In Preparation Of Father’s Day
This Sunday is Father’s Day for many. It will be recognized in all of its forms. We will celebrate the fathers who are present every day, offering love, guidance, sacrifice, and support. We will also recognize the grandfathers, stepfathers, and other father figures who have stepped forward when a child needed them the most. For me, Father’s Day is the most important part of my cancer survivorship. Every additional year with my daughters I know the blessings that I have.
We also carry in our hearts, thoughts for those whose Father’s Day carries both love and loss, the sons and daughters whose fathers have passed away, may the memories, lessons and love they left behind, continue to bring comfort and strength. My father gone now fourteen years, the loss is still felt as the day it happened.
And then there are those who lost their fathers during childhood, we recognize the lifelong impact of that absence and the courage it takes to grow through such a loss. I have several friends in this situation, and honestly, is one of the things that scares me most with all of the health issues that I have. I am in no way ready to go, but I am afraid, knowing that I have no say when that time comes, of the hurt and loss my daughters will carry. I have seen it with my friends. All I can do is hope that time is lessened by me getting more years.
Likely one of the most heartbreaking of circumstances, there are the fathers who have experienced the unimaginable loss of a child, whose enduring love and the bond that neither time nor death can ever erase. Again, I have friends who have experienced this, too many friends. But I am always amazed with the memories that carry and cherish to keep their children alive in their hearts.
Then there are those who are separated or estranged from their fathers through circumstances beyond their control – whether because of divorce, family conflict, distance, or other hardships. We acknowledge the pain, confusion, and unanswered questions that often accompany those relationships. As an ACOD, adult child of divorce, I know this first hand. I rarely talked with my father about it, which unfortunately with him gone, I still have unanswered questions. But I know there are fifteen Father’s Days, that we were not together in my childhood because of it.
Likelwise, there are fathers who are separated or estranged from their children through circumstances beyond their control, we recognize the heartache of missing milestones, celebrations, and everyday moments that can never be replaced. Again, as an ACOD, I did all I could to avoid what my father experienced and decided, my goal was to eliminate or prevent any hurt that my daughters could experience. But it is not uncommon for fathers to face so many hurdles, and to be fair, some mothers as well (but this is a Father’s Day piece), between the multitude of opponents, the courts, and anyone else who decides it is their business to interfere in the custody of a child and their father.
And while Father’s Day is a day of compassion, it is also a reminder of responsibility. Fatherhood is more than biology – it is commitment, presence, protection, and love. We cannot ignore the pain caused when a parent willingly abandons or desecrates those responsibilities, turns their backs on their children, or leaves lasting wounds through neglect, abuse, disrespect, and absence. Every year, I get replies to my annual posts on Father’s Day, reminding me that there are those fathers who do not deserve to be recognized. And I get it. But it does not mean that I and millions of others should not get to celebrate it.
Father’s Day is about those who choose to show up, do what is all possible to show up, to love, to sacrifice, to protect, and to remain present even when the path is difficult. With technology this can be as simple as a Facetime call.
For all those who will be celebrating with joy this weekend, remember the sorrow, long for the reconciliation or carry the weight of loss, that they can find peace, healing, and hope.
Paul's Heart 