Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Animals”

28 Feb 2013

All Eyes On “You”


As a boy, I was raised by my grandmother for the most part.  She was a great example up to her dying day, one that I still follow to this day.  Though I truly miss her moral compass, I live under the credo, “do for others first, then me.”  That usually translates to never getting around to me, which I am perfectly okay with, in fact, that is what makes me happy, satisfied, fullfilled.

My neighborhood friends all loved my grandmother and called her grandma because she was such a safe place to fall, especially when they did fall.  Great at medical care, satisfying hunger with a quick snack, or even just cuddling up, knowing that I was in the safest spot, protected from anything bad, because that is what she did.

Even with a pending diagnosis of breast cancer, unbeknownst to me, she did all that she could to help me secure an apartment, including arranging for the deposit.  It was a week after I moved in that I heard the news.  I would never have left her had I known.  For all the years that she was there for me, it was now my place to be there for her, and she knowingly sent me away.

She has been gone from this earth for a very long time now.   My moral compass now in jeopardy, my values continue to stay in tact.  Just as I looked up to my grandmother I know that there are people who look up to me, seemingly in all places of my life.

Adoption – people want to be moms and dads.  When it comes to adoption, it helps when people reach out and share their experience.  Which is what led us to make the decision on China to adopt our daughters.  We attended an information meeting, where Lily Grace was sitting patiently and lovely, and we knew right away that was what we would do.  When we returned from China, just a few months later, we made the decision not only to adopt a second child, but to also speak at an information meeting as well, to hopefully inspire other parents as well.  The decision and process of any adoption, let alone international can be daunting.  It felt great to be able to tell and show that it could be done quite easily with assistance.

Animals – all I wanted was a dog.  What I got instead was a trip to Manhattan just after 9/11 with my Golden Retriever.  From a simple cardiac seizure to an all-out blitz resulting in a history of the dark world of Amish Puppy Mills, I stirred the attention of the PA Department Of Agriculture and dog warden, the USDA, and even a couple of newspapers.  But the ultimate was an offer to appear, with Pollo, on The People’s Court to settle my case where I had asked for valid paperwork for the dog, as well as information on his parents.  There was also the matter of his medical bills.  What I got was a sad lesson on what we as consumers do, condemming other dogs, just so that we may have that cute little puppy.

Bullying – I hate bullying in all forms, in all ages.  I do not feel that enough is done.  I do not feel that at some point, the victim must stand up for themselves.  It is a violation of a person’s civil rights to be emotionally or physically abused.  It is about the lack of respect for the person wanting to claim power over another.  With movies like Bully and programs like Olweus, hopefully we are getting closer to stopping this vicious issue.

Cancer – what can be said, on Sunday, I will hit 23 years cancer free!  While I know the impact that I have on my children, and they are getting to the age where they can understand what I went through, in the here and now, I hope that #23 has an impact for so many people.  I am just two years away from 25 years cancer free from Hodgkin’s Disease.  This is a big deal as statistics generally only refer to “five year” marks.  Along with writing, this year I have made the decision to tour and speak about cancer survival.  I am warming up for that monstrous anniversary.  The great thing?  I still am in awe of those who have survived their cancers even longer.  I actually know someone sixty years post-cancer.

Education and Politics – So my latest endeavor over recent years was to toss my hat into local politics.  Those around me often remark, “do you really need that in your life given everything you have been through?”  The answer is yes.  Running for the office of school board director is important to me, because protecting public education has a direct impact on my children, who have another ten years to go.  And I believe that everyone’s children will benefit from the effort that I will put into that office.  It is so inspiring and meaningful to stand up in front of so many people, many of them strangers, give a heart felt speech about how you will represent them and why, and when you are finished, you receive a standing ovation because they not only believe you and have faith in you, they trust you and want you to know that they are standing behind you.  It is one thing to be recognized as a passerby, but it is such an honor to be encouraged and supported.

Family & Friends – This is one area where I tend to lay low.  My family is not very open when it comes to health and emotions.  And I have a tendency not to lean on my wife’s family either.  It seems to be a much scarier experience to be that close to someone who has battled a serious illness such as cancer or an attack like a cardiac episode, than if it is just a story you may have seen on social media.  But it is through social media that I consider so many, my friends.

Side Effects/Survivorship – I have been an active participant on an internet support group called “American Cancer Online Resources”, ACOR.ORG for close to sixteen years.  For years I have watched so many deal with the “rewards”, rather consequences of their decision to fight and defeat their cancer.  A tremendous amount of progress has been made in just the short time that I was treated from treatments, diagnotics, and follow-up protocol to make sure that patients get the most out of their cure.  I want to make it perfectly clear, I have no regrets about the treatments that I went through.  I just want to serve as inspiration and hope to the millions who will either be diagnosed, or who are currently battling cancer.  The technology is out there to help us with our late term issues.  Unfortunately, just as with our cancer battle, we have to fight to locate this assistance, and then pursue it, but it is there.  If you have had cancer and been treated, and you just cannot come up with an answer to what is making you feel awful or causing pain, it just might be time to do some research.  As one of my doctors puts it, “we cannot reverse them or stop them (the side effects), but we can slow them down so that you get to enjoy your grandchildren”.  Which is hopefully at least another twenty years before I hear that word.

Heart Issues – Just one of the many side effects that I have had to deal with, no one looks at me and knows that I had heart surgery unless I have told them.  Which again, is due to progress and care.  The care that I recieved to diagnose, treat, and rehabilitate.  Now, it is about maintainance and not looking back.  I know everyone is watching.

Posted in Adoption, Animals, Bullying, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Politics, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
26 Feb 2013

David Versus Goliath


So what is a person to do, when you are positive that you are being wronged, but your pepetrator is not only not your size, but so large in numbers, have infinite resources, and counts on you not to resist?

Much like my days as a child, I faced bullies every day.  I say bullies, because no one ever took me on one by one.  It always had to be a gang.  To this day, I still do not understand why.  I was tiny, I never fought back, I was no challenge.  I was an easy mark for even girls to come after me because I was raised never to retaliate.  Though it was clearly a moral reason as to how I was raised, a clear example of why not to retaliate can be seen in sports.  It is never the first guy to throw the punch that has been witnessed, but the one who throws back is the one to get caught.

My nine years of elementary and junior high school gang beatings accomplished two things.  The first, I have a ridiculous tolerance to pain.  The second, and just as important an issue, I no longer pick my battles, I fight everything.  I surrender to nothing, no matter what.  Neither is necessarily a good characteristic to have.  This behavior often alienates me, misrepresents who I am, and on occasion has resulted in threats of litigative action.

But then again, that negative experience had also prepared me for one of the biggest fights in my life, a battle with Hodgkin’s Disease, cancer.  I did not let it take away my spirit, my fight, my life.

But as I said, I no longer pick battles.  If I even sense that someone is being anything more than courteous with me, anything stronger than a recommendation, I immediately become defensefive.  And with too much time to think about the situation, it is likely that I may feel that instead of working with me, you are working against me.  No matter the size of the issue, if I sense no respect coming from you, I react as if you were one of my school yard bullies.  And I do not mess around either.  Granted, I do not physical, but I will resort to any other tactic to get you to leave me alone.  Some examples…

Imagine, you are a telephone solicitor or even just someone conducting a survey, you have literally just a few seconds to reconsider contacting me before you realize you “dialed a wrong number.”  It may have been the number you saw, or the robot dialed, but it was definitely the wrong call to make.  Every phone call from anyone other than family or friend has an ulterior motive, a strategy, and prepared for my “no.”  And it is the refusal to accept my “no” that sends me back into the “bully defense” mode.  The call is ended shortly after that begins.

Wendy and I bought a dog at a pet store (something we will never do again because with so many dogs that need homes, the last thing I ever want to do is support puppy mills who sell their dogs to pet stores).  When Pollo got real sick as a puppy, as in no breath, tongue out, eyes rolled, and carried him into the vet, as he came back out of the exam room on his own power and tail wagging, I thought I could help the vet by finding out information on his mom and dad to see if there were any cardiac issues.  Their simple refusal to even answer that simple request resulted in my unleashing the PA Department of Agriculture, the USDA, countless news agencies, and even The Peoples Court on them.  There was a good thing that came out of it.  Sadly we found out Pollo came from a puppy mill, but at least now that one was shut down because of all of the investigation.

If you are a manufacturer or retailer that will not back up the product you sell?  You are a bully.

Try to negotiate a labor contract through the media by printing a teacher’s salary publicly (meant to enrage the public?)  You are a bully.  Hence what began my politcal run for the local school board two years ago.

Of course I am a firm believer that a bully in school grows up to be a bully in adulthood.  Instead of the school playground, the environment is the workplace.  But the atmosphere is still the same, bully versus victim, bystanders, and people who do not want to get involved at all.  So in my current job, I spent the first four years fighting against my supervisor who routinely tried to get to work in certain ways, short cuts if you will.  Because I would not, he made things personal with me.  Everyone knew it, but just as bystanders on a playground, no one wants to get involved.  Eventually you take the work home with you, and family and friends no longer want to spend time with you.  But just as I did with my cancer, I survive everything I face and he moved on.

And there are more examples of when I have seen bullying take place in the adult world, most noticeably by our school board over the last few years.  The chances are pretty good that their behavior will show up.  I seem to have taken after a Stephen King character from Storm Of The Century, as I repeatedly quote “give me what I want, and I’ll go away.”  It is that originally posturing that is taken that puts me on the alert, it’s going to be rough.

And now, just as the three rivers flowing into Pittsburgh, I have a similar event occurring right now, unfortunately not as beautiful to watch, but just as dangerous.  Time will tell by the end of the week if I have three more things to deal with, all major.

character from Storm of the Century

Posted in Animals, Bullying, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Politics, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
24 Feb 2013

Helping A Leopard Change Its Spots


I wrote a short while ago, about being a very picky eater.  At the time, the story was nothing more than just a bad habit that I had.  This is in spite of knowing so many people who have had to make lifestyle changes, or watching year after year of The Biggest Loser and Celebrity Fit Club.  Now, it is my time.  I do not have a choice.

I learned my bad dietary habit when I was young, like three years old young.  Prior to my parents divorce, I had been told that I would anything placed on my table.  But following that event, I then turned my nose up at just about everything.  I do remember from my earliest days, being strictly a meat and potatoes kind of kid.  It is not that I was into junk food either.  I just refused to eat vegetables.

In my teen years, my behavior only solidified,  but it was reinforced by situation.  Unfortunately, I found myself often fending for myself, and whatever my part-time after school job could afford, which basically was fast food.  And that behavior followed me into adulthood.  As I maintained a busy, on-the-road schedule, there was no time to sit down and eat, even think about what I was eating.

A battle with cancer, emergency life-saving open heart surgery, kidney stone, high cholesterol and blood pressure, by themselves would be reason enough to change my dietary direction.  But as I face yet more issues from late term side effects, these issues have a direct impact on the food I will eat for the rest of my life.  I have no choice at this point.

For the last several years, I have been experiencing a “swallowing” issue that results in a choking sensation when swallowing food.  Two years ago, it got to the point once it began to be too difficult to swallow even soft foods.  Desperate to get calories into me, instead of opting for nutritional drinks such as Boost or Ensure, I went for probably the worst caloric shot, Coke and melted Snicker Bars.  For at least two months, this is how I maintained my weight until the swallowing got worse and I adjusted to Cokes and milkshakes.  Then it happened, I could not even get them down without the choking sensation, even water was difficult.

An endoscope revealed some concerns, but nothing that was blatantly obvious.  It was recommended that I quit drinking soda, eat better, the works.  I am not sure what else was done while I was scoped, but my swallowing had been restored.  Late last year, it began to resurface.  More probing would reveal that I have now developed Barrett’s Esophagus and something called eosinophilis esophagitis.  In spite of being on PPI omeprazole, the acid content of my stomach was described by my doctors as “angry”.

So there are concerns with such a high acid content in the stomach, and the increased risks associated with having had radiation therapy, the biggest concern, esophageal cancer.  Barrett’s Esophagus can lead to esophageal cancer.  So now, everything is in my corner to have the best opportunity to at least attempt to prevent anything worse.  The doctors are hoping that the major change to my diet will correct and right things.

It may sound odd for a 40-ish year old man, to need to be told not only what to eat, but how.  but that is exactly what I will need.  I have to eliminate 95% of my diet, and substitute it with 100% of what I do not like to eat.  I cannot allow my weight to crash, or let malnourishment occur.  If I let this happen, as has happened on other occasions when I have pushed my body too far and too hard, I will crash.  In the past, I was able to do the quick boost of calories.  I appreciate the outpouring of suggestions to make the “horrible” food taste good to me.

Fortunately, my daughters have not picked up this habit.  They are both good eaters, and do what they can to get me to eat right, even resorting to the old “double dog dare”.  But for now, here is the current short list of things that will pass my tonsils (there is much more available, I just won’t eat it):

Bananas

Apples

Oranges

Watermelon

Pumpkin

Potatoes

Onion

Carrots

Sweet Potatoes

Lettuce

1-2% Milk

Egg Yolks

Chicken

Turkey

Tuna

Sea Salt

Cinnamon

Posted in Animals, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Food, Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment

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