Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Education”

The Loch Ness Monster Is Easier To Find


One of the first things to smack me in the face of my survivorship of cancer, was the first time I went to look for a job.  Granted, this was back in 1990.  Prior to the 1990’s, employers were pretty much unchecked with discriminating against employees or hiring new employees.  Sure it was illegal, but too many employers got away with it.

But it was an application with a nationally known insurance company, who was originally “on my side”, when I first applied, I seemed like the ideal candidate.  My application looked good for only a half dozen years in the workforce.  I was completing the required education courses for working in the insurance industry, breezing through all the testing.  Everything looked great as far as getting hired.  Then the company rep informed me that I would have to undergo a physical.

I did not suspect anything.  I was in remission, and my doctor’s confidence led me to believe that it would be forever.  I had rehabilitated myself back into shape, and overall felt real well.  I completed the physical and expected to be given a “start date” to begin working.  Then I found out the insurance company was not “on my side.”

I was informed by the district manager, that the company would prefer that I was in remission for my cancer longer, FLAT OUT DISCRIMINATION!  I remembered feeling so dejected.  Was I going to go through this every time I looked for a job?  I would never find a job simply because I had cancer.  I decided I was not going to stand for this, and as I am prone to do, started making phone calls.  The first call that I made was to the Pennsylvania Labor Relations Board.  Of course I was only making the call because I “knew” this had to be wrong to discriminate against me like this.  But I had no idea what I would find out.

Eventually, a hearing would be set up with myself and my representative (my social worker from the hospital, one of my biggest advocates), a representative from the PLRB, and then two reps from the insurance company.  I was not in this for monetary gain, only to be able to earn money.  This was about principle for me.  Both of us testified against each other.  The insurance company denied that they ever told me I had to be in remission longer and that I had removed my application.  This was silly because of how far I went process-wise to get the job.  Needless to say, the PRLB called “bullshit”, and informed the company of a new law, having just been passed, called the American With Disabilities Act.  While the law is not perfect, it did guarantee that applicants could not be discriminated against due to health reasons, and accommodations may need to be made for certain working conditions.  But the biggest thing that came out in my favor, was I discovered that part of this new law, employers were no longer allowed to ask you health questions, or subject you to a physical, unless you met all of the conditions necessary for the job.  So there it was, no more discriminatory hiring practices.

Don’t worry, I did not just fall off of a turnip truck.  There are still loopholes to every law that ever gets passed.  And of course, with social media, there are plenty of ways to know ahead of time, any history of any perspective employee, and prepare how to deny an applicant for any other purpose.  I eventually found work, in fact, actually two more jobs following that, each one, progressing to a better opportunity.

So what is it like to apply for a job today?  How do you go about finding work as a cancer survivor?  Today, it is much more involved of a process, but depending on the level of job you are looking for, health clearly does not come into the hiring process anymore.  To give you and example, I am going to show you the difference between applying for a small business job, and a big business job.

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No matter the job, you still want to have a well prepared, and brief resume.  With a properly written resume, you need only put “key” words, and also have an opportunity to have an opportunity to highlight certain aspects of your work history so far.  But by no means, do you ever mention your health.

Now is when it gets complicated.  Getting hired with a small business, many still do their hiring the old-fashioned way, having you come into the business and fill out a job application.  At this point, you will make a first impression, and possibly even get an interview.  And that is a good thing, and you still will not have to deal with your health history.

But with a big company, it is much different.  There are no more applications to fill out at the location.  Resumes and applications (if necessary) are submitted only over the internet.  This saves big businesses lots of money, but for the applicant, it is a huge disadvantage.  Application and resume programs are set up with a filter.  So if you do not meet all of the requirements for the job, your submission will not get passed the filter.  You could be the best thing since sliced bread to come along, but an employer will never get the chance to know that, because of the dehumanization of the application process.

In search of the perfect applicant, not necessarily the one who is the best candidate for the job, if you get through the first screening, often times there will be an additional on-line screening.  Most likely a behavioral or personality assessment will be the next level of the hiring process.  But either way, there still will not likely be any human interaction, and still, nothing to answer about your health.

But of course, for the big business application, just like the small business application, when you do get the opportunity for the actual face to face interview, that is your time to “SHINE!!!”  And still, you do not have to mention anything about being a cancer survivor, or even a patient if you are currently going though treatment (though honestly, that will eventually come up once you are hired anyway if you have to take off for treatments).  With an interview, that is your moment to show they type of worker you are.  You did everything right to get to this step, big or small business.

Regardless, of the size of the employment opportunity, the process takes time, sometimes a long time.  You have to have patience.  But at no time do you ever have to mention that you have or had cancer, until the moment they tell you that you are a candidate for hire, pending the “passing” of a health physical if it is pertinent to the job you are applying for.  And as long as you pass the physical, even if you had cancer yesterday, they cannot turn you down for employment.

I remember 24 years ago, how proud I was of myself, for dealing with my cancer the way that I did.  I wanted to be a role model for other survivors and patients, to show that they could get through their battles as well.  I was proud of the fact of the limited time I missed from work during my illness.  I missed only time for surgical diagnostics, an hour in the mornings for my radiation treatments, and two hours every other Friday afternoon to get my chemo injections.  I missed no other work during my cancer history.  I was proud of my dedication and loyalty to my employer during that time, and felt that it should have been the ultimate commitment this employee would bring if hired.  Unfortunately, back in 1990, it did not work that way.

What I can tell you is this, if you do not have anyone that can personally hand your resume to someone in a big business, be prepared for disappointment.  I am not saying not to try, it can be done, but it is frustrating.  My resume attracts all kinds of opportunities from social networks, but when it comes to the actual application process, I get lost in the system.  I enjoy the interview process itself, because like I said, it is the time that you can actually prove your worth to the company that you want to work for.  All the while, they have no idea that at one time you were sick.  You will be judged by what you can do, not what you had.

A Tough Question Made Tougher


I have been asked this question at least twice before, by friends and family, and yesterday, by attorneys questioning me during my divorce hearing.  Again, I am not going to go into specifics of my case.  But the question is important, because it was made more difficult for me, by the third person to ask me, my youngest daughter.

At a point during my separation, I made a conscious decision, that due to the hostile environment surrounding my divorce situation, as well as combined with an employment and court order issue, I would need to reside elsewhere other than the immediate area I had previously been living.  But to do the best I could with those two issues would mean I would have to make the biggest sacrifice of my life, separation from my daughters as well.

As anyone who knows me, my daughters mean the world to me.  The happiest days of my life have been those shared with my daughters from the time they were first placed in my arm, to just two days ago, when I got a rare “extra” visit with them, due to my travels back north for legal proceedings for the divorce.

But as any divorce that has children involved, rarely are the children protected from all the actions and decisions made by the parents from the moment of the filing for divorce.  Custody is one of those issues.

Being from a divorced family, I know all too personally, the importance of both parents in the lives of their children, during, and after divorce.  My ex was unaware of the thoughts that I was contemplating about where I would leave, once I actually left my home, shortly after the passing of my father.  But in preparation for a custody agreement, and knowing my intentions, I drafted and submitted a proposed custody agreement that was the hardest thing to concede.

Both my ex and I believe that we should be primary and sole custody holders of the children.  We both have our reasons why the other should not.  In any regard, most cases in most states, only shared custody, 50-50 is issued.  But with my plans to relocate, I knew shared custody would not be accepted any more than sole custody for me.  Instead, desiring quality custody with my children, instead of quantity, and what I felt would be best for my daughters, to be able to remain in the school they have known for the last six years, remain with their friends, at least I could assure this would remain constant in their lives.  I offered my ex to have custody of the children during the entire school year asking only for custody of the girls during extended holiday weekend breaks, the Christmas break, and the majority of the Summer.  My ex originally rejected this proposal and insisted to let the court decide, which soon became the court order for custody.

With the custody order in place, I proceeded with securing a new residence, one that would offer me best opportunity for employment, and the ability to pay any support award for the children.  And I believed, and still do believe, that I have found that place, though it is more than a thousand miles away from the two girls I love with all my heart.

So as my friends, family, and yesterday the court attorneys, on Monday following my “extra” visit with my girls, my youngest asked me a question I had been asked many times before.  And though I had offered answers before quite easily and without thought, coming from my child, who I have always believed in letting children be children, not concerning them with adult issues, especially my divorce, she phoned me later that evening in tears.

“Daddy, why did you have to move so far away?”

I answered her in the best way that I could for a 9 year-old.  That even though I moved away, I would always be her Dad, and her Mom would always be Mom.  And we were both going to do what we could that would be the best for she and her sister.  My daughters visited me already this summer and had a wonderful time, and left here knowing, that my move to here, is going to result in good things for them and their future.  And I hope that their mother is driven the same way.

But as my friend Matt pointed out recently to me, the real answer, “it had to be real bad for a dad to feel the need to move as far away from such a toxic situation for the best interests of his children, and the relationship with them.

And that is how I am going to end this post.

I love my daughters with all my heart.  I will always be there for them.  And even from afar, I will protect them, and guide them.  I shed tears for all the events that I will miss with them, but I know of all the wonderful things we will get to do with each other when we get together.  And so, when I answered my daughter, I allowed her to remain a child with my answer.

I miss my girls every day.  Daddy loves you Madison and Emmalie.  I promise it will get better.

An Odd Observation


I was sitting in a restaurant recently finishing my meal, when another patron came up to me and said, “Well you don’t look too concerned about Ebola.”  Besides the fact that I am not very used to total strangers coming up to me and starting a discussion while I am eating, it was a very strange way to start a conversation.  Not to mention the fact, I am used to being the one who people watches.  Now I know I am being watched.

But getting back to the comment from the stranger.  I know that I would have much preferred to have been asked how I liked my meal, or perhaps if I knew where the restroom was.  But my concern about Ebola?

Long summary short, I have many health issues, very complicated, and one of those deals with my immunological deficiencies.  In other words, it is very easy for me to contract things such as the flu, pneumonia, and yes, I would have to assume Ebola.  I can also come down with Chicken Pox, SARS, bird flu, swine flu, strep throat, measles, mumps, and the list goes on, all from exposure to others.  As you can see though, I do not live in a plastic bubble afraid of what I might come down with (as opposed to those it is a life threatening situation and are required to live in that manner unfortunately).

I am also going to throw in my experience working with biohazards.

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I saw signs like this frequently during my career in medical research.  And in spite of my immunity issues, and against the advice from my doctors to avoid this kind of exposure, it was a job that I took great personal pride in doing, because ultimately, I believed I was taking part in finding cures for various and many serious diseases.  I was willing to do this job because I knew the precautions that I took to avoid contamination and exposure.  There was various personal protective equipment that had to be worn, and strict protocol for disinfecting equipment and myself prior to entering public thoroughfares.  You see, I was not just complying for the well being of everyone else, but for my own health, I needed to do it as well.  But if all protocols are followed, and the proper personal protection equipment is worn, then the risk of contamination is near zero.  So even in an environment that had very high risk for my health, I know that I was confident in the work that I performed.

So getting back to the odd introduction, I am more than aware of the word Ebola.  I am also aware of the “politics” of this awful disease as it is being hyped up by conservative and liberal news networks and the cartoonish fantasy network of Fox news.  Just like weather forecasters who strike fear into viewers with storms of the century and millennium, nowhere in my childhood and early adulthood (for the sake of math, the 1970’s, 1980’s and mid 1990’s) did I see the fear struck into viewers that caused mad rushes to grocery stores to empty shelves of food, and snow shovels and snow blowers from every hardware store.  The fact is, the media only cares about ratings, and the only way to get ratings is to shock and scare us.  It is up to us not to buy into these actions.  And the woman was right, I am not concerned about Ebola.

When I adopted my first daughter, my family had to deal with the deadly SARS virus.  In fact, that virus actually stopped the adoption process all together for China.  But as the illness was deemed under control, not eliminated, we were allowed to travel.  When we went to adopt our second daughter, we were then dealing with deadly “bird flu”.  There was no delay in the adoption process this time, nor any restrictions.  Then several years ago, we had to deal with deadly “swine flu.”  It was this particular deadly virus that forced my doctors to push harder than ever to get a vaccine that I did not want to get.

But the common flu kills more people every year, than Ebola has claimed victims.  Where is the outrage and fear to isolate patients and people exposed to the common flu?  How about parents who knowingly send kids to school already sick and contagious with whooping cough risking mass exposure to the school population?  Recently a PA courthouse was shut down for two days to deal with an infestation of bed bugs brought in by a dangerous mom hiding the critters in her stroller used for her child.  There are many other examples of people being irresponsible with risks to other people’s lives.  Where is the fear mongering by the opinions of news networks just trying to get ratings?

I am by no means making light of a deadly disease.  And it is deadly if contracted and not treated properly.  But it is not our president who is responsible for the spread of Ebola.  It is not our governors responsible for the spread of Ebola.  If it spreads, it is because of irresponsible workers or selfish people who do not want to inconvenience their leisure activities.  And even the same networks who fueled the fire of fear have representatives “eating their own” stating that the hyping of the spread of Ebola needs to stop (Fox’s Shepard Smith).

Over a decade ago, the biggest attack on our nation’s soil prompted many to question whether it would ever be safe to fly again.  And the majority of us never gave it a thought, regardless of the many opinionated newscasts who constantly urged us to be afraid, be very afraid.

So again, this time our country faces yet another attack, this time biological, and the media has successfully scared many into believing that they will contract Ebola.

I have enough on my plate to worry about.  I must travel on Monday and Tuesday inside a flying canister trapped with other passengers.  I am certain that I will hear at least one person cough.  It could even be me as the dry air has a tendency to cause this.  But I will not be wearing a “surgical mask” (for the record, this will never prevent you from catching something that is airborne because it does not seal completely around your mouth and nose – and for men with facial hair, you cannot even wear something that will work, a respirator, because it cannot seal over your facial hair.).

I am going to arrive and return, and without Ebola or having been exposed to it.  No, I am not concerned about Ebola.  Thank you for asking.

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