Paul's Heart

Prentice Powell
I’m tired of us always having to prove our love to our sons
One of the biggest complements I get a lot of the times
Is how great of a father I am
They see pictures on the internet
And people complement you a lot because they see photos
And honestly sometimes, I wanna tell people
“Don’t tell me I’m a good father when you don’t know anything about me”
Fun loving daddy and son pictures on the Facebook page do not equate (…) values into your child’s development
And the fact that I’m black should be irrelevant when it comes to my ability to raise my son
My skin tone should not make me any better or worse when it comes to the paternal instinct but
Because fathers like me are apparently extinct I get asked for prays
And for what?
For doing what I’m supposed to do?
From strangers?
Strangers who don’t know when my son was born I only got him from twelve-noon on Saturdays to five p.m. on Sundays, when to the court to get more time, came back with twelve-noon on Saturdays to five p.m. on Sundays, plus child support fought for a year, had him for a year and half if not more, had him fifty percent of the time if not more, only to lose him when he started school to summer time and rotate in the holidays

Strangers who don’t know when my son was born I only got him from twelve-noon on Saturdays to five p.m. on Sundays, when to the court to get more time, came back with twelve-noon on Saturdays to five p.m. on Sundays, plus child support fought for a year, had him for a year and half if not more, had him fifty percent of the time if not more, only to lose him when he started school to summer time and rotate in the holidays
So when you see me in the streets with my little one and wanna say
“It’s so good seeing a father doing his job spending that quality time” don’t because I am being robbed
Robbed with the greatest gift
Forced to live through pictures on an IPhone to recognize the touch of my lips more than they do my fingertips And the smell of his lotion everyday I rub into my skin so when I smell myself, I think of him
Forced to live through memories that occur within a span of one week
Through occasions on a web cam chat with a child too young to speak back so when he reaches to you through that camera, all you can say is “son, I miss you too”
Or learn watching your son learn how to ride a bike via Skype in the hands of another man and even though he is a good man and you are glad he’s around, that man is not you
Or learn watching your son learn how to ride a bike via Skype in the hands of another man and even though he is a good man and you are glad he’s around, that man is not you
And not letting his mother know that all this is getting to you so you get up to grab some tissue because at all times that distance of 3174 miles can feel more like 3 million
Try dropping your son of at the airport with three teeth in his mouth go 4 weeks and come back with 5 and see if you don’t beat yourself up for not being around during that time so don’t tell me I’m a good father when you don’t know anything about me
Try to convince the court that knows nothing about you that you are simply worthy of time
See thousands of people inspired by your story but still feel that you are getting nowhere
Have people motivated by the pain that sits right here everyday inside of your chest and that same pain be the reflection of the amount of love that you possess, I want you to imagine your newborn baby sleep
You’re watching him, trying to get the sleep padderns down pack praying to get you get it right because you have 1 night not to go 6 days until you get him back, imagine

Being able to fly through this world, doing what you love to do but because of a court order your son before the age of 1 has to fly twice a month and maybe by the age of 2, he’ll have more frequent fly miles than you
Try never spending a day in your life locked up in prison and still watch your child grow up primarily through photos
Learn about his milestones via text message or Facebook and see if you don’t feel numb so how can I smile when people tell me I’m such a good father when I feel like I’m not being given enough time to actually be one
Raise your son without feeling like you actually raised him
And I know everything in this world doesn’t always go the way we plan and I can accept that all that’s fine
I just don’t understand how a man can be forced to pay half of day care, half of medical expenses, food, clothes, water but the same man that laid down to create that child is not automatically given half of the time, something about that situation is not right and when i’m done with this poem, I mean this, I don’t care if any of you clap, I just want my prays, my air, my earth, my water, my moon, my son, my baby, my motivation, my son
I just want my chance
I just want my son Justice Prentice Powell
I want my baby, back.