Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Cancer”

Pet Zen


So it happened again, my heart fell in love with another dog.  I am able to let my common sense rule as I know I am in no position to adopt another fur friend.  I live in an apartment which of course does not allow pets.  At this point, affording a pet is still an issue while I try to take care of myself.  And yes, I do still miss Pollo, so much.

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And it is only common sense that has prevented me from adopting another fur friend.  Right now, I could really use the healing benefits of a canine companion.  For nearly fifteen years, Pollo was a never-ending smile greeting me at the end of every work day, as if I was only gone from his side for just a moment, while in reality, I was away from home anywhere from eight to ten hours a day.  He never questioned where I was, why I was late, why I may not have been in the best of moods, or if I was not feeling well, he just knew that we were both happy when we were together.  I really still miss that.

So as I go for walks, it is inevitable that I will cross paths with other people walking their pets.  Now let me say for the record, I have owned all kinds of animals, and I have always done my best to make sure that they all lived normal life expectancies.  In total, 3 dogs, 9 cats, 2 gerbils, 2 guinea pigs, a rabbit, 2 frogs, an assortment of fish, and even a parakeet.  Yes, I love animals.

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The peace, comforting, and healing effect of animals is becoming so popular now, that it is common place for pets to visit patients in hospitals and oncology offices to help boost the spirits of patients.  The pooch pictured above, a “golden doodle, actually visited my late father on his very first day receiving chemotherapy.  How times have changed since my days receiving cancer treatments.

But anyway, this post is just about a wish, that some day, I get to share friendship with another canine friend some day.  While I like all animals, big and small, I do have a tendency to  favor large breed dogs.  And because I have small children, actually who are growing quite quickly, behavior of the breed is very important.

Of course, I will still favor the Golden Retriever.  I remember playing alpha male with Pollo, and at times we could get carried away, and one of my daughters would try to join in the fun, but Pollo recognized that my daughter was not me, and knew the difference and concentrated his efforts on establishing alpha with me.

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And I will state, I love all retriever breeds, though there are some that do not have the demeanor to deal with children as reliably Goldens.  But there are other big breeds that I have always thought I would consider when the time comes and I can afford them, spend time with them, and emotionally, is the right time.

But if I had other choices, they would be these three breeds:

Pyrenese   The Great Pyrenees

newfoundland    The Newfoundland

And then there is the breed that prompted this post today…

Burmese    The Burmese Mountain Dog

Yes, I love big dogs.  All of these breeds have wonderful dispositions.  I know when the time comes, I will most likely go through rescue organizations and not pet stores.  And my reason is simple, the majority of puppies and dogs sold in pet stores come from puppy mills.  And I know anyone affiliated with a  pet store who sells dogs will object and say that it is not true.  And those pet stores are relying on semantics.  You see, the pet store is most likely buying their dog from a “broker”.  But a broker is not a breeder, simply just another step in the puppy mill process because a broker is the one who buys the dogs, most likely from a puppy mill.  Don’t believe me?  Assuming you have purchased a “pure bred” dog, chances are that the dog’s origin comes from an area overpopulated with puppy mills, like Lancaster County in Pennsylvania.

So yes, when the time comes, rather than contribute to keeping the puppy mills in operation, I will instead do what is of greater need, adoption of a rescue dog instead.  But that is when the time is right.

 

 

Forever Family Day 2015


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11 years ago, the Chinese Center For Adoption Affairs had FedEx-ed this photo, along with a portfolio of my oldest daughter.  The CCAA had made every effort, combining our dossiers with the observances of a six month old child, and had determined that Madison would be perfectly matched to our family.

And so, on March 14, 2004, Madison, then only known as Fu Shu Ting, was placed into our arms.  And in spite of being old, that because of cancer treatments, that I would never become a father, like everything else I proved the “experts” wrong about cancer survival, I became a father for the first time.

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From the moment that I found out that I would be unable to bear children, due to one of the chemo drugs I had been given to battle my Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, I looked into other methods.  Once all biological means had been exhausted, the attention turned to adoption.  With laws in the United States geared toward protecting the rights of the birth parents, and please understand, I can appreciate that, the prospect of adopting domestically just to have a biological parent change their mind, perhaps even years later, was not something else I wanted to add in my life of negative things I have had to deal with.

I attended an information meeting at a local adoption office, and that is where I met a little girl named “Lilly”.  Her mother was speaking about her experiences of international adoption, which now she had become an expert.  In less than five minutes, the decision had been made that adoption would be pursued through China.

This post is about celebrating Madison’s “Forever Family Day” so I will discuss the processes and all the decisions in another post.

35 - Our First Nap 8 x 10 Madison - October 2009

Most of us now refer to this date, as “Forever Family Day”.  At one time, many of us referred to it as “Gotcha Day,” but as political correctness often does, soon that name was felt to have a negative connotation, that perhaps the children were “snatched” and nothing could be further from the truth.  And so, we now refer to this as our “Forever Family Day.”

I remember every moment of our lives together, from the moment she was placed into my arms, to leaping out of her crib, first steps, first roller coaster ride.  And now, as she is considered a “tween”, she is very quick to remind me that soon she will be a teenager and driving.

Madison, my life changed forever when you came into my life.  I am proud of you, and so proud to be your dad.  And I will always be your dad, forever.  I miss you, and I love you.

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Defeating Cancer As A Team


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This evening, I was invited to give a speech at the Naples Relay For Life Team Party.  Tonight was about preparing all the teams for their big night coming up.  I was asked to give a speech on survivorship.  For those that would like to see the actual transcript, here it is (sorry, no video tonight due to technical problems):

 

 

“One of the best compliments a captain or the manager of a professional sports team can receive is not just by winning a championship, or by how the team earned the championship, or even when its championship design is duplicated and imitated by other teams, but rather when every participant of his or her team, come together with one common goal, completely unified, focused on the task to be done, actually makes it happen. The west coast offense of the San Francisco 49ers football team. The stifling trap defense of the Florida Panthers hockey team. And then of course there are the endless resources strategy of the New York Yankees baseball team. Winning teams know how to do just that, win.

The Relay For Life may never get the status of a professional sports endorsement but there is definitely no greater effort put out by anyone, than those involved with the Relay For Life, and the teams that raise funds and awareness every year, in every city. The success of Relays over the decades has made a difference and gives each and every cancer survivor hope for the future.

Dr. Gordon “Gordy” Klatt of Tacoma, Washington is credited with a novel team concept for fundraising that began with a simple and modest 24 hour effort originally called the City of Destiny Classic Run Against Cancer in 1985. Friends, family, and other supporters donated $27,000 while Gordy ran and walked over 80 miles around the track at the University of Puget Sound for 24 hours on his own. Just as in professional sports, the concept that originally began the Relay has resulted in something much more meaningful that all of the professional sports trophies combined. The following year, 1986, 19 teams participated in the first Relay For Life, which today nationally has raised more than 5 billion dollars to go towards cancer research and support programs. Dr. Klatt lost his life this past August from heart failure while battling of all things, cancer. But if anyone proved that one person could make a difference, Dr. Klatt was that one person.

The American Cancer Society proclaims a cancer patient a survivor from the moment that a patient is diagnosed. So, with that, I would like to share with you, another successful game plan that I hope will leave everyone inspired and believe that long term cancer survivorship can be achieved.

If anyone knows about success, it is my team. Now if you notice, I did not say that “I” knew about success. Last week, to the day, I became a 25 year cancer survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. But I clearly did not get to this point in my life alone. Combining strategies professional sports teams like the Yankees, the 49ers, and the Panthers use, my team was formed in November of 1988 in a small hospital in Bethlehem, PA.

I had my faith which admittedly had been shaken with my diagnosis and once the shock had worn off I reaffirmed what was going to be the foundation of my survival.

I had the best role model for beating cancer in knowing the first person in my life, famous or not to have survived cancer, my grandmother.

I made sure that I was being taken care of by the best staff assembled, and by best, I do not mean from the biggest hospital networks with the biggest superstars or best touchdown percentages. I had to feel and believe that those treating me, had every interest in seeing me in remission as a human being, not just as a statistical goal. From the oncologist, to the nurse, to the technicians, to the emotional support, I actually had made several changes in my care until I was confident in my prognosis.

In the stands, were all of my family, my friends, and my co-workers. For most, I was their first exposure to knowing someone who had cancer. And up until my diagnosis, they also knew only that people died from cancer.

And then of course there was the challenge itself. But one thing that I made known from the beginning, I was not only going to beat cancer, but the team that had been put together, I was not only a team member, but I was the team captain, the head coach, the manager. I was going to be as much of a part of the decision making process as the doctors involved.

Then came my championship moment, getting to hear the words “you are in remission.” But just as a professional sports team wants to return and repeat as a champion, so is the life of a cancer survivor. From the word remission, we want to hear “still in remission” year after year. And for teams to maintain that championship caliber, adjustments need to be made, year after year. The frequency and dramatic level of the changes vary from year to year, and personnel will most likely also change. And not every game is won. Cancer has not been kind to my family as I have lost 5 immediate family members to cancer, and said goodbye to well over a hundred friends who lost their battle to cancer. And I have also had my challenges throughout my survival, physically, emotionally, financially, relationships, employment, but one thing has remained constant. I will not let anyone take away from me, what I have accomplished over the last 25 years. I have not become a long term cancer survivor just to give up, EVER.

The fact is that I am constantly encouraged to go on not only from my current doctor who wants me to “ be a grandfather” someday, but to the hundreds of cancer survivors I have met with a longevity more than twice as long as mine. Yes, even a 25 year survivor needs to be, and can be inspired by others.

The only change to my strategy came when I decided to add two very important members to my team. I was blessed to become a father to two beautiful girls. They are now my driving force to continue on. And if anyone thinks I was difficult to deal with before because of my tenacity, my daughters are my world and I know how much I mean to them. I live for them. They never knew me as a cancer patient, and I was fortunate to never hear them ask, “is Daddy going to die” just because I had cancer.

Today, because of research and progress, with the help especially of the Relay For Life, my daughters will only have heard that at one time cancer was unstoppable, a long, long time ago. Today, my daughters know only that Daddy survived cancer. And they are proud of that. When involved in fundraising projects, in seeking benefactors, their recommendation is always to someone battling cancer, or specifically Hodgkin’s Lymphoma because they want others to share the same success that I have lived.

Teams are successful, and repeat success with one simple action, believing in it. See it. Feel it. Live it. And believe it. And just as each successful team takes one game at a time, take each day at a time. When you look back, it will already have been a week, then a month, then a year, then a decade, and more.

I am not a professional franchise or a professional athlete. I am just a normal person, who had cancer. And I do not think that it is necessary for someone to be famous to be inspiring when we just want and need to know someone who has beaten cancer, like I have done. Beating cancer is not about how much money you have or how famous you are, it is about what you have inside of you, and using every ounce of your being, to one day, be a long term cancer survivor.

I will wrap up with a quote that I use frequently through various support web sites that I am involved with:

“As I drive on the road of remission, I will keep looking in my rear view mirror to make sure that you are still following me. And if for some reason, you are not on that road yet, hurry up and get on that highway. It’s a great ride once you hit the road.”

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