A Shared Article On Transitioning To Life After Cancer
Someone shared this article with me. Although no cancer survivor is identical, the writer discusses a situation that many of us can relate to.
Paul's Heart
Life As A Dad, And A Survivor
Archive for the category “Family and Friends”
Pet Zen
So it happened again, my heart fell in love with another dog. I am able to let my common sense rule as I know I am in no position to adopt another fur friend. I live in an apartment which of course does not allow pets. At this point, affording a pet is still an issue while I try to take care of myself. And yes, I do still miss Pollo, so much.
And it is only common sense that has prevented me from adopting another fur friend. Right now, I could really use the healing benefits of a canine companion. For nearly fifteen years, Pollo was a never-ending smile greeting me at the end of every work day, as if I was only gone from his side for just a moment, while in reality, I was away from home anywhere from eight to ten hours a day. He never questioned where I was, why I was late, why I may not have been in the best of moods, or if I was not feeling well, he just knew that we were both happy when we were together. I really still miss that.
So as I go for walks, it is inevitable that I will cross paths with other people walking their pets. Now let me say for the record, I have owned all kinds of animals, and I have always done my best to make sure that they all lived normal life expectancies. In total, 3 dogs, 9 cats, 2 gerbils, 2 guinea pigs, a rabbit, 2 frogs, an assortment of fish, and even a parakeet. Yes, I love animals.
The peace, comforting, and healing effect of animals is becoming so popular now, that it is common place for pets to visit patients in hospitals and oncology offices to help boost the spirits of patients. The pooch pictured above, a “golden doodle, actually visited my late father on his very first day receiving chemotherapy. How times have changed since my days receiving cancer treatments.
But anyway, this post is just about a wish, that some day, I get to share friendship with another canine friend some day. While I like all animals, big and small, I do have a tendency to favor large breed dogs. And because I have small children, actually who are growing quite quickly, behavior of the breed is very important.
Of course, I will still favor the Golden Retriever. I remember playing alpha male with Pollo, and at times we could get carried away, and one of my daughters would try to join in the fun, but Pollo recognized that my daughter was not me, and knew the difference and concentrated his efforts on establishing alpha with me.
And I will state, I love all retriever breeds, though there are some that do not have the demeanor to deal with children as reliably Goldens. But there are other big breeds that I have always thought I would consider when the time comes and I can afford them, spend time with them, and emotionally, is the right time.
But if I had other choices, they would be these three breeds:
The Great Pyrenees
The Newfoundland
And then there is the breed that prompted this post today…
The Burmese Mountain Dog
Yes, I love big dogs. All of these breeds have wonderful dispositions. I know when the time comes, I will most likely go through rescue organizations and not pet stores. And my reason is simple, the majority of puppies and dogs sold in pet stores come from puppy mills. And I know anyone affiliated with a pet store who sells dogs will object and say that it is not true. And those pet stores are relying on semantics. You see, the pet store is most likely buying their dog from a “broker”. But a broker is not a breeder, simply just another step in the puppy mill process because a broker is the one who buys the dogs, most likely from a puppy mill. Don’t believe me? Assuming you have purchased a “pure bred” dog, chances are that the dog’s origin comes from an area overpopulated with puppy mills, like Lancaster County in Pennsylvania.
So yes, when the time comes, rather than contribute to keeping the puppy mills in operation, I will instead do what is of greater need, adoption of a rescue dog instead. But that is when the time is right.
The Importance Of Heritage
In a rare moment for me of just kicking back and relaxing, I put the television on. As I flipped through the channels I came across National Geographic’s Wild channel. Programming most of this afternoon is geared towards China and the world that most people are unaware of beyond the smog and politics.
Admittedly, I was not born with this interest in the largest country of the world. But almost twelve years ago, I had to make up for my lack of interest in learning about China during high school in very short time. Of course, both of my daughters are adopted from China. I will leave the back story to other posts that I have written or will write.
I have always made it a point from the moment the decision was made to adopt from China, that my daughters’ heritage would be adopted as well. I never had any intention of hiding the fact that from appearance, clearly you could see that we were not biologically related. Although there has been the never-ending joke that my daughters have my eyes at least, making reference to the fact that I do not have what the Asians call the round “round eye” of Caucasians, rather my eyes are more “almond” shaped as is the characteristic of Asians. Ironically, my elementary school classmates were the first to point out this characteristic to me.
One of the things that impressed me most about the Asian population, is their commitment to traditions, something we as Americans rarely commit to any. Customs, traditions, expectations, are all just that, expected. I believe this helps the Chinese people to be such a “peaceful” and more content population.
I have made a promise to both of my daughters, that I will teach them as much as I can about their heritage, their customs, and so much more. I want them to learn about their language. I want them to learn about the holidays. I want them to know where they came from.
The major benefit to me of having adopted children from China, as opposed to many other international programs, is because China required the adoptive parents to travel to adopt the children. Many other programs bring the children to the United States. By traveling to China, I got to see first hand, the land, hear the language, and truly appreciate where both of my daughters have come from. It will make it a lot easier to teach both of my daughters.
Yes, that is a picture of Madison standing in front of a statue of childhood superhero, Ultraman.
Both of my daughters have come from different areas of the same province. One came from a more populated area, the other, considered more farming. It was during this visit, that we got to see the other life that either of our daughters could have ended up with, were it not being for China allowing us to adopt them.
During our second adoption, our guides had informed us that we would be travelling to a village, very similar to where our daughters were from, though not that particular village. We would stop by a market to buy “gifts” for the children of the village, pretty much toys and candy. As our bus pulled into the village the bus was mobbed by everyone excited for what they probably knew we were carrying just for them.
This was actually quite overwhelming, because as the following pictures will show, the families here have barely anything. At moments, we felt as if we were in an ocean, and someone had thrown chum into the ocean bringing on an onslaught of sharks in a feeding frenzy. All of a sudden larger children were overpowering smaller children for what they had received from us. New toys ended up broken, candy fell to the ground. It was actually quite heartbreaking.
Once we were done with this “greeting”, it was off to tour the village.
There were no cars. Floors were all concrete. No electric, and no indoor plumbing. The families here survived by farming, and other than their traditions and customs, this was all they had. And they seemed content. It was very humbling for us Westerners to have seen this side of China, and to enable us to explain the appreciation that our children will be taught as we try to explain where they came from and why.
And there have been plenty of blessings from our adoptions as well. I met nineteen other families who also would become “adopted” by me, as family of our own. Our children are the only connection they have to China, here in the United States. And it has been important to everyone to make sure that all the girls and the families have kept in touch with each other.
On a larger scale, I have met dozens of other families who have also adopted from the same orphanages. For many years we would gather to celebrate the common bond at a different location in the United States. I have developed many friendships because of this. But perhaps, one of the biggest surprises would come from one of the families of this particular group.
I have always intended to be able to provide both of my daughters with as much information about their past as I could. Their finding locations, any foster family they may have had, information about their villages and such. For my oldest daughter, information was discovered that revealed that she had a crib mate with the foster family that cared for her until we came to China for the adoption. It turns out that this “crib mate” actually lives in Scotland, the foster family has been confirmed as well as the time period. Today, we exchange pictures in hopes that one day, the two girls will get to meet.
And that is where I am at right now. I still have hopes of having my daughters to return to China. I have promised them this. And for my oldest, I will do what I can to make sure that she gets to meet the little girl that shared a crib with her for a short while.
In the adoption documentary “Somewhere Between,” the issue of adoption in the later years of a child’s life is dealt with. Madison had a brief cameo in the movie where she mentioned to one of the lead actresses in the movie, “I am from China too.” Madison is very proud of her heritage, as is Emmalie, through Madison is a bit more vocal about it. Which is all the more reason and importance, that the children be taught about the land from where they came from.
Paul's Heart 