Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

What A Mom Really Wants

To be clear, I am not writing about what every mother wants, or even should want. I could not possibly know that, as I am not one. But I do know several mothers, in different situations and have watched Mother’s Day recognitions come and go. And admittedly, I can be very cynical when it comes to the commercialization of not just Mother’s Day, but many of these “personal” days. I am shocked that of all the Mother’s Day sales I have seen advertised, not one for a new mattress. I guess there are limits, no mattresses or Dyson vacuums for Mother’s Day gifts.

Of all who I know, I have seen many paths to having become parents, including the miraculous act of overcoming the impossible. While some may have had the “common” pathway of becoming a mother, others have had to go different ways, either through science or adoption. And no matter which direction was taken, there is not one mother I know who does not realize how the world changed the day that she became a mother.

And then, I have some in my life, that Mother’s Day has become a day of great sorrow. There are those who are mourning the loss of their mother for the first time on this day, or remembering the years gone by since. I also know, way too many, who, as a mother, mourn the unthinkable, the loss of a child. My mother, now in that situation, the first Mother’s Day for her, without her daughter, who passed away last Fall from Covid. My heart goes out to all of those mothers who have suffered this unimaginable loss.

Cards and flowers are an assumed tradition, as well as likely an inflated priced brunch. But just like many other holidays, commercialism has swallowed up the meaning of Mother’s Day, all for the sake of a profit. Does that mean a mom would not accept all kinds of gifts, or dare I say it, expect them? Of course not. But if you took a look at any mother who has lost a child, or a child that has lost their mother, what is one thing or things, that someone would give anything for one more opportunity, to be with their mother or child one more time?

On this Mother’s Day, cherish these things that you are able to still share, more than focusing on material things, because these are what mothers really want on Mother’s Day more than anything.

Call your mother if you cannot physically be with each other. Of course tell her “Happy Mother’s Day.” Ask her how she is doing. Tell her that you love her. Let her hear your voice. Better yet, if able, call via Facetime, Zoom, Skype, or whatever. Let her see you through video if you cannot be there in person.

In today’s world of social media, send your mom a special Mother’s Day TikTok or text, perhaps a meme, or an emoji, to put a smile on her face.

And if you are able to be with your mom, have a meal with each other. Ask how she is doing. Tell her how you are doing, because, even as an adult, she will always be worried about you, from your job to your health to your family.

No matter how you celebrate Mother’s Day with your mother, give her the one thing that no store or company can put a price tag on, your time. That will mean more to her than anything you could ever purchase for her.

This is my mother’s first year without her daughter. I know it will be hard for her. We live states apart from each other, but she will get a phone call from me, Facetime, and more. She will get calls from her granddaughters to wish her a Happy Mother’s Day. It is important to my mother to know, her work is not done, there is still so much for her to experience, and on this Mother’s Day, I want her to know that.

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