Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Politics”

Offensive Judgement


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The headline that came across my Facebook news feed read, “Woman Who Donated Hair To Cancer Patients Mistaken For Transgender Man And Harassed In Restroom.”  Everyone reading this should be completely offended by this.  But this is what our society is becoming… a bunch of judgmental knownothingatalls.  You know the kind, just by “looking” at someone, you just know something has to be.

At least back in the racist and bigoted decades (okay, they still exist), a jerk could make their clear assumption (remember, when you “assume”, you make an “ass” out of “u” and “me.”) based solely on the color of the skin.  But today, with so much attention drawn to religions (i.e. Muslim) and lifestyle preferences, those who choose and are taught to be bigots cannot just make their assumption by just looks, though they do it anyway.  And why?  Because if they cannot see it, and they just feel it, it has to be true, right?

The story mentioned above should have been a beautiful “give back” story.  Someone had thought of someone else going through one of the worst things possible, cancer, and dealing with one of the most difficult side effects, hair loss.  So, she had her hair cut off and donated it.  Now having tried this myself, when the hair is cut off, the hair needs to be a certain length, pulled into pony tails, and cut.  Of course, then the hair that is left has to be touched up.  This can leave the hair even shorter than intended.  But that is the great thing, for most, hair grows back.  Unfortunately for this donor, hers did not grow back fast enough for a bigot who felt the need to harass someone who had just helped someone else deal with a major struggle with cancer.

And I hate reading a story like this.  This type of story is becoming all too common, because we simply do not accept, what we do not understand, or even know at all.

This was not the first time I have personally dealt with this behavior.  A couple of years ago, I was attending a local establishment with a fellow cancer patient and his family.  He was bald from the chemo, and he was denied entry into the restaurant where we had planned to just sit and listen to some live music.  And why was he denied?  He was bald.  He was also wearing a baseball cap, and it was worn the right way – not turned backwards, tilted.  His pants were pulled up to his waste, and the rest of his clothes were quite appropriate for a young man in his early 20’s.

But this jerk bouncer, claimed that the hat was inappropriate, in spite of us informing him why my friend was wearing the hat, denied his entry.

This whole thing about “looks” is getting out of control.  If we are happy about our appearance, who the hell are you to decide that someone should be confronted just because you do not like that someone looks a little too brown, or hair is too short.  Instead of moving forward away from prejudice and bigotry, we are careening in reverse gear because of issues that are not new, just only now coming to discussion.  The fact is, these issues have always been there, and have never bothered anyone.  But as each generation gets taught intolerance, this behavior is only going to grow, especially when our political leaders encourage the discrimination.

And if you need any bigger example of just how bad this is going to get, Google the story mentioned above.  Exactly what did this woman do to be harassed?  NOTHING!  ABSOLUTELY FREAKING NOTHING!!!  And what right was it of this bigot to confront the woman in the first place?  SHE HAD NO RIGHT TO DO THAT!!!

It is simple, “you cannot judge a book by its cover.”  Most reading this blog, have heard of this expression.  But just as “cliff notes” were not enough to pass our tests in school, those passing judgment by the cover of the cliff notes are even worse.

My Mom


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My mother asked me a couple of years ago, with all the stories that I had written, how come none were written specifically about her.   I had really not given it much thought, even around other Mother’s Day holidays.  Pretty much, I decide to write last minute, when something really has my attention.  And in general, I have tried to keep my stories in a direction meant to help people.

But in the latest chapter of my life, my mother is playing a very important role.

When I actually stopped to think about all the things that I have to be thankful to my mother for, and I do not often stop to do anything, especially thinking, my mother has actually witnessed, and supported me a lot… A LOT!

Though I do not know all the details, and was clearly too young to know any better, evidently I was “trouble” from the moment I first saw daylight at birth.  Then when I was six, my mother would hear me diagnosed with tumors (they were benign, located in my gums) for the first time.  Divorced when I was three, we lived with my grandmother who would help take care of my sister and I.  My mother worked second shift, and with being in school during the daytime, that meant that we never really got to see each other except on the weekends.  And time would be split every other weekend, with visitation from my dad.

In my teen years, I was not easy to deal with.  I was resentful towards my stepfather for us constantly moving from one town to another.  And of course, there were other teenage issues I was dealing with.

But at 22 years of age, things changed dramatically, when I had informed her that I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  But through it all, she offered me support.

Eight years ago, when I nearly suffered a fatal heart attack caused by cumulative damage from radiation therapy from my treatments over a decade earlier, my mother was there offering support.

Over subsequent years, I have faced several more severe medical emergencies, and my mother was there offering me support.

And today, as I fight to protect my rights to see my daughters, my mother is there, offering support.

Mom, there are so many things you have taught me.  You introduced me to radio with Bohemian Rhapsody on WAEB 790am.  I heard my first song by my favorite group Chicago, “Wishing You Were Here” while waiting in line for the Thunderhawk roller coaster at Dorney Park.  You taught me how to get my thrills by riding any amusement ride without fear.  You taught me not to be afraid and face the darkest things life can face, by watching scary movies.  You taught me to be a pain in the ass, to fight to be treated with respect.  You taught me to speak up.  You taught me to fight.  You taught me to never give up.

So that is my story about you Mom.

I love you.  Your granddaughters love you.  See you again real soon.

Paul

A Voice For Others


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Being an advocate often comes at a price.  For some, being an advocate is what they were born to be, for others, it just happens.

Because of what my body has been put through over the last three decades between cancer and its treatments, because of my experiences as a victim of school bullying, family and relationship issues, education, I have found myself coming to terms with what I believe I am meant to be.

I cannot donate blood or body organs.  I am never going to invent anything (I lack the trait of imagination).  I will not be responsible for finding a cure for anything.  But there is so much that I feel that I can do.  I can encourage.  I can speak of hope.  I can help.

My list of efforts that I advocate for or against, continually grows.

Cancer Patients, Cancer Survivors, Adoption, International Adoption, Cardiac Disease, Public Education, Disabilities, Bullying, Divorce and Parental Alienation

My stories are all here.  And if they somehow help to heal, then I know that I have done what I set out to do.

I invite any of you, to write to me at pedelmanjr@yahoo.com, any story that you would like to share, and I will post it on “Paul’s Heart” if you believe it might help to heal someone else.  I have shared other’s inspirational stories on this blog, and am more than happy to share more.

 

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