Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

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Turning Things Around


As a rule, I am generally a positive person. I have to be. It would be too easy just to be swallowed up by all the negativity in the world whether it be the news on the television, co-workers, or even family and friends. The “deck” has been stacked against me my entire life, but I always found a way to get through whatever challenge was thrown my way. No matter the challenges, being bullied in school, cancer, heart surgery, and now in the later stages of my second divorce, I am always able to find my way through, “rise up from the ashes like a Phoenix”.

At the age of 48, it is time to stop living challenge to challenge. I have always had strong faith in a supreme being (I am respectful to all religions which is why I worded it that way) so that has never been an issue. Physically, as the school bullies found out, I can take a pretty good beating. However, emotionally, it has always been a struggle of the old “one step forward, two steps back.” I would get so far through one crisis just to realize that another crisis had been lying in wait. But, as always, I was positive I was going to get through anything thrown at me. I am ready now to take two steps forward, and push back against anything thrown at me.

As I recovered from my Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, having gained over fifty pounds from the chemotherapy, it was positive thinking and commitment that helped me to get back into physical condition, drop the excess weight. I had done it. But just that quickly, as always, was another set back.

My recovery from emergency heart surgery was no different, just more cautious. But as time went on, again, there were factors standing in line against me. It was discovered that late developing side effects were now coming to the front of my physical condition. And as I have done every time, I have taken them on head on. But over recent years, it has required the help of prescription medications, meaning, it has not resolved my problems, just hidden them. But that is going to be my next post. Right now, I am so pumped up because I think I have finally found the right direction to stay several steps ahead of negativity and finally talk the talk, and walk the walk.

To have a positive outcome, I have had to surround myself with the most positive and supportive people, professional, family, and friends. It sounds simple. I had heard through my life “you can do it” or “hang in there.” That is not good enough. Positive support and reinforcement means just that, constant, all in. Unlike my recovery from my cancer and heart surgery, I am surrounded by people who genuinely want to see me live a life, free from all the forces that try to stand in my way.

I have struck gold in a dietician who has told me, “I’m not going to give up on you”. Evidently something that I said sparked that response. I have gone through three other dieticians to get a grip on my finicky and poor diet choices. And I am heading in the right direction no longer struggling to try new foods, and also eat healthy. I am being encouraged very strongly, with plenty of incentive, to exercise. Yes, the incentive of a healthy body should be good enough, but there are so many wonderful things that are waiting for me. I have been exercising regularly and it is beginning to show. Finally, the emotional part of this journey, dealing with the stress that often comes along with the trials, but also contributes to their effects. I strongly believe that a lot of the medications that I was placed on following my heart surgery were due to the stress I have been under.

A challenge has been issued to me within the next 30 days. It is a realistic goal to me. I can reach this because I am surrounded by people who want to see me succeed. This time, I really want to turn things around.

One Direction – Forward


For the last twenty-five years, my life has gone nothing as planned. From the day I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma back in 1988, one thing I learned very quickly in my life, there was no such thing as being in control of my life. All I was able to do was recognize, accept, and move on, one direction…forward. One of my favorite expressions is ” if you spill grape juice on your white carpet are you going to stand there looking at it asking ‘why?’ Or are you going to clean it up before the stain gets too bad?”
2013 a lot of “grape juice” was spilled. I was rushed to the emergency room for the third time in less than a year. Some late side effects from my cancer days were requiring attention. My second and final campaign for our local school board fizzled into oblivion. My most loyal companion and furry friend Pollo was laid to rest just shy of his fifteenth birthday (not too shabby for a golden retriever). And the biggest event of 2013, the end of my second marriage.
As all of these things occurred, I was never in any control of their outcomes or consequences. I could only move in one direction…forward. My health is always going to have something pop up. But I can make better decisions that can help prevent many things from happening. Stress reduction has had major impact on me already. Confirmed by my doctors, certain vital signs and blood results have improved to the point that medications are being ceased. Even some of the permanent late side effects are less in severity without the large amount of stress.
Local politics was an interesting venture. For all the hype of the last presidential election it was only natural to think that while turnout would not match the levels of 2012, a local election that had major implications surely had to make a difference and could have come down to “one vote making a difference.” But instead voter apathy tumbled far below even two years prior, another off-year election.
I still miss Pollo so much. I have finally stopped automatically going for his feed bowl or the back door to let him out first thing in the morning. But I do still miss his faithful tail wag and inability to get mad for any reason. But the loss has been so painful.
As for the divorce, the end will come. But my attention now has to focus on my daughters. I will not discuss the circumstances of the divorce. But the effects are showing on my daughters. I know what it is like to be caught in the middle of a bitter custody situation and I am doing my best to make sure that they know that both of their parents are going to be a part of their lives not just for 2014, but for years after that. Both of us will have wonderful new changes for the girls providing them plenty of wonderful experiences, just not the misery and stress of watching us not getting along with each other. For everyone else in our lives, I do hope that in 2014 you realize that what led to our breakup was best kept between she and , and had nothing to do with anyone else.
I have lots of hopes for 2014 for the one direction I am making. But I will not forget those that will also be struggling with either their employment, finances, health, or their relationships.
I prefer to clean up the “grape juice.” Not ask why it spilled. To all of you reading this and “Paul’s Heart,” I wish you all a happy, healthy, prosperous new year.
Happy New Year everyone.

Medical Alert! Bracelets


The first thing I did when I was discharged from the hospital following my heart bypass surgery was purchase a $32 bracelet. I am not one for jewelry other than the cross I wear around my neck along with a Chinese pendant that symbolizes the father/daughter relationship. But this bracelet was not going to be about fashion. It was going to be about saving my life.

From the moment it was discovered that my body had been badly damaged by side effects from cancer treatments over fifteen years earlier, I was thankful that I was treated in a fairly big hospital. Or was it just dumb luck? Long term cancer survivors are only currently getting the attention medically that they so desperately need. The problem goes beyond learning what happens beyond five years when a person is exposed to four times the lifetime maximum of ionized radiation, or having had chemicals injected into veins that destroy the heart and lungs over time, or even a drug that would be used in wars to kill people.

Several things I did know, my doctors had no idea what they had run into when they went to do a simple catheterization and stint. They also were not aware of protocol to deal with patients like me, and millions of others because up until then, and only slightly more today, not many doctors know about late effects that cancer patients develop. I actually opted for this hospital because it is local to my family physician. It is an hour away from home and I pass at least three hospitals that I would never had any chance at surviving the surgery as one has a history of not being very clean, another I have just heard too many misdiagnosed stories, and the third… well… just “no.”

Once I discovered that health issues with my body were no longer going to be standard, I recalled a resource that I had available, meant for cancer survivors who were dealing with “unexplainable” symptoms because the symptoms just did not make sense. With that, I found several long term survivor clinics, who happened to be at very large cancer facilities like Stanford, MD Anderson, University of Pennsylvania, and the hospital I chose… Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in New York City.

Getting back to the bracelet, as a patient with MSKCC’s survivorship program, I got full surveillance and had a full history taken, with records retrieved to the best of my ability. After all, it had been a long time before that, that I had been treated. My chemo records had been destroyed, only my radiation records remained. But in dealing with a large cancer facility, a research facility, the latest technology, advances, and treatments would be available. And in my case, it would still be several years until everything would be fully known as far as what had been affected, or at higher risk to develop any further issues.

With the guidance of my team at MSKCC, several suggestions were made to make sure that I got the correct attention given my unique health circumstances. But step one began with getting that bracelet. Unfortunately, I have too many issues to list on that little half inch wide by inch and a half long metal tag. So, on the front is engraved, my name, Hodgkin’s survivor, CABG (heart bypass), chemo and radiation damage, asplenic, and the words “see other side”. Once you get to that side, I list my family doctor and the main doctor that I see at MSKCC (along with their phone numbers) and the order to call them “stat”. The last line says, “see wallet for more information”.

Inside my wallet I have two laminated cards with even more detailed information. One card actually lists many of the issues that had been discovered (not all of them because the card needs to be updated with new diagnosis) so it lets whoever is treating me that it is best to do as my bracelet says. The second card is probably the most important of the two. My bracelet mentions “asplenic” which means that I had my spleen removed at some point. Actually it was during my diagnostic stages for my Hodgkin’s. But many of us over the age of 35 know that back in the decades before the 90’s, it was common for spleens to be removed, at the time unaware how crucial spleens would be in fighting infections and treating heart disease.

My hope is that when a tech sees that I am asplenic, they pass the word on and know that I am at a high risk of infection, or I might just be at the hospital for that very reason and to follow the directions that are on the other side of that card… run immediate blood cultures, and begin top level antibiotics through IV as if I were being treated for the worst possible infection if I had a fever over 101.5. Otherwise, antibiotics should be used preventatively for any other procedures, including dental work beyond the normal cleaning and fillings.

My bracelet was used three times within a one year period last year. And unfortunately the first test my bracelet got, I was transported by ambulance, unconscious, to the worst possibly of choices for hospitals, the one with all the cleanliness complaints against it. I was eventually diagnosed with aspiration pneumonia, but the worst of it was that I was septic. I was perhaps hours away from advancing to septic shock, which with my health would not have ended well. But to their credit, they saw my bracelet, and followed the directions to the letter. While they did lead me to recovery, their discharge instructions lacked the needs for my survivorship standards and my family physician promptly kept me at rest another two weeks until fully recovered. The other two incidents, emergency personnel used the exact same procedure, and fortunately I am here typing this post.

But what happens to the other cancer survivors who do not have the opportunities that I have had, and many other have? What happens to the cancer survivors just out of treatment who have not had their first follow up to even see if side effects have begun to develop? Then again, what if you just happen to have something unusual, but you have doctors who just provide standard care (and no, I am not beginning the anti standardized testing in schools argument – that will be another post). The television show House, no longer on television, starred a doctor at a prominent hospital who was only assigned “special” cases. Of course it took him the entire episode, and most of his cases were all cured. In the real world, this is more the exception than the rule unfortunately.

The good thing is that now, smaller hospitals are connecting and merging with the larger networked hospitals, and now have access to the current information as it is shared. Also, patients are now followed right from day one following the completion of their treatments for whether side effects develop short term or long term. But a good suggestion for anyone, not just cancer patients, but anyone who has had any medical condition out of the norm, heart attack, stroke, diabetes, ALS, epilepsy… anything that could let the emergency technicians know that they have a patient with special needs, might just make a difference. And for $32, a bracelet for your life is more than worth the better care you will need.

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