Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Adoption”

Visits With Dad


This upcoming Father’s Day is a special one to say the least, given the events of the last month.  And today, it is exactly one month since my father’s health took a dramatic turn for the worse.  But I am happy to say, that after last night’s visit with him, he is doing great on the road to recovery from not just the original issue of lung cancer surgery, but as a result of or during, or following that surgery, two strokes, and a heart rhythmn issue.

I describe the relationship with my father in two stages basically, basically the two halves of my life.  The first half was based on the results of a bitter divorce, the second half was a matter of circumstance and reconciliation.  Both of us will undoubtedly agree we have made the most of the second half.  In a prior post, I mentioned my admiration for my father.  But in recent weeks, I have learned just how strong a man that he is.

Several months ago, my father had been diagnosed with lung cancer.  After smoking for nearly 85% of his life, fifty-seven years worth to be exact, it came as no surprise when he asked the doctor, what was most likely the cause of his cancer, and then told without a doubt, “smoking.”

The best option for him was to have the cancer surgically removed, meaning he would lose half of his lung, if not all of it because of where the tumor had been located.  There would be risks with the surgery, but my dad was confident what needed to be done.  There had been some slight concerns during recovery, but otherwise, he had tolerated the procedure well.

Within the next twenty-four hours, my brother and I realized something was wrong.  And it would be another twenty-four hours before and it was confirmed.  My dad had suffered two strokes.  But because he was recovering from surgery, it was difficult to determine what damage my dad would be dealing with.

In the days that followed, he would be transferred to a rehab facility, and work very hard with various forms of therapies from speech, occupational, and physical.  Each day, his goals became very clear.  He wanted to go home.  He wanted to be independent.  He wanted to go home to his wife.  There was some confusion on his part that stood in his way, but then the day came.

I picked my father up from the rehab hospital, and stopped by the store for some flowers for my dad to give my stepmother.  Just seconds through the door, he gave the flowers to her, and then sat down at the table next to her, grabbed a deck of playing cards, and together, they did what they often did as if time had never stopped for them, played cards with each other.

He continues to improve, and much to his objections, still has some caregiving to help make sure he that any emergencies are able to be dealt with.  But some day, we all hope that he gets that 100% independence that he had before he had the surgery.  Knowing my dad he will get there.  He is so close.

Happy Father’s Day Dad!

Life Lesson Learned


This event was one thing my oldest daughter had been looking forward to, since she decided against competing in it last year, the school district’s elementary school triathlon.  Divisions and skills were set up based upon the ages of the young competitors.  Madison has always been a competitor, striving to give everything she has, but last year, she chose not to compete.  This year was different.

Together, Madison and I spent a lot of time together, training as recommended for this triathlon.  Madison is a natural in water, so it was just going to be a matter of getting her to an indoor pool to practice her three lengths required.  We ride bikes together all of the time, many times for at least an hour, so that was not going to be difficult.  I have seen Madison run, so I knew she had speed.  I was just unsure how much endurance she had.

We had a track that surrounded a peewee football field which would give the easily measurable distance, down the street for our home.  The plan and schedule had been set.  Madison would be at or above the skills necessary at least three weeks before the triathlon.  Unfortunately, my father’s ill health, that schedule had been tossed out the window.

Madison’s training now became a matter of “when” we had time to do it.  But she was undeterred.  This was a competition that she believed that she could handle, and wanted to compete.  She gave me daily reminders what forms needed to be filled out, and what meetings had to be attended.  She assured me she would get the rest done as far as the actual practice.

We arrived the morning of the triathlon, checked in, and then set up her staging area.  I then escorted her to her first holding area, for the swimming portion.  She sat behind her heat lane for close to an hour before they called her heat.  And then she was off.

She swam with the speed of a shark chasing its prey and then ran out to the staging area to get her pants and bib on, climb on the bike and ride.  I caught up to her at the bike track.  She raced on to the loop of the ride and was completing her first mile and proceeding through the loop for the second lap when a rider in front of her had wiped out.  Madison was about three lengths behind, but given her age and inexperience, she was not prepared to react to avoid the crash and collided with the downed rider, causing herself to crash.

But instead of getting right up, and back into the race, she asked the girl, a stranger from another elementary school, if she was alright.  The girl originally said yes, but then broke down in tears.  At that moment, Madison made the commitment to remain with her, until help would arrive.  By my watch, Madison sacrificed at least two minutes of time, providing comfort to a fellow competitor who had fallen.  For Madison, the race was not about winning or placing, the triathlon was an opportunity for Madison to do what Madison is best at, caring.

Yes, I am going to brag about how I have raised my daughters.  And I hope this is just one of the stories that I get to tell, that show just what all humans have the capability of providing, empathy and compassion.

Officially, her numbers were time of competition, 0:34:04, and she placed 24th out of 65 other girls in her grade (division).  But she won more than a race on Saturday.

I Know You Didn’t Just Say That To Me


So one of my supervisors decides to say to me, “you’re such a negative person.”  Now I consider myself a very positive person, in spite of the things that I have dealt with in my life, and continue to deal with, and will deal with.  But if my reaction to him was to just want to give him a “backhand”, must I forfeit my positive attitude claim?

There are certain roles that I have taken on in my life, some of the leadership, some of them role models.  It is my positive attitude that allowed me to choose to take on these things, as well as have the support from my peers to be selected for those roles.  As a cancer survivor, my role is simply to encourage and inspire.  In spite of everything I have gone through over the last five years, that is truly what I want to do.

As a political candidate, that too can be inspirational as to the reason why I would run for what many say is a thankless job, school board.  But given that I balance a full time job, medical appointments for myself, attend school district meetings, and still have time to campaign, I guess for the most part, it has been a positive thing in my life.

But as for work, after more than thirteen years of the department I am currently in, this past Winter I was elected one of four shop stewards.  I belong to a union.  There is very little positive to be thought about the shop steward position, again it is thankless, and unfortunately it is a lot of mediation and awareness.  So it is very rare to have the opportunity to be positive.  Any my record over these last thirteen years do speak for themselves as far as me being a “positive” employee.

I miss the old days of working for a “mom and pop” company.  Where numbers of employees were small enough that it was like a second family away from home.  You give that up when you work for a big company in corporate America.  Quantity becomes the priority over quality.  Greed replaces reputation.  Success blurred from pride.

In most of my working life, up until I came to this company and into this department, my work reputation had been spotless.  I had never been terminated, never even reprimanded.  My attendance record was near spotless, including during my treatment days.  Unfortunately, the downside of working for such a small company, lack of advancement opportunities and benefits.  Being a cancer survivor, benefits often outweigh value even over salary.  And given my health status today, I am very thankful that as a union member, I have group health insurance.

But it did not take long before I got a taste of what it was like to work for a major corporation.  Within the first couple of weeks, I had received a reprimand.  And in spite of my protest and objection, and ability to prove myself innocent, instead I faced a blackmail-like behavior by not only management, but by my union representation.  Eventually, it got to the point, where I was so stubborn with my work ethic, unable to get me to crumble, management made it personal.

Every year, I would struggle with not being able to get management to back off.  And it seemed every year, it would escalate.  I ended up isolated from my co-workers, some who had been more than just co-workers.  Given the union representation that I had, I was hoping to be elected to the shop steward position.  Over the years, I have seen so much quality go down, more bullying from management, so now that I am finally in the position of shop steward, I can now deal with much of these problems, or at least be aware of more of them.  At least by them not being sprung on me, that can help prevent me from erupting with stress.

But that is just it, with my hermit-like reputation at work, now I will be a lot more visible.  But I will be seen coming to the defense of people, in other words, for negative things.  It is kind of hard trying to put a positive spin on something such as an employee being served a termination notice while recovering from open heart surgery, or while laying in a hospital bed in a coma from a car accident (yes, both are real events).

Unfortunately, I have to leave work to get back to that positive outlook.  Unfortunately I have to repeat that whole behavior the next day.  And that is hard to put a positive spin on.

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