out clearly and with direction. Ironically, I am a horrible chess player, but in life, I am able to think several steps ahead. But I definitely do not need to add anything more to my schedule demanding more attention of me.

I really do consider myself a shy person. Merriam-Webster defines “shy” as “timid, tendency to avoid, hesitant, or reserved.” Though I express myself through writing, speaking, and other performances, it is the individual one-on-one conversations that I can struggle with.

Through my school days, I kept to myself, often intimidated by the friendships that others had amongst themselves. Constantly moving during my school days did not help me to establish new friendships, only to move again as soon as I would finally get comfortable. As a co-worker, after some time and effort, I found myself being able to interact with moderate comfort. But really? Anywhere that I had a boundary, physical or mental, between me and someone else, is when I felt my most confident and functional. That became obvious as a radio disc jockey in my younger days, in a closed soundproofed room, broadcasting on the radio, no one looking directly at me. Recently, I had a former classmate call me out on social media following a post response which I considered quite neutral and factual, them stating aggressively and actually quite meanly, that I was still the same as I was in high school, still a “&(%*%” (fill in with any derogatory remark). Before I blocked any further access to me from them, I did make sure that those on that particular page were aware, that while I recognized the name, I never knew this person. I literally basically “hung” with maybe a handful of close friends in school. This person and I had never crossed paths because I was so shy.

But my biggest challenge came when I decided to run for a public office, our local school board. I did not prepare myself mentally, that campaigning was more than just saying “I’m running for school board.” I knew that I would have to give speeches, which I was okay with, because there would be separation between me and the audience. My problem came, when my campaign wanted me to attend “meet and greets” (candidates get the chance to mingle among the voters individually), and I was petrified. As a slate of five candidates, running for the five open slots against the five incumbents, I felt invincible. I had others behind me able to bail me out of any situation that I was getting boxed into. Not being a “politician”, I was not prepared for stumbling blocks that could be thrown at me. While I am a big “eye contact” person when I talk to someone, I found this to be a big problem when the eye contact was not returned.

After all of the speeches I have given, articles and stories that I have written, and other performances, I know that I can handle myself in public situations, but I still consider myself a shy person. This is a major challenge for someone trying to promote a book.

I am actually a very private person. I can hear the “I call bullshit” on this one from many. But I really am a private person, or at least, I want to be. And up until my diagnosis of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I definitely can affirm that I was a private person. There is one thing that prevents me from that privacy that I make the choice to live by. 

When I finished my treatments, I promised myself that I wanted to give back for the gift of life that I had been given. But as many cancer survivors know, because of treatments, I do not have the option of some of the more popular things I could do, such as give blood or donate organs. I wanted to help. I wanted to inspire. I want to give hope. To do this, that means I have to “share” my experiences, and if you have followed “Paul’s Heart” long enough, I am really quite transparent, some times to my own detriment. This advocacy that flows through my blood, would branch out to other issues such as patient care, cancer survivorship, adoption, public education, and of course, divorce related issues in regard to children. If I were not in the position I am in today, I would definitely prefer to going back to being a private person.

I am going to throw in a bonus truth. In spite of all of the difficult things that I have faced in my life, and continue to deal with, I really am a positive person. Sure, my cancer history, my divorces, and several other things that I have faced, are quite the downers. But I persevere. I come through every time, because I believe I will. All too often, many have counted me out, actually, they depended on me tapping out and quitting. But I don’t. Yes, I have many health issues that consume my attention. Of course, I missed being with my daughters during the divorce period as much as I was prior to the divorce. There are many things that I deal with as an advocate, and yes, they are difficult. But that does not make me a negative person because I make a choice, to deal with everything head on and to support others. I truly believe that things work out the way that they are intended to work out. And as long as I wake up tomorrow to do it all again, that sounds pretty positive to me.

Posted in Adoption, Animals, Bullying, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Politics, Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment

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