Paul's Heart

Post #300

I am never going to produce a major blockbuster movie like “300”. Nor will I ever have an opportunity to hit 300 homeruns. In fact the closest I have ever come to achieving 300 of anything would have been a perfect game in bowling back in my late 20’s. I threw strikes in the first nine frames, and then tapped a ten-pin, spared it, then completed the game with another strike in the 11th frame.

With my blog, I am finally achieving a 300, my 300th post on “Paul’s Heart.” My posts are at over 8000 views and the comments of support and appreciation are numerous. This is a big deal for me, but pales in comparison into the week ahead that I am going to have.

Next weekend, Father’s Day weekend, I will be memorializing my father who passed away three weeks ago. After discussing it with my siblings, we felt it was an appropriate tribute to our father. Just as many who have gone through such a personal loss, I am sure that you can understand the struggle to deal with “the first Father’s Day without my father.”

At the same time, it is Father’s Day weekend, something that I have always looked forward to since before I adopted my daughters. Besides the emotional toll of my father’s memorial to deal with, this will be the first Father’s Day for me with just my daughters. Due to the recent custody agreement I made with their mother, and my father’s passing, I have not been able to see them in a long time, the longest time apart.

I speak to my daughters every day, and on a couple of occasions I have been able to see my daughters courtesy of Facetime. I will get to spend the entire weekend with them, and I have a lot of activities planned with them. But next weekend will not be just about me. Every day I have thought about the hurt and confusion that my daughters must have. Which is why I will pull out all the stops to show them next weekend that the divorce does not change who their mother is, or who their father is. It is important to me to make sure that my children do not blame themselves for the divorce, that the divorce was an issue between just their mother and I.

The girls get to do a lot of fun things with their mother, and next weekend, I cannot wait to spend time with them.

My story is not unique, as there are probably thousands of other dads who have a similar story heading into next weekend. My parents divorced when I was young. So I have the perspective from both child and parent.

Next weekend is not about quantity, but rather the quality of the time that I get with my daughters.