Memorial Day. There is nothing happy about it, yet every year, the verbal cheers constantly yell out “Happy Memorial Day.” Now I realize that for many, today is all about picnics, and if you are from the northeast where I am originally from, the annual pilgramage to “the shore” (in New Jersey). For some, it is the official beginning of being allowed to wear white. It is unfortunate that these things are tied to a most sacred day for our country, especially when the entire weekend is considered “Memorial Day weekend,” you have two other days that you can say “ready, set, go” doing all these things. But today, should be separate, and honored.
Always recognized on the last Monday of May, Memorial Day honors those who died while serving in the military, often having made the ultimate sacrifice during combat. Okay, do you see now why going to the beach and partying does not really represent what today is all about?
I guess I am showing my age. And you will see why, here it comes…
When I was a kid (I warned you, geezer alert), we had a tradition in our little town every Memorial Day. There would be a small parade through town, ending up at a memorial park, where a service was held to honor our local service men and women, concluding with a 21-gun salute. Throughout the memorial, former service members and volunteers, would go through the crowd, handing out hand-made poppies as a reminder of what the day was about.
(image courtesy of the Tuscaloosa News)
At the conclusion of the service, we went home. Now while many head to the shore, my memories of this date, were of overcast skies, and dampness. Through April and May, we normally had a lot of heat alreasdy and sunny skies, but somehow on this day, the weather always fit the mood.
It is likely that all service members who have passed, long after service, are included with memorial services, and I don’t have any issue with that. They gave of themselves to protect our rights and freedoms. I personally have not lost anyone in wartime, though both my grandfathers served (one in WW1, the other Korea), an uncle who served in Vietnam and a nephew who served in the middle east. All came home. And in my adult life, I have had many friends who have served this country, and I am grateful.
And we have other dates that we acknowledge our service members in this manner. It was always important to me that I made sure that my daughters knew the difference. This first one is a big one.
Veterans Day, on November 11th, we honor ALL military veterans, alive and deceased, who have served in the arm forces.
Then there is Armed Forces Day. You probably did not notice it, as the date recently passed, the third Saturday of the month, which would have been the 16th of May, we should have been celebrating the men and women currently serving in all branches of the military. But I do not recall seeing any news or tv commercial sales.
I know I am showing my age, being such a stickler for this respect for our service members. But if you are someone who is going to ride the patriotism bus, you keep your arms, legs, and head inside the bus, and ride it the right way. Otherwise, don’t pretend it to be a big deal and just go eat your hot dogs and enjoy the beach.
It certainly took long enough, definitely longer than I thought it would, and then last night, as I realized it was going to happen real soon, it took even longer. I was taking screenshots of the counter, for just before, and then when 100,000 was hit. But as most things in life, not having control, my counter went cuckoo as multiple visits registered at the same time.
Though I am a 37 year cancer survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I did not start the concept of Paul’s Heart until thirteen years ago, five years after I became aware of the complicated health issues I had and was developing due to the treatments of my cancer back in 1988 at the age of 22, just out of college.
I have always enjoyed writing. I actually have kept school assignments from elementary, junior high school, and high school. I always got good grades. In junior high school, I began writing song lyrics (though very tacky and cheesy) and poems, but it was documentary and testimonial pieces I enjoyed writing most. In college, I experienced my first bad and quite rude critique, and the way I handled it was definitely wrong. My professor not only handed me my first “F” (I had never had less than an “A” on any writing assignment), but my professor also wrote in big RED letters, “you don’t have the intelligence to get past a comic strip page.” And with that, I dropped out of her class. I was devastated. I felt I was a good writer. It was one thing to get a bad grade, after all, grading a paper is subjective, but the insult definitely crushed me. And I stopped writing, for a long time.
But it was during my later years of survivorship, my passion and my need for writing returned. As a patient and survivor advocate, I often encourage people to put their feelings and experiences down in writing. There is a catharsis, a releasing of pent-up emotions, stress, or trauma, resulting in a feeling of relief, renewal, or emotional cleansing that comes when you let those feelings leave your body. This is especially good if you have an aversion to speaking to a therapist, which I can tell you, is also a good option.
In 2013, I created Paul’s Heart originally with the web address http://www.pedelmanjr.com , later adding http://www.paulsheart.com . I have published 1323 posts over those years, averaging about 8 posts a month, sometimes a lot more, sometimes a lot less. I still have 285 sitting in a cue to finish, stalled by writer’s block or distracted by other topics that came up in the meantime, now sitting in their own purgatory. I have 48 pages, short stories also published on this site, as well as links to other resources. I have allowed comments to my posts, well, except for a few trolls (their comments are actually saved should I ever decided to approve them). I avoid only two topics by choice if it can be avoided, politics and religion, unless there is a tie to cancer, health care, and survivorship.
It definitely took a lot long to hit this milestone than I thought. At least in the beginning, average views to the page were around 20, and depending on the topic, there would be hundreds of views. It had been my hope, that in spite of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma being considered a rare cancer, Paul’s Heart would hopefully finally get Hodgkin’s on the conversation map. I am a small fish, not like the American Cancer Society or the Leukemia Lymphoma Society, but unlike them, I am solely focusing on Hodgkin’s and long term survivorship. Little ol’ me, not famous, not rich, and without the help of anyone famous who had also recently dealt with Hodgkin’s who had an opportunity to draw attention to the cancer we shared (Michael C. Hall “Dexter”, Martin Fry – lead singer of 80’s band ABC, comedian Dick Gregory, actor DJ Quals, literal “Survivor” Ethan Zohn, Pittsburgh Penguin hockey great Mario Lemieux, Kansas City Chiefs Eric Berry, and though he has passed, Microsoft founder Paul Allen), though in fairness, as anyone who has dealt with cancer, nobody wants to stay in the cancer world once they are done with treatment and in remission. I am an anomoly. For me, it is my way of giving back for the efforts of those who saved me.
So yes, I am doing this one post at a time, one person at a time. I am also doing this organically. This count was done with the efforts of those who follow or read Paul’s Heart, and then share it. Word only gets out, when it gets passed around. Not once did I ever pay to publicize any of my stories here. 100,000 views is a legit and honest effort!
I have also expanded Paul’s Heart with 2 Facebook pages, both titled Paul’s Heart, I am on Youtube at @paulsheart, and have a Paul’s Heart page on Tiktok at @paulsheart2022 where I rank in the top 10% of creators with the similar follower counts.
I have been doing peer to peer counseling with patients and survivors nearly my entire survivorship. I have given countless survivorship speeches and interviews on cancer survivorship, though still waiting for that one big opportunity with major media, but I realize the big ones don’t care about publicizing happy stories. And then of course, I got to publish so many projects, newsletters and book anthologies for other organizations (like Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center). I even got to have one of my stories performed by broadway actors, that was way cool (see the link on this page “My Dad Was Just Like Me”). And then finally, my biggest effort, publishing my own book, called “Paul’s Heart – Life As A Dad And A 35-Year Cancer Survivor,” available on Amazon. And I have four more book projects started and undoubtedly will either need to do another book on my survivorship as I have lived even longer, or at least do a second edition. I am also working on doing an audible version of the book. One other thing I would like to do, is create a podcast.
I have tried to balance my topics here not just with things related to cancer and survivorship, but with all things, life after cancer, a life that definitely was no longer like what I was doing before cancer. I have shared stories of other survivors, and memorialized those who have passed. I have dealt with everything from relationships (married twice, divorced twice), to employment issues, and even dabbled in local politics as a school board candidate (an interesting experience). But perhaps the biggest thing that I got to share here, was my experiences with parenthood. The BEST THING hands down about my 37 year cancer survivorship is being the Dad of two of the most wonderful, intelligent, beautiful, kind, empathetic, all around, best daughters a Dad could ever hope for. They were not there when I dealt with my cancer, but they have witnessed the last 18 years of my difficult survivorship with all the health issues that I face. Only in recent years do they understand the gravity how serious some of these issues are, because now as adults, they are included in all of my appointments. There is no one that matters more to me than my daughters and each and every moment I get to spend and witness with them. This unconditional love has been the bond that has kept us together, and going, and keeps me going wanting so many more years of time with them, to see what else they accomplish.
Today is a big day for Paul’s Heart. It is a compilation of so many things that have come together, hopefully achieving what I set out to do when I was told I was in remission, making a difference, wanting to inspire others facing cancer and survivorship, even if one at a time.
And though I am sure that old battleax of a professor is no longer in this time and place, whereever she is, I am hoping she can see the two finger salute I am giving her. Her words did not stop me forever and I am quite proud to have done what I have. And finally, my daughters have their legacy of their Dad to be immortalized forever, right at their fingertips.
There are moments in life that divide everything into “before” and “after.” For many people, a cancer diagnosis is one of those moments. Cancer has a way of stripping life down to its most basic truths – what matters, what does not, and what we often take for granted. Life after cancer is not simply about survival. It is about transformation.
Before cancer, many of us just move through life, living on autopilot. We plan our futures, chase goals, have careers, buy “stuff”, and assume we have endless time – time to call friends, take trips, and time to say “I love you.” Cancer interrupts that allusion, taking it away from us. It forces us to confront something we all know intellectually but rarely feel deeply, time is not guaranteed. Once you truly understand that, everything begins to change.
One of the most profound shifts is how we thing about quantity of life versus quality of life. Before cancer, the focus is often on longevity, living longer, achieving more, adding years. But after cancer, the question becomes different. It becomes, “what are those years made of?” Is it a life filled with stress, rushing from one obligation to another? Or is it a life filled with meaning, connection, and presence?
Cancer has a way of teaching that more years do not automatically mean a better life. A shorter life filled with love, laughter, and purpose can be far richer than a longer life spend disconnected or distracted. It is not about how many days we are given. It is about how fully we live the days we have. This realization often leads to another powerful shift, the re-evaluation of what we value.
Before cancer, it is easy to place importance on material possessions, houses, cars, titles, and achievements. These things can feel like markers and measurements of success. But after cancer, their significance tends to fade, not because they are inherently bad, but because they are no longer enough. When you have faced your own mortality, you begin to ask, “will this matter in the end?” Rarely is the answer going to be a bigger house or a nicer car. Instead, what comes to the surface is something far more human; experiences, relationships, and memories.
You begin to value time spent with loved ones over times spent accumulating things. A quiet dinner with family becomes more meaningful than a busy schedule. A walk, a conversation, a shared laugh, these become the moments that define us. Cancer sharpens our awareness of presence. It teaches us to be where we are, fully. Not thinking about yesterday or worrying about tomorrow, but appreciating this moment, right now, because this moment is where life actually happens. And in that awareness, relationships often deepen.
You start to say the things you used to leave unsaid, You express gratitude more freely. You fortive more easily. You realize that the people in your life are not permanent fixtures, they are gifts. And like all gifts, they are meant to be appreciated while you have them.
Another important change is how you approach fear and priorities. Before cancer, fear held us back, fear of failure, fear of judgement, fear of stepping outside of our comfort zones. But after cancer, those fears often lose their power. When you have faced something as serious as your own health and survival, smaller fears seem, well, smaller. You become more willing to take chances. To pursue what truly matters, to let go of what does not matter.
You might choose to spend more time with family instead of chasing endless work hours. Or take that trip you’ve been putting off. You might finally do something you have always wanted to do, not because it is practical, but because it brings you happiness. In many ways, life after cancer becomes more intentional.
That does not mean it is always easy. There will be challenges, physical, emotional, and psychological. There may be lingering uncertainty, follow-up appointments, or moments of fear about the future. But alongside of those challenges is a deeper awareness, a clearer perspective, and often, a stronger appreciation for life itself. Gratitude becomes more than just a word, it becomes a daily mantra and practice. Gratitude for ordinary things; a sunrise, a meal, a conversation, a moment of peace. Things that once went unnoticed, now feel significant.
Perhaps one of the greatest lessons is this, life is not something to be postponed. We often live as if real life will begin later, after the next milestone, the next achievement, the next phase, But cancer teaches that life is happening right now.
So what does life after cancer ultimately teach us? It teaches us to choose quality over quantity, to choose people over possessions, experiences over accumulation. Cancer teaches us presence over distraction, and most importantly, to choose love, connection, and meaning over everything else. Because in the end, when we look back on our lives, it won’t be the things we owned that define us, it will be the lives we touched, the memories that we created, and the love that we shared.
Cancer changes us. It has to. But within that change, there is clarity, purpose. And there can be a deeper, richer way of living. Not just surviving, but truly living.
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Paul's Heart 