Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Adoption”

Underestimating Your Children


By the time I had become a father, I had not seen my own childhood in nearly twenty-five years.  Growing up in a divorced environment, other than while visiting my friends homes, I never really got to see how a mom and dad worked together as a team to deal with the many things “try” to get away with.  I put “try” in quotes, because later in life, we would find out, we got away with nothing.

Prior to becoming a dad, I spent many years as a youth group leader.  It was a program that enveloped all ages of children from kindergarten to high school at our church.  This is one of the more proud things that I have done in my life, filled with so many rewards and so many memories.  It was also a quick reminder, that becoming a parent, I would personally have to deal with many of the issues that these kids were facing.

I am not going to get all sentimental here and go through all of the things that we did.  My point is, while I learned a lot, I also learned there is a huge difference not only between someone else’s kids and your own, but a huge difference between you as a child, and your own children.

This group of photos is from a video GIF that I had been personally sent.  A little girl, playing on her phone in bed, hears her parent come in, springs from the bed, turns off her light, and jumps back in to bed.  Her father walks in, tucks her in, and seems to walk out of the room, closing the door behind him.  The little girl jumps from the bed to turn her light back on, and is surprised to see her father standing in the corner of the door, and pretends to sleep walk, realizing she has been busted not going to sleep.

We parents have all experienced this one time or another.  Our children do not realize we can hear the noise, or better, see the glow of light under the door.  But the quick improvisation this child used just automatically shot me back to the many talents that both of my daughters possessed to get out of “gotcha” moments.

The first warning I had, involved a non-slip door knob cover similar to pictured above.  My older daughter’s hands were too small at the time to be able to grip the squeeze tabs on the side, which meant that in theory, this product would be successful in accomplishing what was desired, her staying in her room once she was out of her bed.  In just two years my daughter well established how determined she could be when she wanted something badly enough.  And so, she learned that by sliding her tiny thumb and finger inside of the hole, she could get enough of a grip on the actual door handle, and make her great escape.  Very much like Harry Houdini.

While funny, and at the same time, proud of her ingenuity, a problem did come up from this lesson.  The door lock was on her side of the door, and if she would accidentally turn that lock instead of the door knob, in an emergency, we would not be able to get into the room.  Problem solved, I flipped the door knob around so the lock was on the outside of the door.

There are plenty of incidents like this, from both of my daughters.  But now, as teenagers, they are more like chess players with their thoughts.  They have learned for every action there is a reaction, and therefore, not only will they trap every word that is said to them by me, but will make sure they are at least two steps ahead of any discussion, completely prepared for any push back.

At one time, we all laughed when we watched children feeding dogs from the table on television or movies, and how they were not caught.  In our youth, many of us had done things as extreme as sneaking out of the house from second story windows.

I am thankful to my friend for sending this video.  It was a much needed distraction that led me down so many paths of fun memories with both of my daughters and their many shenanigans.

Proud Papa Moments


I make no secret about it.  I love my daughters.  I am proud of my daughters.  I have no favorite, they are both equals.  Each offers their own individual talents while sharing the same values and intelligence.  So far, so good.  As a Dad, I have done my job.  I need to make sure, now in their true formative years, that they are prepared for relationships and responsibilities.  They have learned as much as they can about the importance of giving respect, trust, and loyalty, now they learn the importance of having it returned in kind.

Gentlelmen, take note.  You must open doors, bring flowers, listen to, and most importantly, treat them as special as I know they most certainly are.  Financially, a lot of mistakes were made in our family, and I am hoping that while they were not aware of them, that I am setting an example for them of financial responsibility and accountability, or the simple concept, living within your means.  And of course, a big one, time management.  As both of my daughters have found out in their later years of school, how easy it is to fall behind in just one day, when not prioritizing homework appropriately, spending too much time on one project, and running out of time to finish the rest.  Of course that only works when you do not wait til the last minute for that type of assignment.

As I mentioned, each has their unique talents, though I hope that there are some things that hopefully they have learned from me that will help them appreciate, relax, and enjoy the simple things of life.  They both enjoy music, and have their genre preferences.

Being a writer, my daughters know who they rely on for proofreading.  In fact, if I am not mistaken, I might even be proofreading some of their friends papers as well.  For several years, I even participated in judging term papers for various science organizations with high school essays.

If there is one thing that I do not enjoy writing, it is poetry.  Short stories, research papers, and finally, even a book (in the process), I can spend any amount of time.  But poetry, not a chance.  But for the second year in a row, now my youngest daughter, has requested my help in writing a sonnet for her Shakespearean English project.  I was all too happy to oblige.  But first, just like last year, I needed to remind myself, what I learned forty years ago, forgot, refreshed last year, and forgot again, what was a sonnet.

My daughter explained the rhyme scheme necessary, and I was introduced to “quattrains.”  And with that, I taught my daughter how to write, anything, it did not matter.  My formula, which does not necessarily apply to everyone, is to start with the ideas, not with the intent of sitting at the keyboard and just typing until you are exhausted.

She had some subjects to choose from.  Her decision was time.  So, with four quattrains to work with, so that there was an even flow of progression, she began with being unaware of time (as a young child), time impacting activities (as a child, such as school, meals), how time has an impact on everything that happens, and finally how time can be lost and should be appreciated while you have it.

From each of those quattrain ideas, she came up with four lines each, except for the last one, which only had two lines.  The hardest part then became the final word of each line, to rhyme.  In the end, I could not believe my eyes.  Another beautiful sonnet written by each of my daughters now.  Of course, out of respect, I do not have permission from her to share that poem here.  But I am definitely one proud Papa.

 

Advocates In Training


My daughters have witnessed a lot in their short lives so far.  They have seen my experiences with my health.  They know what it is like to grow up in a house that has gone through a divorce.  Experienced in adoption.  That is just what they have been exposed to personally.

Then there are the things that they go through when they are away from either of us parents.  School lock downs, bullying, suicide, teen drug and alcohol and tobacco use are constants in their environment.

Both girls are very aware of the world outside of their home as well.  The homeless, the poor, the disadvantaged.  They know quite easily, it could be them in someone else’s shoes.

And then of course there are the things that they learn in school from science to health, history to politics.

I did my best with them, from the earliest of ages, for them to have empathy and sympathy for others.  My older daughter, not even of school age noticed a group of special needs kids, while eating at an ice cream shop.  While she may have noticed that some looked different, she only saw them as regular kids.

I have never heard either of my daughters even mention someone’s skin color.  Both are aware that they are not Caucasian, have Caucasian parents, yet the question of “why is our skin color different than everyone else’s skin color?”

Years ago, while visiting Philadelphia, my daughters saw their first homeless people, not the purpose of our visit, but led to a long and lengthy conversation about the “how’s” and “why’s”, and what could we do for them at that moment.  Just two years ago, while doing some grocery shopping for one of my visits, a less-fortunate woman approached us, asking us if we had anything we could spare so she could buy some food.  I will admit, there is a 50-50 chance I will help, just because, who am I to judge if someone is legit.  But in front of my daughters, I faced another test.  Lead by example, or teach a very bad example.

Do I teach them that it is better to be benevolent, without judgement?  Or do I show that that it is okay to lie.  Or do I make it more complicated than that, that it depends on what you are lying about?  Those who understand the mind of a child, knows there is a reason that there are age limits for a reason, because in many cases, the minds are not developed enough to make the right decisions.

I personally feel it is an awful lot to expect of a child to figure out the difference between telling the truth, and understanding potential consequences of telling lies.  We have all been there.  The phone rings.  A child answers the phone.  The caller asks to speak to a parent.  The parent says, “tell them I’m not home.”  As adults, we do not see the big deal, but as children, they get confused.  Telling lies is bad.  But their parents do it.

I could have easily have told the stranger that I did not have anything extra to give, because I really did not have any extra, as I budget myself when I travel for the visits with my daughters.  But as I said, I have taught my daughters to be empathetic, even if it means “giving the shirt off of my back.”  As I looked at my younger daughter, I knew what my answer was going to be.  My daughter, knowing that I do not have much, saw me pull out some change out of my pocket, handing her a $5 dollar bill.  The woman expressed her gratitude, and both my daughters had smiles on their face, believing that they just made someone’s day even just a little bit more better.  Though none of us talked about it, there is also the chance that we all realize, we could have also just been had.  But again, I have raised my daughters to see the good in people.

It is one thing to be aware of problems and issues.  It is another to do something about them.  And this is where both parenting and schooling play the most important part of teaching a child how to be a good advocate, to express themselves properly.

Now older, my daughters have opportunities in school, where they must present “arguments” or opinions to certain discussions from English literature to historic events and world issues.  Some of these opportunities may be in the classroom, or in front of a debate level stage.

My daughters have seen many opportunities to witness me standing up not only for myself, but for others as well.  They have seen the good and the bad.  It is important to them to see the consistency that I do not sacrifice what I believe in.  Just as important, they must also witness that I do not let any defeat deter my efforts.  They have learned that it is important to be educated about the cause that is supported, and then also to learn how to communicate their points of view, especially in the firestorm of an “all out” opposition, to never stoop to someone else’s level because that is not who they are.

It would be easy if people just did the right thing all of the time.  But the world does not work that way.  It would be just as nice if we could have a simple discussion to point out the needs to correct a wrong situation, and have the humility to accept the error, instead of defending pride to the death, and “better them than me”.  My daughters have learned, in all of the areas that I am an advocate for, health, cancer, adoption, child custody issues, discrimination and more, I do not give up.  A loss is just that, a loss, not an end to my efforts.

Post Navigation