Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Food”

22 Jan 2013

Reality TV Bites! My Pitch To The Major Networks


Shows based on reality.  Oh, the humanity!
“You’re gonna lose your mind watchin’ TV” Oh, and “Fear Factor” I watched maybe a half hour after that, felt like I needed a long shower
Network execs with naked ambitions, “Next week on FOX, watch lions eat Christians”.  Leech-covered grub-eatin’ fools on “Survivor”
I love shows with or without a plot I’ll stare ’til my legs are numb, my eyes bloodshot
Because I only have got One brain to rot
I’m gonna spend my life watching television a lot

These lyrics are from Wierd Al Yankovic’s song parody “Couch Potato”.  I have intentionally only copied the references to reality television.  You can read the complete lyrics on any web page.  Late last year I attended a cancer survivor event.  One of the speakers was a head honcho at Memorial Sloan Kettering Cancer Center.  When he finally began speaking he mentioned the uncomfortable feeling he got referring to former cancer patients as “survivors”.  Survivor is often a term we associate with war, accidents, natural disasters.  I am paraphrasing, but that is the gist of what he said.  I believe he was attributing it to the duration of the event and the effects following it.  I would go one step further as far as using the word survivor, not just for cancer patients, but those who have survived war, disasters, and other tragic events.  I believe the word “survivor” has been cheapened by “reality TV”.

I will admit that I do watch an occasional reality show, but it is very rare.  The whole concept of someone volunteering to be put in precarious positions, be paid for it, and referring to the victor as a survivor is insulting and demeaning to those who have had no choice, who are not given a financial opportunity to recover (or in the TV world, profit from their effort or gain their fifteen minutes of fame).

Seriously, take a look around your waiting room.  In walks your doctor with a TV producer, and about a dozen people whom you do not recognize.  Since you do not know any of the visitors it is up to the doctor to introduce to you, what is about to happen.

“I have been approached by this major network about a new reality show about getting through a battle with cancer.  These people have all volunteered to be given the same cancer, and the same treatments.  There will be challenges where they will be given the opportunity for extra treatments, or denied treatments.  Competitions will determine what order people would receive their treatments.  Losing challenges would also carry consequences.  Every week, one contestant will be sent home by vote from the real patients who are not here for the TV show, where they will then have to find their own treatment plan.  The last one standing, or surviving, will be the winner of a million dollars.  As participants as observers, we will make sure that you get a year’s supply of TV guides to make sure you know just when the show is airing.  Sound good?”

Of course this scenario is prerposterous, and offensive.  But many times, when I watch shows like Survivor, Big Brother, Fear Factor, and now all these sub-class shows like Redneck Vacations and a show mocking an overweight child because her parents are too stupid to realize the damage they are causing, I do not want to be held in the same descriptive sense of the word survivor.  I have been through too much for my journey to be so understated just because it did not appear on some remote island.  My psychological battles are far worse than a group of spoiled egotistical jerks who believe the only way to get by is by being deceiptful, and disloyal.

We cancer patients are kind of funny with the labels that healthy people, and sometimes other cancer patients like to place on us.  Survivor.  Warrior.  And I am not going to rip on people who watch the reality shows.  But just once, I would like to see a major network produce a series and stick with it, about true survivors, not volunteers, we were forced into our situations.  We were not made into millionaires because of it, but there are literally millions of us, over twelve million.  Many of us have additional issues, and most do not know why.  Stand Up 2 Cancer is doing great by drawing attention to supporting research to find new cures and support, but we need something to show that people do live long lives in spite of their greatest challenge in life.  A walk around a track at your local Relay For Life is lined with luminairies with the names of people who have faced cancer and beaten it.  I would like to see a Nationally televised Relay For Life with at least half of the program dedicated to survivors and perhaps expanding the Stand Up 2 Cancer to include the various issues that survivors face after treatments from psychological to medical.  Just once, I would like to see a real reality show that is not based on backstabbing, lying, and degrading.  I would like to see true success and show people how success is really celebrated and appreciated.

Posted in Adoption, Animals, Bullying, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Food, Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart and tagged , , , , | Leave a comment
15 Jan 2013
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Learning To Relax


I have three main sources of my visible stress, only one of which I make public, though the other two are known by select few.  The other sources of my stress end up internalized.  Given a scale of 1-10 with 10 being the worst, my stress level is easily at 10 nearly 85% of the time.  The other 15% of the time, if I can get to sleep, there is a reduction in my stress.  I am not sure, because it probably depends on how long I sleep, if I get into a deep enough sleep, and what I am waking up to.

My doctors are more than concerned with this, because stress is not good.  There are any number of maladies that I could be facing from stroke to heart attack.  I am on several prescriptions all meant to help keep my stress down.  I see a therapist regularly for my stress (as well as survivor guilt issues).  Medically I do what I can to relax, but it is not enough.  And since I am not willing to give up my living, a job that I actually enjoy doing, I must find other ways to decompress.

There are common ways to relax such as meditation, yoga, and even jogging.  For me, I get through my work day with music.  I plug in the old ear buds, turn my Ipod up as loud as it will go, and I am off.  Yes, it is very loud.  But you know what?  I do not hear anything.  I do not hear gossip.  I do not hear complaining.  I do not hear bad news.  I am able to place myself in another totally different situation mentally.  This was huge during chemotherapy, during convalescing from my heart surgery, and many other medical times.  But at work, I need it to get through my day.

Norman Vincent Peale wrote about “positive imaging”.  This was a concept where you simply took your mind to the place that you hoped to be in the future.  In terms of a cancer patient, for me, I was done with chemo, hair had grown back, weight lost, and life had been back to normal.  I think that any time you take your mind away from your present stress, it can be relaxing. 

Deep breathing.  You want to talk about feeling differently without even moving?  I have seen the directions written differently, but the concept is to change your pattern of breathing which I believe would change your brain’s thinking.  Some exercises have you inhaling through your nose for a count of five, holding for five, then exhaling from the mouth for a count of five.  You could do 5-4-4 or 4-5-5, I would imagine any formula would work.  I do around ten sets of this breathing  technique which often helps to calm me down.

Exercising can do wonders.  Any movement with your legs, walking even with a quick gait, breathing in through the nose, and out from the mouth, will provide immediate results of relaxation. 

I recently did a post on how much my golden retriever means to me.  Simply all pets are capable of providing stress relief.  And with cats, even comic relief when a laser pen is involved.

Psychotherapy.  Unfortunately, seeing a “shrink” has such a negative connotation or stigma attached to it.  But I can admit that I see one.  I have a major issues with Survivor’s Guilt (from many incidents in my life), but she is also crucial for stress management.  I am not crazy.  I am not depressed.  But I am thankful to have her as part of my survival care.

Prescription drugs.  For me personally, this will be a last resort.  I have had the ocassional anxiety attack prior to a medical procedure, where I was encouraged to take something, but refused.  In general, I do not believe taking prescription drugs accomplish anything with eliminating the stress, as I say, “only hiding from it”.

Finally, I have found a new form of relaxation, martial arts.  I have certain limitations due to my physical survivor issues, so I believe that I am only going at half speed.  But the relaxtion comes as I am on the floor, concentrating one hundred percent on the techniques and forms.  If I do not pay attention, I will get waffled in the face.  My partners tell me that I do not seem as limited as I believe, and am fairly accurate with my moves.  But for at least that hour, I accomplish something that I have not been able to do to this point, relax.  I have totally eliminated the stress for that our, without medication, and hopefully enough that when the next day comes, my stress is at a lower level than when I left it the prior day.

I must reduce my stress.  If you doubt what stress can do, stay tuned.  I am going to show you what stress actually looks like and what it does to the body.

Posted in Adoption, Animals, Bullying, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Food, Recreation, The Heart and tagged , , , ,
06 Jan 2013

Morris – Not The Pickiest Eater


He was one of the most famous faces and names of the 1970′s.  The word finicky became a household word and its definition was displayed as an orange Tabby cat, named Morris.  This snarky feline was notorious for turning his nose up to just any brand cat food, the only success coming from 9-Lives Cat Food.

Allow me to introduce you to someone so sneaky when it comes to food, me.  I like my foods plain, and only red meats or poultry and starches get my seal of approval.  I have been this way all my life.  Seafood, I do not want to see this food or eat it.  Green leafy vegetables, last I checked, there is no bushy tail attached to my derrier.

At the risk of being a poster boy for all they hypocrites of the world, I knew that I had to do better when it came to encouraging my daughters to eat properly.  From the beginning, both girls were given “everything” on their plate.  Wendy and I never made it seem like it was some sort of monumental effort to get the girls to try foods as if there was something wrong with what we were serving them.  But a couple of years later, after beginning to master “no thank you”, Wendy and I took a different approach to sampling new flavors.  We called it a “no thank you bite”.  Basically, you had to try it, and if you still did not like it, then you could say “no thank you.”  Sometimes that happened, but mainly our efforts were successful.

Today, my daughters are split on their eating habits.  The older one continues to love eating her greens.  She loves her red meat, but enjoys anything green with it.  Given her choice, she would probably sit and eat an entire bag of frozen brocoli.  Our youngest though has become a challenge.  She has mastered “holding out”.  Now taking the longest to eat a meal, she now stretches lunch or dinner to nearly an hour and a half while barely touching her plate.  She counts on being offered a snack with Madison.  That is right, Emmalie is our junk food bug.  Wendy and I have a fairly good grasp on it, but with guests or while visiting others we are clearly outnumbered.

We succeeded in getting the girls to eat or at least try everything in spite of how finicky an eater that I am.  Occasionally I had to take one for the team just to show that the food was harmless.  Fortunately, neither daughter has mastered how to read poker faces.  Surely they would have figured me out.

When I had the heart surgery, one of the major changes I was supposed to make, though the reason for needing the surgery was not diet related, I needed to eat better.  Everyone from doctors to nurses to my daughters pushed me to eat healthier.  And I tried, I really tried.   Wendy made all kinds of vegetables drowned in garlic so that garlic was all that I tasted.  I even learned a new way to tolerate eating veggies, to anyone’s shagrin  who would be sitting at a table with me, ketchup.  I put ketchup on everything green.  Bottom line, it gets the green into me at least.  It does not look great to you, but for me, I am getting the nutrients needed.  It would totally defeat the purpose, but I could smother everything in melted cheese if your prefer.

Of course, I tire of ketchup, which means that I stop eating the vegetables for awhile until I start to regain the will to eat ketchup again.  There are nightly challenges from the girls to eat green, but they are antagonizing about it.  “Come on daddy, just one bite, but no ketchup.”

Posted in Family and Friends, Food | Leave a comment

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