Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Education”

National Stroke Month


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I am not sure what the other leading causes of death are, but I am certain that auto accidents, heart attacks, and cancer have to be in the top five.

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Timing is everything when it comes to dealing with someone who has had a stroke.  Effects from the stroke can be minimal or severe, short term or permanent.

So what exactly is a stroke?  There are a few main types.  The first is called an ischemic stroke, which for simplest terms, is a blood clot in an artery going to the brain.  It can be caused by fatty substances building up a blockage, or even due to an injury.  Another is called a hemorrhagic stroke, which yes, that means bleeding out.  A common cause of this is a blowout of a blood vessel, called an aneurysm.  Finally, there is the TIA, the transient ischemic attack.  Often times this is not considered a “stroke” per se, but rather a “pre stroke.”  If you have one of these, chances are likely that a stroke is more common to occur.

The truth is, without awareness, you may never realize if someone is having a stroke, and just consider a situation odd.  But having had one relative die of a stroke, another suffer a stroke, my awareness of my father having a stroke following surgery for lung cancer led to a discovery that was definitely unexpected.

My father had just has part of his lung removed for cancer.  The surgery went as anticipated, but his recovery took longer.  He would not wake up.  When he was finally alert, they brought him to his room.  But after the first 48 hours, he was expected to resume normal behaviors such as eating and drinking.  Instead, clearly  my dad was confused.  Both my brother and I witnessed several odd circumstances such as my father claiming to need his glasses to eat, he could not see the food and coffee placed in front of him.  I knew my father wore glasses, but not every moment.  He was not blind, and definitely did not need glasses to see things directly in front of him.

But when a certain food item was placed in front of him, a conversation started that would probably save his life.  A particular food item sparked my dad’s appetite, a mozzarella stick that I purchased down in the hospital cafeteria.  Yes, I know, an odd food choice served by a hospital, but I was glad to have it, trying to get him to eat.  He took a bite and then offered the following compliment, “this is good… how did they make it so soft?”  I thought my dad was just goofing around, though he normally does not have that type of humor.  I told him, “Dad, it’s a mozzarella stick.”  And then he sternly responded, “NO, it’s a carrot stick.”  We exchanged back and forth a couple of times, but clearly my dad was not joking.  My brother and I looked at each other and knew something was wrong.

The sad thing is, a doctor was just in to see my father, and pretty much pronounced him, “recovering well.”  But following that conversation with my dad, I dragged the doctor back in, and then a neurologist was called in, and yes, after further testing, my father had not only suffered a stroke, but two of them.  And more effects from the stroke would be discovered.

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A family member is the best opportunity for a quick response to someone having a stroke.  We know how our loved ones act, speak, walk, and go about daily activities.  And just because they do something odd, does not mean that they have suffered a stroke, it could have just been a moment.  But being aware of the following expression, might just make a difference to someone you know and/or love:

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The clip art on this post, were all taken from the American Heart Association and American Stroke Association web sites.  But one word, FAST, says it all.  Fast not only describes the symptoms and response needed, but also tells you how quickly you need to react.

You can make a difference.

Setting And Reaching A Goal


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I am a major football fan.  I am not however a fan of the “field goal” whereas a team gives up trying for extra yards towards the end zone and tries to kick the football through the yellow uprights for just 3 points, a consolation for failing to score 6 points.  That being said, when the pressure is really on, and it is only a matter of seconds left in the game, and those three points make a difference?  And the ball is lined up on the 45 yard line, making the actual effort more like 62 yards (10 for the end zone distance plus the actual yardage, and 7 yards for where the ball will be placed to kick it from), that effort really is a major attempt.

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So that is the analogy that I am going to make for this post.  That no matter what the odds are of scoring, or “achieving a goal”, no matter the hurdles against you, goals can be reached.

This post was brought on by a simple question to me the other day, “what is your goal?”  That is a pretty open ended question, quite vague, but I am a simple person, and I responded in such, “to be with my children again.”  Then he person realized I did not give him the answer he was looking for.  And yet, he repeated the question, in exactly the same form, “no, what is your goal?”  And I answered him the same response, “to be with my children again.”

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You see, I know how to reach goal.  And I know what my goal is, to be with my children again, hopefully very soon.  When I was diagnosed with cancer, my goal was to beat the cancer.  When I had my open heart surgery, my goal was to fully recover and get back to a normal life.  I am one for two with that one.

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Realizing the error of the structure of the question, he adjusted himself, “how do you plan to achieve a goal you set for yourself?”  Very different.  But unfortunately now, I had become a bit contrary and decided to toy with him and his intrusion, looking for details.  He had been looking for “pre goals” which I consider more “steps” to reaching my goal.

But I have a unique method of reaching my goals that I set.  I set the goal, and instead of working on steps to the goal, I work backwards.  It is an approach I learned from Norman Vincent Peale called, “Positive Imaging.”  I simply “see” myself at my goal, and then I work backwards.  Because I can see myself at my goal, in my mind, I have made it there, and all I need to do is “see” how I got there.  And because I am successful in “seeing” my goal, I work backwards from my goal.  Because I “see” the success, I take the final step prior to that, which was successful, and then the step prior to that.

It is an approach that has worked for me every time that I have faced a difficult time in my life.  And this period of my life is no exception.  Because my emotions are involved with this goal, being with my daughters again, I need to make sure that all of my thought processes are clear.  But if I were to set my goal, and work from the beginning, of the chaos and struggles that I am dealing with, I am focusing all of my attention on what is keeping me from reaching my goal because I am not seeing the success of each step until I take that step, unlike my way, where I see every successful step before I have taken it.

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And this works for me.  And it will work for this goal that I have set.  And because that goal will get recognized, I know that having done that, I will have met every “pre goal” or beaten every hurdle thrown at me.  I do not need to set multiple little goals, I have only one major goal.

I will be with my daughters again… and the sooner the better.

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The Last Time I Will Let This Happen


It is to be expected, that moving an entire coastline away from my children because of issues connected to my divorce, that I would miss certain events in my children’s lives.  And under normal circumstances, those absences would be made up within days, or at the least via video for me to witness.

But that has not been the case.  Due to circumstances beyond my control, I have not been able to spend the time I had hoped with my daughters.  I am working on it on my end.  It has just taken so much longer than I had hoped.  It is an uphill struggle, or it definitely is better described as paddling up a creek without the oars.  But I definitely believe that everything will work out, and a new “normal” will resolve with my daughters.

Make no mistake.   I know the hurt they are feeling as I too was a young child when my parents divorced.  And I have taken the same approach that many parents take, and not discussing the many issues of the divorce with my children, or why it has been so long since we have seen each other.

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For now, this is how I got to tell them “Happy Birthday.”  And it will be the last time that I do it this way.  While my older daughter is holding her own with her feelings, seemingly trying to protect both of her parents from hurt, my youngest normally does the same thing.  Until yesterday.

I have sent packages containing their presents for holidays and birthdays.  I will not let them think for one minute that I have ever forgotten those days, or worse, forgotten them.

But my daughters have an interesting aspect of their personalities.  They are not “big ticket” item children.  Sure, they love getting the big things, like an xbox360, Ipad, etc., and just like every year before that, but these are novelties that they hear about, and of course, then want.  But usually within days, a week at the most, the novelty wears off normally, and they move on to the things that mean something to them.

And that happened last night.  I know my daughters had a fun weekend with their mother and as I always encourage them, I told them I was glad.  I did not ask them about the gifts that were received for my youngest’s birthday, as I am sure she did quite well.  But she did finally open the package that I sent her.  And there was a little something extra for her sibling as well, as I am prone to do, something to remind them of our times together, and that someday, it will happen again.

But the contents in this package were quite special.  Along with her birthday card, I filled the box with seashells.  Not just any seashells, but shells that were collected by them, when they visited with me last summer.  When I Facetimed with them last night, it was not the new gifts that my youngest was playing with, but she was actually going through all the shells.  When she asked where I got them from, I said they were the shells that she and her sister had collected last year.  These were a reminder to her, not only where they came from, but a reminder that their summer visit will be coming up soon.

And I know how much that meant to both of them.  And I know how much it means to both of them this summer.

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