Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Education”

“Hey, Why The Long Face?”


A horse walks into a bar.  The bartender approaches the customer for his order and asks, “hey, why the long face?”

a-horse-cant-stand-that-old-joke-anymore-horse-long-face-jok-demotivational-posters-1306795814

It is an old joke, but for the purposes of this post, a great example of how something so obvious can be further from what is actually the case.  It happens a lot to us as humans as well.

Years ago, following shortly after my heart surgery, a comment was made to me, that I needed to cheer up.  And I remember that initial comment very well.  Because all things considered that I was going through at the time, I was actually in a pretty good mood.  But my co-worker who was making the erroneous judgment of my mood, was actually reacting to a physical observation.

Unbeknownst to me, I had developed a habit of walking with my head down, as if sulking, or perhaps sad or depressed.  And it had been so common for me to be seen this way, that friends and co-workers had grown concerned.  I do not know how long this had been going on, but it appeared that I finally got attention for it.  I lifted my head up, and looked at my coworker and told him that I was fine.  He told me that he was getting so concerned about me, because I had been walking with my head down for so long.

About the same time, I became a patient at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center in their “survivorship clinic” studying long term cancer survivors for late effects, and how to manage them.  The first two doctors remarked almost immediately upon my physical appearance once I had removed my shirt.  Both had confirmed that I had lost a major amount of muscle mass from my upper body area, the same area that had been subjected to an ungodly amount of radiation to treat me for my Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  So, not only did the radiation cause the need for my heart surgery, but it had also caused damage to my physical being.

The good thing about being seen at a long term survivor clinic that specializes in the care of those of us who have survived their cancer for as long as we have, and unfortunately developed severe, permanent, non-reversing conditions, is that at least we would at least learn how to manage the side effects, and the pain and discomforts that come with them.

For the purposes, I am only going to touch on one of these physical issues from the radiation damage, also known as Radiation Fibrosis Syndrome.  Dr. Michael Stubblefield (one of my physicians at MSKCC) discusses this medical condition in great detail on the web site:

http://www.cancerforward.org

“Dr. Stubblefield explains in his article, “Any tissue within the radiation field can be affected including nerves, muscles, blood vessels, bones, tendons, ligaments, heart or lungs. The clinical manifestations (i.e., signs and symptoms) that result from RF are called radiation fibrosis syndrome (RFS). RF can occur a few weeks or months after radiation treatment and continues for the duration of a cancer survivor’s life. The patient and their doctor may not notice RFS until years after treatment. Unfortunately, there is no way to stop the progressive RF that results from radiation treatment.”

In all my years exercising, I never noticed the physical difference with my body following my cancer treatments.  But once it was pointed out to me, I could see it very clearly.  Any exercise you do, works out a specific group of muscles.  This is why you are supposed to a do well-rounded routine of exercises so that you concentrate on all groups of muscles.  But when you have lost muscle mass, and you exercise only the groups of muscle that you have left, the visibility is obvious.  I am missing half of my pectoral muscles (making it look like I only have the lower half of each breast), the majority of both of my deltoids are gone, and my trapezius muscles are non-existent.  So that is just the upper torso muscle damage.

When you get to my neck, I have lost the majority of the lateral (rear) muscles of my neck from radiation deterioration, and have some anterior (front) muscle loss.  While not textbook by definition, because I still have muscle in the front of my neck, the effect is still the same, my head was drooping, or dropping.

Many of us “older” Hodgkin’s patients have a visual description of our radiated neck area, referred to as “Hodgkin’s Neck” because with no muscle mass of the neck, the neck of a Hodgkin’s survivor may have a “pencil neck” appearance.  And it is very obvious.  Those who have this amount of loss are probably more susceptible to the “drooping head” simply by not having the strength to support the weight of the skull.

In my case, the front muscles of my neck actually pull my head forward, having no resistance from the lack of lateral muscles.  Hence, my head hung low constantly, unaware of why.  But it was not because of my mood, there was an actual physical cause.  Combine this issue, with the fact that I was dealing with my surgically repaired chest muscles following my open heart surgery, which were now also pulling my both of my shoulders forward.

dropped head 1

This is where Dr. Stubblefield came in.  Where every other doctor outside of the MSKCC network that I was being seen by, only Dr. Stubblefield recognized what needed to be done.  I would have two choices, either something referred to as a “headmaster collar,”

dropped head 2

or physical therapy.  Dr. Stubblefield was allowing me to make my decision.

As Dr. Stubblefield stated further in his Cancerforward.org article:

“Physical therapy is highly individualized to the patient and involves normalizing body balance by stretching tight structures, strengthening weakened muscles, and retraining the body’s sensory organs to re-establish coordination. For instance, in the case of HL patients with dropped head syndrome and severe neck pain, functional deficits are not just a simple matter of the patient not having enough strength and endurance to lift their head. Invariably their chest wall and pectoral girdle are tight and bound down with their shoulders forward which puts their neck in a flexed position. All of this must be released which is where advanced myofascial techniques come into play. Their core muscles must also be strengthened and conditioned as they are almost always very weak. The fibrosis restricts the flow of lymph fluid throughout their chest and thorax creating a barrier that must be mobilized if the proprioceptors (sensory organs that provide position sensation) are to function effectively. Without properly functioning proprioceptors, the patient cannot even tell that their head is upright without their eyes open making them more prone to fatigue.”

Finally, not only has the condition been given a name, but also a firm definition and description, as well as a plan to manage the condition.  I chose physical therapy, and actually, went through several courses of physical therapy for not only my neck, but for the rest of the physical issues that I deal with.  I know very well the exercises that I must do, to keep from reversing back to my drooping head, not willing to say that it will come back.

dropped head 3

But all of the exercises in the world, cannot help, if a patient is not given the time to complete them.  There are a lot of exercises to be done, and they take time.  Finding a balance while trying to earning a living, raising a family, taking care of a household, and then finding time to complete physical therapy needs, after being clearly exhausted and fatigued, mean that the odds of the drooping head returning, are quite realistic.

Speaking on the behalf of not just Hodgkin’s Lymphoma patients and survivors, but all cancer patients and survivors, our bodies have gone through, or go through so much trauma, not just from the cancer itself, but also from the treatments.  Our bodies are changed forever.  It is so important to make sure that the doctors that care for us, not only recognize our issues, not only accept our issues as real, but give us the care and direction that we need, so that we can manage our lives to the fullest potential.

 

Walk And Chew Gum


This morning’s walk was quite an active one, much more than I like the morning walk to be.  For me, it is about starting my day, with a clear head, with a positive direction.

Everything can change during this walk, depending on what has happened in the days before.  As of late, you may as well throw everything I am dealing with in a blender and hit the “puree” button.

Like I said, I want my day to start off slowly, and constructively.  I only got a couple of blocks from the front door, when three or four things that have been on my mind regularly, quickly jumbled around in my head for the top story to be dealt with today.

Just as I lost focus of my morning ritual, there he was, Oakley.

Oakley

Though Oakley’s coat was much darker than what a golden retriever normally had, he was definitely a golden.  And yes, being the sucker I am for goldens, I had to stop and pet him.  This is not the first time that I have seen Oakley.  It is only natural that he has a very friendly personality.  I immediately got down on the ground so that my head was at the same level as his big “square head.”

Oakley lets me pet him, much the same way I used to pet Pollo, rubbing his chest under his chin, scratching and rubbing his ears, and of course reminding him just how handsome he is.  As I looked up to carry on a conversation with his owner, taking my attention away from Oakley, I got a reminder that my attention was desired somewhere else.

Just as Pollo used to do to me, Oakley took his left front paw, and placed it on my right arm which had been resting on my knee, similar to shaking “paws.”  I looked at Oakley and he had that huge golden grin.

Slowly my focus regained momentum, to start my day as I was intending to, one detail at a time, clear, and sharp.  I lowered Oakley’s paw back to the ground, stood up, and said goodbye to both Oakley and his owner, so that I could continue on my way.  Oakley was not ready to say goodbye, as he stayed in a seated position.  I crossed the street and looked back.  Oakley’s owner was trying to convince him it was time to move on, and Oakley was having no part of it.

Funny, Pollo had a stubbornness about him too.  Oakley was not ready to go, he wanted more attention from me.  Or perhaps he was just helping me, getting me to slow down my thoughts.  Enjoy the day.

Thank you Oakley.

Just Another Reason…


We cannot argue, we would all much be better off if we ate right, exercised right, slept right, and so on.  And we all at one time or another have made excuses at to why we do not.  We blame ourselves, or we blame other sources.  The television commercials that somehow allow us to smell the mouth-watering aromas of fast food, ignoring the blatant warnings of addiction and death prior to the first cigarette, not having enough time to get out and at least take a walk because we do not want miss tonight’s award show, are all just excuses.

I am the world’s biggest hypocrite when it comes to eating healthy, getting enough exercise, and definitely getting enough rest.  I also make lots of excuses.  And that is really what they are, simply excuses.  And I hide behind a very big excuse, which should actually be a reason all the more to do something to lead me to a healthier life.

Waaaay back before I was even diagnosed with cancer, I knew that I needed to take good care of my body.  Now, notice how I wrote that, “I needed to take care”.  I did not write “I should have taken care.”  If I recall, my weight was fairly healthy at around 140 pounds, and I was in fairly good shape, constantly active playing recreational sports.  I did not eat the best, a combination of economics and taste (I wrote a post last year about being finicky like Morris the Cat).  But I knew, my family on both sides had histories of obesity, diabetes, and cardiac disease.

But then I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  One of the strangest side effects I had, was a weight gain of nearly 60 pounds, courtesy of the high doses of prednisone I took to counter some of the effects of the other chemotherapy drugs.  So, it was only natural, that I get right back on the “horse” and drop that weight.  I lost all of the weight through dedication to the gym, daily, and a very strict diet – okay, the best I could do with not liking vegetables.  The weight came off in less than half the time it took to gain.

Unfortunately, what I did not know, is that my thyroid had been reduced to basically nothing, and was barely functioning, which meant my metabolism was not working properly – this due to the radiation therapy I recieved.  You guessed it, the weight started creeping back up, and in not time, my weight had returned to the weight I promised myself I would never let happen again.  My doctor ordered me to take a synthetic drug to make my thyroid work, and ironically at the same time, told me not to expect any major weight loss (which really sounds weird since if the thyroid worked properly, which is why I was told my weight creeped up, my weight should get under control).

So over the next many years, I just went through the motions, exercising when I chose, and well, whatever… when it came to my diet.

In 2008, another bomb got dropped on me, when another more serious issue developed again because of my treatments earlier in my life.  I had to have emergency heart surgery, again due to the radiation damage.  So as I was recovering from this surgery, I was being asked to keep two things in mind, diet and exercise.  I will get to those in just a second.  My first concern was rehabilitation.  I just had my chest cracked open, which means that the surgeon went through chest muscles.  I had a laparotomy during my diagnostic stages for my Hodgkin’s, had my abdomen cut open, and received no rehab to learn to strengthen my abdomen muscles, which clearly led to many issues physically for me.

Rehab_Pt_standing

Let me tell you, I was shocked when I asked about receiving physical therapy to recover from my open heart surgery.  I knew I would have issues with the breast bone healing (due to the radiation issue), but I never expected to feel as completely fatigued as I did the first time I got to my feet.  And then of course there was the issue of dealing with my heart which was now getting the proper flow of blood which it had not been for so long.

I was told I would not need PT because I was only 42 years old.  I would be fine.  Forget that my insurance was willing to pay for it, the surgeon and cardiologist did not feel it was necessary.  Within a couple of months, I would have my care transferred to a hospital network that required me to have physical therapy, because it had been determined not only for the benefit of the heart surgery, but due to the neglect from the abdominal surgery, and the physical damage that I had received from all of my treatments, recovering from the heart surgery was amplifying many of my physical struggles.  But within no time at all, the effects of not having physical rehab following my heart surgery were obvious.  My shoulders began pulling forward, as if hunching over, because I was afraid to stretch out my tender, repaired pectoral muscles.  Issue with supporting my head, protecting against something called “drooping head syndrome” also began to accelerate from the combination of radiation damage, and the pull from my chest muscles.

I finally did get into physical therapy.  Actually, I had to repeat it three more times.  I will not get into the rehab points in this blog, they are a separate issue.  I wanted to state that I had finally gotten to a point where I was functioning again, though with restrictions ordered by the doctor, but by all means, there would be no excuses anymore for me not taking care of myself.  I needed to improve my diet, reduce my stress, and get some form of regular exercise.

healthy-meal

It has taken some time, but recent events over the last  year or so, I am finally eating smarter, not to be confused with healthier necessarily.  I am still a very picky eater.  But my portion control has been so improved from learning to cut portions in half.  It used to be that I would smother any vegetable in any condiment just to make sure I did not taste or feel the texture.  I have a ways to go with choices, but at least now I will eat vegetables.  I will not order them, yet, but if they are on my plate, I will eat them.  It is a start.

exercise-illustration

Exercise has always been tough.  Of course you get the warnings, consult your physician before… yada yada yada.  I have a lot of physical issues that have developed over the decades between my treatments, surgeries, and recoveries.  So I do have a lot of restrictions that I must adhere to, to make sure that I do not cause any more muscular damage, spinal injury, or even cause any cardiac event.  So, at 49 years of age, I will never look like Atlas.  But there is no reason, that I cannot do a simple task, walking 20 minutes every day.  And generally I do this.

I have enough strikes against me health wise – family history, my own medical diagnoses – without making anything worse.  It is in my best interest to keep my stress to low limits, give my body enough rest, exercise, not smoke, and eat properly.  To be honest, I am not sure if I would be as diligent as I am today, if it were not for the support I receive from a professional dietician keeping an eye on me, and the tremendous support I get from those closest to me.

I cannot do this alone, and knowing that, is what is making the difference this time.

 

Post Navigation