Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Not Playing Favorites

When it comes to taking photos with my daughters, nearly all of the time, you will see one on each side of me. Much like a scale, to me, this particular pose, shows balance, equal. And that is the relationship that I want with my daughters. I do not favor one over the other.

Adopted roughly two years apart, that is the only advantage that one daughter has over the other, time. I pretty much nipped any kind of “competition” or sibling rivalry in the bud at the first sign when my older daughter asked following a karate demonstration, “who did it better?” referring to her sister’s execution versus hers.

Up until their high school years, I gave them constant reminders, anytime I heard any hint of one having an edge over the other in anything particular. That it was okay if something came easier for one than the other. That each would have their own methods to get from point A to point B, and both could be correct. But that did not mean that one way was better than the other.

In the theory of nature versus nurture, both daughters were raised to have the same values and virtues. That I expect of both of them. In that regard, they are both equal, and I could not be more proud.

But as they grew, they each developed their own interests and likes. They each got stronger in certain skills. Both have their own study habits. Both of my daughters have their own paths to get from point A to point B, and both, will get there.

As I mentioned, time is the only difference between the love I have shared equally with them. I have a year and a half more photos and memories. But that is all.

Now, as my daughters reach adulthood, there is a shift. I will have one daughter going off to college. And just like the song “Cats In The Cradle,” I expect difficulty in time to get to spend with her. And while my younger daughter graduates the following year, I will continue the frequency in visits with her, until she moves on as well. But time, is the only advantage one has over the other. That is not me favoring one over the other.

In their elementary and middle school years, it was a lot easier to maintain this balance. But in high school, as future goals and decisions needed to be made, I do my best to maintain that balance, making sure not to ignore one daughter over the other. Both of them have important things going on in their lives, again, just the timing of one year between them making the difference. They both need my attention. I love each of them the same.

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