The Stupidest Thing To Say To A Cancer Patient
It is not even a close call. You would think giving someone with cancer the news that they were dying would be the worst thing for a doctor to say to a cancer patient, I mean, yeah, it is a bad thing, but there is something that is said, has been said seemingly forever, and much to multiple objections, doctors continue to say this.
In 1988, as I was being diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, before my oncologist had even shook my hand or done any exams or testing, he said this to me. “Hodgkin’s Lymphoma is one of the most treatable forms of cancer with a high remission rate.” Here it came. “If you were going to get a cancer, this is the one you want to get.”
(photo courtesy of ElsaElsa)
What did he just say to me? The cancer I “want” to get? How about NO!?! I did not want any cancer, EVER!
I get it, there are many cancers that are treatable, and do okay with success. There are cancers that are not. And then, there are cancers with higher remission rates; testicular, thyroid, melanoma (when caught early), prostate, certain breast cancers, and Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.
At no time had I ever gone through life and thought to myself, “well, I know I am going to have cancer some day, sure hope it is this one.” Or how about prayer, “now I lay me down to sleep, I pray the lord my soul to keep. If I should get cancer, please let it be this one.”
Seriously! I never wanted cancer. I never wanted to have to deal with all these late side effects from my treatments, as if it were some sort of tradeoff for my longevity of being treated for the “cancer I would want.”
No one will appreciate a doctor wanting to be encouraging as much as I do. But telling a patient they got the “best cancer to have” is not it. Telling a cancer they have a butterfly cancer or a deer cancer, doesn’t make it any better just because you attach a cute description to it. As soon as we hear the word “cancer,” we automatically think death.
I know the doctor means well. A doctor would never say something to be intentionally upsetting. But it will be assuring enough to us, if you just tell us how confident you are, that with the current modes of treatment, you believe you have great odds (quote all of the stats you want) of getting us to long term remission. Do you see how inspiring that is? If you want, you can even add “one of the more successfully treated cancers” and “especially based on type and staging.” There is no reason AT ALL, that saying, “this is a cancer you want to get if you are going to get,” is beneficial or inspirational at all.
I can’t believe after nearly 40 years, and I know cancer patients are objecting to the comment, it is still being said today, and there is no reason to be doing so.
Paul's Heart 