Paul's Heart

What Is The Rush?

By my nature, I have never been a procrastinator.  If there is one issue I do have, it is taking on too many things on at one time, but never putting anything off.

But I have found, that since my daughters returned back home after their summer visit with me, I am in no rush to get my apartment cleaned up.  Do not misunderstand me, it is not that my apartment is a wreck, but rather, there are so many memories of the fun time that we had over the summer.

There are the ceramic crafts that we worked on with each other.  A box of coloring pencils used by my younger daughter.  And then there is one of the few times I have ever seen the back of a cereal box completed.  And there are plenty of other signs of the time they spent here, extra charging chords for devices, some snacks only they eat, some sketches left behind by my oldest daughter, and of course the bathroom needs to be returned back to normal.

It is not that my apartment is huge, it is not.  And really, I could get everything done (including vacuuming and dusting) in less than two hours.  Yet, here I am, nearly two weeks later and so many remnants remain of their visit.  I have only been doing bits and pieces at a time.  I really did not give it much thought at first, but then I realized, I was doing this subliminally intentionally.

The time I get to spend with my daughters is spread out throughout the year, especially so that it does not interrupt their schooling.  But as they have gotten older, our visits involve so much more than just a simple switch of custody.  They are developing their young adult personalities, sharing their interests, and showing their desire for independence, all the while being the fun little girls they have always been with me.

My mind only naturally goes back to a time when they were much younger, as if by reminiscing, I am able to slow time down.  My daughters are growing up too quick.  For the first time, they are hinting at what their interests might be after school, one interested in commercial arts, and the other in either culinary or bio-engineering (definitely a wide spectrum of a decision to make).

So, perhaps, since looking at old photos cannot stop them or slow them down from getting older, or maybe make the absence in my heart not hurt so much until their next visit, if I drag out the “straightening up” process long enough, my next visit with them will be here before I know it, which cannot happen soon enough.