Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Animals”

Helping A Leopard Change Its Spots


I wrote a short while ago, about being a very picky eater.  At the time, the story was nothing more than just a bad habit that I had.  This is in spite of knowing so many people who have had to make lifestyle changes, or watching year after year of The Biggest Loser and Celebrity Fit Club.  Now, it is my time.  I do not have a choice.

I learned my bad dietary habit when I was young, like three years old young.  Prior to my parents divorce, I had been told that I would anything placed on my table.  But following that event, I then turned my nose up at just about everything.  I do remember from my earliest days, being strictly a meat and potatoes kind of kid.  It is not that I was into junk food either.  I just refused to eat vegetables.

In my teen years, my behavior only solidified,  but it was reinforced by situation.  Unfortunately, I found myself often fending for myself, and whatever my part-time after school job could afford, which basically was fast food.  And that behavior followed me into adulthood.  As I maintained a busy, on-the-road schedule, there was no time to sit down and eat, even think about what I was eating.

A battle with cancer, emergency life-saving open heart surgery, kidney stone, high cholesterol and blood pressure, by themselves would be reason enough to change my dietary direction.  But as I face yet more issues from late term side effects, these issues have a direct impact on the food I will eat for the rest of my life.  I have no choice at this point.

For the last several years, I have been experiencing a “swallowing” issue that results in a choking sensation when swallowing food.  Two years ago, it got to the point once it began to be too difficult to swallow even soft foods.  Desperate to get calories into me, instead of opting for nutritional drinks such as Boost or Ensure, I went for probably the worst caloric shot, Coke and melted Snicker Bars.  For at least two months, this is how I maintained my weight until the swallowing got worse and I adjusted to Cokes and milkshakes.  Then it happened, I could not even get them down without the choking sensation, even water was difficult.

An endoscope revealed some concerns, but nothing that was blatantly obvious.  It was recommended that I quit drinking soda, eat better, the works.  I am not sure what else was done while I was scoped, but my swallowing had been restored.  Late last year, it began to resurface.  More probing would reveal that I have now developed Barrett’s Esophagus and something called eosinophilis esophagitis.  In spite of being on PPI omeprazole, the acid content of my stomach was described by my doctors as “angry”.

So there are concerns with such a high acid content in the stomach, and the increased risks associated with having had radiation therapy, the biggest concern, esophageal cancer.  Barrett’s Esophagus can lead to esophageal cancer.  So now, everything is in my corner to have the best opportunity to at least attempt to prevent anything worse.  The doctors are hoping that the major change to my diet will correct and right things.

It may sound odd for a 40-ish year old man, to need to be told not only what to eat, but how.  but that is exactly what I will need.  I have to eliminate 95% of my diet, and substitute it with 100% of what I do not like to eat.  I cannot allow my weight to crash, or let malnourishment occur.  If I let this happen, as has happened on other occasions when I have pushed my body too far and too hard, I will crash.  In the past, I was able to do the quick boost of calories.  I appreciate the outpouring of suggestions to make the “horrible” food taste good to me.

Fortunately, my daughters have not picked up this habit.  They are both good eaters, and do what they can to get me to eat right, even resorting to the old “double dog dare”.  But for now, here is the current short list of things that will pass my tonsils (there is much more available, I just won’t eat it):

Bananas

Apples

Oranges

Watermelon

Pumpkin

Potatoes

Onion

Carrots

Sweet Potatoes

Lettuce

1-2% Milk

Egg Yolks

Chicken

Turkey

Tuna

Sea Salt

Cinnamon

The Waiting


Christmas Eve = the longest night in the world for me as a child, waiting for Santa Claus to come.

The night before Easter = the second longest night for me as a child, same reason as above, just for the Easter Bunny with my basket of chocolate.

The first day of school… ever.

Getting a drivers license… forever.

The end of school… forever.

Freedom to do what I want to do, whenever I want to do it.  I am still waiting.

Having to wait around the doctor’s office, just to be told that you have cancer.

Waiting to hear the words, “Your cancer is in remission.”

Waiting to reach the one year anniversary of your remission of cancer, and second year, fifth year, tenth year, twentieth year.

Now I am waiting to reach twenty-five years cured of my cancer.

Waiting for the paint to dry and the pot to boil.

Waiting to be approved to be adoptive parents.

Waiting for the sixteen hour non-stop flight to be over.

We can hear the children down the hallway.  What is taking so long to bring them to the conference room to be placed in our arms.

Waiting for daughter’s first steps.

Waiting in a dazed state to go to surgery for my first ever open heart surgery.

I hate sitting at home doing nothing.  I want to go back to work.  I still need time to heal.

Waiting for the new season of Newsroom on HBO.

My DVR has a pause button.  I can make the television wait for me.

Phone calls.  Can you hold please?

I have to wait several months to see a specialist.  They know what is wrong and time is of importance for best chance of survival.  A three month wait.

Waiting in the waiting room.  Then I wait so more in the exam room.

Scans and scopes, scans and scopes, scans and scopes.  Results pending.  More waiting.

I do not mind waiting for my daughters to grow up, graduate, get married, have children.

Reality TV Bites! My Pitch To The Major Networks


Shows based on reality.  Oh, the humanity!
“You’re gonna lose your mind watchin’ TV” Oh, and “Fear Factor” I watched maybe a half hour after that, felt like I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambitions, “Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians”.  Leech-covered grub-eatin’ fools on “Survivor”
I love shows with or without a plot I’ll stare ’til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
Because I only have got One brain to rot
I’m gonna spend my life watching television a lot

These lyrics are from Wierd Al Yankovic’s song parody “Couch Potato”.  I have intentionally only copied the references to reality television.  You can read the complete lyrics on any web page.  Late last year I attended a cancer survivor event.  One of the speakers was a head honcho at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center.  When he finally began speaking he mentioned the uncomfortable feeling he got referring to former cancer patients as “survivors”.  Survivor is often a term we associate with war, accidents, natural disasters.  I am paraphrasing, but that is the gist of what he said.  I believe he was attributing it to the duration of the event and the effects following it.  I would go one step further as far as using the word survivor, not just for cancer patients, but those who have survived war, disasters, and other tragic events.  I believe the word “survivor” has been cheapened by “reality TV”.

I will admit that I do watch an occasional reality show, but it is very rare.  The whole concept of someone volunteering to be put in precarious positions, be paid for it, and referring to the victor as a survivor is insulting and demeaning to those who have had no choice, who are not given a financial opportunity to recover (or in the TV world, profit from their effort or gain their fifteen minutes of fame).

Seriously, take a look around your waiting room.  In walks your doctor with a TV producer, and about a dozen people whom you do not recognize.  Since you do not know any of the visitors it is up to the doctor to introduce to you, what is about to happen.

“I have been approached by this major network about a new reality show about getting through a battle with cancer.  These people have all volunteered to be given the same cancer, and the same treatments.  There will be challenges where they will be given the opportunity for extra treatments, or denied treatments.  Competitions will determine what order people would receive their treatments.  Losing challenges would also carry consequences.  Every week, one contestant will be sent home by vote from the real patients who are not here for the TV show, where they will then have to find their own treatment plan.  The last one standing, or surviving, will be the winner of a million dollars.  As participants as observers, we will make sure that you get a year’s supply of TV guides to make sure you know just when the show is airing.  Sound good?”

Of course this scenario is prerposterous, and offensive.  But many times, when I watch shows like Survivor, Big Brother, Fear Factor, and now all these sub-class shows like Redneck Vacations and a show mocking an overweight child because her parents are too stupid to realize the damage they are causing, I do not want to be held in the same descriptive sense of the word survivor.  I have been through too much for my journey to be so understated just because it did not appear on some remote island.  My psychological battles are far worse than a group of spoiled egotistical jerks who believe the only way to get by is by being deceiptful, and disloyal.

We cancer patients are kind of funny with the labels that healthy people, and sometimes other cancer patients like to place on us.  Survivor.  Warrior.  And I am not going to rip on people who watch the reality shows.  But just once, I would like to see a major network produce a series and stick with it, about true survivors, not volunteers, we were forced into our situations.  We were not made into millionaires because of it, but there are literally millions of us, over twelve million.  Many of us have additional issues, and most do not know why.  Stand Up 2 Cancer is doing great by drawing attention to supporting research to find new cures and support, but we need something to show that people do live long lives in spite of their greatest challenge in life.  A walk around a track at your local Relay For Life is lined with luminairies with the names of people who have faced cancer and beaten it.  I would like to see a Nationally televised Relay For Life with at least half of the program dedicated to survivors and perhaps expanding the Stand Up 2 Cancer to include the various issues that survivors face after treatments from psychological to medical.  Just once, I would like to see a real reality show that is not based on backstabbing, lying, and degrading.  I would like to see true success and show people how success is really celebrated and appreciated.

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