Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Not The Way I Wanted To Start Lymphoma Month


When I started “Paul’s Heart,” I wanted to do two things, bring awareness of the needs of long term cancer survivors who have been forgotten because they lived past the magical 5 year mark, and were no longer being followed up for their cancers, and thanks to the fast track for cures, leaving long term survivors and doctors without information about what can happen to a long term cancer survivor long after they have been cured.  The second thing I wanted to do, was to bring awareness to progress, better diagnostics, newer treatments, safer treatments, more successful treatments.

Last year, I added a third goal, to bring awareness to the need for a better protocol, one that is adhered to, during treatments for cancer.  After the passing of a young friend, Michael (I wrote his story on “Paul’s Heart” last year) from the same cancer that I had, it was believed that one of the same drugs that was part of my chemotherapy cocktail, and part of Michael’s, was responsible for his congestive heart failure, just a couple of months following the completion of his treatment.  Cleveland Clinic is the first hospital network that I have become aware of, that is actually giving echocardiograms to patients receiving the drug that killed Michael.  And they do not just do the echo once, it is through the entire treatment to follow the damage development in the small amount of patients affected before it becomes too late, as it was for Michael.  He was only 24 when he died.  A simple and inexpensive test done after the first, if not the second treatment most likely would have picked up the damage and other options could have been considered before the damage was too great and a young man would lose his life.

bleomycin

Today, on my personal Facebook feed, for Lymphoma, another post came through, just as tragic.  Another young man, is now facing an end that should not have happened, and again, with another drug that I am familiar with as part of my treatment, but also part of his.  Bleomyacin is known to have an impact on the lungs, scarring.  The damage when it occurs is irreversible.  To make matters worse, it seems to help the young man with his breathing, they gave him oxygen therapy.  And as I found out once I was dealing with late effects from treatments, any patient with lung damage from radiation or Bleomyacin should not get pure oxygen.  In the case of the Bleomyacin, the oxygen actually stimulates the Bleo toxicity.  And this concern not only exists during the treatments, but as I am aware, even decades after treatment.  Once the damage is done to our lungs it is too late to treat us conventionally.

And now, a wife is faced with a decision that I guarantee she never thought she would have ever had to face when she gave her wedding vows.

I just cannot fathom, that how a common person like me, with no medical background, other than the medical research I have done to deal with my late effect issues, can know these risks, but most of medicine still does not.  What is it going to take to finally stop saying “it is not cost effective” to follow up more closely, drugs that are known to have a potential side effect on a particular body organ?  Another young person is going to lose their life, because someone has decided that a protocol and follow up, is not “cost effective” yet the extraordinary measures that have gone into saving his life, a life that will be lost, is some how the better solution.

This is inexcusable and unacceptable.

Do not get me wrong, I still believe in this drug as a treatment for Hodgkin’s.  I will never deny that.  I am here 25 years later because that was part of my chemo cocktail.  But for a percentage of patients, this drug is responsible for suffering and even death.

A closer eye needs to be kept on patients given this drug during treatment and for the rest of their lives.  End of story.

This is not the way I wanted to start of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Awareness Month.  Medicine still is not aware.

National Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Awareness Month


hodgkins1

September is National Hodgkin’s Lymphoma Awareness Month.  Actually, it is Lymphoma Awareness.  Actually, it is Blood Cancer Awareness Month of which includes both lymphoma and leukemia.

I am a 25 year survivor of Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  The diagnostics and treatments that I was exposed to decades ago are rarely if ever used because of progress.  There is still much more to do in finding a 100% cure, and a safer cure as well.

Last September, I challenged myself to write 30 posts in the 30 days of September, pertaining to Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  I have included stories of other patients and survivors besides myself, such as Stephanie and Jeff.  I wrote inspirational stories of profound loss for Michael and Jennifer.

This month, I would like to do the same challenge again.  And this time, I would like to include even more stories of other survivors.  If you would like to share your story on “Paul’s Heart,” please email me at pedelmanjr@yahoo.com .  Personal stories on this blog average 700 views and for those who want to help make a difference in this fight, your story is one way to do it.

“As I continue down the road of remission, I will keep looking in my rear view mirror to make sure that you are still following me.  And if you are not on that road just yet, hurry up.  Once you get on that highway, it’s a great ride.”

Thanks for reading.

Paul

The Inevitable And Making The Best Decision, Not The “Right” Decision


divorce

I was asked this question recently, “my daughter’s 16th birthday is coming up, and there is going to be a big party for her being thrown by my ex.  My ex’s girlfriend has told my daughter that she does not want me there, and if I show up, she will leave my ex.  She accepts the girlfriend in my ex’s life, and I don’t want my daughter stuck in the middle like this.  What do I do?

If EVERYONE, and I mean EVERYONE, not just the divorcing parents, but all the busy-bodies who feel they have a say in the divorce between the mother and the father would understand this simple concept:

“Only the husband and the wife get divorced from each other.  The children do not get divorced from either parent.”

It is inevitable that either or both spouses will move on and either just date, have a relationship, or even get married.  Again, this does not involve the children other than being introduced as someone who is becoming a part of their parent’s life.  The addition of a new romantic interest does not equal a new ally in the divorce.  This is not about arguing for what someone who is bitter believes is “right”.  It is about what is best.

As a child of divorce myself, I am very sensitive to what my daughters will be exposed to beyond the “mother/father” roles.  My parents divorced when I was young, so I am unaware of my mother dating, though in my teens, she did get married, ironically to a man who had the same last name as us, of no relation.  My father had a long term relationship with the woman he would eventually marry decades later and become my stepmother.  The point is, that at no time, was I ever put in the position of having to show loyalty towards one parent when it came to the other parent “moving on.”  That is not to say there was not animosity between my parents.

On a couple of occasions as a young adult, I recall having conversations with both of my parents, bringing to their attention that particular events in my life, and theirs, their animosity and any recognition or expression of that animosity, would be inappropriate, and I would not be hesitant to ask either to leave if anything other than the focus of the particular occasion was being respected.  Fortunately, in my life, that never became a problem.

But what my friend is dealing with, is just as bad, if not worse than two parents who draw their child into the middle of their bitterness.  The mother of a child will always be that child’ mother.  The father of a child will always be that child’s father.  But girlfriends, acquaintances, and definitely other relatives HAVE NO SAY WHATSOEVER with who attends or participates in an event in the child’s life.  And what makes this situation even more aggravating for me to know about, is that this woman obviously not only believes that the child, should not only be loyal to her father, but to the girlfriend as well.  And then, by not showing loyalty to her, the child would be responsible for breaking up her father’s current relationship by not supporting the request to not have her mother attend the birthday party.

This person is a piece of SHIT!!!!

I have no problem telling my friend, go to the party.  She is her daughter.  And any piece of garbage that would draw a child in to a conflict like that, does not deserve to be involved in any facet of that child’s life, and if that means the jerk walks away from the relationship, so be it.  And if she does end the relationship with the father, clearly, she has other issues with the relationship, none of which is the child’s problem.  I say good riddance.

Yes, I am very sensitive to this.  I grew up with this potential issue.  And now, I have two young daughters myself caught in the middle of a divorce.  But I have made sure that my daughters know that I have no problem with their mother’s boyfriend and in fact am happy that they have each other.  My daughters will never witness any animosity from me.  And I expect that same courtesy.  My daughters will have so many milestones in their lives, and I will be at as many, if not all that I can possibly be, and I expect their mother to be there also.  And that means family, friends, and everyone else who feels they have an interest in our divorce, and in reality have no interest or right of opinion, must accept that both of us, as our daughters’ parents will be involved in our childrens’ lives forever.  That means, confirmation, sweet 16’s, graduations, weddings (if they choose), and hopefully making us grandparents.  My wife and I are finished as a married couple, but our roles of parents will never change.

I told my friend, go to the party.  Assure her daughter that there will be no issue, that the mother knows how important the day is to her daughter.  And that it is unfortunate that the girlfriend feels that way.  But give the daughter her promise, there will be no problems.  But then my friend must also contact the father, and say this behavior is unacceptable and is emotional child abuse.  Parents need to get over their animosity when it comes to their children, enough said.

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