Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Animals”

Pollo, The Happy Golden


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Wendy and I were dating close to a year, when we both acknowledged our love for dogs.  We both had dogs when we were youngter, but as adults, never had the opportunity.  We both had our favorite breeds, but there was no denying who we were going to adopt when we met the little golden ball of fur.

Pollo was a tiny fourteen pounds of pure puppy energy.  Wendy had two cats when we moved in with each other, and they both adapted to Pollo.  They were all the same size.  I have video tape of Pollo and Dusty (our gray cat, sadly no longer with us) playing with each other, wrestling all over the floor knocking things over.  Dusty loved to hide on the steps and as Pollo walked by, without warning, would lunge off the stairs at Pollo in a feline ambush.  It was hysterical.

As he grew, we talked about the need to “take care” of Pollo.  We were not going to be breeding him (another post), and we did not need any accidents.  The other thing we did not want to have happen, is Pollo humping anyone.  I have only ever had one dog ever jump on my leg, and it was not funny.  But what was funny, is Pollo’s instinct.  In spite of not having any example, had he seen a female dog, he definitely would have known what to do.

We came home from a carnival with a prize that I had won for Wendy that evening.  It was a Siberian Husky stuffed toy, about sixteen inches tall, the perfect height for Pollo at the time.  It was not long before we nicknamed the toy, “humpy dog”.  Well, Pollo got bigger, and too much for “humpy dog”, it was only logical that he left other dogs alone, did not hump anyone’s legs, that we had to get Pollo something more his size.  Enter “Humpy Bear.”  Pollo was just past thirty pounds when we brought “Humpy Bear” home and they were best pals ever since.   If you ever had a stuffed toy that over time had years of kid drool all over it, well, that was “Humpy Bear.”  But Pollo could not get enough of her.  We actually had to put her away just to give Pollo some rest.  But anytime we went near the garage door, Pollo knew she was just on the other side.

Pollo has never been anything less than a loyal friend.  His feeding serving is split between the morning and evening, and he spends his days with two other felines and a guinea pig while we are at work.  As we come through the door, his tail never stops wagging and he has a grin from one side of his muzzle to the other.  “Quick, let me out, feed me, let me back out, then pick a spot, sit down, and I’ll lay down next to you.”  And that is where he stays the rest of the night, by my side.

Every now and then, my youngest daughter likes to challenge me that Pollo is “her dog.”  And once in a while, he will oblige her and disobey me to follow her commands.  But night after night, here he is, by my feet, dreaming away.  When he wakes up, he wants to be taken out again, and will then come back in and stay by my side.

Pollo will turn thirteen soon, which is long for a golden retriever.  I have lots of great memories with him.  His energy level is the same as it was twelve years ago, though he has given up humping stuffed animals.  But he still sits in front of me, when he wants to go outside, with the smile that has never stopped.

Happy Birthday Pollo.  On days that I was not feeling well, you were there for me.  When I needed to relax, we went for nice walks.  And when I felt the need for competition, you jumped into the pool with me from the diving board.  Pollo, you are truly this man’s best friend.

Learning To Relax


I have three main sources of my visible stress, only one of which I make public, though the other two are known by select few.  The other sources of my stress end up internalized.  Given a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the worst, my stress level is easily at 10 nearly 85% of the time.  The other 15% of the time, if I can get to sleep, there is a reduction in my stress.  I am not sure, because it probably depends on how long I sleep, if I get into a deep enough sleep, and what I am waking up to.

My doctors are more than concerned with this, because stress is not good.  There are any number of maladies that I could be facing from stroke to heart attack.  I am on several prescriptions all meant to help keep my stress down.  I see a therapist regularly for my stress (as well as survivor guilt issues).  Medically I do what I can to relax, but it is not enough.  And since I am not willing to give up my living, a job that I actually enjoy doing, I must find other ways to decompress.

There are common ways to relax such as meditation, yoga, and even jogging.  For me, I get through my work day with music.  I plug in the old ear buds, turn my Ipod up as loud as it will go, and I am off.  Yes, it is very loud.  But you know what?  I do not hear anything.  I do not hear gossip.  I do not hear complaining.  I do not hear bad news.  I am able to place myself in another totally different situation mentally.  This was huge during chemotherapy, during convalescing from my heart surgery, and many other medical times.  But at work, I need it to get through my day.

Norman Vincent Peale wrote about “positive imaging”.  This was a concept where you simply took your mind to the place that you hoped to be in the future.  In terms of a cancer patient, for me, I was done with chemo, hair had grown back, weight lost, and life had been back to normal.  I think that any time you take your mind away from your present stress, it can be relaxing. 

Deep breathing.  You want to talk about feeling differently without even moving?  I have seen the directions written differently, but the concept is to change your pattern of breathing which I believe would change your brain’s thinking.  Some exercises have you inhaling through your nose for a count of five, holding for five, then exhaling from the mouth for a count of five.  You could do 5-4-4 or 4-5-5, I would imagine any formula would work.  I do around ten sets of this breathing  technique which often helps to calm me down.

Exercising can do wonders.  Any movement with your legs, walking even with a quick gait, breathing in through the nose, and out from the mouth, will provide immediate results of relaxation. 

I recently did a post on how much my golden retriever means to me.  Simply all pets are capable of providing stress relief.  And with cats, even comic relief when a laser pen is involved.

Psychotherapy.  Unfortunately, seeing a “shrink” has such a negative connotation or stigma attached to it.  But I can admit that I see one.  I have a major issues with Survivor’s Guilt (from many incidents in my life), but she is also crucial for stress management.  I am not crazy.  I am not depressed.  But I am thankful to have her as part of my survival care.

Prescription drugs.  For me personally, this will be a last resort.  I have had the ocassional anxiety attack prior to a medical procedure, where I was encouraged to take something, but refused.  In general, I do not believe taking prescription drugs accomplish anything with eliminating the stress, as I say, “only hiding from it”.

Finally, I have found a new form of relaxation, martial arts.  I have certain limitations due to my physical survivor issues, so I believe that I am only going at half speed.  But the relaxtion comes as I am on the floor, concentrating one hundred percent on the techniques and forms.  If I do not pay attention, I will get waffled in the face.  My partners tell me that I do not seem as limited as I believe, and am fairly accurate with my moves.  But for at least that hour, I accomplish something that I have not been able to do to this point, relax.  I have totally eliminated the stress for that our, without medication, and hopefully enough that when the next day comes, my stress is at a lower level than when I left it the prior day.

I must reduce my stress.  If you doubt what stress can do, stay tuned.  I am going to show you what stress actually looks like and what it does to the body.

My Story, Your Comments, The Future – What It All Means


I have to laugh when I think back to my college English days.  It was my second year, and I had received my first negative comment/grade on something that I had written.  All through high school and the first year of college English, I truly enjoyed  the various projects and topics that I got the opportunity to write.  But then second year English came along and changed that with my very first paper of the semester.  I got ripped apart by my professor.  And it was enough to make me put my pen away.  Every now and then I would pull it out to send something off to a local newspaper if I felt like stirring something up, but that was all.

But then an opportunity came up.  Though I have been involved with the program a couple of years, I am still learning the who’s, what’s and where’s of it.  The hospital that I travel to has a program of creative writing which joins up the writer, usually a cancer patient or survivor, with a writing coach.  And it is that simple, nothing more complicated.  There are opportunities to go further, such as writing articles for its cancer support newsletters and an awesome book called an Anthology which is published annually.  Each chapter published is also written by a patient or survivor of cancer.  And if even luckier, some of those chapters are selected for a live performance by professional performers at special survivor’s event.  I will have my second submission printed in that anthology this year.

I realized then how energized writing was making me again.  And to have a coach assist me in many of my writings gave me a completely different direction.  I made the decision that I wanted to write my own book.  I am still tossing around idea about the topic or topics, fiction or non-fiction.  But I had to do something with everything my brain was pushing out.  A very dear friend to me made the suggestion to put my stories on a blog.  There was some hesitation just because it was an entirely new concept to me, to be extremely public (beyond a local newspaper).

So I took her advice, created several topics which I have a personal interest or advocate for, and then I let my fingers do the walking.  I will do my best to mix up the topics so that no one loses interest, but also, I do not want to overwhelm anyone with many of the serious subjects that I write about, so I will try to mix in some lighter writings.  But it would end there would it not be for all the comments, compliments, recommendations, and constructive criticisms that you all have given me.  I am thankful for the efforts that you support me with by sharing my blog stories and recommending me to your friends.

I have several projects currently under way and I have literally dozens of new posts begun.  “Paul’s Heart” is more though than just some ramblings that escape the pocket between my ears.  It has also provided me with some very much needed self-therapy.  It has personally been amazing to look back on some of the things that I have been through, several which I had long forgot about.  But I am also developing a strong appreciation for the things that I have gone through and where I am today.

Ultimately, I hope that no matter what my story, it provides you with the needed laugh, the welcomed comfort, inspiration and hope when all seems unreachable, and so much more.  I have been so touched by many of the comments I have received as I honestly did not expect the deep sincerity and history of some of the comments.  I thank you for helping me and encouraging me to write about “Paul’s Heart.”

Paul Edelman

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