Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Education”

08 Feb 2023

The Rise Of Florida Dad


Florida Dad. I heard this the first time from my older daughter a few weeks ago as this is how I am referenced by her roommates at college. Initially, I cringed at the stigma of being confused with the moronic “Florida Man,” you know, the stupid that makes the news for doing dumb things. My daughter assured me, this was not the case. The title of Florida Dad was a good thing to be called by her friends.

I earned this title for the stories told by my daughter, from my longer kept hair, and the fact that I do not wear shoes, only flip flops, no matter what. I came off described as somewhat of a surfer dude, or surfer Dad.

Disclaimer, I have never even seen a surfboard. But I guess the rest of the stereotype fits. Like a sighting of Bigfoot, my reputation among my daughter’s roommates was solidified when they met me in person during a visit to campus last year, in October, in the cold, wearing flip flops, and hair flowing in the wind. Florida Dad was real. He does exist.

I need to preface this next part, when my daughter was younger, one of my ways to help make school events fun, I volunteered to disc jockey/emcee their events. She could not find a place anywhere to hide her discomfort, that her Dad was the DJ for her school functions. To be clear, at no time did I ever single her out, volunteer her during a group song, nothing. So, her evasion of me was really confusing. Her friends all thought that it was cool that her Dad was the DJ, but not my daughter.

Fast forward to college, and the “legend” of Florida Dad. That was my daughter’s word, not mine. I was cautiously curious as I was not sold on the whole “Florida Dad” title. I asked her, what upgraded me to “legendary status.” She had been talking amongst her friends, and it turns out, they believe I am capable of taking on, and overturning political decisions that are having an impact on them. Now while my daughter’s friends know nothing about me really, as far as I know, Madison is very well aware that many years ago, I ran for public office, school board, a decade ago. My intentions were clear, represent the entirety of the school district, taxpayers and students, protect the students and their educations, and so forth.

Honestly, I thought my daughter was too young to pay attention or even care about my campaigning. Sure, every now and then, she might mention that a friend would ask if the guy running for school board was her Dad, and occasionally a teacher would pass their support on to me, but other than that, I really did not think she paid attention. Well, she must have.

She and her friends had been talking recently about current events, and how decisions being made by politicians are affecting them, issues such as: being women, sexuality, and race. To be clear, these young adults have already voted at least once, so they recognize what needs to be done, to create change, and to protect their rights. My daughter must have thought more of what I had done, along with her knowing my personal feelings, and shared them with her friends, who clearly see me as an advocate and protector for the many issues affecting their lives: the right to women’s health care, LGBTQ+ rights, and protection from discrimination and bigotry, something clearly being pushed today by many politicians.

My daughter has evidently made it clear to her friends, that I am on their side. And I will vote to protect and support their rights. I do not believe the bullshit of a false fight of CRT, or pulling books from library shelves. I can see through all of this nonsense, as do others. But I also see, a whole new generation of voters, that also see these fights are false tropes. They are just looking for the right leaders to represent them.

My days in politics are long over. But I am proud to learn, my daughter evidently paid a lot more attention to the examples that I set for her and her sister. I am proud that my daughter will be an educated and informed voter. Evidently, so will her friends be as well.

As for me, I guess I will finally welcome my title, “Florida Dad,” because clearly, in this reference, it was a good thing.

Posted in Adoption, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Politics, Recreation | Leave a comment
03 Feb 2023

Get The Picture?


Do you remember the television commercial that tried to demonstrate the use of drugs and the effect on your brain? You know the one, with the egg and the frying pan. The egg represented the brain, and once cooked, that was the brain “on drugs.” I am going to demonstrate a different situation, using a similar method, but without eggs as they are too expensive to waste.

As I have often mentioned, I had my aortic valve replace, actually, that is not a correct way to state that.

I had an artificial aortic valve (replica pictured in my hand) inserted into my defective aortic valve. The reason that this needed to be done? Exposure to a ridiculously high amount of ionized radiation to treat my Hodgkin’s Lymphoma decades ago, caused progressive damage to various areas of my heart, the aortic valve included. Let me tell you how important that aortic valve is to the heart, besides the simple fact that it plays a major role in blood flow through the heart. But have a problem with the aortic valve, and you can be lucky to walk ten feet without being winded, gasping for air.

I unfortunately do not have a picture of what my aortic valve looked like prior to the surgery. I have some very cool looking scan photos that make absolutely no sense to me, with all kinds of notations how bad it was, but I cannot tell what I am even looking at. But it was bad. So, let me show you a different picture.

This is a severely damaged aortic valve. This came from a Zoom session that I just participated in, on aortic valve surgery presented by Penn Medicine and Heartvalvesurgery.com . In this particular photo, the aortic valve has damage from Rheumatic fever. If you are unfamiliar with Rheumatic fever, it is something that can develop fighting an infection, such as Strep Throat. I am pretty sure you have heard of that before, and how contagious it is. If you are the person with this pictured aortic valve, I am pretty sure life is not fun at this point, especially trying to breathe.

When I heard this explained during this session, I immediately flashed back in my memory, back before I became aware of all of my health issues, my only concern was that not having a spleen, I was extra susceptible to catching things, like the flu, pneumonia, strep throat, and that these things could kill me. But one incident, a co-worker came to work, with Strep throat. She bragged about having the highly contagious infection. When I informed my supervisor “either she goes home or I go home,” I, the healthy one, was the one who ended up going home.

Though I honestly thought it was from the sickness itself that would kill me, turns out, that is not the only risk. The damage that an infection inflicts on the heart is shocking. Because we do not really think about it. We get sick. We take some medicine. We move on. But all the while, over the years, damage to the heart occurs with each infection.

One other thing that I learned during the Zoom, was the dangers of infections on the replacement valves, seemingly more susceptible to the effects of the infections.

So what inspired this post today? Covid-19. We are at a point, where even the government is ready to surrender, remove the amount of attention to precautions and care, and just accept that Covid-19 is here to stay. And just like other diseases, will still have the ability to kill patients, just in a larger number.

But the fact is, Covid-19 wreaks much more havoc on the heart. My cardiologist, who I consider one of the best, did not mince words. “Covid-19 will kill you,” referring specifically to me. Now, it may have seemed like hyperbole by some at the time, just trying to scare me, but I never doubted by doctor’s sincerity. After all, he has boldly gone where no man had gone before (okay, a couple of other times before – a double bypass and a stent).

After seeing the photo slide of the damaged aortic valve from Rheumatic fever, and the listing of other infections, I am now totally convinced my cardiologist is correct in his warning.

I want to be clear. I am not living in fear. I am doing everything I want to do, yes, while wearing a mask and avoiding crowds. I have issues maintaining coverage from the vaccine, so as I wait for my next dose (I have gotten all of them), at this point, I am considered unvaccinated. But the reality is this. Covid-19 is still around, a lot, and is still killing people, so far, two people I knew this year alone.

Clearly, it is not just Covid-19 that needs to be avoided for the sake of the heart. If the picture of the damaged valve is any indication, we all really need to do better at avoiding getting sick in the first place, from any infection.

Posted in Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
31 Jan 2023

Make Me Smile


To quote a couple of lyrics from the Chicago classic, “Make Me Smile,” “living life is just a game…” “I’m so happy.” It may be hard to think that after writing a post like I did recently, how could I possibly be thought of as someone who is happy, given all that I have gone through in my life. But the truth is, I am actually a very positive person. The key to this happiness is balance and being able to recognize the things we can control and those that we cannot control, all the while focusing on what is important in life. Just as there are game pieces, there are individual pieces in my life, that keep me in this game. And just like sitting at a table with friends or family playing a board game, the results do not always turn out like we would like. But you take the experiences, and you bring them with you the next time you sit at that table.

And in spite of the two major issues that I must face in my life, failing health and divorce, I really do have a lot in life that bring me enjoyment, smiles.

Two words, “my world.” No matter the struggles that I have faced, my daughters have been the driving force behind me getting through EVERY challenge that I have faced. From the days they were placed in my arms, through their entire childhood, and into their early adulthood, my entire mood skyrockets each time I get to talk with them, or even better, visit with them.

Over the years, we have taken turns giving each other reasons to laugh. Each personal achievement they have attained along the way, they have done so with a stubborn determination. And with each health crisis that I face, though I know it is out of my control, I still take up the fight, not to have their hearts broken.

My life as a cancer survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma has been directed by a set of goals and milestones, and one by one I am meeting those goals and milestones. With one final high school graduation to go, two college graduations, and of course whatever follows in their young adulthood and as far as relationships (and secretly hoping for grandchildren), I am not focused on what I am up against, I am focused on what I have gotten to experience.

Music in all of its forms, is able to take me mentally to any refuge, any direction, to bring me back to the place in my mind, where I know, what I have, is good. My entire life has been filled with role models, exposure to different genres, ability to challenge myself to “read a second language” (music), and so many opportunities to compete, travel, perform, and feel accomplished.

I have always felt music an important part of my life. From singing in school, to the music I listened to in the chair while I got my chemotherapy, to special performances, music made things less scary, offered comfort, made people feel good. I am fairly confident that I have bestowed the same respect for the various genres of music with my daughters. I have several great moments that will always bring a smile to me, like when my oldest daughter sang “God Bless America” for her grandfather, or when my younger daughter played “Chasing Cars” on guitar with me singing on vocals. And then there was the time, leaving a movie theatre after watching “Rocket Man,” the rockumentary of Elton John, listening to my daughters singing “I’m Still Standing,” one of the many hits of Sir Elton.

I do not want to lose my place trying to confirm how long I have been doing this, but I have been writing “Paul’s Heart” now for over ten years, easily likely more than that. I have contributed to many writing projects such as newsletters and books, all the while still working on my own memoire on survivorship. I have given many speeches on survivorship and patient advocacy. There is a catharsis that I get from writing and speaking not only personally from me, but hoping that something I have written will make an impact or difference for someone, especially when facing a challenging situation.

When we face a challenge or confrontation, we need to be able to release the stress created, and for me, that is writing. It could be in the form of a text, an email, a post, or even the ancient form of writing a letter. Whether or not those thoughts ever see the light of day, the mere act of releasing them via my fingertips, provides a way of letting those stressors go. And if it happens to be a positive thought that has been written, perhaps the ideas may give a more defined direction, providing a better opportunity for success.

Friends. No definitions. No requirements. No expectations. Frequency of time together, never a factor. Never having met in person. Just knowing that person is there, and will be there, and that same assurance given back, in good times and bad, sharing memories and tears, lifting spirits and giving high fives.

I am not talking about relationships either. I am talking friends. And if you are lucky enough, to have a best friend, that one you know will always have your back, kick you in the ass when you need or deserve it, and give you the push you need to reach something thought out of reach. Whether one friend, or twenty friends, to be able to share, laugh, and experience life is truly a blessing to be a part of.

Pets, fur friends, family. It has been a long time since I said goodbye to my best friend, Pollo. He gave me so many years and so many memories. My daughters think I take so many photos of them. Had I had a smart phone when I first got Pollo, I undoubtedly would have my own Youtube or TikTok with him.

My daughters and I can be out walking, for exercise or recreation, and I will always, and I mean ALWAYS stop to pet someone furry. I cannot get enough of the TikToks of the dogs, cats, no matter the breeds or species, animals always have a way of bringing me happiness.

And lastly, but not least, “You.” I get enjoyment out of watching others have fun, experience success, grow. I love to hear success stories, not necessarily having come from a dark place, but just a success story. I enjoy watching people open gifts, participate in activities like skiing or parasailing, even though I can no longer do these things myself. If you are smiling, I am pretty sure not only will I be smiling, but so will others around us.

This was the challenge that I issued to myself, and can hopefully convince anyone who might think otherwise, I really am a happy and optimistic person. Sure, I have some crappy things that get thrown at me. But I never lose sight of my peace and my happiness. And all the things I mentioned above, are all pieces of that game of living life. I really am so happy.

Posted in Adoption, Animals, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Recreation | Leave a comment

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