Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

My Most Important Advocate


I cannot help it.  While most people worry about this time of year when it comes to income tax returns, for me, mid-April means so much more.  Every time at this time of year, I cannot help but think where I was, now nine years ago.

In all the chatter about health care by our government, there is hardly if any, conversation or concerns expressed about two of the most important players in health care, the patient and the doctor.

I am blessed to have the primary care physician that I have had.  In fact, in 51 years, I have had only 3 PCP’s, with my current one, caring for me for well over thirty years.  Since I am not mentioning her name, I am not calling her out about her age, so that is not rude.  But I have made it clear to her, that after she makes the decision to retire, there will be no more PCP’s for me.

I consider us friends though our company has been mostly limited to doctor-patient time for the most part.  There have been the occasional interactions outside of the office.  As a fellow adoptive parent, I have watched her children grow up.

I call her a friend also, because she has something that I demand most in a friend, trust.  Sure, she is my doctor, but other than my mother, no one, no one has any better clue about me, than my doctor.  The funny thing is, she also practices with her husband, who in that entire time, I have only seen him once as a patient.  If there is an occasion that has come up that I am receiving emergency care, my emergency bracelet says to contact her first.

Up until 2008, I was a fairly reliable patient, coming in once a year for a seasonal allergy shot.  Even the staff knew that I did not complain about health ailments.  I took no prescriptions.  If they saw me in the waiting room at any other time, everyone knew that something had to be wrong.

It was around this time, nine years ago, that I contacted her about an issue I was having, for nearly 4 months that I could recall.  It was a tightness in my chest, on the left side.  It appeared at the immediate commencement of any physical activity.  I ignored it, because after about a minute, the discomfort would go away.  But because it had been happening for so long, it became annoying.  Here is how the conversation… over the phone went…

Me:  Hey doc.  I was wondering if you could help me.  It’s just something weird and annoying.  I get this tightness in the left side of my chest whenever I start something physical.  It goes away after about a minute.  It has been happening for about 4 months, but is happening now, every time.  Do you have any idea how to get this to go away?

Just like my office visits,  expected this phone call to be that simple.

Doctor:  Well, given your medical history (Hodgkin’s Lymphoma), and you are a bit overweight, I think I am going to order a nuclear stress test.  We will see from there.

Ok.  At this point still fairly simple as far as I was concerned.  I had no idea the point behind the nuclear stress test, just as I had no idea when I was sent to an oncologist for suspected cancer.

But here is where our doctor/patient relationship paid off in huge dividends.

A nuclear stress test is not a cheap test.  It is also not normally ordered on people my age at the time (42).  But knowing that I do not complain about little aches and pains, she had an idea what she was suspecting.  And while many critics may complain about tests that doctors order that they feel are unnecessary or without looking at other options, my doctor went right for the big one.  Also, her office was the one that would make the appointment for me.  Because as anyone knows, if you have to make an appointment with a specialist, it could take weeks or even months.

My doctor, my best advocate.  The test would reveal a major blockage to my heart.  Though even this test would not disclose just how serious it really was.  The procedure I was immediately schedule for right after that stress test, would show that I was about to die, at any minute.  And that is not being dramatic.  That was a fact.

It was discovered that the main artery to my heart (the LAD), was scarred badly enough from radiation treatments that I had 18 years earlier for my Hodgkin’s, that the artery was restricted 90%.  I had what is often referred to as a “widow maker”.

There is more to this story as I have written in the past.  But my point for writing this today is this, our government is still trying what to do, or not do, in regard to health care.  And no one in our government is looking at availability or affordability.  No one is concerned about prevention.  And no one in our government is looking at the fact that our doctors are not even being taken into consideration when it comes to health care.

We have the quality doctors.  I know this personally.  But had she followed “guidelines” or “insurance requirements” instead of her being “just a doctor”, I would be dead.  She knows her patients.  She is the best person to make this call, not someone in an office somewhere in the country or even across the globe who has never seen me.  Yet, that is what is driving the health care argument – how to protect the greed of the insurance company, not giving the best and necessary care.

Health care should not be for the healthy and wealthy.  But that is how it is being treated.  But even with that horrible attitude, that does not change the fact, that doctors are not being given the ability to be a doctor, without being overruled by a penpusher from Wall Street.

In spite of all this, I still have the faith of my doctor, my friend, my advocate.  And until the day she chooses to retire, she will be my doctor, my final doctor.  I trust her with my life.  Because of her skill, her advocacy, I am here nine years later for my two young daughters.

I do not have permission to print her name, but she knows who she is.  I am forever grateful.

A Strong Character Right From The Start


Whether a child is of biological origin, or adopted, character is something that is taught by the parent(s).  Right from the beginning, almost daily, I taught my daughters the values that I believed should be important to them.  And I did this by example, because those same values apply to me.  I want them to respect me biblically as per the ten commandments.  I want their unconditional love.  But I also want them to be honest, loyal, trusting.  I have told them that most of the qualities I have taught them will be an important part of who they are.

Another quality that I want my daughters to have, is empathy and concern for others.

My daughters definitely understand to have empathy for people when they are sick or injured.  They have witnessed personally some very extreme situations just with my health alone.

But it was during a scholastic athletic event a couple of years ago, that I saw an example from my oldest daughter, the quality of concern for someone else.

I have taught both daughters, that if they start something, they need to finish it.  Whether it be a project, a recreational sport, or anything extracurricular, they are to make and keep the commitment.  When applicable, if competition is expected, they are to give their best.  Their lives will not be judged on how many medals they possess, but how, they got them if they did.  They are to have fun what they do, and give their best effort.  But very importantly, never at the expense of someone else.

My oldest daughter was competing in a “triathalon” for her elementary school.  She had trained very hard running at the local track down the road from our house.  Every Saturday morning she had an opportunity to use the high school swimming pool to train.  And she already had enough experience riding her bicycle.  This was her second year competing and had done well her first time out not knowing what to expect.

She had slashed her way through the water, and had been about 2/3 of the way through the bicycle portion of the race, when another competitor wiped out.  My oldest had avoided most of the contact, but still had the collision.  My daughter got up, dusted herself off, and then directed her attention to the girl on the ground.  She was hurt.  There was never a doubt what my daughter was going to do.

My daughter stayed with the injured girl, while many of the adults around me noticed the accident and my daughter’s actions.  My daughter would remain there until official and medical personnel arrived at the crash site.  And even then, my daughter wanted to remain to make sure the girl was okay.  The adults on the scene, encouraged my daughter to continue on with the race, and she did.  My daughter finished the bicycle portion and then completed the run.  It never mattered to my daughter what place she finished, nor her time.

I could not have been more proud.

Now, as an older student, she finds herself at a slightly more competitive level as she is participating in her first official athletic season of girls track.  She is competing in two events, the shotput and 75 meter dash.  I have no doubt she will excel in both events.  She does not lack confidence.  And she does enjoy competing.  But it was during the dash, that something occurred, that once again would show her character.

As anyone who has done track before, the first few times launching off from the starting blocks can be quite awkward.  And though I know my daughter is quite fast, and she would probably rather start from a standing position, it was the starting block that got her start of the dash off to a rough start.  But it was her recovery, her refusal to give up, just as strong as her will to compete, that allowed her to finish the race, just a couple of lengths behind the pack of runners.  She could have just given up like a baseball batter grounding a ball down the baseline, but she did not quit.  She ran with everything she had.

I cannot wait to hear how she does the next time around.

Yes, I am very proud of the daughters that I have raised.  There is a lot more to go, but so far, they understand their character is going to define who they are, and how others see them.

Questions And Answers


Every so often, follower of “Paul’s Heart” reach out to me with questions.  I want to take this opportunity right now to answer those questions.

How do you decide your topics?

I am a very impulsive writer in most cases.  With the exception of planned projects, such as short stories I have had published in Visible Ink, various news publications, the majority of posts/stories come from ideas that personally concern me, such as cancer, survivorship, adoption, health care, divorce, and such.  An idea might pop into my head, and within hours, I “lose” that urgency to write, and it falls into a cue which currently holds over 500 prompts.

Are there things I will not write about?

I do not believe in censorship, so I would say that I can and would write about anything if I was asked.  As a rule, when it comes to “Paul’s Heart”, I generally do not discuss my opinions when it comes to religion and politics because those things are private to me, and I do not want that to interfere with the purpose of this blog, to help and support those experiencing similar life struggles as myself.  If I do write about a controversial subject, such as health care, I will do my best to research and present facts.  But I have found, that writing about politics or religion, often cause more harm to relationships, and what I want this blog to achieve.

Do you prefer to write fiction or non-fiction?

I am told that I do not give myself enough credit for my writings.  I have had several assistants editing many of my pieces, all with different approaches for me.  I do not consider myself to have a vivid imagination, yet my writing coaches have a way of drawing out that talent from me.  I do prefer to write biographical type pieces, as many of my followers look to “Paul’s Heart” for inspiration.  I have written about many others on this blog and the experiences that they have gone through, so the stories are not just about me.

I have taken what I have learned from my writing coaches, and encourage my children to write in a similar fashion, by giving them simple prompts to provoke their imagination.

I do enjoy writing editorial pieces also.

Do you make time to write?

I recall the person who asked me this question.  Their claim was that between all of the doctor appointments, work, taking care of their family, this person felt that they had no time to write, in spite of their desire to do so.

I do try to set aside time to write, at least once a week, if not more.  It does not always work out that way, because I also have a tendency to get “stuck” not able to put thoughts together to write a piece, perhaps I do not like the finished project, or I just even give up on that particular piece.  But unless I have a deadline to meet, I write when I write.

In further discussion with this person, it turned out that they spent on average three hours on a train, commuting to and from work.  I mentioned that if they were interested in writing, this time period on the train would be ideal to gather thoughts, to see if there would be anything that they might like to discuss on paper.  Time on the train is a perfect and often quiet time to reflect.

Is writing therapeutic for you?

In one word, absolutely.  I am a person who internalizes… a lot.  I have many emotional struggles as a cancer survivor, one of which is survivor’s guilt.  And that is exactly what it says.  I also deal with PTSD and anxiety in relation to my survivorship.  I do have someone that I speak with, but when I do not have that option available, yes, writing is just one of the things I enjoy to help me relax, along with my other method, music.

Whether you publish something, or just document a thought in some sort of diary, releasing a thought that is of great concern to you through writing is indeed therapeutic.  Keeping concerns inside is not good.  And all too often, we do not have someone that we can just readily talk to, or may not even be good at listening.  We can express our thoughts, reflect on them, and then decide if it is necessary to share with others, or is it good enough that “I” recognize that expressing myself as I had done, that is all that needs to be done.  Yes, it is very therapeutic.

Can I share my story on your blog?

As long as it pertains to cancer, survivorship, adoption, or divorce, I am more than happy to share others stories of survivorship and inspiration.  You can send your story to me at pedelmanjr@yahoo.com .

As always, I am so thankful for everyone who reads and follows “Paul’s Heart”.  As I mentioned earlier, I have a lot of stories in cue to get to.  I think I am caught up on questions.

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