Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Cancer”

04 Jan 2014
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The Pollyana


Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines “pollyana” as “someone who thinks good things will always happen and finds something good in everything”. Okay, I am getting that out of the way first thing of 2014. I am a pollyana. I do want to stress that this particular post is not meant to be a political one, although I am certain that will be at least a handful of comments that will be directed politically. So please excuse me if I do not engage in those. I want to talk about the human side of the issue, medical care.

I believe our country to be one of the best in terms of medical care available. I just wish that it were accessible to everyone, not just the patients, but to the doctors and hospitals all over the United States. We are a society that believes in being humane, yet we constantly turn away patients for lack of insurance coverage, funds, fortunately only certain prior conditions. This certainly is not right. Now here is where I identify as the pollyana.

While the politicians hammer out their differences with the Affordable Care Act, one part of the law that I respect, and truly appreciate, is the insurance part that now covers patients with pre-existing conditions. Patients with serious illnesses for decades faced enough hardships without having to worry if they would not be able to get the health care they needed just because they cashed in their health lottery ticket for another serious health condition.

I remember the first time I was rejected back in 1990 for a job that I had applied for, as well as health and life insurances. I was discriminated against for the job which I later fought with the Pennsylvania Labor Commission, who introduced the newly approved Americans With Disabilities Act, but I was powerless against the insurance companies who had stated that I needed to be in remission of my Hodgkin’s Lymphoma five years before they could consider me for coverage.

So let me get this straight. The moron pen-pushers at the insurance company have dictated that I would be considered less of a risk to insure at five years, even though I would be five years older, hence five years closer to my mortality (which was even more likely a risk than recurrence). This is where I got the first idea in my head that I would be “cured” of my cancer in five years. It was not from the doctors, but rather from the statistic stupidheads at the insurance companies. After all, who best to determine if I would have a long life post cancer… the doctors who treated me, or the dope actuaries at the insurance companies. Well, back in the 1980’s and 1990’s it was those pen pushers that won. Today, it is the Affordable Care Act.

There is no doubt that something needs to be done to control out of control health care costs, whether it be the insurance companies, pharmacy companies, or hospitals. I can acknowledge that there are many who abuse the system by going to an emergency room for simple things that can be taken care of by over the counter means. There are people who do not take better care of themselves by either smoking, being overweight, drug abuse, etc. But I also know first hand, that there are patients that need over-the-top care, diagnostics, extraordinary means to find out what is making them sick, and then to treat and cure them. I am one of those patients who is alive because I had a doctor advocate for a test that is not normally done on a 42 year old male (when the need arose – not my current age now).

At the age of 42, my family doctor, not even a cardiologist as I had not even had the thought of seeing one for the complaint I had raised with my doctor, ordered a nuclear stress test. I had no symptoms of anything that would justify this expensive test right from the gate, but my doctor ordered it anyway. The test saved my life, literally. As my newly acquired cardiologist put it so eloquently, “it wasn’t a question if you were going to die, but when.” I had no time for insurance bullshit appeals. In less than a minute of any strenuous activity the blood flow to my heart was restricted over 90% and being an otherwise healthy 42 year old, I had no reason to suspect anything unusual.

I have learned to trust my body. If something feels wrong, then something is wrong. I have a primary physician who knows this personality quirk about me and is as strong willed with my care as I am. I know the difference between a cold and the flu and when to call the doctor, and I do.

Recently, someone I know who had just completed chemotherapy had developed a cough. At first, it was thought that it could have been just an allergy or even a cold. After all, the Fall weather brings that sort of thing in the Northeast. And antibiotics which had been prescribed seemed to have at least some sort of effect. But when the antibiotics stopped, the coughing increased. From the phone, it was decided to have him see a pulmonologist which only made sense since it was a cough. But the cough got drastically worse, and instead of waiting a few more days for that appointment, a decision was made to go to the emergency room. Long story short, it was not the lungs at all, but the heart.

The immediate reaction is what can a cough have to do with the heart? I know I did. But as it turned out, his heart was effected from the chemo which caused his heart not to work effectively which caused a fluid build up in the lungs, hence the cough. This incident has my friend still dealing with this issue now over two months.

My point is this. I know that there will be those out there that who may complain about the lengths that have been taken to save his life. I know that there will be those out there that will say too much money has been spent. But every decision and every step being taken is keeping him alive. He not only needs that care, he should have that care. And so should everyone. We are a civilized country. We need to let the doctors be the doctors and do what they know. The doctors are the ones in the operating rooms, or interviewing patients. Insurance companies look inside a binder and read statistics and procedures. Insurance companies do not have any clue what color hair the patient has, yet somehow they are the ones that want to call the shots from their books.

Yes, I will admit to being a pollyana. Everyone should have the same access to quality health care and get that care. I am now 48 years old and watching someone half my age go through what he has would devastate me the same as if it were someone twice my age. Our fates should not be determined by pen-pushers trying to make a profit but rather the doctors who know how to make patients well.

Posted in Cancer, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart
30 Dec 2013

Too Late For A Resolution


For the most part, I am about teaching my daughters things about life, not necessarily warning them. However, I have always been about being an open door, if they want to ask me anything, I will give them the truth. For ten years, my daughters have never seen me smoke a cigarette (or anything), nor their mother. In fact, intentionally, we shielded them not just from the influences of smoking, but also the second hand smoke. So neither of my daughters really have any concept of what smoking is, or how bad it is for you.

On a recent trip with my daughters, a radio ad came on for “electronic cigarettes”. For smokers, this is supposed to be the next best thing since sliced bread because for years smokers have had to be inconvenienced by smoking restrictions, whether at work or at restaurants, with the battle cry always being the same, the dangers of second hand smoke. I am not going to get off on a rant here about e-cigarettes because I know nothing about them other than I do still see some sort of release from the person inhaling them, which clearly means something is going into the person inhaling. And of course, whatever is being inhaled has to solve the addiction that caused the person to choose the e-cigarette. Look, some smokers chose chewing tobacco so as not to have to hear complaints about smoking. But guess what, the people still got the toxins, and in many cases, simply traded one form of cancer for another. These new cigarettes are just that, new. They are too new to know the long term effects.

Anyway, the gist of the radio commercial was to glorify and make it acceptable to still be a smoker.

As my oldest listened to this commercial, she is aware of two people in my life that smoke, my mother and my father. All too familiar to my daughters, is my father’s situation. A smoker of over 50 years, this past year he lost half of his lung. He had been told to expect to lose the entire lung. The tumor that had been located was in such a bad position, this looked like the only possible solution for a cure for my father. However, once inside, the doctors discovered that my father had emphysema so bad in both lungs, he would never have survived the entire lung being removed. Following the surgery, he went through chemo, and currently is undergoing radiation treatments.

So my oldest asked me why, if smoking is so bad for you, why do it? And I told her to ask my father. And I would bet any amount of money that given what my father has had to endure this year, he would give anything to have turned back time, and never lit that first cigarette, no matter how cool it made him look. He tried several times to quit using various methods and failed every time. Even a major heart attack was not enough to convince him. But my father knows just how serious a diagnosis of lung cancer is.

And though my parents are divorced, my mother also understands this, an will be trying to quit, yet again. I do not bug either of my parents about this as they are grown adults. And I do know that the last thing a smoker wants to hear as they attempt to quit, is frequent congratulations on how long it has been since they quit. But she has made January 1st her next attempt to quit smoking.

I am glad that my daughters seem to have a strong concept of just how bad smoking is for a person. In time, very soon I would guess, they will learn in their health class just exactly how bad it is. Then it will be about surviving peer pressure to start smoking. But ask any cancer patient, if there is anything that they could have done, not eaten, not inhaled, any decision that could have been different to have not resulted in a diagnosis of cancer, we would take that opportunity.

Please understand, this post is not about judgment at all. If you are reading this, you are an educated person and if you have chosen to be a smoker, you know the risks. You do not need me, or anyone else reminding you. And if you have quit, I am happy for you.

But there is one person that I personally know who has taken up smoking recently, and that is unfortunate. And ask anyone who has had to deal with cancer themselves, they will tell you how sad they are at the thought. It is not only going to hurt this person, but those around this person as well. Because for all the people who choose not to smoke, we do it because we understand the risks, and they are not worth it.

For my father, it is too late for a resolution to quit smoking. For my mother, I am hoping not. But for this other person, my wish is that you would rethink this decision. It is going to hurt a lot of other people, emotionally and perhaps physically.

Posted in Cancer, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart and tagged | Leave a comment
27 Dec 2013
3 Comments

One Direction – Forward


For the last twenty-five years, my life has gone nothing as planned. From the day I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma back in 1988, one thing I learned very quickly in my life, there was no such thing as being in control of my life. All I was able to do was recognize, accept, and move on, one direction…forward. One of my favorite expressions is ” if you spill grape juice on your white carpet are you going to stand there looking at it asking ‘why?’ Or are you going to clean it up before the stain gets too bad?”
2013 a lot of “grape juice” was spilled. I was rushed to the emergency room for the third time in less than a year. Some late side effects from my cancer days were requiring attention. My second and final campaign for our local school board fizzled into oblivion. My most loyal companion and furry friend Pollo was laid to rest just shy of his fifteenth birthday (not too shabby for a golden retriever). And the biggest event of 2013, the end of my second marriage.
As all of these things occurred, I was never in any control of their outcomes or consequences. I could only move in one direction…forward. My health is always going to have something pop up. But I can make better decisions that can help prevent many things from happening. Stress reduction has had major impact on me already. Confirmed by my doctors, certain vital signs and blood results have improved to the point that medications are being ceased. Even some of the permanent late side effects are less in severity without the large amount of stress.
Local politics was an interesting venture. For all the hype of the last presidential election it was only natural to think that while turnout would not match the levels of 2012, a local election that had major implications surely had to make a difference and could have come down to “one vote making a difference.” But instead voter apathy tumbled far below even two years prior, another off-year election.
I still miss Pollo so much. I have finally stopped automatically going for his feed bowl or the back door to let him out first thing in the morning. But I do still miss his faithful tail wag and inability to get mad for any reason. But the loss has been so painful.
As for the divorce, the end will come. But my attention now has to focus on my daughters. I will not discuss the circumstances of the divorce. But the effects are showing on my daughters. I know what it is like to be caught in the middle of a bitter custody situation and I am doing my best to make sure that they know that both of their parents are going to be a part of their lives not just for 2014, but for years after that. Both of us will have wonderful new changes for the girls providing them plenty of wonderful experiences, just not the misery and stress of watching us not getting along with each other. For everyone else in our lives, I do hope that in 2014 you realize that what led to our breakup was best kept between she and , and had nothing to do with anyone else.
I have lots of hopes for 2014 for the one direction I am making. But I will not forget those that will also be struggling with either their employment, finances, health, or their relationships.
I prefer to clean up the “grape juice.” Not ask why it spilled. To all of you reading this and “Paul’s Heart,” I wish you all a happy, healthy, prosperous new year.
Happy New Year everyone.

Posted in Adoption, Animals, Bullying, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Food, Inspired By..., Politics, Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart, Uncategorized and tagged , , ,

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