Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Family and Friends”

The Fantastic “Voyage” – 12 Years Later


At this time, twelve years ago, I was laying on a table, with no heartbeat.

I had been taken to the operating room around 4am, with a detour at the hospital chapel.  I was scheduled for an emergency triple bypass that was discovered only because I was annoyed by a symptom that I could no longer ignore after four months.  Less than twenty-four hours earlier, I had undergone a catheterization which was believed to have been good enough to correct the suspected blockage.  Instead, my cardiologist had discovered, I had a blockage that gets the dramatic nickname, called a “widow maker.”  Because that is what the type of blockage leads to, a fatal heart attack, not if, but when.

I have written before about the procedure, and you can view the page, “CABG – Not Just A Green Leafy Vegetable.”  Instead, as I have had time to do during this social isolation, I went through my medical file that I have a copy of every record from April 17, 2008 on.  I came across my surgical report from this bypass surgery.

Reading this report reminded me of a movie that I had seen on multiple occasions as a child, “Fantastic Voyage,” featuring Raquel Welch.  It was a sci-fi thriller that had doctors shrunk in size, placed into a submarine type vehicle, the inserted into a syringe, injected a patient.  The vehicle would travel through the body into the various systems finding themselves under attack from white cells, that were only doing what intended, attacking foreign bodies, and other creative situations, all in the attempts to perform a surgical procedure from within the body itself.  Seriously, check out this movie if you can find it.

Anyway, as a Hodgkin’s survivor, I was taught the importance of keeping a copy of my records for everything.  Because not every medical personnel you deal with will have necessary and immediate access.

This is not the first time I have read my surgical report on my bypass.  But as I do, I am still amazed at the detail, the effort, and the literal “life and death” status, not to mention a whole bunch of big words, that to this day, I still have not looked up as to their definitions.  The report, as understood on its own, is enough for me to handle.  So with that, I want to share some of the “cool” things that were done to me during this process.

“median sternotomy incision made… sternum divided…”

“divided left mammary artery”

“anterior pericardium was opened”

“The patient was placed on bypass, cooled, and emptied.  With the heart emptied, a crossclamp was placed and one liter of antegrade cardioplegia solution was given through the catheter in the ascending aorta.  The heart became asystolic.”

This one really got to me.  My heart was emptied of any blood, and it was stopped from beating.  I was dead.  I was on a bypass machine, but my body for all intents and purposes was no longer capable of living on its own.  The bypass procedure was now literally on the clock.

“Hot shot of warm oxygenated blood cardioplegia solution was given.”

“Valsalva maneuver was performed” (artificial respiration technically)… “the heart was allowed to fill” (with blood).

“The heart fibrolated at this time.”

“off bypass…”

“wired the sternum, closed the wound in routine fashion…”

With that, I was taken to the ICU, where I spent an unknown amount of time.  I had no windows so I have no recollection if it was even days.  The entire report is amazing to read.  It makes my experience even more remarkable because I not only lived it, but survived it.

This was the turning point for me in my survivorship of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, a hyper-awareness with my body’s health.  I learned all of the other issues my body deals with because of the treatments that I went through to save my life over thirty years ago.  Of course now, I wonder the status of the bypass, not necessarily a lifetime solution.  No doctor is willing to give me a time-frame on the bypass lifespan.  But twelve years out, and with the progressive damage still occurring, I know that I have to still be observed not just for this, but all of my other issues.

But given the reality of the Corona Virus crisis that we are in, I have a different point that I want to make.  Though not every outcome results in a positive end, our health care personnel are amazing with what they not only can do, but the circumstances they must perform under.  I will always have the utmost respect for my doctors, nurses, techs, and all of the other personnel not just to care for one patient, to care for all.

I am thankful for you all, whether you were in that operating room or not.

Numbers, Numbers, Numbers, And More Numbers


If there is one thing that cannot be refuted or denied, it is numbers.  And as it turns out, that is one of the comments made about my prior post.  One of the first responses I received was, “why don’t you talk about the recoveries?”, a common war cry to counter the constant attention drawn to the total cases, and worse, death tolls of the Corona Virus.

So I will make this a short post, and keep it just about the numbers as of April 15, 2020 (according to Worldmeters.info).

Total Corona Virus cases in the US:  624,893

Total Deaths in the US:  27,771

Total Recovered From Corona Virus:  47,715

Total US population:  331,002,651 (that’s 331 million for short)

Total Of US population still uninfected or immune to Corona Virus:  330,377,758

If the numbers are still too scary, perhaps if we put them in the form of a percentage, we might be able to see the rainbows and unicorns.

Death rate of US Corona Virus cases:  4.4%

Recovery rate of US Corona Virus cases:  7.5%

Current cases of Corona Virus in the US unresolved yet:  90.5%  (567,407)

Population of the US still not infected or immune to Corona Virus:  99.8%

These are all the current numbers as of 3:55pm, April 15, 2020.  I ask for apologies for not making such a big deal about the number of recoveries.  The number of recoveries are certainly encouraging, well, not so much the number, because it is so small in number compared to the overall population, but percentage wise, if, were were to just assume the current death and survival rates, having to assume that everyone in our country will have a chance at being infected as there is no vaccine, too many still refuse to follow CDC guidelines, and the monstrous push to return our society to normal:

Assumed survival of the population of the US after infection or immunity of Corona virus at 95.6%:  316,438,534

Assumed deaths of the population of the US after infection or immunity of Corona virus at 4.4%:  14,564,116

Sure it is nice to talk about the recoveries, and there will be many, the majority in fact.  But how many deaths is too many?  Especially if we still have the chance to prevent those deaths.  And the only way to prevent them, is to not deny the potential what is already a catastrophic loss.

Let the scientists do their job.  Please, let our leaders follow the advice of the scientists that know what they are talking about, and how to get there.  And maybe, just maybe, not just the recovery numbers will be higher, but more importantly, those infected will be much lower.  But this is not something we can afford to rush or force.

Thanks For Ruining A Good Movie


“Groundhog Day.”  A funny movie about a little town in Punxatawny, Pennsylvania and a furry little rodent who is either going to piss off an entire country or make them happy, after he himself is yanked from his comfortable home, his reaction to his shadow is to predict the end of Winter.  In the movie, the main character, filming the story of the groundhog and town, relieves the same day, over and over, and over, that same day being Groundhog Day.  The ironic thing is that the movie was not filmed in Punxatawny, though there is a lot of memorabilia and stories all over this sleepy little area.

Today, Groundhog Day has a different meaning.  Because of Coronoa Virus, for the majority of Americans who do not believe this to be a hoax, and have a genuine interest in wanting to do their part to end this pandemic, are living in their own Groundhog Day.

We wake up.  Maybe watch a little television in the morning.  Perhaps go for a walk.  Squeeze in some reading we have been meaning to do.  Some have actually discovered that they have a family, or what it is like to have to spend time with them.  Cooking skills are being tested and perfected.  Old dogs are learning new tricks with technology, socializing through either Facebook, HouseParty, or Zoom.

For at least thirty days, some longer, this has been the routine, day after day.  And according to the experts who know better, the scientists, this is going to be going on much longer.  We are living our own Groundhog Day.  As one of my friends put it, “don’t look at it as being trapped at home,” but rather “safe at home.”

For most of us, this “reset”, has returned households back to a time, when schedules did not matter, time with loved ones and sharing traditions mattered.  Being restricted to our homes, unable to make sports practices or chorus rehearsals, meetings, part time or full time work, we have gone from hardly getting to spend any time with our families, to being able to watch and relish these special moments we would never have had.

Like others, my days are pretty much the same.  I make my breakfast, followed by a walk.  I will look through the que of stories I have started to write here and decide if I want to finish even one, or start another.  I am making progress on the book I have always wanted to write.  Since I am not getting as much exercise I would like, and this virus being one that attacks the lungs, and me having predispositions because of damage from my cancer treatments, if you walk by, you are likely to hear me singing, which helps me to stretch out my lung capacity.  As I rely on music to help me relax, I have once again dusted off my guitar.  And thanks to so many networks offering free movies and streaming services, there is no reason for me to leave the television.  I also have plenty of time to work on my cooking skills, something I enjoy.

As the reality set in about the possible duration of this pandemic, so did the concern for our fur friends, mainly, could the virus be transmitted from them.

The answer is NO!

In fact, if you have ever been a pet owner, it is during times like we are experiencing, that fur friends can get us through “social distancing” or “stay at home.”  Even better, humane societies and animal shelters all over were encouraging everyone to “foster” out a fur friend.  Sure this could likely result in a permanent situation, like that would be so bad.  But at least temporarily, it would help out organizations that are already strapped financially and physically to capacity to care for.

And if my daughters are reading this, no, I have not gotten another dog or cat.  That is not to say that I have not thought about it.  But I still mourn the loss of my last fur friend, Pollo.

But I have a problem along with my grief.  I have been watching “dog movies” again.  The offer of free movies on premium channels and streaming others, I have been watching favorites like “A Dog’s Purpose,” “A Dog’s Journey,” “Marley And Me,” and so many others.

I do it to myself.

At least I know that my love for a fur friend still is there, and that some day, I might just open my door and heart to another.  And while I like the premise of the “dog’s purpose,” it would be cool if somehow I might see my fur friend Pollo again.  I have been asked, if I would recognize him if he came back, as a different breed, or even a different gender, I know that I would.

I do know that he would be the best to be “at home with”, as he and I shared a lot of time with each other while I was recovering from all of the health crisis I have faced during my survivorship.

But for now, I look at pictures.  A lot of pictures.  My daughters.  Friends.  Places.

Honestly, I have lost track of the day of the week, the number of the date.  Just like when I was going through my treatments, I did not focus on the calendar.  If I did, and I was told that it would have to be longer, that news would be devastating.  So I just did, every day, one day at a time, and that end would come.

I never counted how many times the sun came up, and the sun went down.  But an end came to the most difficult time of my life.  And it happened by just going one day at a time, not worried about how many ahead, or how many had gone by.

And that was the genius of the movie “Groundhog Day.”  All except for the main character, had not realized they were living the same day, over and over again and had no problem repeating everything done just the day before.  It was only the main character who was aware of what was going on, that had the difficulty of dealing with the situation.

That is how we get through Covid19.

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