Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the month “April, 2017”

07 Apr 2017

A Strong Character Right From The Start


Whether a child is of biological origin, or adopted, character is something that is taught by the parent(s).  Right from the beginning, almost daily, I taught my daughters the values that I believed should be important to them.  And I did this by example, because those same values apply to me.  I want them to respect me biblically as per the ten commandments.  I want their unconditional love.  But I also want them to be honest, loyal, trusting.  I have told them that most of the qualities I have taught them will be an important part of who they are.

Another quality that I want my daughters to have, is empathy and concern for others.

My daughters definitely understand to have empathy for people when they are sick or injured.  They have witnessed personally some very extreme situations just with my health alone.

But it was during a scholastic athletic event a couple of years ago, that I saw an example from my oldest daughter, the quality of concern for someone else.

I have taught both daughters, that if they start something, they need to finish it.  Whether it be a project, a recreational sport, or anything extracurricular, they are to make and keep the commitment.  When applicable, if competition is expected, they are to give their best.  Their lives will not be judged on how many medals they possess, but how, they got them if they did.  They are to have fun what they do, and give their best effort.  But very importantly, never at the expense of someone else.

My oldest daughter was competing in a “triathalon” for her elementary school.  She had trained very hard running at the local track down the road from our house.  Every Saturday morning she had an opportunity to use the high school swimming pool to train.  And she already had enough experience riding her bicycle.  This was her second year competing and had done well her first time out not knowing what to expect.

She had slashed her way through the water, and had been about 2/3 of the way through the bicycle portion of the race, when another competitor wiped out.  My oldest had avoided most of the contact, but still had the collision.  My daughter got up, dusted herself off, and then directed her attention to the girl on the ground.  She was hurt.  There was never a doubt what my daughter was going to do.

My daughter stayed with the injured girl, while many of the adults around me noticed the accident and my daughter’s actions.  My daughter would remain there until official and medical personnel arrived at the crash site.  And even then, my daughter wanted to remain to make sure the girl was okay.  The adults on the scene, encouraged my daughter to continue on with the race, and she did.  My daughter finished the bicycle portion and then completed the run.  It never mattered to my daughter what place she finished, nor her time.

I could not have been more proud.

Now, as an older student, she finds herself at a slightly more competitive level as she is participating in her first official athletic season of girls track.  She is competing in two events, the shotput and 75 meter dash.  I have no doubt she will excel in both events.  She does not lack confidence.  And she does enjoy competing.  But it was during the dash, that something occurred, that once again would show her character.

As anyone who has done track before, the first few times launching off from the starting blocks can be quite awkward.  And though I know my daughter is quite fast, and she would probably rather start from a standing position, it was the starting block that got her start of the dash off to a rough start.  But it was her recovery, her refusal to give up, just as strong as her will to compete, that allowed her to finish the race, just a couple of lengths behind the pack of runners.  She could have just given up like a baseball batter grounding a ball down the baseline, but she did not quit.  She ran with everything she had.

I cannot wait to hear how she does the next time around.

Yes, I am very proud of the daughters that I have raised.  There is a lot more to go, but so far, they understand their character is going to define who they are, and how others see them.

Posted in Adoption, Education, Family and Friends, Recreation | Leave a comment
06 Apr 2017

Questions And Answers


Every so often, follower of “Paul’s Heart” reach out to me with questions.  I want to take this opportunity right now to answer those questions.

How do you decide your topics?

I am a very impulsive writer in most cases.  With the exception of planned projects, such as short stories I have had published in Visible Ink, various news publications, the majority of posts/stories come from ideas that personally concern me, such as cancer, survivorship, adoption, health care, divorce, and such.  An idea might pop into my head, and within hours, I “lose” that urgency to write, and it falls into a cue which currently holds over 500 prompts.

Are there things I will not write about?

I do not believe in censorship, so I would say that I can and would write about anything if I was asked.  As a rule, when it comes to “Paul’s Heart”, I generally do not discuss my opinions when it comes to religion and politics because those things are private to me, and I do not want that to interfere with the purpose of this blog, to help and support those experiencing similar life struggles as myself.  If I do write about a controversial subject, such as health care, I will do my best to research and present facts.  But I have found, that writing about politics or religion, often cause more harm to relationships, and what I want this blog to achieve.

Do you prefer to write fiction or non-fiction?

I am told that I do not give myself enough credit for my writings.  I have had several assistants editing many of my pieces, all with different approaches for me.  I do not consider myself to have a vivid imagination, yet my writing coaches have a way of drawing out that talent from me.  I do prefer to write biographical type pieces, as many of my followers look to “Paul’s Heart” for inspiration.  I have written about many others on this blog and the experiences that they have gone through, so the stories are not just about me.

I have taken what I have learned from my writing coaches, and encourage my children to write in a similar fashion, by giving them simple prompts to provoke their imagination.

I do enjoy writing editorial pieces also.

Do you make time to write?

I recall the person who asked me this question.  Their claim was that between all of the doctor appointments, work, taking care of their family, this person felt that they had no time to write, in spite of their desire to do so.

I do try to set aside time to write, at least once a week, if not more.  It does not always work out that way, because I also have a tendency to get “stuck” not able to put thoughts together to write a piece, perhaps I do not like the finished project, or I just even give up on that particular piece.  But unless I have a deadline to meet, I write when I write.

In further discussion with this person, it turned out that they spent on average three hours on a train, commuting to and from work.  I mentioned that if they were interested in writing, this time period on the train would be ideal to gather thoughts, to see if there would be anything that they might like to discuss on paper.  Time on the train is a perfect and often quiet time to reflect.

Is writing therapeutic for you?

In one word, absolutely.  I am a person who internalizes… a lot.  I have many emotional struggles as a cancer survivor, one of which is survivor’s guilt.  And that is exactly what it says.  I also deal with PTSD and anxiety in relation to my survivorship.  I do have someone that I speak with, but when I do not have that option available, yes, writing is just one of the things I enjoy to help me relax, along with my other method, music.

Whether you publish something, or just document a thought in some sort of diary, releasing a thought that is of great concern to you through writing is indeed therapeutic.  Keeping concerns inside is not good.  And all too often, we do not have someone that we can just readily talk to, or may not even be good at listening.  We can express our thoughts, reflect on them, and then decide if it is necessary to share with others, or is it good enough that “I” recognize that expressing myself as I had done, that is all that needs to be done.  Yes, it is very therapeutic.

Can I share my story on your blog?

As long as it pertains to cancer, survivorship, adoption, or divorce, I am more than happy to share others stories of survivorship and inspiration.  You can send your story to me at pedelmanjr@yahoo.com .

As always, I am so thankful for everyone who reads and follows “Paul’s Heart”.  As I mentioned earlier, I have a lot of stories in cue to get to.  I think I am caught up on questions.

Posted in Adoption, Animals, Bullying, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Politics, Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
05 Apr 2017

Five People I Met Without Going To Heaven


The following short story was published in Visible Ink Anthology 2017, my 5th publication of short stories.

One of my favorite books (and movies) is “The Five People You Meet In Heaven,” by author Mitch Albom. As inspirational a story as it is, my thoughts are, “why wait until getting to heaven to meet those who have influenced my life.”

I have survived Hodgkin’s Lymphoma for more than 26 years. But it was only in 2008, that I learned that I had developed late effects from the treatments that had saved my life. There are people that have come into my life, total strangers, who have made my survival possible, both physically and emotionally.

In 1997, I “met” Tammy on a Hodgkin’s internet listserve. My story is limited to 800 words. All the late side effects she has had to deal with alone would take 800 words. Many of those issues resulted in several near death incidents, either because her cure had betrayed her, or doctors, uneducated in late effects, had no idea how to treat her. Nearly twenty years later, we are still friends, she has proudly seen her children grow and get married, and has several grandchildren. Were it not for her will, she would never had this experience.

In 2008, just as there was no real protocol of follow up for cancer survivors back when I was treated, nor were there many doctors who knew how to diagnose and treat patients with these late effects. Linda was another listserve member who tried to get me to participate in a “long term survivor” support list, but at that time, I felt I did not belong, because people on that list, had many serious issues about their post care. Up until 2008, I was healthy. But following my heart surgery, caused by radiation therapy damage, it was clear that I was going to need support that had knowledge in late term side effects. There were not many facilities that had this skill.   I lived near Philadelphia at the time, but Linda encouraged me with a phrase that has stuck with me forever, “Don’t let economics determine your care.” In other words, if I had to travel to get the care I needed, it would make the difference.

Which in the Fall of 2008, I would be welcomed into the Survivorship program at Memorial Sloan Kettering. I was introduced to Dr. Oeffinger, who has an understated title of “primary care physician,” when clearly to those in his care are more than aware that the title does not do him justice. With his studies of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and late effects from treatments spanning decades, Dr. Oeffinger ran all the tests necessary to see how my body had been affected over the years, and helped to assemble a great team of doctors, nurses, therapists, and techs that would not only help me manage my health issues, but Dr. Oeffinger made a statement to me that has stuck with me forever, as I do everything I can to work with him on this goal, “I cannot reverse what is happening to you, but I can help you slow it down. More importantly, I can help you see your daughters grow. You will see the time of being a grandfather.” My health and my emotions had been spinning out of control up until that moment.

In recent years, I met Kristi. Not just was she a teenager when she dealt with Hodgkin’s, not only was she dealing with late effects, but she was faced with a life-threatening challenge that would have been enough for even a healthy individual to overcome. With life-threatening injuries from a car accident, she came back stronger than ever both physically and spiritually, driven by the love and support of her family.

And finally, the last person is actually a group of people, and since I am not done meeting them, it will be a long time before I am ready to get to heaven. Any opportunity that I get, I reach out to meet any number of fellow cancer survivors. Each and every story, unique as their cancer journey was to them, tells an inspirational tale of perseverance, hope, triumph.   In actuality, it is our unquestioned support for each other, that we keep things in perspective while not discounting the severity of our own issues. Everything we are going through is very real to each and every one of us, and no one’s pain is any less real than another.

With Dr. Oeffinger’s help, it is going to be awhile before I get to heaven. I have a lot more people to meet.

Authors’s note – Following my composition of this story, a friend, fellow cancer survivor, and author of Visible Ink, passed away. I am dedicating this story, to Davina Klatsky, one of the many people I have met and will some day meet in Heaven.

Posted in Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment

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