When it comes to taking photos with my daughters, nearly all of the time, you will see one on each side of me. Much like a scale, to me, this particular pose, shows balance, equal. And that is the relationship that I want with my daughters. I do not favor one over the other.
Adopted roughly two years apart, that is the only advantage that one daughter has over the other, time. I pretty much nipped any kind of “competition” or sibling rivalry in the bud at the first sign when my older daughter asked following a karate demonstration, “who did it better?” referring to her sister’s execution versus hers.
Up until their high school years, I gave them constant reminders, anytime I heard any hint of one having an edge over the other in anything particular. That it was okay if something came easier for one than the other. That each would have their own methods to get from point A to point B, and both could be correct. But that did not mean that one way was better than the other.
In the theory of nature versus nurture, both daughters were raised to have the same values and virtues. That I expect of both of them. In that regard, they are both equal, and I could not be more proud.
But as they grew, they each developed their own interests and likes. They each got stronger in certain skills. Both have their own study habits. Both of my daughters have their own paths to get from point A to point B, and both, will get there.
As I mentioned, time is the only difference between the love I have shared equally with them. I have a year and a half more photos and memories. But that is all.
Now, as my daughters reach adulthood, there is a shift. I will have one daughter going off to college. And just like the song “Cats In The Cradle,” I expect difficulty in time to get to spend with her. And while my younger daughter graduates the following year, I will continue the frequency in visits with her, until she moves on as well. But time, is the only advantage one has over the other. That is not me favoring one over the other.
In their elementary and middle school years, it was a lot easier to maintain this balance. But in high school, as future goals and decisions needed to be made, I do my best to maintain that balance, making sure not to ignore one daughter over the other. Both of them have important things going on in their lives, again, just the timing of one year between them making the difference. They both need my attention. I love each of them the same.
To be clear, I am not writing about what every mother wants, or even should want. I could not possibly know that, as I am not one. But I do know several mothers, in different situations and have watched Mother’s Day recognitions come and go. And admittedly, I can be very cynical when it comes to the commercialization of not just Mother’s Day, but many of these “personal” days. I am shocked that of all the Mother’s Day sales I have seen advertised, not one for a new mattress. I guess there are limits, no mattresses or Dyson vacuums for Mother’s Day gifts.
Of all who I know, I have seen many paths to having become parents, including the miraculous act of overcoming the impossible. While some may have had the “common” pathway of becoming a mother, others have had to go different ways, either through science or adoption. And no matter which direction was taken, there is not one mother I know who does not realize how the world changed the day that she became a mother.
And then, I have some in my life, that Mother’s Day has become a day of great sorrow. There are those who are mourning the loss of their mother for the first time on this day, or remembering the years gone by since. I also know, way too many, who, as a mother, mourn the unthinkable, the loss of a child. My mother, now in that situation, the first Mother’s Day for her, without her daughter, who passed away last Fall from Covid. My heart goes out to all of those mothers who have suffered this unimaginable loss.
Cards and flowers are an assumed tradition, as well as likely an inflated priced brunch. But just like many other holidays, commercialism has swallowed up the meaning of Mother’s Day, all for the sake of a profit. Does that mean a mom would not accept all kinds of gifts, or dare I say it, expect them? Of course not. But if you took a look at any mother who has lost a child, or a child that has lost their mother, what is one thing or things, that someone would give anything for one more opportunity, to be with their mother or child one more time?
On this Mother’s Day, cherish these things that you are able to still share, more than focusing on material things, because these are what mothers really want on Mother’s Day more than anything.
Call your mother if you cannot physically be with each other. Of course tell her “Happy Mother’s Day.” Ask her how she is doing. Tell her that you love her. Let her hear your voice. Better yet, if able, call via Facetime, Zoom, Skype, or whatever. Let her see you through video if you cannot be there in person.
In today’s world of social media, send your mom a special Mother’s Day TikTok or text, perhaps a meme, or an emoji, to put a smile on her face.
And if you are able to be with your mom, have a meal with each other. Ask how she is doing. Tell her how you are doing, because, even as an adult, she will always be worried about you, from your job to your health to your family.
No matter how you celebrate Mother’s Day with your mother, give her the one thing that no store or company can put a price tag on, your time. That will mean more to her than anything you could ever purchase for her.
This is my mother’s first year without her daughter. I know it will be hard for her. We live states apart from each other, but she will get a phone call from me, Facetime, and more. She will get calls from her granddaughters to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day. It is important to my mother to know, her work is not done, there is still so much for her to experience, and on this Mother’s Day, I want her to know that.
First, looking at this picture, do not be distracted by what I am listening to. I actually do like Nickelback. Don’t judge me. LOL.
Obviously, it was that time again for me to get bloodwork done. And for one of the few times, this was a blood test that I was looking forward to. For one, I keep getting the same phlebotomist who performs the draw flawlessly, painless, and quick. The other reason, the test would provide information in regard to my vaccine status and overall Covid exposure.
But before I go any further, I will save anyone time. If you do not believe in science, and/or allow that it can be flawed at times, skip this post. I am not going to get into anything political about this.
From the beginning of the pandemic, science, at least the CDC, NIH, and FDA, had been concentrating on the more susceptible with their studies. The Leukemia Lymphoma Society, recognizing that it was not likely, that studies would be done on those of us who are immuno-compromised, decided to organize their own study, using patients how have or had dealt with blood cancers, such as leukemia and my cancer, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.
I am not going to get lost in the weeds with all kinds of details, but here is the summary. In my particular case, I made a conscious decision to hold off on being vaccinated, until I knew that a 3rd dose would be approved. I had more than a strong hunch, that two doses would not be enough to protect me based on prior vaccines. For me to have gotten the vaccines when they became available, would not have allowed me the full benefit I needed from a third dose. Here is my proof.
Following my first dose, my blood showed no traces of antibodies, either from the vaccine, or from a Covid exposure. This was done two weeks after my dose.
My second dose was given 28 days after the first dose, with bloodwork following two weeks again. This time, there was a slight appearance of antibodies from the vaccine, nowhere near what I needed for protection. But the good news was, I also was not exposed to Covid.
Because of the choice I made, unlike others who got their vaccines as they were originally available, and their 3rd vaccine, 5-6 months after their 2nd, I received my 3rd dose, just 28 days after my 2nd dose. As I expected, the 3rd dose was a homerun, producing a robust amount of antibodies, and confirmed, still no exposure.
All I had to do was wait. I knew that I would have more bloodwork, to see if I still had coverage, but I was already anticipating a 4th dose being necessary. The lead doctor of the study, had already hinted at the likelihood. But now, as the fourth dose had not been approved yet, I am now in the position, where I needed to wait five months, to get that fourth jab. But before that, yep, more bloodwork.
This bloodwork would confirm what my levels were like after five months from the 3rd dose. The 4th dose had already been expected in my mind. I anticipated a drop in my antibodies, but not as badly as they had, an 82% decline over the five months. I am as close to no longer being protected again as I was back in the beginning of this. The 4th dose is now scheduled. More bloodwork to come. But will there be a 5th dose or some other plan? Clearly, Covid will be a lifetime risk for me.
There was some good news with this latest blood test. To be clear, I have followed every recommendation from the CDC, regardless of the “keystone cop” approach with communications, the message did not change, “use the caution we recommend”. Masks. Wash hands (really cannot believe people needed to be told that). Avoid indoor crowds. For well over two years, I have done it willingly, without the false trope of “losing freedom” or any of the other false claims that these precautions actually did do. I have faced several exposure risks, from having to be in the hospital for three surgeries during Covid times, people around me discovered to have had Covid and remained silent instead of being concerned for my vulnerabilities, and as shown in the photo below, a crowded airport as I waited to check my daughters bag for their flight home (the mask mandate was still in place, yet 75% of the people were unmasked, and the wait was well over an hour and a half, packed together, indoors). The blood test confirmed, as with the others, “no infection.” Yes, I was still following all those recommendations from the CDC that so many complained about as flawed. The fact is, they work. Need proof?
Of my sibling and I, it is me that has all the vulnerabilities. My sibling was (spoiler alert, I did write “was”) younger, and given all of my complicated survivorship issues, expected to easily outlive me. But there was a problem. My sibling followed the chain of false information and reasoning, from “Covid is a hoax” to “Covid is an attack on Trump,” to “I don’t trust the vaccines,” to “I put my faith in God to protect me,” to “I put my faith in God to cure me.” As I said, “spoiler alert”. I am the one writing this post, not my sibling. My younger sibling died because of all of the anti this and anti that.
The mandates are gone and as expected, all those who were “forced” to protect themselves have now made their choices to throw all precautions to the wind. Many have been infected multiple times, emboldened that they have survived each time, and therefore, will not go to any lengths to protect themselves or anyone else. As one of my friends mistakenly offered his opinion, “herd immunity is what is needed. Which I have always said, herd immunity would come at such a high cost, millions of lives, to which this person responded, “all for the cause. It is the patriotic thing to do.” I was speechless at the thought that someone claimed to have strong religious faith, was okay with sacrificing lives for the cause of the country, as opposed to following simple recommendations. And this sentiment still continues over two years later.
My goal as a long term cancer survivor, as a parent, was to see my daughters grow, become adults, start their lives. As hard as it is, and the odds that are against me doing that, Covid was not something I needed thrown in front of me, making these wishes even more challenging. Yet here I am. I need to avoid Covid so that I can be there for my daughter’s graduation just next month, fortunately, will be an outside event.
So, I must continue to mask. I always wash my hands. I avoid crowds (in full transparency, have always hated crowds anyway). I do go places, but at “lighter” times of day when not as busy. I have just begun eating out, but only if outdoor seating available, or just do take out as I have during the whole pandemic. I have no interest in overpriced boring movies in theaters or concerts. I am pretty much doing all the things I want to do, with all the precautions. I am still free. I am still alive. That is science. Those are the facts.
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