Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Why I Celebrate Nurses Week

My first personal experience with a nurse was not a pleasant one.  I was six years old, in the hospital having tumors removed from my lower gums.  She was mean, meaner than nurse Ratchett.  I experienced my first injection (to my memory) from this scorpion of a nurse, just stabbing me in the leg, scolding me as as I screamed out in pain.

In my later youth, I have different memories of nurses that I dealt with.  There was Verna, who assisted my 2nd family practitioner, very compassionate.  And to this day, as she still works with my current family doctor, a nurse that I have dealt with for more than two decades, a very serious nurse, but one that I know and trust to convey messages accurately to my doctor, as well as be the extra kick-in-the-pants I may occasionally need.

There was my oncology nurse, who got me through eight months of hell, also known as chemotherapy.  Her name was Brenda.  I know that she had a son my age (at the time when I was going through treatments).  I was not treated like a a patient, but with the care that a mother who happened to be a nurse could only give.

There was Heather and Jackie, my two cardiology nurses who followed me during my entire stay of my open heart bypass surgery.  From the cath lab, to the operating room, to the intensive care unit, to my private room, both followed me through the hospital, checking on my recovery.  They did not have to, especially as it was on their own time.

There was another nurse named Heather, who dealt with me during a bout with septic pneumonia.  I had several nurses during the days of my recovery, but Heather was the one who visited with me often overnight during her shift, listening and learning of my experiences as a long term cancer survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

Roseann was the nurse to begin explaining all of the issues that I now deal with from my treatments for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma thirty years ago.

Yes, my doctors also play a major role in my survivorship.  My current family doctor of thirty years, and my long term survivor doctor for the last eleven years, and my current cardiologist all play a major role.  I trust them.  They know me and they know how to talk to me, and reach me.

But their nurses are the ones that carry everything out, deal with the initial interactions to get the issues as clear and straightened out so that any issue can be dealt with.  And also, they are the ones who comfort us, when we are in the most scary of situations.

And for each an every nurse that has been a part of my life, I thank you.  And to my friends who are nurses, I am blessed to be friends with those who offer comfort and care, not because they have to, but because they want to, and they are good at it.

Happy Nurses Week.  You all deserve it.


When Your Body Does Not Tell The Truth

Tuberculosis.  It is a very contagious disease that fortunately, when diagnosed properly, is treatable and containable.  Of course if you are full blown TB, the signs are obvious.  But if the disease is latent or has not advanced, it is important to be tested, especially if you work in the medical field, schools, or even zoos with primates.  A TB outbreak can be quite serious, if not catastrophic.

TB is not much of a concern here in the United States, but as a free country, we have those who travel around the world.  One such example of that travel, is to internationally adopt.

Both of my daughters are adopted internationally, and as part of their care prior to the adoption, was receiving a vaccine called “BCG”, specifically administered to prevent TB.  Sounds like a good thing, prevention, and it is.  But there is an unintended side effect.

Prior to both of my daughters arriving home in the US, my daughters went through physicals at the consulate clinic.  Of course, both were healthy, happily.  But upon returning home, we had our own well-baby visit to attend to.  And a requirement by the adoption agency, our daughters needed to be TB  tested.

Now, the issue that comes up from TB testing a child who has received the BCG vaccine, is something called “a false positive.”

And you can get these “false positive” reactions for any number of reasons.  I get a seasonal oil based steroid shot for my allergies that produces a false positive.  And in the case of my older daughter, and a clear majority of children vaccinated with BCG, she showed a false positive as well.  Now there are immediate issues as well as long term issues that need to be dealt with.  And as my daughters get older, now in their teen years, approaching adulthood, it is important that they understand their health, as limited as our knowledge is because of adoption.

At the time, with my older giving that “false positive”, and with others who have this result, a chest x-ray is done.  And the only purpose of this chest x-ray, is to determine if you actually have TB.  If the x-ray is clear, then it is assumed you do not have TB.  Which is not completely true.  The disease could be latent, or dormant, or as in the case of my daughter, just a “false positive” caused by the vaccine.

Depending on the protocols of your pediatrician, some may actually decide to treat your child as if they were infected with TB, even if no signs, just as a precaution.  There are a number of drugs used, and the length of the treatments can last from weeks to several months.  Side effects can range from minor to severe, mimicking flu like symptoms or even affecting the liver.  I had heard nightmare stories about the treatments and their effects on their infants and toddlers, and it was decided that we would refuse treatment and look for a different pediatrician.

As for our younger daughter, we were ordered by the adoption agency to have her undergo the same test, but given what happened with our older daughter, we refused.  For me, it was simple, once the x-ray ruled out TB, I was not exposing my daughters to any side effects from treatments that were precautionary.  Dealing with side effects from my cancer treatments are harsh enough, and I had to go through those.

So, here is where it becomes important for my daughters, and others to realize how their bodies work, having received the BCG shot.  There is a gold standard blood test that diagnoses TB, called Quantiferon.  And this test leaves no doubt of a diagnosis, but also prevents the “false positive.”  For someone exposed to the BCG vaccine, and as long as your medical professional knows this exposure, you should automatically pursue this testing if required for school or employment.  Bottom line, this is where it will end up anyway, and, needless to say, the delays and worries you will face with having a “false positive” hanging over your head.

As I mentioned, that allergy shot I got, was always given around the time I had my annual health surveillance at work.  I would hold out as long as I could so I could get the TB test done, but it never failed, I ended up with the allergy shot first.  And then the threat would come from my employer, I would be prevented from working until I could be cleared, going through the Quantiferon testing.  That would mean, no paycheck.  For college or other schools, you could be prevented from participating in programs that involve health while you wait for official results.

“Paul’s Heart” is about awareness, not alarming.  Know what you are dealing with, before you have a situation that has to be dealt with.  I do not anticipate any problems for my daughters because of this BCG vaccine, but it is important that they know how to be tested when necessary.

When Race Hits Home

A strange way to start a post, but here it goes.  I grew up as a child in a “white only” (as far as I knew) neighborhood, attended high school as a minority, and clearly I have two daughters who are Asian.  I did not grow up paying attention to anyone’s appearance because it may have been a different color than my skin.  I have moments that I am not “PC” (politically correct), but at the same point, do not get offended when it gets pointed out that I may have said something that was misinterpreted.  I do not and have not used racial slurs, well because that is not how I was raised.  Growing up in the 70’s and 80’s, I watched the Jeffersons, All In The Family, Blazing Saddles, enjoyed Richard Pryor.  But I also detested any acts of racism.

Throughout the 90’s, and in charge of a church youth group in a small urban area, where racism was more prevalent, in fact very near KKK populated areas, I spent a lot of time teaching the youth to go against the urge to follow their grandparents (and in some cases their parents) when it came to thoughts against anyone who was not white.  It has been a slow process to dealing with racism, but I had always hoped that we would keep moving forward with eliminating it.

This post is not about racism itself, or the history of it, but rather an unfortunate phenomenon that we are currently dealing with today.  Most of us were all outraged by what happened in Charlottesville a couple of years ago, and our response was to condemn, yet again, all acts of hatred against races.  But there seems to be a problem.  How do we condemn one act or philosophy, that then seemingly affects something that we held personally as something of our past?  How do we expect racism to be dealt with, when we ridicule moments of history that we stumble across, bringing down someone or something that we once held in high regard?  How can we be expected to condemn one thing and forgive another, and really, who is to decide?

The answers are not simple at all.  In fact, in recent years, dealing with racism has gotten more complicated.  And admittedly over the last two years, a certain population has felt emboldened to step into the spotlight to reignite the fears, anger, and hurt, that over the decades we had fought to correct.  Right now, whether on Facebook or in person, we are now having conversations with our friends over statues and monuments, movies, music, that in retrospect, were really racist in content.  But in our earlier years, it was not a big issue, whether because it did not affect us, or we just did not pay attention.

But part of dealing with racism, just as I did with the youth group, we spent a lot of time teaching children racism was wrong.  Well, those children are now growing up, with the values we raised in them, and because they have technology that we did not have growing up, they have tools to fight racism that we did not.  The problem with that, the racism was not as obvious to some of us, as it clearly is to the current generation.

And it is not fair to refer to this generation as “snowflakes” as is common.  In fact, those that complain about this generation are “snowflakes” themselves for complaining about what they created.  Because we chose to fight racism, we created a generation who is ready to take it to the next level.  And really, if we are ever continue to move forward, dialogue now needs continue.  The generation needs to understand how we grew up and what we were exposed to, just as the American history that they have learned.

Like I said, music, movies, television, and other things in our life, we hold certain examples sacred.  And we are devastated and hurt, when one of our favorites falls, no matter the transgression.  For the purposes of this post, I am going to use a current example.

Kate Smith.  An icon if you are a Philadelphia Flyers hockey fan.  Known for her stunning rendition of “God Bless America” that she sang prior to a Flyers championship game, which quickly grew to a tradition played before all Flyers home playoff games, even long after her passing.

The performance had nothing to do with patriotism, though clearly the song was very patriotic.  But whether live or video, Kate fired up the fans, no matter what the odds were for or against the Flyers.  Following the terrorist attacks of September 11, 2001, the Yankees baseball stadium would also adopt Kate Smith’s “God Bless America”, though clearly meant to bring us all together.  And that really was where this had really ended.  On a side note, I am family with a personal family connection to Kate Smith, but since I was a child, I do not recall the details, well, because I was stupid and did not care.

But again, for the last two decades, we have been raising our children to fight against racism.  And no matter what some may do to quash history because they feel it makes our country look bad because of the things our ancestors did, this current generation is intent on wiping out racism.  And I can appreciate what they are doing.  Because when you think about, my generation has failed.  And we are proving that by the way we are not only complaining about “discoveries”, but how we are doing it.  And at this point, arguments are now occurring between us, regardless of color, but more geared towards protecting something we once held dear to us.

Kate Smith was a racist.  That is a fact that has been discovered.  Was she always a racist?  We do not know.  But at least for a moment in her life and career, she wrote and sang at least one very offensive  song that nearly all of us were unaware of ever existed.  And honestly, I do have to ask, what was actually put into Google search to find out about Kate Smith.  I am fairly certain that today’s youth really have no idea who she was.  But that does not take away the transgression what Kate Smith did.  To counter that, of course, all of the good things that she did for our country and for our military.  And she did.  And that should not be forgotten.  But neither should the period of racism she promoted.

So the question now becomes, “how long should it be held against someone for something they did long ago?  And given the benefit of the doubt, changed their thinking?  I am betting that there is not one family member of Kate Smith’s family that believes she was a racist.  They only know a loving mother and grandmother.  And here is my argument for that.

This is a picture of my maternal grandmother, the most influencial person in my life.  As I mentioned, I grew up in an area that just happened not to have any African Americans, though we did have one kid that was from India.  In any case, she was the most caring and loving person anyone could know.  All of the kids in the neighborhood looked to her as their “honorary” grandmother.  She would be the first person with cancer to survive that I would ever know, and give me the courage to fight my cancer.

But in recent years, it was revealed to me, that she had her tendencies to be racist.  I was shocked, and admittedly, clearly did not want the conversation to go any further.  I have to face it, given where I lived, I really never got to see any sign.  She never used any slurs.  And like I said, all I knew was her to be a loving person.  To this day, I want to remain in denial.  I only knew her one way.

So, I kind of get to a degree the outrage being felt right now after discovering what cannot be denied about someone that was held in such high regard.  But it does not change what she did.  And if we are ever going to reverse the trend of increased racial hatred, we have no choice but to listen to those that we raised to be tolerant.  They are the ones paying attention to the ones being hurt now, by the new racist attacks, whether verbal or physical.

It is disappointing sure, but the pain that it causes is worse.  And the fact that it is now pitting even friends against each other, one side fighting for something they hold close, the other for the values they were taught, we have gone backward in race relations.  And this does not even address the other issues of racism which I have intentionally not raised in this post.  Because before we can ever expect to heal or move forward once again, we need to be able to talk to each other.  And talking does not just mean speaking, but listening also.

And those memories are not gone, if you really want to hang on to them, the internet can take care of you.  But raising our children to fight against racism was a good thing.  Would you have not done it if you would have known you would have lost a favorite TV show, or could not listen to a favorite song anymore because it was boycotted or banned?  Of course not.  If you are a reader of “Paul’s Heart”, I know you are a compassionate and education person.

As for the Flyers and the Yankees, there will be other ways to fire up fans and show patriotism.  And it will not be long before this fuss is forgotten either.  But what will not be forgotten, are those that have been hurt, and why we still have such a far way to go, to dealing with racism.

I am to this day, still an avid Flyer fan.  And I understand why they removed her statue.  The recently discovered music was horrific to learn about.  And honestly, even in the 1970’s when she debuted the song at that Flyer’s game, even if it had been known then, I do not think she would have been stopped from singing it.  But this is not the 1970’s.  And just as we can recall what our grandparents were like and how they behaved, our children see how the times are now.  And all any of us want, is for everyone to get along, regardless of color.  Kate Smith is not the first, nor will she be the last, that will be shown to have held such ugly sentiments.  Can there be forgiveness?  Absolutely.  Should it be forgotten?  Absolutely not.

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