Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Education”

06 Apr 2017

Questions And Answers


Every so often, follower of “Paul’s Heart” reach out to me with questions.  I want to take this opportunity right now to answer those questions.

How do you decide your topics?

I am a very impulsive writer in most cases.  With the exception of planned projects, such as short stories I have had published in Visible Ink, various news publications, the majority of posts/stories come from ideas that personally concern me, such as cancer, survivorship, adoption, health care, divorce, and such.  An idea might pop into my head, and within hours, I “lose” that urgency to write, and it falls into a cue which currently holds over 500 prompts.

Are there things I will not write about?

I do not believe in censorship, so I would say that I can and would write about anything if I was asked.  As a rule, when it comes to “Paul’s Heart”, I generally do not discuss my opinions when it comes to religion and politics because those things are private to me, and I do not want that to interfere with the purpose of this blog, to help and support those experiencing similar life struggles as myself.  If I do write about a controversial subject, such as health care, I will do my best to research and present facts.  But I have found, that writing about politics or religion, often cause more harm to relationships, and what I want this blog to achieve.

Do you prefer to write fiction or non-fiction?

I am told that I do not give myself enough credit for my writings.  I have had several assistants editing many of my pieces, all with different approaches for me.  I do not consider myself to have a vivid imagination, yet my writing coaches have a way of drawing out that talent from me.  I do prefer to write biographical type pieces, as many of my followers look to “Paul’s Heart” for inspiration.  I have written about many others on this blog and the experiences that they have gone through, so the stories are not just about me.

I have taken what I have learned from my writing coaches, and encourage my children to write in a similar fashion, by giving them simple prompts to provoke their imagination.

I do enjoy writing editorial pieces also.

Do you make time to write?

I recall the person who asked me this question.  Their claim was that between all of the doctor appointments, work, taking care of their family, this person felt that they had no time to write, in spite of their desire to do so.

I do try to set aside time to write, at least once a week, if not more.  It does not always work out that way, because I also have a tendency to get “stuck” not able to put thoughts together to write a piece, perhaps I do not like the finished project, or I just even give up on that particular piece.  But unless I have a deadline to meet, I write when I write.

In further discussion with this person, it turned out that they spent on average three hours on a train, commuting to and from work.  I mentioned that if they were interested in writing, this time period on the train would be ideal to gather thoughts, to see if there would be anything that they might like to discuss on paper.  Time on the train is a perfect and often quiet time to reflect.

Is writing therapeutic for you?

In one word, absolutely.  I am a person who internalizes… a lot.  I have many emotional struggles as a cancer survivor, one of which is survivor’s guilt.  And that is exactly what it says.  I also deal with PTSD and anxiety in relation to my survivorship.  I do have someone that I speak with, but when I do not have that option available, yes, writing is just one of the things I enjoy to help me relax, along with my other method, music.

Whether you publish something, or just document a thought in some sort of diary, releasing a thought that is of great concern to you through writing is indeed therapeutic.  Keeping concerns inside is not good.  And all too often, we do not have someone that we can just readily talk to, or may not even be good at listening.  We can express our thoughts, reflect on them, and then decide if it is necessary to share with others, or is it good enough that “I” recognize that expressing myself as I had done, that is all that needs to be done.  Yes, it is very therapeutic.

Can I share my story on your blog?

As long as it pertains to cancer, survivorship, adoption, or divorce, I am more than happy to share others stories of survivorship and inspiration.  You can send your story to me at pedelmanjr@yahoo.com .

As always, I am so thankful for everyone who reads and follows “Paul’s Heart”.  As I mentioned earlier, I have a lot of stories in cue to get to.  I think I am caught up on questions.

Posted in Adoption, Animals, Bullying, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Politics, Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
05 Apr 2017

Five People I Met Without Going To Heaven


The following short story was published in Visible Ink Anthology 2017, my 5th publication of short stories.

One of my favorite books (and movies) is “The Five People You Meet In Heaven,” by author Mitch Albom. As inspirational a story as it is, my thoughts are, “why wait until getting to heaven to meet those who have influenced my life.”

I have survived Hodgkin’s Lymphoma for more than 26 years. But it was only in 2008, that I learned that I had developed late effects from the treatments that had saved my life. There are people that have come into my life, total strangers, who have made my survival possible, both physically and emotionally.

In 1997, I “met” Tammy on a Hodgkin’s internet listserve. My story is limited to 800 words. All the late side effects she has had to deal with alone would take 800 words. Many of those issues resulted in several near death incidents, either because her cure had betrayed her, or doctors, uneducated in late effects, had no idea how to treat her. Nearly twenty years later, we are still friends, she has proudly seen her children grow and get married, and has several grandchildren. Were it not for her will, she would never had this experience.

In 2008, just as there was no real protocol of follow up for cancer survivors back when I was treated, nor were there many doctors who knew how to diagnose and treat patients with these late effects. Linda was another listserve member who tried to get me to participate in a “long term survivor” support list, but at that time, I felt I did not belong, because people on that list, had many serious issues about their post care. Up until 2008, I was healthy. But following my heart surgery, caused by radiation therapy damage, it was clear that I was going to need support that had knowledge in late term side effects. There were not many facilities that had this skill.   I lived near Philadelphia at the time, but Linda encouraged me with a phrase that has stuck with me forever, “Don’t let economics determine your care.” In other words, if I had to travel to get the care I needed, it would make the difference.

Which in the Fall of 2008, I would be welcomed into the Survivorship program at Memorial Sloan Kettering. I was introduced to Dr. Oeffinger, who has an understated title of “primary care physician,” when clearly to those in his care are more than aware that the title does not do him justice. With his studies of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and late effects from treatments spanning decades, Dr. Oeffinger ran all the tests necessary to see how my body had been affected over the years, and helped to assemble a great team of doctors, nurses, therapists, and techs that would not only help me manage my health issues, but Dr. Oeffinger made a statement to me that has stuck with me forever, as I do everything I can to work with him on this goal, “I cannot reverse what is happening to you, but I can help you slow it down. More importantly, I can help you see your daughters grow. You will see the time of being a grandfather.” My health and my emotions had been spinning out of control up until that moment.

In recent years, I met Kristi. Not just was she a teenager when she dealt with Hodgkin’s, not only was she dealing with late effects, but she was faced with a life-threatening challenge that would have been enough for even a healthy individual to overcome. With life-threatening injuries from a car accident, she came back stronger than ever both physically and spiritually, driven by the love and support of her family.

And finally, the last person is actually a group of people, and since I am not done meeting them, it will be a long time before I am ready to get to heaven. Any opportunity that I get, I reach out to meet any number of fellow cancer survivors. Each and every story, unique as their cancer journey was to them, tells an inspirational tale of perseverance, hope, triumph.   In actuality, it is our unquestioned support for each other, that we keep things in perspective while not discounting the severity of our own issues. Everything we are going through is very real to each and every one of us, and no one’s pain is any less real than another.

With Dr. Oeffinger’s help, it is going to be awhile before I get to heaven. I have a lot more people to meet.

Authors’s note – Following my composition of this story, a friend, fellow cancer survivor, and author of Visible Ink, passed away. I am dedicating this story, to Davina Klatsky, one of the many people I have met and will some day meet in Heaven.

Posted in Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
14 Mar 2017
1 Comment

Family After Cancer – Never Give Up


March 14th is always an easy day for me to remember.  It is my late grandfather’s birthday.  Also, the birthday of my niece.  But it is also one of two important dates in my life, the first of two times I became a father.

I will not speak for other cancer patients or survivors, but for me, I had three concerns once I was diagnosed.  The first and most important, I did not want to die.  Second, I did not want to lose my hair.  And finally, I did not want to lose my ability to have children.

Speaking now as a Hodgkin’s Lymphoma survivor, back as late as the early 1990’s, mustragen was a popular component in a chemotherapy cocktail to give remission to Hodgkin’s patients.  Along with it being a deadly poison used by monsters such as Sadaam Hussein to kill his people, it was also very effective against Hodgkin’s.  Along with its toxicity, it was known to cause sterility in men.  In fact, just as I completed my 8th cycle, a study had been released stating that sterility was likely after the 6th cycle.  Dammit.  This study came out 3 months too late for me.

Hodgkin’s is a blood cancer, though considered rare, effects two groups of people more often than others, younger ages, and older ages.  Middle aged people can develop Hodgkin’s but it is more likely to be diagnosed in the other two groups.  And for the younger group, fertility is a real concern.  And for many women, the concern is even more dire, as some are often diagnosed when they are pregnant.  And just with any other cancer, decisions need to be made in the best interest of not just the patient, but the baby.

As I said, for me, pre-testing before I began my chemo, it was determined that any ability I had to get someone pregnant, was slim, most likely caused by the stress I was under, so I did not take the option of storing sperm before I began treatment.  And of course, once treatment was done, so were my chances of having a biological child.

I have written about my decisions since that discovery in past posts, and if you have any questions and do not wish to go through the archives, please feel free to ask or comment.  But the truth is, decades later, there are new opportunities to more accurately determine and often reverse sterility.

But in my case, adoption was the best option for me.  And as far as adoption was concerned, it was a matter of deciding open or closed, domestic or international.  In my case, and with my health history, international, China in particular, actually offered me the best opportunity of becoming a father.  China would not discriminate against me, as many agencies in the United States had done.

I completed all the paperwork.  I went through all the processes required by both China and the US.  And thirteen years ago, on this date, my oldest daughter was placed in my arms.  I will celebrate another anniversary for my younger daughter in a couple of months.

There is plenty of help out there to answer and guide cancer patients in all areas of care, during treatment and post treatment.  It is the hope of “Paul’s Heart”, that this blog is one of the tools that will inspire and inform that there is not only life after cancer, but a whole lot more.  Perhaps not the way we dreamed about, but it is still a good thing.

Posted in Adoption, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By...

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