Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

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A New Leaf


A while back, I wrote a story called “CABbaGe – Not Just A Green Leafy Vegetable”.  It was a play on words mixing the vegetable cabbage with the heart bypass, called Coronary Artery Bypass Graft.  This was the second life changing event (the first was my cancer), that should have resulted in the major lifestyle changes, diet and exercise.  While initially, the shock did have me eating foods I would never have been caught eating, the novelty wore off.

For the last five months, I have made major eliminations to my diet, no more soda, no more fried and fatty foods, and no red meat.  This is an effort to cut down on flare-ups from complications of my Hodgkin’s treatments decades ago.  But it has not been a good enough.  I still have not been getting the right amount of calories, protein, carbs, etc.  Several weeks ago, among everything else I have been dealing with my health, I finally heard the words, “you are pre-diabetic”.  Then again, why should now be any different?  It has to be.

So, another egg is put into the basket of care that I receive up at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center, dietary.  I am assigned to a dietician who has knowledge of my health history, the knowledge of therapies that were used to treat me, and the late developing side effects that I have been dealing with.  That was the good news.

Now for the bad news.  Her assessment of me, my habits, and my history, of six major health concerns with diet and weight, I am at increased risk of five of them.  Wait, I already deal with them:  esophageal issues, heart disease, diabetes, high blood pressure, and sleep apnea.  All of these affect a persons health and increase risks by themselves.

Now for the better news.  Though this is now the third time I am attempting this.  But this is the first time that I feel I truly have a dietician in my corner.  In fact, she has assured me the aggressive approach that she plans to use with me to get my weight down.  She knows the risks I face if I do not follow through.  She cares.

For now, the first phase is about getting me to do something I have not done in a long time, eat regularly.  It is not about eating certain foods, but getting the right amount of calories into me, and getting the right amount of exercise.  The line has been drawn.  I will be following up with her in six weeks.  Though I cannot control what my treatments have created, I can prevent anything else from developing.

Then it will be on to the next phase, getting me to eat things I have forever turned my nose up at.

Thank You So Much


When I got to my computer tonight, I expected the usual 40-50 hits, but instead, I have seen over 450 to see the post on my anniversary, and the other stories beyond.  This means so much to me, and hopefully, you know someone who might get help needed by reading my writings.  Again thank you.  Tonight, I am speechless, over 2,000 in a little over 2 months.

 

Paul

A Rough Day (Again)


I do not hide it.  I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I will admit to being calm, cool, and collected in times of crisis, and it is extremely rare that an emotion will be seen from me.  Whether I am sad, angry, happy, intrigued, disgusted, trust me, I will let you know.

As a cancer survivor and cardiac patient, I have an appreciation for all things concerned with the world of medicine.  I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on television, but experience has taught me so much.  In all honesty, I should probably go back to college, and get a medical degree.  I cannot say with certainty as I was never a medical student, but one thing that cannot be taught is empathy.  But it is both my empathy and my experience right now that cause me to have a heavy heart, broken if you will.

For the second time in several years, I found myself in a situation of not just a caregiver, but also clinician.  For the second time, I was able to diagnose and issue that had been overlooked, or willingly ingnored.  Because of the empathy and care that I gave, I do not believe there was suffering, but the ending was still so hard to take.  I spent so much time, so much care, so much attention.  And I know it made a difference.  I could see it every day with improvement, EVERY DAY.

Then I am told to stop what I am doing, that it is not right.  It could cause problems with outside officials.  But the problem is, I was never told.  Not that it would make a difference to me though I would walk right up to the line of insubordination, I would never cross it.  The judgement from keeping me perform my job to the best of my ability and humanity would then fall on the individual enforcing this unfortunate political move.  But they had been given too much credibility because of where each of us rank in society.  I know this for a fact.

So to keep from being punished, which has never been an issue at home or school as a child, nor as an adult, I had to immediately cease my efforts, which still would not provide a certainty that I would not be punished.

Today, I lost him.  He is in a better place.  Everyone knew this day would come.  All I tried to do, and succeeded, was make it better for him.  And simply because someone above me did not like it, he lost that quality of care the last couple of days of his life.

This sucks.

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