Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

25 Mar 2020

Home Stretch To Adulthood


The two greatest blessings in my life occurred when I became a father.

I was supposed to spend this passed weekend with my daughters celebrating my older daughter’s “final” birthday of her childhood.  Of course, with my health concerns, putting me at a high risk of complications from the crisis our country is dealing with right now, those plans had to be cancelled.

A slight irony, is that when she was adopted, the world was dealing with a SARS type virus (just as this Corona Virus is a SARS virus).  That episode back in 2004, caused a delay in the adoption process which actually caused a “surprise” birthday party, in Hong Kong.  We went from being concerned of missing her first birthday, to the rapid response and dealing with SARS, to celebrating her birthday, with her fellow adoptive “siblings” and their families.  Sadly this time, a SARS virus has kept us apart.

She had several nicknames, but one that I told her she would always be, “my little ting ting”, a reference to one of her original Chinese names, referring to a graceful swan.

The most amazing thing about being her father, has been watching her grow.  To actually see the influences that I have had on her through her formative years, she still carries with her today.  There is so much that she has done on her own as well.  Look out world, she is coming for you.

Fun.  Intelligent.  Full of surprise.  Empathetic.  A loyal friend.  Respectful.  Determined.  Loving.  Talented.

I cannot believe it.  The next birthday I get to celebrate with her, will be her first as an adult.  Where did the time go?  As I peruse through all the photos that I have taken of both of my daughters, I see all the blessings and time that have passed.  At the same token, it has just gone by, way too quickly.

I wish I could be with her, and she knows that.  But we both know it is safer for me where I am at because of my health.  My attention will be directed to another important date with her, Father’s Day.  Hopefully by then, the danger of this crisis will have passed.

Happy Birthday Madison, forever my “ting ting.”

Love, Daddy

Posted in Adoption, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Recreation | Leave a comment
19 Mar 2020

A Request Of The President, Other Elected Officials, And All Americans


Mr. President,

This is certainly one of the most trying times in our country’s history.  And as you deal with the myriad of issues that need to be considered in dealing with this crisis, one thing I think you and I can agree on, is that things do not need to be made worse.

And that is why I am asking you to stop referring to the Covid19 or Corona Virus, as the “China Virus.”  I know that you give the logic that it is okay because that is where the virus originated.  And while true, it is unnecessary.  The virus has both a scientific name and a common name for the public to recognize it, Covid19, Corona Virus.

You claim to have one of the highest IQ’s ever.  And if that is true, then you are definitely smarter than I am.  And if I can recognize the problem with referring to this crisis as “the China virus,” with you being smarter, then that means that you have to recognize that as well.

There is a reason viruses and crisis are not called certain names.  Because it would be offensive.  Using the logic of geographical location is wrong.  We do not refer to AIDS as “the African virus.”  We do not call colon cancer “Ass Cancer.”  Mr. President, it is just as offensive to refer to the Corona virus as “the China virus.”  In fact, it is not just offensive, it is downright dangerous, especially to those of Asian ethnicity.  And why is it dangerous?

Whether you are doing it intentionally or not, those words, “China Virus” act as a “dog whistle”.  A dog whistle produces a sound that only a dog can hear, not the human using it or anyone else.  When blown, the dog reacts.  And that is what your words have the danger of creating, only it is not dogs reacting.  There are those who are racially biased that go by several names and each time you invoke the words “China Virus” as the President of The United States, these individuals hear only one thing, that their president supports their cause.  Because these white nationalists look for any reason to support their cause, for an all-white society.  And your words will incite these individuals to act in negative and violent ways.

I know that you do not believe you are doing anything wrong.  And no, you are not actually participating in the acts.  But because certain individuals will react to the use of the certain words you choose to repeat over and over, simply stopping the use of the words is something you can do, to prevent any more attacks on the Asian community, which have already occurred.

Again, a dog whistle is only meant to be heard by a dog.  The words that you use, are the same thing.  Intelligent people know the correct and harmless (if you can use the word with this virus) way to refer to the virus.  But those with racist motives will hear only one thing, that you are saying that the Chinese are to blame for all the ills caused by the virus, which simply is not true.  Certainly there were things that the Chinese government did that were wrong, but so has other countries, including the United States.  But that is no reason to blame an entire ethnic group of people.

So before things get any worse for our country, by disrespecting and mistreating an entire population of our country, please refer to this awful crisis by the names that it has been given, Covid19, or the Corona Virus.  Again, your claim of intelligence versus many, including mine, even I know this is the right thing to do, which means then, that you should know that as well.

Posted in Bullying, Education, Inspired By..., Politics | Leave a comment
16 Mar 2020

15 Days, Limits Of Group Size – It Is All About Perspective


This meme came across my feed today.  It could not be more appropriate.  Honestly, I had been hoping to follow up my 30th Anniversary post with stories of the adventures of my next ten and twenty years.  Instead, my last several posts have all been geared to help everyone understand the big picture, and why it needs to matter to everyone.

This afternoon, President Trump announced an extreme measure meant to help contain the spread of the Corona virus.  The result from this press conference is simply, politics needs to be thrown out the window dealing with this crisis.  If you were anti-Trump, you heard a press conference that appears to have nearly everyone on the same page, hopefully giving confidence that were will progress forward.  If you are pro-Trump, you should stop hearing (at least for the time being) attacks on the efforts, but rather, from the President himself, this is serious, and it is not going away any time soon.  Both sides should now be on the same page, going for the same goal.  Slow the progression, buy the time needed so that the medical system does not get overwhelmed.  More importantly, casualties kept to a minimum.

One of the hardest things for most people to accept, is being told their life needs to be put on hold, at least temporarily.  No secret, I am a cancer survivor, and I think I can speak for anyone who has ever had to deal with a serious health issue, when I say, “hold my beer.”

15 days.  We, as a country, are being asked to limit our interactions to groups less than ten people.  In some places, businesses are either being recommended or required to close to assist with this effort.  Chances are, if you are a healthy individual, the news of being told to restrict your social activity probably resulted in the same result that a teenager would give being told they could not go to the movies or mall with their friends under normal circumstances.  Que the eye roll and thunder as the pupils hit the back of the head, and the screams of exasperation at the perceived “end of days”.

I just heard a great analogy, that pushing to find out how much longer we are going to have to deal with this, is like asking a fireman how soon we will be able to move back into the house, as they are still putting out fire.

Perspective.  Also known as “keepin’ it real.”

My chemotherapy lasted 8 months, 240 days.  No hair.  Sick as shit.  Fatigued to no end.  No one wanting to hang out with someone looking like a freak.

My radiation therapy went 30 days.  My skin burning worse than any sunburn imaginable, resulting in a peeling that you could only imagine being equaled by a Hollywood makeup artist.

Recovery from open heart surgery, six months, 180 days.  With one full week in the hospital, 2 days in the ICU, I lost all my strength.  I needed the full six months to heal properly, before being able to return to work.

Enough with the sick stuff.  Are you reading this and old enough to remember the events of September 11, 2001?  Have your forgotten all of the changes that were immediately implemented, leaving us no choice to accept the way things were, many of which still exist today, some methods even stronger?

Do you think only bad things in our lives can make us appreciate perspective?  Nope.  I know it is a bad example, but how many have gone on a two week cruise?  Spring Break?  Family vacations?  The truth is, we have no problem with a “social distancing” when we are able to make that decision ourselves.  Because that is a good thing.  But you know what else is a good thing?  Keeping your health.

President Trump has made it very clear today.  We need to do this, limit our social activity for fifteen days.  It is not like we cannot do it, because we can.  But just as I lost control of my life to fight cancer, and the many late health issues have come up, of the events of September 11, 2001, this situation is no different.  I cannot control the outcome of the spread.  But I can deal with how it affects my personal life, which as a collective, will help everyone.

I have gone through this many times.  So can you.

Posted in Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment

Post Navigation

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →