Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Recreation”

Birthdays, The Day After


In fifty-five years, I have had some interesting birthdays.  Being soon before Christmas, as many will understand this, I did get “shorted” when it came to gifts.

And clearly, the goal was to embarrass me if the gift rationing was not bad enough.  I believe this to be the last photo taken, the time around my birthday and Christmas, before my parents divorced.

In 1974, my birthday had almost turned near tragic.  This is one birthday I remember every detail.  Even it being a Thursday night, which I will get to shortly.  Since my parents divorce, my mother worked second shift, which left the birthday celebrations up to my grandmother and her sister.  A simple tradition, make the requested birthday meal (not to be confused with a last meal), cake, presents, some time to play with the presents, a Christmas special on TV, then off to bed.

Thursday, December 19, 1974, started off the way that all my prior birthdays had begun.  My grandmother made the meal I chose, tuna noodle casserole with sliced hard boiled eggs on top.  She made it with peas that I would pull out and leave on the plate.  At the table, were my grandmother, my aunt, my sister and I.  My uncle was expected to stop by on his way to “bowling night” (that’s how I remember it being a Thursday).  But he was running late.  So, it was just us eating.

Then, my aunt disappeared.  I knew what this meant.  She was going to light my birthday cake, or in this case cupcakes.  I do not recall if I requested it or not, but any kind of cake made from scratch by my aunt was awesome.

Soon, she appeared, with her cardboard tray, carrying my birthday cupcakes and nine candles.  Off went the kitchen light, leaving the kitchen glowing only from the candles.  Happy Birthday was sung by all, singing the same note.  That was okay.  The cupcakes were going to be worth it.  Then I went to blow out the candles.

Just then, my uncle came crashing through the front door.  He was yelling “FIRE!” rushing towards us.  My aunt responded, “yes, right here,” pointing to the candles.  “NO!” he shouted, “FIRE!”  And again my aunt replied with “I know.”

As my uncle rushed towards us, he took a sharp right turn just before getting to the kitchen from the dining room.  Attached to the dining room of this old Pennsylvania “twin” home, was a side porch.  “Older” people were known to use these porches as storage areas, such as keeping a large freezer, keeping beverages cold in the winter, and… stacking newspapers to go to recycling.

My aunt it appears, choosing to light my candles on that side porch, upon striking the match, threw a spark onto a nearby stack of newspapers.  The spark smoldered as she brought my birthday treat into the kitchen, eventually erupting into flames.  My uncle and my aunt were both right.  They both saw a fire.

Luckily, the damage was minimal contained to that side porch.  But the smell in the house, lingered for weeks.  It definitely could have been way worse had my uncle not been late at all, sitting at the table with us all already, or not even had come at all.

Unfortunately, not the most unusual birthday I have experienced.  In general, I don’t like them.  It has nothing to do with getting “older” at all.  As I have mentioned, I do not like this time of year between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  This is the time of year that I was not only diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, but have dealt with several crisis.  Also, the season just always seem to have a cloud over it.  It just is not fun for me.

That changed for me when my daughters came along.  It was not for me, but I enjoyed my birthdays for them.  Their innocence always got me through this time.  It is the best feeling in the world to hear your children say “Happy Birthday Daddy” (actually Dad now, a demotion attributed to their maturity).  But the really cool thing is, now they actually remember my birthday without any prompting.

Today, my birthdays are celebrated  even more different.  Now divorced, I get to spend my daughters on video.  And thanks to Covid19, even my birthday meals have changed.  Used to being treated out for my birthday, Covid19 made it necessary to eat in again, the first time since I was a child.  But you know what?  It was a pretty good meal.

 

Double Nickels – What A Ride!


Thirty-two years ago, I was told I had Hodgkin’s Disease (now called Hodgkin’s Lymphoma so it is not as scary sounding), cancer.  I was twenty-two, just turning twenty-three.  When it came to any conversation about surviving cancer, it happened with a time frame, five years.  Statistics on cancer survivorship were based on a magical five year mark.  What happened after that five year mark, we never asked.  And if you were a cancer survivor, we just assumed the risk.  That is, until the internet came along.

Over the decades, I have met so many survivors of not just Hodgkin’s, but other cancers as well.  I have seen the barbaric testing methods now gather dust, and newer and safer treatments being used to treat the cancer I once had.  All the while this is happening, another year of survivorship sneaks up on me.  And another, and another.

Longevity does not run very high on my father’s side of the family, so adding cancer survivorship, thought for sure that would drive my odds down.  Yet, I hit that milestone 50th birthday, and this past March, I recognized my 30th year in remission of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

But my most important blessings, and there are two of them, are the daughters I never thought I would ever have in my life, from beginning to today, to tomorrow.  The last decade and a half has been difficult for me with my health, with all kinds of challenges related to side effects from my treatments.  But my daughters keep me focused.  My shell makes it difficult for anyone to understand what my body is going through, not realize the limits and the conditions that I deal with because you cannot see below the shell, that only doctors, images, and I know are there.  That is why I do not try to concentrate too much on numbers.  But milestones are kind of hard to ignore.

The inside joke with my daughters, is that I do not admit my age, rather “color it”, referring to a mathematical equation that will total my actual age.  But this year, there is a funny reference to this age, “double nickels” referring to two 5’s.  This birthday is unavoidable to not recognize the actual age.

I have had a few rough weeks, with the passings of several of very close, fellow survivors, either my age, even younger.  No one appreciates or recognizes their mortality, more than I do.  But, I am doing all I can, my doctors are doing all they can, my loved ones are doing all they can, to make sure that I continue on, get to see many more birthdays, and more importantly, these milestones…

pay attention trolls, this message is for you…

I will see my daughters graduate from high school.  I will see my daughters receive some form of continuing education and have a bright future of their own.  If my daughters choose to get married, I will be there to walk them down the aisle.  And if I am blessed even further, with grandchildren, like many of my other survivors, I will be there to hold them.  And a bonus, though I do not have it set on the calendar on “Paul’s Heart,” I do plan on making 50 years cancer free.

I may not be able to drive 55, but I can admit that I am glad I made it to 55.

Last Christmas, Or The Next Stage?


It was inevitable really.  This memory came up for me today.

2013 was a difficult year emotionally for many reasons.  My father had been recently diagnosed with cancer.  My health had been struggling for the last year and a half, more so than prior years.  I had also initiated my second divorce.

This would be the last “Santa” photo taken of my daughters, an annual tradition.  My older daughter, the trooper since discovering that I was Santa Claus, still went along with these photos anyway.  But this was also the year that my younger daughter began to have her doubts about the man in red.

And that is when it started, the need to “cling on” as hard as I could.  You could see how much it meant to her to have that one thing that while so impossible to believe was real, still wanting to give all she could, to believe in the impossible, that maybe things that had been going on around her, though seemingly impossible, might be possible.

Although a baptized Christian, I do enjoy the Santa Claus lore.  I like the meaning.  And as I had one daughter who no longer believed, and another wanting to, I felt it was time to change, to adapt what the story of Santa Claus was really about, giving.  And so, I instilled in both of them, that Santa Claus while in the presence sense may not be real, his spirit definitely is, and it is something we all possess.  My daughters learned the importance of the season of giving at that moment.  Santa Claus would live on.

Like many households dealing with divorce, another change would come with observing Christmas.  The goal still to be as enjoyable for the children.  Clearly different than what they had experienced previously when they were younger.  For some, it is part of the day with one parent, part of the day with the other.  Then there are those who actually split the Christmas holiday week between parents.

But hold on.  Then the children turn eighteen, graduate high school, and move away to college, perhaps find a significant other.  Another change.  And in the world of divorce, time already split to a minimum with either parent, the holidays morph into yet another stage, perhaps not even making it home for the holidays, while your child, the one you have spent every holiday with, informs you that they are going to meet the family of their heart’s interest.  This is the stage that I am preparing for next.  One daughter near that age, another not far behind.

And peering into my Norman Rockwell crystal ball, eventually, I will be the one making the annual holiday trips to not only see my daughters, but their own families as well.

And who knows, maybe I met get to dust of the red suit once again.

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