Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Bullying”

06 Apr 2017

Questions And Answers


Every so often, follower of “Paul’s Heart” reach out to me with questions.  I want to take this opportunity right now to answer those questions.

How do you decide your topics?

I am a very impulsive writer in most cases.  With the exception of planned projects, such as short stories I have had published in Visible Ink, various news publications, the majority of posts/stories come from ideas that personally concern me, such as cancer, survivorship, adoption, health care, divorce, and such.  An idea might pop into my head, and within hours, I “lose” that urgency to write, and it falls into a cue which currently holds over 500 prompts.

Are there things I will not write about?

I do not believe in censorship, so I would say that I can and would write about anything if I was asked.  As a rule, when it comes to “Paul’s Heart”, I generally do not discuss my opinions when it comes to religion and politics because those things are private to me, and I do not want that to interfere with the purpose of this blog, to help and support those experiencing similar life struggles as myself.  If I do write about a controversial subject, such as health care, I will do my best to research and present facts.  But I have found, that writing about politics or religion, often cause more harm to relationships, and what I want this blog to achieve.

Do you prefer to write fiction or non-fiction?

I am told that I do not give myself enough credit for my writings.  I have had several assistants editing many of my pieces, all with different approaches for me.  I do not consider myself to have a vivid imagination, yet my writing coaches have a way of drawing out that talent from me.  I do prefer to write biographical type pieces, as many of my followers look to “Paul’s Heart” for inspiration.  I have written about many others on this blog and the experiences that they have gone through, so the stories are not just about me.

I have taken what I have learned from my writing coaches, and encourage my children to write in a similar fashion, by giving them simple prompts to provoke their imagination.

I do enjoy writing editorial pieces also.

Do you make time to write?

I recall the person who asked me this question.  Their claim was that between all of the doctor appointments, work, taking care of their family, this person felt that they had no time to write, in spite of their desire to do so.

I do try to set aside time to write, at least once a week, if not more.  It does not always work out that way, because I also have a tendency to get “stuck” not able to put thoughts together to write a piece, perhaps I do not like the finished project, or I just even give up on that particular piece.  But unless I have a deadline to meet, I write when I write.

In further discussion with this person, it turned out that they spent on average three hours on a train, commuting to and from work.  I mentioned that if they were interested in writing, this time period on the train would be ideal to gather thoughts, to see if there would be anything that they might like to discuss on paper.  Time on the train is a perfect and often quiet time to reflect.

Is writing therapeutic for you?

In one word, absolutely.  I am a person who internalizes… a lot.  I have many emotional struggles as a cancer survivor, one of which is survivor’s guilt.  And that is exactly what it says.  I also deal with PTSD and anxiety in relation to my survivorship.  I do have someone that I speak with, but when I do not have that option available, yes, writing is just one of the things I enjoy to help me relax, along with my other method, music.

Whether you publish something, or just document a thought in some sort of diary, releasing a thought that is of great concern to you through writing is indeed therapeutic.  Keeping concerns inside is not good.  And all too often, we do not have someone that we can just readily talk to, or may not even be good at listening.  We can express our thoughts, reflect on them, and then decide if it is necessary to share with others, or is it good enough that “I” recognize that expressing myself as I had done, that is all that needs to be done.  Yes, it is very therapeutic.

Can I share my story on your blog?

As long as it pertains to cancer, survivorship, adoption, or divorce, I am more than happy to share others stories of survivorship and inspiration.  You can send your story to me at pedelmanjr@yahoo.com .

As always, I am so thankful for everyone who reads and follows “Paul’s Heart”.  As I mentioned earlier, I have a lot of stories in cue to get to.  I think I am caught up on questions.

Posted in Adoption, Animals, Bullying, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Politics, Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
08 Nov 2016

The Need To Vote


election-day

I stay away from politics for the same reason I stay away from discussing religion.  It does not matter if I am having conversations with friends, or writing posts.  We would all just be better if we kept our beliefs and politics to ourselves, and not force them onto each other.

But clearly, this presidential election has been so extreme.  There is so much on the line, no matter who you are voting for.  And that is just it, you must vote for your voice to count.  If you are silent, you have no right to say anything for the next 4 years about your dissatisfaction with how the greatest country in the world is being run.

But you need to do more than just vote.  You need to be informed.  Being informed not only means learning the issues that are important to you, but to the country as well.  Being informed means knowing your rights to vote without being harassed or intimidated.  If you are a registered voter, whether a college student, a minority, or a retiree, every vote will count for this election.

There will be those who vote against a candidate just for the sake of voting against.  There will be those that actually support the candidate that they will vote for.  There will be some who agree with every issue of their candidate’s position, and there are those who will vote on a single item that is personal to them.  And to be honest, that is how I am actually deciding my vote, on one single item.

By the end of the day, with all the votes cast, almost as important as the election process itself, will be the day, and the days after.  A lot of rhetoric has been shouted.  A lot of accusations have been made.  Friendships and relationships have been shattered over the span of this election cycle.  As a country, we need to begin to heal, so that  as we look to the election of 2020, we prevent the hostility and negativity that surrounded and clouded this election cycle.

And I get to say this, because I voted.  Make your vote count.  Make your voice heard.  Let us begin to heal.

Posted in Bullying, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Politics, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
01 Nov 2016
2 Comments

Defining “Me”


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There is an expression that is common among cancer patients and survivors.  “I don’t want cancer to define who I am.”  I have heard this stated many times over my survivorship of over 26 years.  And my initial thoughts pretty much echoed those sentiments.  Many simply want to move on with their life as if cancer never happened.  And certainly, none of us want to be referred to as “someone who had cancer.”  But lately, I have been wondering, is the expression perhaps being spoken incorrectly?  Is it possible that we simply do not want it to “control” who we are?  Perhaps we do not want it to “change” us.  So maybe it is not so much as “defining” us, as much as it is “forming” us.

I have decided that I am going to take the perspective of cancer, not necessarily defining me, but rather, reminding me who I am, what matters in life, and what people really need to think of, when they meet me, or see me.

Until my diagnosis back in 1988 (almost 28 years ago this month), to say I was under the radar with even my own self-recognition would be an understatement.  Nothing I was doing stood out, going to college, dated, listening to music.  There was nothing really to indicate that life was never anything more than just going day to day.

But the diagnosis of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma kind of changed me, it woke me up.  My only knowledge of cancer at that time, was that cancer killed.  I was going to have to dig deep, to a place inside that I was never aware that I had.  I was going to be challenged physically and emotionally not just for months, but for every waking moment of every day.  I was going to have to deal with daily side effects that were not only painful, stressful, but exhausting.  Just the mere thought of the “tasting” the chemo injection was enough to make me vomit.  This is called “anticipatory nauseas”.  I was able to “taste” this particular drug 24 hours before it was even given to me.

I did what I had to do to get through that time.  The simplest thing I did was to “minimize” the length of time.  Instead of 8 months of chemo, it was 16 injections of which only 8 made me nauseous for a total of 3 hours each time.  Therefore in my head, I was convinced I would only deal with these issues for 24 hours.  Sounds much shorter than 8 months.

As each month went by, it did get harder and harder.  But as I got through one cycle, I knew I could get through the next cycle.  And so forth until I was half way done, and then knowing I got half way through, I could get through the next half and then it became about how many more to go, after having gone through so many before.

A definition of me, pointed out by having cancer, was that I did have what it took to get through this horrible experience.  It showed that if something was so important for me to get through, no matter what I was put through, I was going to achieve it.  It proved I was never going to let anything be taken from me.

This mentality would benefit me many times in life after that.  I battled an employer for discriminating against me, just because I had cancer.  I fought for disability rights with another employer after it was discovered that I was dealing with late effects from the treatments that cured me of my cancer.  Accommodations needed to be made to make it possible for me to continue to work, and I knew that was my right.   I fought for that right.  And yes, just like the days  went through my treatments, there were bad days.  My boss would make things difficult for not only me, but as if to put pressure on me, he would often make it difficult on my co-workers who would then turn their frustrations on me, in hopes of them putting pressure on me to back down.

Well, just as with cancer, I did not back down.  And my remaining years with that employer were quite peaceful concerning my health issues.

And there are other examples in my life, post cancer, that I demonstrate this same mentality and determination.

So, if by having had cancer, if reminding me of what I always had inside of me to face any challenge in life, then yes, perhaps cancer has defined me.  And that is a good thing.

Posted in Adoption, Bullying, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart

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