Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Side Effects”

Becoming A Long Term Survivor


As of 1988, the only thing I knew about cancer, was people died from it.  Patients would go through surgeries and treatments and hopefully get to hear the word “remission.”  But you never heard of anyone living a long time after if they were ever told they were in remission.

I was twenty-two years old at the time.  The only computer I had access to, was for operational needs of the company that I worked for.  Though our computers would work from one store location to another, we had no “internet” as it is known today.  There was no way to seek out anyone else who had gone through Hodgkin’s Lymphoma to see if they were cured, still living, or passed away.

From the moment I heard the words, “you have cancer,” I had it in my mind, all that I needed was to hear that just one other person beat it, and then I would too.  I had an uncle who spoke of a friend, who in the 1970’s had dealt with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  And with a little research, I found a professional football player with the New York Giants, Karl Nelson, had battled Hodgkin’s.

After all that effort, I had heard of two individuals who had faced what I was staring at.  Now, all I needed to do was make contact.  Long story short, especially with how quickly things move with a Hodgkin’s Lymphoma diagnosis, I never made contact with anyone before, during, or after my treatments.  I was on my own.

I remained “alone” through the first five years following the end of my treatments.  And then, I bought my first computer.  With that, a thing called “the internet.”  I soon learned that I could research things over the computer, and stumbled across a “list serve” (an old term for an email list), with a membership of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma patients and survivors.  HOLY SHIT!  There were more people like me!  A lot more people like me!  As it turned out, we were scattered all over, not just the United States, but all over the world.

Then, I found another email list, actually part of a larger grouping, through the American Cancer Online Resources, ACOR for short.  This organization covered not just Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, but so many other forms of cancer, as well as other issues associated with dealing with cancer, such as money, fertility, etc.  It was soon after signing up for information about Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, it was recommended to me that I check out one of the lists on ACOR for “long term cancer survivors.”

At just over five years of survivorship, I hardly considered myself “long term.”  But the length of my survivorship had nothing to do with my status, rather, those members on this list, had been experiencing late developing side effects from the treatments that cured them of their cancer.  The problem?  Medicine barely recognized these issues because, they just made no sense.  And therefore, often got undiagnosed.  And if you did get a proper diagnosis, it was undetermined if you would get the proper care to treat that issue.  At least, there was a group of people who understood each other and what we were going through.  There were others who could answer our questions, and give us the tools that we needed to approach our doctors.

And then… Facebook!  With the introduction of Facebook and other social media, communications between current patients and survivors increased to levels unimagined by me in 1988.  Soon, various groups and subgroups popped up, consisting of thousands of members, not just all over the country, but all over the world.

Not only is information being shared by us with each other, but with the medical community as well, and more of us, affected by effects from our treatments, are now finally getting the help needed to manage their quality of life.

It is not just about sharing information either.  Even during the early days of the list serve, the need to actually meet other survivors, to put a face to names, to see with our own eyes, that others have survived.

And just a couple of years ago, a new organization was created, especially just for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and survivors, called Hodgkin’s International.  The amazing organization works to bring awareness and knowledge to survivors and the medical community of the needs and issues related to Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.

This progress has been recognized in just my thirty years of cancer survivorship, something, besides raising a family of my own, I never thought I would see.

I have given countless speeches on survivorship and the issues we face travelling all across the United States over the years.  I have been published in various newsletters and books, even having one of my writings performed (see “My Dad Was Just Like Me” at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3KI6LQu2Nts ).  And I am finally writing my first full length book on my experiences as a cancer survivor.

Becoming a long term survivor has not just been about the number of years since I heard, “you are in remission.”  Becoming that survivor has meant not letting cancer define who I am, but has taught me that even though, I cannot make a difference in certain aspects of life (I cannot donate blood or organs as a cancer survivor), I can make the difference in sharing my experiences, my knowledge, my resources, and the stories of fellow survivors.  I do not need to be a celebrity or pro athlete that had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma to make a difference.  That is what being a long term survivor has meant to me, making that difference.

Another Year Of “Paul’s Heart” On The Way


I just received notification that my domain name has come up for its annual renewal.  Though technically, “Paul’s Heart” shows as only having started January 6th, 2013, it actually began the year before, as a technical glitch, forced me to begin all over, transferring all of my stories over.  Fortunately at that point, it was only a few dozen.

Although my first post, was just a “Welcome To Paul’s Heart” message, and what my blog was going to be about, life as a cancer survivor and as a dad to two wonderful daughters, the first official post was called, “What Happens When You Outlive Statistics.”  That was written eight years ago.  My health had already turned from my late side effects from Hodgkin’s Lymphoma back twelve years earlier.  And now, I am a survivor of cancer of more than thirty years.

The thing that keeps me going, is I have goals.  Goals with my daughters, and things I still want to complete.  The Covid19 pandemic has given me the best start of writing my first book, written solely by me.  In fact, not even completed, I have ideas for three more after that one.

Then there are the things I have written here.  I have published 922 posts so far, and I have 254 prompts started.  So I am not running out of material any time soon.

But what has meant the most to me, are the comments that I have received over the years, either encouragement or appreciation because of knowledge gained from my experiences.  Honestly, I have a lot longer to go.

Remembering A “Rival” Survivor


Last week, I found out that a fellow long term survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma had passed away suddenly.  I am going to apologize in advance for what may seem like a scattered and unorganized post.  Normally, as I do these posts, remembering fellow survivors, I am a bit more put together with my thoughts.

Those of us who knew Michele, were all caught off guard by the news, and likely discovered by mistake.  In our circle of survivors, it is not uncommon for us to disappear into the background, and just watch what is going on.  Combined with the all-consuming issue of Covid19, we found out Michele passed away long ago, just as states were beginning to set restrictions.  Her last post was actually two days before she passed away, showing no awareness that her end was near.

Typical of one of us, a long term survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, she struggled with many late side effects from the treatments that cured her of her cancer.  Some days were more difficult than others.  She found most of her strongest support among our group, because with all of us dealing with similar issues, we not only understood what she was going through, we knew what she was going through.

Just before Covid19 took over, she and I had a discussion about two issues that we shared (I will not state them out respect for her privacy).  But as I had experienced these events, and their causes, she found direction to assist her doctor in directions to pursue not only answers, but hopefully management.  Multiple trips to the hospital for the same thing, left her frustrated, as it does all of us.

Michele was not really complicated.  She had two young children as do I.  They were her world.  And now their mother is gone, a feeling I do not wish on anyone, including my own.  Unfortunately the reality for so many of my fellow survivors.  But any strength or stamina she had, it went to her children.

Over the years, we did have other little “non” Hodgkin’s related banter, especially when she found out I was a Seattle Seahawk fan.  Being from New England, she was all to happy to remind me of the awful finish to the Super Bowl where her Patriots ended up victorious due to a huge coaching error.

There were a lot of fun things written about Michele in her memoriam that showed, in spite of all of the health struggles she had, she still made the most of her life with her children.

But as for us survivors, the suddenness of her passing, in spite of her struggles, and not really knowing what ultimately caused her passing, has shaken us.  We know our health is fragile, and we do not take our days lightly.  Even when we are not having our best day, we do not want it to be our last.

Our group of survivors continues to grow, and I can only wish that they would have had the chance to meet Michele.  Like I said, she was inspirational to so many.

Post Navigation