Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Adoption”

08 Feb 2023

The Rise Of Florida Dad


Florida Dad. I heard this the first time from my older daughter a few weeks ago as this is how I am referenced by her roommates at college. Initially, I cringed at the stigma of being confused with the moronic “Florida Man,” you know, the stupid that makes the news for doing dumb things. My daughter assured me, this was not the case. The title of Florida Dad was a good thing to be called by her friends.

I earned this title for the stories told by my daughter, from my longer kept hair, and the fact that I do not wear shoes, only flip flops, no matter what. I came off described as somewhat of a surfer dude, or surfer Dad.

Disclaimer, I have never even seen a surfboard. But I guess the rest of the stereotype fits. Like a sighting of Bigfoot, my reputation among my daughter’s roommates was solidified when they met me in person during a visit to campus last year, in October, in the cold, wearing flip flops, and hair flowing in the wind. Florida Dad was real. He does exist.

I need to preface this next part, when my daughter was younger, one of my ways to help make school events fun, I volunteered to disc jockey/emcee their events. She could not find a place anywhere to hide her discomfort, that her Dad was the DJ for her school functions. To be clear, at no time did I ever single her out, volunteer her during a group song, nothing. So, her evasion of me was really confusing. Her friends all thought that it was cool that her Dad was the DJ, but not my daughter.

Fast forward to college, and the “legend” of Florida Dad. That was my daughter’s word, not mine. I was cautiously curious as I was not sold on the whole “Florida Dad” title. I asked her, what upgraded me to “legendary status.” She had been talking amongst her friends, and it turns out, they believe I am capable of taking on, and overturning political decisions that are having an impact on them. Now while my daughter’s friends know nothing about me really, as far as I know, Madison is very well aware that many years ago, I ran for public office, school board, a decade ago. My intentions were clear, represent the entirety of the school district, taxpayers and students, protect the students and their educations, and so forth.

Honestly, I thought my daughter was too young to pay attention or even care about my campaigning. Sure, every now and then, she might mention that a friend would ask if the guy running for school board was her Dad, and occasionally a teacher would pass their support on to me, but other than that, I really did not think she paid attention. Well, she must have.

She and her friends had been talking recently about current events, and how decisions being made by politicians are affecting them, issues such as: being women, sexuality, and race. To be clear, these young adults have already voted at least once, so they recognize what needs to be done, to create change, and to protect their rights. My daughter must have thought more of what I had done, along with her knowing my personal feelings, and shared them with her friends, who clearly see me as an advocate and protector for the many issues affecting their lives: the right to women’s health care, LGBTQ+ rights, and protection from discrimination and bigotry, something clearly being pushed today by many politicians.

My daughter has evidently made it clear to her friends, that I am on their side. And I will vote to protect and support their rights. I do not believe the bullshit of a false fight of CRT, or pulling books from library shelves. I can see through all of this nonsense, as do others. But I also see, a whole new generation of voters, that also see these fights are false tropes. They are just looking for the right leaders to represent them.

My days in politics are long over. But I am proud to learn, my daughter evidently paid a lot more attention to the examples that I set for her and her sister. I am proud that my daughter will be an educated and informed voter. Evidently, so will her friends be as well.

As for me, I guess I will finally welcome my title, “Florida Dad,” because clearly, in this reference, it was a good thing.

Posted in Adoption, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Politics, Recreation | Leave a comment
31 Jan 2023

Make Me Smile


To quote a couple of lyrics from the Chicago classic, “Make Me Smile,” “living life is just a game…” “I’m so happy.” It may be hard to think that after writing a post like I did recently, how could I possibly be thought of as someone who is happy, given all that I have gone through in my life. But the truth is, I am actually a very positive person. The key to this happiness is balance and being able to recognize the things we can control and those that we cannot control, all the while focusing on what is important in life. Just as there are game pieces, there are individual pieces in my life, that keep me in this game. And just like sitting at a table with friends or family playing a board game, the results do not always turn out like we would like. But you take the experiences, and you bring them with you the next time you sit at that table.

And in spite of the two major issues that I must face in my life, failing health and divorce, I really do have a lot in life that bring me enjoyment, smiles.

Two words, “my world.” No matter the struggles that I have faced, my daughters have been the driving force behind me getting through EVERY challenge that I have faced. From the days they were placed in my arms, through their entire childhood, and into their early adulthood, my entire mood skyrockets each time I get to talk with them, or even better, visit with them.

Over the years, we have taken turns giving each other reasons to laugh. Each personal achievement they have attained along the way, they have done so with a stubborn determination. And with each health crisis that I face, though I know it is out of my control, I still take up the fight, not to have their hearts broken.

My life as a cancer survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma has been directed by a set of goals and milestones, and one by one I am meeting those goals and milestones. With one final high school graduation to go, two college graduations, and of course whatever follows in their young adulthood and as far as relationships (and secretly hoping for grandchildren), I am not focused on what I am up against, I am focused on what I have gotten to experience.

Music in all of its forms, is able to take me mentally to any refuge, any direction, to bring me back to the place in my mind, where I know, what I have, is good. My entire life has been filled with role models, exposure to different genres, ability to challenge myself to “read a second language” (music), and so many opportunities to compete, travel, perform, and feel accomplished.

I have always felt music an important part of my life. From singing in school, to the music I listened to in the chair while I got my chemotherapy, to special performances, music made things less scary, offered comfort, made people feel good. I am fairly confident that I have bestowed the same respect for the various genres of music with my daughters. I have several great moments that will always bring a smile to me, like when my oldest daughter sang “God Bless America” for her grandfather, or when my younger daughter played “Chasing Cars” on guitar with me singing on vocals. And then there was the time, leaving a movie theatre after watching “Rocket Man,” the rockumentary of Elton John, listening to my daughters singing “I’m Still Standing,” one of the many hits of Sir Elton.

I do not want to lose my place trying to confirm how long I have been doing this, but I have been writing “Paul’s Heart” now for over ten years, easily likely more than that. I have contributed to many writing projects such as newsletters and books, all the while still working on my own memoire on survivorship. I have given many speeches on survivorship and patient advocacy. There is a catharsis that I get from writing and speaking not only personally from me, but hoping that something I have written will make an impact or difference for someone, especially when facing a challenging situation.

When we face a challenge or confrontation, we need to be able to release the stress created, and for me, that is writing. It could be in the form of a text, an email, a post, or even the ancient form of writing a letter. Whether or not those thoughts ever see the light of day, the mere act of releasing them via my fingertips, provides a way of letting those stressors go. And if it happens to be a positive thought that has been written, perhaps the ideas may give a more defined direction, providing a better opportunity for success.

Friends. No definitions. No requirements. No expectations. Frequency of time together, never a factor. Never having met in person. Just knowing that person is there, and will be there, and that same assurance given back, in good times and bad, sharing memories and tears, lifting spirits and giving high fives.

I am not talking about relationships either. I am talking friends. And if you are lucky enough, to have a best friend, that one you know will always have your back, kick you in the ass when you need or deserve it, and give you the push you need to reach something thought out of reach. Whether one friend, or twenty friends, to be able to share, laugh, and experience life is truly a blessing to be a part of.

Pets, fur friends, family. It has been a long time since I said goodbye to my best friend, Pollo. He gave me so many years and so many memories. My daughters think I take so many photos of them. Had I had a smart phone when I first got Pollo, I undoubtedly would have my own Youtube or TikTok with him.

My daughters and I can be out walking, for exercise or recreation, and I will always, and I mean ALWAYS stop to pet someone furry. I cannot get enough of the TikToks of the dogs, cats, no matter the breeds or species, animals always have a way of bringing me happiness.

And lastly, but not least, “You.” I get enjoyment out of watching others have fun, experience success, grow. I love to hear success stories, not necessarily having come from a dark place, but just a success story. I enjoy watching people open gifts, participate in activities like skiing or parasailing, even though I can no longer do these things myself. If you are smiling, I am pretty sure not only will I be smiling, but so will others around us.

This was the challenge that I issued to myself, and can hopefully convince anyone who might think otherwise, I really am a happy and optimistic person. Sure, I have some crappy things that get thrown at me. But I never lose sight of my peace and my happiness. And all the things I mentioned above, are all pieces of that game of living life. I really am so happy.

Posted in Adoption, Animals, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Recreation | Leave a comment
22 Dec 2022

Making, Saving, Remembering Christmas Memories


As I wrote previously, I am not a big fan of this time of year. That is not to say that I do not have good memories. In fact, I have plenty, really the only reason I do not give up on the holidays completely, the hopes that someday, I can find a way to embrace them as I did long ago.

Many years ago, I recall making a comment, that my maternal grandmother, was the “glue” that kept us all gathering together on the holidays. That when she was gone, so too would be the traditions of Christmas Eve service, presents the next morning, and the best Pennsylvania Dutch Christmas feast featuring homemade stuffing (we did not call it dressing). My grandmother’s final Christmas with us, we had two tables completely filled. At the time, we were unware that would be her final Christmas.

1997 was her last Christmas, and as anticipated, the last time all of us had gathered together completely. There would be miniature gatherings throughout the two days of Christmas in the years that followed, but none as we had done in the past. Today, those Christmas’s are just a memory.

Any hopes I may have had of turning my attitude around about the season, came with the arrivals of my daughters. There had been both renewed traditions and new ones created, all to the glee of my daughters. As in my past, health issues and at least one tragedy would once again have a permanent impact on my anticipation of future holiday seasons. But of the years that were free of the difficulties, there are so many memories.

Unfortunately, divorce would have a major impact on the Christmas holidays between my daughters and I. I would not necessarily call it a bad impact, just different. With sharing time between their mother and I, I volunteered to let them spend the actual holiday with their mother, while I would see them the day after. This arrangement allowed me to separate the negative that I carry with me about the holidays, by not actually celebrating on the actual date, while recognizing the special time that I get to spend with my daughters each holiday. Over the last nine years, we have all of those memories.

So there is a new chapter of holiday seasons coming next year. With both daughters attending college, one has a unique schedule, which means that the Christmas holiday may just be the only time I get to see them both at the same time while they are in college. But we will continue to make memories.

I do not necessarily believe in horoscopes, but the one pictured above was sent to me. I read it in amusement, I cannot say that I anticipate anything new to happen with me or my friends, but January will begin a year of change. One that will finally bring me relief of stress, struggle, and conflict. I will hope, it is a lot to ask, to have a second consecutive year without a health challenge. This past year was wonderful not to be under a knife or poked. I cannot remember the last time that consecutive years of decent health happened.

Finally, as we enter this season, my heart is with all my friends and family, who are celebrating Christmas, some their first, without a particular loved one, whether it be a spouse, sibling, or tragically, a child. No matter who is missing from the celebration, the pains may be different, but they are still real for the person impacted. I know that I still grieve for both my grandmother and my father, which I guess is a way of still keeping them in my heart this time of year.

I am not sure if I will get another post off before the end of the year. As I mentioned, I have some fun planned for my daughters when they come to visit after the holiday. So, in case I do not get to write anymore this year, I wish you all a happy holiday (there are too many for me to list each one, the only reason I don’t – don’t read into it with political correctness), and I hope your New Year is healthy and prosperous.

Posted in Adoption, Animals, Cancer, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment

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