Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Stay Home If You Are Sick? What If You Cannot?


Your child has a fever or vomits in school, you get the phone call to come and pick the child up.  Even when there is only ten minutes left to go in the day.  Last year our school district came up with some goofy policy in dealing with lice.  To be honest, I am not sure who does the actual determination as far as contamination when it comes to eggs and nits, but once again, the kids get sent home.  For the child, it is no big deal.  If there is homework missed, it would probably go home with a classmate if it was important, or a test would just be made up when the child returned to school.

But as adults we are expected to endure much more.  Not only are we expected to get to work, crawl into work, or be rolled on a stretcher into work, but we are expected to be exposed to all kinds of germs, bacteria, and viruses.  Currently, we are in the midst of a major flu outbreak.  It all depends on which media source you want to listen to, to determine just how bad the outbreak is every year.  A few years ago, it was the bird flu that was concerning everyone.  Last year swine flu acually led to my company having an attendance policy just for that outbreak.

If an employee had any sniffle, the company wanted you to make the decision to stay home.  Of course, we had a strict attendance policy that did not pay the employee for the first three days out sick.  But if you were sent home from work by health services suspected of swine flu, you were not allowed to return to work for seven days.  So the employer sends you home at your expense for three days and then you get paid for the remaining four.  The kicker is that the reprimand system kicks in at five days.  Nine days out you are suspended for five days (that is right, you are suspended five days for inconveniencing your employer if you are sick nine days in a year).  But at day twelve, potentially you will be fired, for being sick.

Consider this, whether paid sick time or unpaid, absenteeism is a huge expense for a company to absorb.  It is definitely worse if the employer has to pay the absent empoyee to do nothing at home, while expecting those who have come into work to make up the lost time, often without any extra pay.  So it becomes an accepted and tolerated procedure, reprimand the employee for not coming in to work, whether withholding pay, or by punitive actions such as suspensions and terminations.  The ironic thing is that this usually has no impact on the person who abuses any attendance system but has exactly the opposite effect on the employee with the legitimate illness.

It is normally the employee with the legitimate illness who is not used to getting a paycheck deducted with sick time.  Often times those employees live on budgets, so the stress of not missing pay from the check has the potential to make things worse.  So the reaction is for the employee with the legitimate illness to force themselves to work.  The employee is already at risk because of the depeleted immune system, but with physical exertion and exhaustion, the chances of recovery or worse, the illness becoming more dangerous,  has to be recognized at least as unfair. 

And if there is no concern for the legitimately ill employee, there should be even more disappointment in the concern for the other workers who are not contaminated with whatever bug the sick employee is dealing with.  So while the media spreads global fear of an Armageddon-like epidimic of flu, employers with their absentee policies actually contribute to the spreading of illnesses like the flu, strep throat, and other contagious diseases. 

If you are watching the bouncing ball, one sick person is bad, but risking several sick people is okay.  The cost of lost labor for one employee is bad, several employees out is very bad from a lost productivity point of view.  But that is exactly what employers create.

There is one final critical thing to be considered.  And it something no one, sick employee or greedy employer does not even consider, because it is something that neither can see.  There are people in the world, and especially in the work force who have what is called a compromised immune system.  A compromised immune system can be depressed supressed, compromised, and a few other descript conditions.  And unless one of those less unfortunate patients speak up, there is no way to know.

I am one of those who have a compromised immune systems.  I was not born this way, I was made that way.As part of the staging process of my Hodgkin’s Disease and determining the need for chemotherapy or radiation or both, a procedure called a laparotomy was performed.  One of the things done during this surgery was removal of the spleen to see if the organ is riddled with Hodgkin’s.  It was considered “no big deal” as I “didn’t really need a spleen” as others do without.  It was actually quite commone, not just for staging cancer, but in many forms of trauma, the spleen was removed.  This creates a condition for a patient being declared “asplenic”.

In recent times, it has been realized just how important the spleen is to the human being.  The spleen kickstarts your immune system and keeps it fighting whatever is fighting against your body.  For example, have a cold?  Your spleen helps to fight it.  Scrape and cut your knee?  The spleen helps to fight infection.  Having a heart attack?  The spleen helps to recover.  Simply put, no spleen, the chances of your fighting an infection or surviving are made that more difficult.  To help give me a chance, over the last several years, I had been given multiple pneumovax and menningicoccal vaccines.  My body does not respond in antibody production like it needs to which means that if you have a cold, I have an even bigger chance of coming down with it.  In spite of my children being innoculated for chicken pox, if there is a child at school who was not vaccinated, comes down with chicken pox, my daughters could carry it home.  Strep?  Increased chance.  Twice last year (within nine months to be exact), I was taken to the emergency room to be diagnosed with two different pneumonias, one case being septic, the other double.  But both types were determined to be “Community Acquired” which means I got it from someone else.  Someone else who was sick and either came to work, came to church, or some other public passing, created a near-fatal situation for me.  No, I know it was not on purpose, because they did not know I was at an increased risk or surely they would have avoided me.

My comments are more than just pushing for hand sanitizer every two feet or training everyone to cough into their elbows.  It is about awareness and consideration.  The flu might not be fatal for the majority of people, but for some, there is an increased risk.  Unlike last year when my employer forced a swine flu absence policy, it does not show any signs of improving preventive care today.

Remember Jim Henson, creator of the muppets?  Died of complications of strep, originally thought t o be pneumonia.  He was also asplenic.  In spite of agressive treatments used on asplenic patients, the creator of Kermit the Frog passed away at the age of 53 after two cardiac arrests.

I should not have to state publicly that I do not want to die, and that I do not want to catch what someone has.  It is common sense how to prevent the spread of things like colds and flu, clean hands, and staying home when you are sick.  I only wish employers realized that people do get legitimately sick and while there are those who play the system, those who do not, should not have to pay with their lives.

Can Being Bullied Be A Good Thing?


Over the last few years, especially with my 2011 school board campaign, I had many conversations about bullying in schools.  I have been an advocate for bully prevention forever.  In today’s schools and neighborhoods, I do not believe any level of bullying can be tolerated or treated as a “phase all kids go through.”

Bullying in school is frequently referred to in my daughters’ karate class by their instructor.  He does not teach them to attack bullies, but rather get help or defend.  But if a child must defend themselves, then by all means the child will.  But it was a conversation with a couple of parents that spurred this post.  I was talking to one parent about her son being bullied and how the school district is doing nothing to prevent it.  According to the parent, the child is in an alternative placement along with another student who is frequently physically assaulting her child.  I will not get into specifics of the case because I have only been told one side.  But I will say this.  No child should have their civil rights violated by being physically abused by another student.  If what the parent says is true, that this behavior is repeated, and the school has been notified, and so has the school district that placed both students, then the school is condoning the acts and the district is ignoring the acts, both by simply ignoring the complaints.  This is going to sound harsh, but if no one from the school or the district will control this situation, then the parent should involve the local authorities with formal charges against the bully for assault.

Just then, another parent joins in the conversation and begins to discuss bullying issues that his children have had.  But the father went further by explaining why he would not tolerate behavior like that at all against his children.  He revealed at that moment that he had been frequently abused in school by bullies.  He did not goin into reasons, but the point that he stressed, was the impact that it has had on him as an adult.  Honestly, I have never seen him bust a gut with a laughing fit,  but he has expressed a sense of humor, albeit a dry one.  But he got my attention with what he told me that he did not consider funny.  I will not go into those boundaries, because the point I want to make is how his being bullied as a child has made him the way he is today.

And that got me to thinking.  How did my being bullied in school affect me as an adult?  Quite simply, I do not choose my battles.  I will not back down from anyone for anything.  If I really do not believe in something,  that I am being urged to do or support, I will not, no matter the cost.  It is almost as if, all the crap I took from everyone back in school, I would never put up with any in my adult life, ever.   Having no one stand up for me, I will fight for everyone and everything.  This kind of thinking has not been good for me.  I have lost friends.  Family alienates me.  And there are frequent quarrels with Wendy. 

The majority of my co-workers despise me because I choose to do my job ethically, while they would rather cut corners, work unsafely, just to have hang-around time and socialize or surf the net.  But they are also good at slandering me and making false claims against me.  I do not let them get the upper hand, even if I happen to get in trouble.  I rely on my reputation for my work to speak for me.

Salesman have no chance against me.  Insurance reps, do not even think about ringing my door bell.  You might get away with mixing up my food order.

But my toughness from being bullied I thnk conributed to how I deal with my health.  For starters, I took on my battle with Hodgkin’s Disease never thinking the possibility it would take me.  Recovery from all the side effects was taken on the same way.  I would over come.  My heart surgery, bouts with pneumonia, all recovered under my direction, my determination.  But I get through them because I am so physically tough, a high tolerance for pain.  But that is what is keeping me alive.

Why Me?


(Thank you for another good topic sent to me to write about.)

Why me?  Maybe the question should be why not me?

I spent only one evening on the first question when I found out that I had cancer.  It is like spilling grape juice on a white carpet.  You can either stand there and stare at the deepening stain or you can get right to work cleaning it up.  I worked very hard to rid that cancer from my body.  I had no choice.  A stain in the carpet, you can at least replace the carpet when it did not come clean.  My life would not have that opportunity.  I could not worry about how or why the juice was spilled, I had to clean it up, now.  There was no length of time to ask “why”, I had to start treatments, now.

That is not to say that I left myself off the hook.  It just took me a lot longer to get there.  In a short number of years following the end of my treatments, the question that would haunt me, and do so repeatedly, was why not me?  I had gotten through my treatments of course with the short term side effects, but only one would show any kind of permanence to it, the hair loss from the radiated area.  Within a couple years of treatments, I would find out that also my thyroid had been compromised from the radiation, and chemotherapy left me infertile.

But in 1997, I met a group called the American Cancer On-line Resources web site, www.acor.org .  I went on to the link for long term survivors because that is what I wanted to be, a long term survivor.  I was around seven years out, so hopefully that qualified me.  It did not take long for me to realize the web site was not what I thought it was going to be.  Yes, the people here were long term survivors, but they were dealing with so many horrible and severe issues that they were blaming their cancer treatments.  I did not stay long on the site because I did not feel that I belonged in that arena.  But something made me sign back on again.

I began to meet people at least over the internet who had gone through similar experiences with even the same diagnosis and staging as me.   But they were at a stage now, where they were either dealing with another cancer, heart issues, muscular issues, bone related concerns, and so on.  It was hard for me to relate because I was not experiencing those issues.

Then I met one particular list member who to this day, is one of the most important survivor that I have ever met.  For privacy reasons, I will call her Tina, and if she reads this, she knows I will talking about her.  It was over fifteen years ago when I first heard her struggles.  Tina had gone through treatment for Hodgkin’s Disease, just as I had.  But her treatment was done in a hospital network up in New York.  My treatments were done in Allentown.  She had been treated the year before me.  But there was a huge difference between one year, and several hundred miles.  The amount of radiation that she was exposed to was double what I had been, which was 4 times the lifetime limit.  Our chemos were similar.  By the time I had met her, she had already had another cancer (thyroid) and over two dozen surgeries.

Why did she have to go through so much?  Why not me?  Tina was not the only one.  I personally met dozens more long term survivors, some had the same staging, same treatment, different treatment, and most all had different issues they were dealing with.  But why them and not me?

I have often wondered about the three other patients who were treated with me in the oncology suite.  I never met them or even knew their names.  I only know that I opted for additional preventive chemo, and they obviously had not, evidenced by their absence.  I did find out at the time that two of them did have to have their chemo adjusted for their low blood count levels.  Some how, I took 8 full dose complete cycles.

But along with the people going through Hodgkin’s, or other cancers, patients who relapsed, patients who lossed their battle, or other long term survivors, I forever asked, “why them?  Why not me?  The relapse patients and my friends who passed away either from their cancer or secondary issues often left me with empty and hurting feelings.  I relied on them for hope and inspiration.  In spite of what they were going through, they were still living a long time, much longer than cancer patients were supposed to.  And since I had no serious issues at the time, I counted on that.  Why them?  Why not me?

Before I go any further, I must state, as I always do, times change.  Everyone’s bodies are different not only in physical being, but how they react.  Geography, schooling of the doctor, attitiude, diet, sleep, and many more factors all play into how well you do with treatments.  Then of course, there is progress.  That is something we often take for granted.  We think that it takes forever for new things to be discovered, when in reality, new treatments are discovered nearly every day.  If the treatments work better, and are less toxic, and produce less side effects, the patient will get those treatments, and the former treatments will become obsolete or at least last resort like those that were used on me.  The same was said to me decades ago, by other survivors who came before me.

Like I said earlier, I do not spend a lot of time asking “why me?”  But around the time that I met the survivors I now know today, I did begin to ask, “why not me?”  Why were others who were treated around the time I was treated developing such side severe side effects and I am not?  Why are people who were treated with the same modes of radiation and chemo in bad physical condition and I am not?  Why does Tina have to repeatedly go through life arrest and I do not?  Why them and not me?

Here comes another one of those “yeah, but…” disclaimers.  Back as late as the mid 90’s, cancer survivors still were not expected to surpass five years statistically, in spite of the fact that millions of cancer patients were doing just that.  But once it was realized, protocol was developed and the need was understood, to follow up cancer patients, even if completed with treatments.  There is still some discussion as to which doctor should be doing this, your primary care doctor or your oncologist, but now a cancer patient is followed up, forever.  And as cancer patients we know, the earlier something is caught, the better the chance of survival.  And by the continued follow-up care, any secondary cancers or issues that develop will be caught earlier than the critical care that was needed to prevent what would have been my fatal heart attack.

There is a lot to miss, if you spend too much time asking “why me?” or even “why not me?”  Just like the time passes if you stared at the expanding, wet, purple spot of grape juice still sitting on your white carpet.

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