Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Side Effects”

My Most Important Advocate


I cannot help it.  While most people worry about this time of year when it comes to income tax returns, for me, mid-April means so much more.  Every time at this time of year, I cannot help but think where I was, now nine years ago.

In all the chatter about health care by our government, there is hardly if any, conversation or concerns expressed about two of the most important players in health care, the patient and the doctor.

I am blessed to have the primary care physician that I have had.  In fact, in 51 years, I have had only 3 PCP’s, with my current one, caring for me for well over thirty years.  Since I am not mentioning her name, I am not calling her out about her age, so that is not rude.  But I have made it clear to her, that after she makes the decision to retire, there will be no more PCP’s for me.

I consider us friends though our company has been mostly limited to doctor-patient time for the most part.  There have been the occasional interactions outside of the office.  As a fellow adoptive parent, I have watched her children grow up.

I call her a friend also, because she has something that I demand most in a friend, trust.  Sure, she is my doctor, but other than my mother, no one, no one has any better clue about me, than my doctor.  The funny thing is, she also practices with her husband, who in that entire time, I have only seen him once as a patient.  If there is an occasion that has come up that I am receiving emergency care, my emergency bracelet says to contact her first.

Up until 2008, I was a fairly reliable patient, coming in once a year for a seasonal allergy shot.  Even the staff knew that I did not complain about health ailments.  I took no prescriptions.  If they saw me in the waiting room at any other time, everyone knew that something had to be wrong.

It was around this time, nine years ago, that I contacted her about an issue I was having, for nearly 4 months that I could recall.  It was a tightness in my chest, on the left side.  It appeared at the immediate commencement of any physical activity.  I ignored it, because after about a minute, the discomfort would go away.  But because it had been happening for so long, it became annoying.  Here is how the conversation… over the phone went…

Me:  Hey doc.  I was wondering if you could help me.  It’s just something weird and annoying.  I get this tightness in the left side of my chest whenever I start something physical.  It goes away after about a minute.  It has been happening for about 4 months, but is happening now, every time.  Do you have any idea how to get this to go away?

Just like my office visits,  expected this phone call to be that simple.

Doctor:  Well, given your medical history (Hodgkin’s Lymphoma), and you are a bit overweight, I think I am going to order a nuclear stress test.  We will see from there.

Ok.  At this point still fairly simple as far as I was concerned.  I had no idea the point behind the nuclear stress test, just as I had no idea when I was sent to an oncologist for suspected cancer.

But here is where our doctor/patient relationship paid off in huge dividends.

A nuclear stress test is not a cheap test.  It is also not normally ordered on people my age at the time (42).  But knowing that I do not complain about little aches and pains, she had an idea what she was suspecting.  And while many critics may complain about tests that doctors order that they feel are unnecessary or without looking at other options, my doctor went right for the big one.  Also, her office was the one that would make the appointment for me.  Because as anyone knows, if you have to make an appointment with a specialist, it could take weeks or even months.

My doctor, my best advocate.  The test would reveal a major blockage to my heart.  Though even this test would not disclose just how serious it really was.  The procedure I was immediately schedule for right after that stress test, would show that I was about to die, at any minute.  And that is not being dramatic.  That was a fact.

It was discovered that the main artery to my heart (the LAD), was scarred badly enough from radiation treatments that I had 18 years earlier for my Hodgkin’s, that the artery was restricted 90%.  I had what is often referred to as a “widow maker”.

There is more to this story as I have written in the past.  But my point for writing this today is this, our government is still trying what to do, or not do, in regard to health care.  And no one in our government is looking at availability or affordability.  No one is concerned about prevention.  And no one in our government is looking at the fact that our doctors are not even being taken into consideration when it comes to health care.

We have the quality doctors.  I know this personally.  But had she followed “guidelines” or “insurance requirements” instead of her being “just a doctor”, I would be dead.  She knows her patients.  She is the best person to make this call, not someone in an office somewhere in the country or even across the globe who has never seen me.  Yet, that is what is driving the health care argument – how to protect the greed of the insurance company, not giving the best and necessary care.

Health care should not be for the healthy and wealthy.  But that is how it is being treated.  But even with that horrible attitude, that does not change the fact, that doctors are not being given the ability to be a doctor, without being overruled by a penpusher from Wall Street.

In spite of all this, I still have the faith of my doctor, my friend, my advocate.  And until the day she chooses to retire, she will be my doctor, my final doctor.  I trust her with my life.  Because of her skill, her advocacy, I am here nine years later for my two young daughters.

I do not have permission to print her name, but she knows who she is.  I am forever grateful.

Questions And Answers


Every so often, follower of “Paul’s Heart” reach out to me with questions.  I want to take this opportunity right now to answer those questions.

How do you decide your topics?

I am a very impulsive writer in most cases.  With the exception of planned projects, such as short stories I have had published in Visible Ink, various news publications, the majority of posts/stories come from ideas that personally concern me, such as cancer, survivorship, adoption, health care, divorce, and such.  An idea might pop into my head, and within hours, I “lose” that urgency to write, and it falls into a cue which currently holds over 500 prompts.

Are there things I will not write about?

I do not believe in censorship, so I would say that I can and would write about anything if I was asked.  As a rule, when it comes to “Paul’s Heart”, I generally do not discuss my opinions when it comes to religion and politics because those things are private to me, and I do not want that to interfere with the purpose of this blog, to help and support those experiencing similar life struggles as myself.  If I do write about a controversial subject, such as health care, I will do my best to research and present facts.  But I have found, that writing about politics or religion, often cause more harm to relationships, and what I want this blog to achieve.

Do you prefer to write fiction or non-fiction?

I am told that I do not give myself enough credit for my writings.  I have had several assistants editing many of my pieces, all with different approaches for me.  I do not consider myself to have a vivid imagination, yet my writing coaches have a way of drawing out that talent from me.  I do prefer to write biographical type pieces, as many of my followers look to “Paul’s Heart” for inspiration.  I have written about many others on this blog and the experiences that they have gone through, so the stories are not just about me.

I have taken what I have learned from my writing coaches, and encourage my children to write in a similar fashion, by giving them simple prompts to provoke their imagination.

I do enjoy writing editorial pieces also.

Do you make time to write?

I recall the person who asked me this question.  Their claim was that between all of the doctor appointments, work, taking care of their family, this person felt that they had no time to write, in spite of their desire to do so.

I do try to set aside time to write, at least once a week, if not more.  It does not always work out that way, because I also have a tendency to get “stuck” not able to put thoughts together to write a piece, perhaps I do not like the finished project, or I just even give up on that particular piece.  But unless I have a deadline to meet, I write when I write.

In further discussion with this person, it turned out that they spent on average three hours on a train, commuting to and from work.  I mentioned that if they were interested in writing, this time period on the train would be ideal to gather thoughts, to see if there would be anything that they might like to discuss on paper.  Time on the train is a perfect and often quiet time to reflect.

Is writing therapeutic for you?

In one word, absolutely.  I am a person who internalizes… a lot.  I have many emotional struggles as a cancer survivor, one of which is survivor’s guilt.  And that is exactly what it says.  I also deal with PTSD and anxiety in relation to my survivorship.  I do have someone that I speak with, but when I do not have that option available, yes, writing is just one of the things I enjoy to help me relax, along with my other method, music.

Whether you publish something, or just document a thought in some sort of diary, releasing a thought that is of great concern to you through writing is indeed therapeutic.  Keeping concerns inside is not good.  And all too often, we do not have someone that we can just readily talk to, or may not even be good at listening.  We can express our thoughts, reflect on them, and then decide if it is necessary to share with others, or is it good enough that “I” recognize that expressing myself as I had done, that is all that needs to be done.  Yes, it is very therapeutic.

Can I share my story on your blog?

As long as it pertains to cancer, survivorship, adoption, or divorce, I am more than happy to share others stories of survivorship and inspiration.  You can send your story to me at pedelmanjr@yahoo.com .

As always, I am so thankful for everyone who reads and follows “Paul’s Heart”.  As I mentioned earlier, I have a lot of stories in cue to get to.  I think I am caught up on questions.

Five People I Met Without Going To Heaven


The following short story was published in Visible Ink Anthology 2017, my 5th publication of short stories.

One of my favorite books (and movies) is “The Five People You Meet In Heaven,” by author Mitch Albom. As inspirational a story as it is, my thoughts are, “why wait until getting to heaven to meet those who have influenced my life.”

I have survived Hodgkin’s Lymphoma for more than 26 years. But it was only in 2008, that I learned that I had developed late effects from the treatments that had saved my life. There are people that have come into my life, total strangers, who have made my survival possible, both physically and emotionally.

In 1997, I “met” Tammy on a Hodgkin’s internet listserve. My story is limited to 800 words. All the late side effects she has had to deal with alone would take 800 words. Many of those issues resulted in several near death incidents, either because her cure had betrayed her, or doctors, uneducated in late effects, had no idea how to treat her. Nearly twenty years later, we are still friends, she has proudly seen her children grow and get married, and has several grandchildren. Were it not for her will, she would never had this experience.

In 2008, just as there was no real protocol of follow up for cancer survivors back when I was treated, nor were there many doctors who knew how to diagnose and treat patients with these late effects. Linda was another listserve member who tried to get me to participate in a “long term survivor” support list, but at that time, I felt I did not belong, because people on that list, had many serious issues about their post care. Up until 2008, I was healthy. But following my heart surgery, caused by radiation therapy damage, it was clear that I was going to need support that had knowledge in late term side effects. There were not many facilities that had this skill.   I lived near Philadelphia at the time, but Linda encouraged me with a phrase that has stuck with me forever, “Don’t let economics determine your care.” In other words, if I had to travel to get the care I needed, it would make the difference.

Which in the Fall of 2008, I would be welcomed into the Survivorship program at Memorial Sloan Kettering. I was introduced to Dr. Oeffinger, who has an understated title of “primary care physician,” when clearly to those in his care are more than aware that the title does not do him justice. With his studies of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and late effects from treatments spanning decades, Dr. Oeffinger ran all the tests necessary to see how my body had been affected over the years, and helped to assemble a great team of doctors, nurses, therapists, and techs that would not only help me manage my health issues, but Dr. Oeffinger made a statement to me that has stuck with me forever, as I do everything I can to work with him on this goal, “I cannot reverse what is happening to you, but I can help you slow it down. More importantly, I can help you see your daughters grow. You will see the time of being a grandfather.” My health and my emotions had been spinning out of control up until that moment.

In recent years, I met Kristi. Not just was she a teenager when she dealt with Hodgkin’s, not only was she dealing with late effects, but she was faced with a life-threatening challenge that would have been enough for even a healthy individual to overcome. With life-threatening injuries from a car accident, she came back stronger than ever both physically and spiritually, driven by the love and support of her family.

And finally, the last person is actually a group of people, and since I am not done meeting them, it will be a long time before I am ready to get to heaven. Any opportunity that I get, I reach out to meet any number of fellow cancer survivors. Each and every story, unique as their cancer journey was to them, tells an inspirational tale of perseverance, hope, triumph.   In actuality, it is our unquestioned support for each other, that we keep things in perspective while not discounting the severity of our own issues. Everything we are going through is very real to each and every one of us, and no one’s pain is any less real than another.

With Dr. Oeffinger’s help, it is going to be awhile before I get to heaven. I have a lot more people to meet.

Authors’s note – Following my composition of this story, a friend, fellow cancer survivor, and author of Visible Ink, passed away. I am dedicating this story, to Davina Klatsky, one of the many people I have met and will some day meet in Heaven.

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