Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

15 Jul 2026

Cringe Comedy – Can Cancer Be Humorous?


(photo courtesy of America’s Got Talent Wiki)

The other night, I was watching America’s Got Talent, and there was a comedian auditioning from a wheelchair. What seemed to take the audience by surprise, was that he made “how he got there” a part of his routine. He had been shot. He told of the response he got from a woman what had happened, when he told her that he got shot at a Halloween party, and her response was, “that’s spooky,” to the shock and dark humor look on the judges faces. He quipped that he was dressed up as Spiderman, but clearly his spidey-senses had failed him. He took several shots at himself over the incident, then turned to the next segment of his audition, applying for jobs that he couldn’t do and then just show up to the interview, such as roofing and rock climbing instructor, saying “this is the consequences if you don’t follow my instructions.” He was actually quite funny, and clearly this helps him deal with his disability.

(image from IMDB)

Brad Williams is a great comic of small stature as he describes himself as fun size like the candy bar. And boy does he have the self-deprecating material. Being caught in a major snowstorm dumping a foot of snow, his fear of tripping and falling and dying because no one would find him. Or his father, lifting him onto the kitchen island and leaving him there as punishment (time out) as a child. Even his wife gets in on it, a black belt in jujitsu, gets into an altercation with a man, only to turn to Brad and say, you defend my honor.

(image from Entertainment Weekly)

And finally, there is Josh Blue, a comic born with cerebral palsy. And yes, the majority of his act is about his disability, and he is hilarious. “There’s nothing more entertaining than watching 12 dudes with cerebral palsy getting off an airplane like some sort of zombie parade.” “I mention that I have cerebral palsy because if I don’t, after a while, the audience is sitting there wondering, ‘does he know…that he has that’?” “I went to NYC and tried to hail a taxi and caught a pigeon (because of the curvature of his hand).”

Have you ever heard of the expression, “laughter is the best form of medicine?” It is a centuries old expression with no clear origin, even mentioned in the King James bible (Proverbs 17:22 (King James Version) states, “A merry heart doeth good like a medicine: but a broken spirit drieth the bones”). Laughter triggers profound, measurable physical and mental changes in the body. By naturally resetting your nervous system, a good laugh relieves tension, boosts your immune system, and promotes long-term cardiovascular health. And then I thought, I have never really heard any comedian make cancer part of their act. Sure, plenty comedians have experienced cancer, but I almost think, would there be too much of a risk of bringing down the audience. Clearly the only ones who would be able to tell jokes about cancer, would be those who have had cancer touch their lives. Well, that would be me, a 37 year survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. How would I create a comedy bit dealing with cancer, without bringing everyone down with what is commonly referred to as “gallows” humor, yes, that kind of gallow? I think the thing to keep in mind, is that most comedians reflect on their lives with their acts, so this actually is theraputic or cathartic when dealing with themselves. Will everyone who has or has had cancer think the jokes are funny? No. Will at least an irony been seen in the routine? Perhaps. So, I thought I would give it a try. Now I’m sure it looks different on paper, than if you were seeing it live or on video. But who knows… So, here goes.

“How’s everybody doing? My name is Paul and I want to let you know, I’m a 37 year survivor of cancer! Thank you, thank you so much. Now I don’t want you to think that this is going to be a bummer set, hardly. I can hit you right from the gate, my favorite Disney movie was “Finding Chemo, and the most expensive haircut I ever got was chemotherapy. I had heard 8 cancer jokes the day I was diagnosed, and if I had heard another, it would benign. I will let that one sit a little.” Or I can just go into a story.

“When people find out that I had cancer, a common comment that comes out, ‘you’re so brave or courageous.’ Now to be clear, I didn’t volunteer to have cancer, though oncologists love to tell certain cancer patients with certain treatable cancers like mine, ‘if you’re going to get a cancer, this is the one you want.’ Want? What the fuck?!? Nobody wants cancer, it doesn’t matter how successful the treatments are.

Like, do you think I would walk into a doctor’s office, like I was looking for some grey poupon and say, ‘excuse me, do you have anything that involves chemotherapy, radiation, and lifelong anxiety?’ Cancer isn’t a gym membership. You don’t sign up because you want to.

The one comment I find somewhat odd hearing is, ‘congratulations on beating cancer.’ ‘Beating cancer?’ I didn’t beat anything, I survived it. Because if I beat cancer, I wouldn’t still be having medical appointments related to my cancer, in the form of late side effects, 37 years later. To give you an idea how this feels, and you don’t have to have cancer to understand this…

Think of someone robbing your house, and every six months the police call and say, ‘we’d just like to check and see if the burglar came back.’

And let’s talk scanxiety for a second. You don’t wait for the results, you rehearse every possible conversation in your head. Five minutes after the scan you’re thinking ‘I wonder if I should start organizing my garage,’ and the tech says, ‘the doctor will call you.’ Really? How about you just give me a thumbs up or down at least, maybe a smile, something to give me hope for the next couple weeks while I wait for the doctor’s call? You are like one of those people who know the ending of a movie and won’t tell me.’

One of my favorite things to hear is, ‘you look great!’ Which is wonderful, because I actually still feel like shit. But at least I got my money’s worth to make me look that great; modern medicine, nurses, doctors, therapists, pharmacists, family and friends who put a lot in to making me look this good.

The hardest question I get is ‘are you cured?’ I have gotten so accustomed to not using the word cured, even my doctor did not like using it, because of the slightest chance of it returning. It’s kind of like asking someone living in Florida, as I do, so…are hurricanes finished after one blows through? While I hope so, I prepare in case another one comes by.

I will tell you one situation that I did not get used to. Remeber the television show Cheers, when the character Norm would walk in and everyone would cheer his name, yeah, I got that everytime I walked into the oncologist office. Only instead of tasty beer, I got the most toxic of chemotherapy cocktails. I would rather run into everyone at a pizza place or bar.

One good thing that came from my experience, was perspective. Before cancer, I would worry about having matching socks. Now, if they’re both socks, I’m having a great day. People think survivors are fearless. We aren’t. We’re just experienced. We know life can change with just one phone call. We laugh harder now. We hug longer and and say “I love you” more often. We don’t save the good dishware for company.

Cancer took a lot from me. But it also gave me more appreciation for boring days, a beer with a friend, sunsets, hearing someone snort they laughed so hard. The moments don’t seem so ordinary anymore. They’re the jackpot.

So if you’re here tonight because you’ve survived cancer – or you’ve walked beside someone who has, give yourself a little credit. You made it through some of the hardest days imaginable. The fact that were here laughing together tonight? That’s not denial. That’s victory.

Thank you…and remember… the best revenge against cancer is living a life that refuses to let it have the last laugh.

Thank you for coming and goodnight.”

Posted in Uncategorized | Leave a comment
30 Jun 2026

Cancer – What You Want To Know


I have been feeling restrospective a lot lately. And because it has been so long since I was diagnosed with cancer, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, back in 1988, while I have seen progress in better diagnostics, progress in better and safer treatments, there is still something that has not made much if any progress, and that is, talk about survivorship or life after cancer.

There are three questions that pop into mind once you hear the words, “you have cancer.” The first, “Am I going to die?” And the second, “What am I going to have to go through for treatments?” A compassionate oncologist is going to answer the first question with as much positivity, and with very good reason because of all the progress made in cancer research, many cancers are highly successful with treatment. There are so many treatment options available and thanks to all the cancer survivors who came before them, science has learned what worked, and what needed to be worked on further to increase safety and success. But there is one question that I know I asked my oncologist back in 1988, and I still do not see any kind of answer to that question today. “If I get to remission, how much longer of a life will I have?”, and of course with hindsight over the last two decades, “what price will my body pay for everything that I was exposed to?”

Normally, most of us survivors only hear of the magic “five year” mark. And until we hit that five-year mark, we struggle with powerful paranoia and fear of relapsing or recurrence. Those first five years after treatment ends are the most challenging physically and emotionally. The fear of recurrence or relapse is very real, as every ache, pain, cough, or swollen lymph node immediately triggers the thought, “it’s back.” Follow up appointments which are meant to confirm all is good, can still bring intense anxiety while we wait for the words from the oncologist, “still all good.” And if there are any scans involved, we experience what is called “scanxiety,” a real and separate post.

During those first five years, we are learning to trust our bodies again. No one understands the unpredictability of their body more than a cancer survivor. There is living with the uncertainty, “will it come back?” or “How many years do I have after cancer?”

On top of that, there is the physical recovery, dealing with fatigue, which honestly never goes away fully, stamina, memory or concentration challenges (sometimes referred to as “chemo brain”), nerve problems which can persist long after treatment ends.

And then there is the adjustment emotionally. While everyone else around us celebrates that everything is over “for them” and life can get back to normal “for them,” we survivors often still process what happened for a long time and suffer from anxiety, depression, grief (yes, grief, we have experienced “loss” of what we once knew was our life before cancer), and PTSD, post traumatic stress disorder.

As we return to life, we have to find a new “normal,” as we discover so much has changed about us from how we once were. Our priorities (especially sweating the small stuff), relationships, work, and future plans are all handled differently. We do get back to managing our finances, rebuilding routines, and importantly reconnecting socially. It can be difficult at time as we have to figure out who is able to handle when we still need to talk about our experiences, not everyone is able or willing.

As much as I tried to be an inspiration for being able to get through treatments for cancer early on, after that five years had passed, I became focused on showing newer patients something to look forward to, life after cancer. I got married (twice actually), bought a house, had a nice career, and had two beautiful daughters, and a golden retriever. No, this was not the life I was heading toward in 1988, but it was what I was given after cancer.

But there was one discussion that had been left out, especially after that five years had passed. I was “dismissed” by my oncologist that it was unlikely that my cancer would return after that five years. Great! That’s all we cancer survivors want to hear. This was our gold ticket to move on with our lives. There was one problem, some of us would end up going a separate path from the straight path of life after cancer. It would take decades to get discovered and discussed, and even now does not get the attention that it should. And I am not going to make that part of this post as I talk about it in great detail on this page already, the developing of late side effects from our treatments. There is no rhyme or reason why or who develops them. Those of us who do get diagnosed with these issues are contributing to current information in regard to survivorship. But there still remains one question.

Can you live life after cancer, without having to deal with the memories, or the late side effects? Of course you can. But the question should be, “should you?” Like I said, there are no statistics stating who has gotten to live and how long without ever dealing with their cancer history again. Likewise, your oncologist should be referring you to see your primary care doctor for regular annual follow ups, not for the return of the cancer, but for the potential, not guaranteed, but potential for the development of any late side effects. Again, I have documented often how close I came, because no one was looking.

Of course, if you are like me, having these late side effects, we are documented, now. Because of those like me, and the thousands who came before me, doctors are aware of the issues that plague many survivors. It is just the surveillence and advocacy is not there, until it is too late.

So I did some research as I love to do. Now keep in mind, social media support pages can be overwhelming no matter what they health issue. Why? Because literally, everyone on those pages has an issue. Those who have nothing wrong, don’t need to be on a page like that. And those would be the numbers you are looking for, living after cancer, without the thoughts of cancer anymore. But here is what I discovered.

The fact is, we have no idea how many cancer survivors there are in the world, 30, 40, or 50 years after diagnosis. There are no worldwide or US registry that tracks survivors in that way. But one large long term study found that 52% of Hodgkin’s survivors were still alive after 30 years (it does not specify if with or without late side effects). At 40 years, the number drops down to 42%, but the study hints at issues from late side effects playing a role in the lower number. And well, 50 years, there is nothing to refer to. But I can tell you, I know plenty of 40 and 50 year survivors, and have even seen some 60 year survivors.

It’s frutstrating. Why don’t we talk about survivorship longevity, probably the most important issue once treatment ends? Or rather, why don’t we want to talk about it?

We keep all kinds of statistice on diagnosis and deaths, but never how many survivors there are or the milestones they reach. There is no excuse for losing track of patients today with technology and AI for when patients move or change health care providers. And then there is the biggest reason for wanting to know this statistic, the development of newer, better, and safer treatments.

And then there is this, funding. Survivors are not a priority for research funding. Research continues its focus on curing, not surviving and studying people alive decades after.

Look, you can live a long life after cancer, and also be unfortunate enough to deal with late side effects from the treatments. I know, I am now 37 years from my diagnosis. But because you do not know if you are going to be the lucky one who gets away actully 100% done with the topic of cancer, or someone who will face heart disease, secondary cancers, or endocrine, lung or vascular complications. And only awareness and prevention will give you those extra years. It is not an understatment, I never expected to be here to witness this milestone in my life.

But I did. I have lived long past the period that most cancer statistics discuss. And researchers are increasingly realizing that survivors like me need LIFELONG follow up care. In fact, while the medical community catches up, it is my “older” fellow long term survivors I actually owe my life to, being the ones encouraging me to be proactive, get help when needed, and most importantly, support me emotionally during the times that I struggle, and I still do.

It may have been unintentional when my doctor told me he would not use the word “cure” with me while being confident he would get me into remission. But it is hard to consider myself “cured” dealing with all the late side effects I deal with, while being in remission from the original cause. But boy, do I wish he would have told me that I would need to follow up medically for the rest of my life, that some of these issues could take decades to appear. I wish I had been warned about the emotionaly challenges. And I do wish that the majority of my friends could understand, that I cannot just “move on” or “just get over it.” Because I live with this body and all it betrays me with, every day, and often on my own so I do not burden others.

Make no mistake, cancer survivors are living a long time today. I am only one voice, so I am telling one person at a time. I have written to many networks and organization, and no one seems to want to talk about survivorship, just like science, the stories are only there for who gets diagnosed and who dies.

This is my story. I am a 37 year cancer survivor. And I feel I have a lot more years to go. Who else wants to tell their story?

Posted in Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Politics, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
23 Jun 2026

Question – Must I Avoid My Pets?


(photo from Facebook)

A question came across my news feed, “do I need to avoid my dog when I get home from the hospital after my heart surgery?” A legitimate question, but one I would never think of asking myself. In fact, quite the opposite, I am a firm believer in pet therapy. I wrote about it twice in my book “Paul’s Heart – Life As A Dad And A 35-Year Cancer Survivor.”

My cat played a pivotal role as I went through my cancer treatments. And then 18 years later, my 105-pound golden retriever played a major role following my open heart surgery. Though unlike my cat, with him, I did have a legitimate concern. His whole life, I had rough-housed with him, and allowed him to greet me at the door by standing up on his hind legs, jumping on me. With a surgically repaired sternum (breast bone), this was going to be a major concern. My dog had not seen me in over a week, and clearly he would be more than excited to see me, and I desperately feared him jumping on me or worse, knocking me over.

(photos of my cat and my golden retreiver)

But when I walked through the front door, I was surprised to see him walk up to me calmly, as if sensing something was off. He circled around me, and then just stood by my side, and I gave him a good head rub for being a “good boy.” During the rest of my recovery, it felt unusual that he did not bother me to play or do other things that we normally did. He was content just to stay by my side.

(my late father with a therapy dog during his chemo treatment)

That is why I am such a firm believer in “therapy” pets. I believe they can make such a difference in helping a patient to heal. I first saw a therapy pet in action with my father, and then experienced it myself.

So, the easy answer to the question, “do I need to avoid my pets?”, whether it be during treatments, or recovery from heart surgery, is no. But there are risks and precautions that should be taken, and honestly, care should be taken regardless even if you are a normally healthy person.

The last thing a person going through treatment or recovering from heart surgery needs, is an infection.

(photo from USA Today)

Even if harmless play, a scratch or a “nip” from a cat’s teeth, can quickly turn lethal with someone dealing with a compromised immune system. A cat’s mouth (and dog’s) is filled with bacteria that if breaking the skin, will send that bacteria directly into the bloodstream. And of course there is this… both cats and dogs guilty of butt-licking.

(photo courtesy of Shutterstock)

(photo courtesy of Gray Animal Hospital)

And then there is this toxic waste dump, the litter box. Just as pregnant women need to be careful cleaning the litter box, so do cancer patients and cardiac patients. Dust, bacteria, germs, and other issues (like amonia) can be inhaled while cleaning. Wearing a mask while cleaning the litter box is always recommended.

As I have said, I have had both cats and dogs. So now I am going to move on to my canine friends and the risks they present. I am a large dog guy, and so from a heart surgery standpoint, the risk of him jumping on my chest was a legit concern. But regardless of size, because even the little dogs can pull hard, leash pulling is harmful to those with a repaired sternum, or not needing the cardiac stress from the pull, or if going through cancer treatments, weakness. And again, regardless of size, falling or tripping over a dog who just so happened to pick the perfect spot for them to lay in, or even their toys that may be laying around. If recovering from heart surgery, you likely have a weight restriction, so that means no lifting bags of pet food (dog or cat).

If you deal with pet allergies, this could be a concern, and could cause issues with your recovery. You should consult your doctor for any precautions that are recommended, but the last thing you want is to make your issues worse from pet dander.

While normally pets are more known for the reduction of stress they provide, some, even though unintentionally can create more if they require strenuous care, or constantly wake up in the middle of the night interrupting deep sleep, or if they trigger anxiety due to behavioral issues.

But no, under normal circumstances you do not need to avoid your pets as you go through cancer treatments or recover from heart surgery. Simple and practical precautions that should be followed anyway even if a healthy person; washing hands after handling pets, do not let pets lick surgical wounds, keep claws trimmed and dull, have someone else handle litter boxes and picking up poop, be careful of “pulling” when walking, and most importantly if a heart surgery patient, protect that chest from anyone jumping on it.

The most important thing is to watch for any sign of infection developing, especially from a scratch or bite. It takes no time for an infection to go septic, and if you read “Paul’s Heart,” you know that is not good.

Posted in Animals, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment

Post Navigation

← Older Entries