Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

18 May 2020

Why Is Covid19 Different To Me?


Why is Covid19, also only known as the Corona Virus, diff  erent to me than all of the other viruses and outbreaks I have seen over my survivorship?

First, let’s start from the beginning.  I lost my spleen in 1988, went through chemo and radiation therapies in 1989 and 1990.  Now, while I am jumping ahead of the discussion, it is these two factors that lead me to the status of being considered “vulnerable” because of the damage caused from those events in my life over thirty years ago.

Now, to be fair, I was unaware that I was “vulnerable” for over half of my survivorship.  It was not until 2008, that I learned the many health complications that I have, that leave me “vulnerable.”  So, let’s look at the time period up until 2008.  The following were viruses or outbreaks as documented by the WHO that were dealt with in the US.  I will call this “period A”.

1996  Dengue

1998  Influenza

1999  Encephalitis

2000  Acute febrile, meningitis

2001  Anthrax

2002  West Nile

2003  Influenza, SARS

2004  SARS, Avian Flu

2005  Avian Flu

2006  Botulism, Avian Flu

2007  Avian Flu

Along with the annual flu, these were the things that we here in the US had to deal with.  As mentioned, this is per the World Health Organization (WHO), and I need to stress the importance of the WHO.  Because if you saw the list of diseases and viruses each year that were listed for all of the other countries around the world, had they reached over here, it is likely we would have an entirely different world, if any getting around the turn of the century.

My point with calling this grouping of years, “period A,” because at this point, I was still unaware of how “vulnerable” I was.  I got no vaccines, even for flu.  I never came down with any of these viruses and on at least two occasions, went right into the firestorm of two of those virus, SARS in 2004, and bird flu in 2006 to adopt my daughters.  I was given some antibiotics to take if I felt ill, but that was it.  Those meds were not used.  In all honesty, I never gave any of these viruses any thought.

But in 2008, things changed in a big way.  I had discovered, that side effects from my treatments had progressed over the years, and without me being followed up, had gotten very bad.  So much so, I had to have open heart surgery to save my life, moments away from certain death from a fatal heart attack.  But as I learned all of the problems that now existed with my body, so did another issue, my lack of immunity, the ability to fight off infections and viruses.

Upon becoming the patient of a long term survivorship clinic, one of the things researched about my body, was my immunity.  Blood titres would reveal I had no immunity against pneumonia and meningitis.  And so, along with a lecture for me not getting annual flu shots, a personal preference, and to my doctor an unfortunate risk I take every year, he did insist on me getting boosters for pneumonia and meningitis.  The issue I had with that, was I was given those vaccines prior to my having my spleen removed for my cancer diagnosis.  These vaccines were supposed to be lifetime.  Losing my spleen evidently changed that.  The problem was, that a single booster of each vaccine, did not cause my body to react.  I needed two additional boosters for pneumonia and an additional one for meningitis to finally show titres.  But besides showing titres, it should my body lacked the ability to fight infections and viruses.

So, it is only normal then, that I should be concerned about news of a potential virus outbreak.  I present to you, “period B”

2009  H1N1 (swine flu)  PANDEMIC LEVEL OF SPREAD

2010   H1N1

2012  Corona Virus, Hanta Virus

2013  MERS, Corona Virus

2014  MERS, Ebola, Entero Virus

2015  Zika, Measles, Lassa Fever

2016  Salmonella, Elizabethkingia, Guillaine-Barre Syndrome, Zika

2017  MERS

2018  Listeria

2019  Measles

Now again, we always had a flu that we were dealing with each year.  And something else I just noticed as I was going through this section, especially over the last few years, very little information mentioned on the WHO web site as far as issues in the US.  And I know, that we had other outbreaks to deal with, that were mentioned for other countries.  Out of curiosity, I did have to look up what “Elizabethkingia” was, especially since it happened here.  It is a genus of bacteria found in soil, leading to a pathogen in hospital environments.  I did not research that any further.  Trying to stay focused here.

So, unlike “period A” where I had no reason to feel concerned, “period B” was different because of my awareness.  I still declined flu vaccines, and I also had to receive several more boosters of pneumvax and one more for meningitis.  The only exception that I made was in 2010, when my doctor was finally able to convince me of the need to take the “swine flu” pandemic seriously and get the vaccine (that will be another post), as well as the annual flu vaccine.  Well, as if my body was not challenged enough with those two shots, got another pneumonia booster that week also.  And that was the last time I got any vaccines.

But just as I did with “period A”, “period B” was pretty much business as usual.  I went to work.  I went to the doctor.  I went to the emergency room many times (documented on this blog for the many incidents).  But not really any concern.  Why not?

Why is it different in 2020 with Covid19?  At least for me.

Declared a pandemic, just as the swine flu in 2010, Covid19 has huge unknowns.  At the time, there was not even any testing available.  All we would here were symptoms from the effects of the virus, most notable, pneumonia, a condition that I have dealt with at least twice before, and combined with my other vulnerabilities, put me at high risk.  Unlike 2010, there is no vaccine, still, and no known treatment other than guessing here and there.  And the other big difference, the ease of the spread.

But there is one notable difference for me.  And that is the warning that I have gotten from my doctors.  Sure, I watch television, and for those networks that actually reveal facts such as numbers, that information aligns with my doctors concerns.  And while all of the medical experts of the CDC and NIH and FDA are recommending social distancing and stay-at-home and masks, my doctors did not mince words.  Do not travel.  Stay at home.  Stay away from as many people as you can.  You may not have a chance against this virus.  Unlike the other outbreaks, there is no cure, there is no vaccine.

I trust my doctors.  Information that I get from the news, no matter who, it does not get a priority over what I get from my doctors.  I have re-scheduled medical appointments.  I have cancelled visits with my children.  I have literally only seen less than a handful of people over the last two and a half months.  And unlike 2010, or any of the years, I actually do know people who have contracted Covid19, and at least one person who has died from it.

So yes, this is one time, I must take this type of situation differently than before.  Not fearmongering.  And my hope, that at some point, we get through this, and like the other years, I have not been exposed to Covid19.  I know that I have done all that I can.

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17 May 2020

Proud Papa Moments


I make no secret about it.  I love my daughters.  I am proud of my daughters.  I have no favorite, they are both equals.  Each offers their own individual talents while sharing the same values and intelligence.  So far, so good.  As a Dad, I have done my job.  I need to make sure, now in their true formative years, that they are prepared for relationships and responsibilities.  They have learned as much as they can about the importance of giving respect, trust, and loyalty, now they learn the importance of having it returned in kind.

Gentlelmen, take note.  You must open doors, bring flowers, listen to, and most importantly, treat them as special as I know they most certainly are.  Financially, a lot of mistakes were made in our family, and I am hoping that while they were not aware of them, that I am setting an example for them of financial responsibility and accountability, or the simple concept, living within your means.  And of course, a big one, time management.  As both of my daughters have found out in their later years of school, how easy it is to fall behind in just one day, when not prioritizing homework appropriately, spending too much time on one project, and running out of time to finish the rest.  Of course that only works when you do not wait til the last minute for that type of assignment.

As I mentioned, each has their unique talents, though I hope that there are some things that hopefully they have learned from me that will help them appreciate, relax, and enjoy the simple things of life.  They both enjoy music, and have their genre preferences.

Being a writer, my daughters know who they rely on for proofreading.  In fact, if I am not mistaken, I might even be proofreading some of their friends papers as well.  For several years, I even participated in judging term papers for various science organizations with high school essays.

If there is one thing that I do not enjoy writing, it is poetry.  Short stories, research papers, and finally, even a book (in the process), I can spend any amount of time.  But poetry, not a chance.  But for the second year in a row, now my youngest daughter, has requested my help in writing a sonnet for her Shakespearean English project.  I was all too happy to oblige.  But first, just like last year, I needed to remind myself, what I learned forty years ago, forgot, refreshed last year, and forgot again, what was a sonnet.

My daughter explained the rhyme scheme necessary, and I was introduced to “quattrains.”  And with that, I taught my daughter how to write, anything, it did not matter.  My formula, which does not necessarily apply to everyone, is to start with the ideas, not with the intent of sitting at the keyboard and just typing until you are exhausted.

She had some subjects to choose from.  Her decision was time.  So, with four quattrains to work with, so that there was an even flow of progression, she began with being unaware of time (as a young child), time impacting activities (as a child, such as school, meals), how time has an impact on everything that happens, and finally how time can be lost and should be appreciated while you have it.

From each of those quattrain ideas, she came up with four lines each, except for the last one, which only had two lines.  The hardest part then became the final word of each line, to rhyme.  In the end, I could not believe my eyes.  Another beautiful sonnet written by each of my daughters now.  Of course, out of respect, I do not have permission from her to share that poem here.  But I am definitely one proud Papa.

 

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16 May 2020

Advocates In Training


My daughters have witnessed a lot in their short lives so far.  They have seen my experiences with my health.  They know what it is like to grow up in a house that has gone through a divorce.  Experienced in adoption.  That is just what they have been exposed to personally.

Then there are the things that they go through when they are away from either of us parents.  School lock downs, bullying, suicide, teen drug and alcohol and tobacco use are constants in their environment.

Both girls are very aware of the world outside of their home as well.  The homeless, the poor, the disadvantaged.  They know quite easily, it could be them in someone else’s shoes.

And then of course there are the things that they learn in school from science to health, history to politics.

I did my best with them, from the earliest of ages, for them to have empathy and sympathy for others.  My older daughter, not even of school age noticed a group of special needs kids, while eating at an ice cream shop.  While she may have noticed that some looked different, she only saw them as regular kids.

I have never heard either of my daughters even mention someone’s skin color.  Both are aware that they are not Caucasian, have Caucasian parents, yet the question of “why is our skin color different than everyone else’s skin color?”

Years ago, while visiting Philadelphia, my daughters saw their first homeless people, not the purpose of our visit, but led to a long and lengthy conversation about the “how’s” and “why’s”, and what could we do for them at that moment.  Just two years ago, while doing some grocery shopping for one of my visits, a less-fortunate woman approached us, asking us if we had anything we could spare so she could buy some food.  I will admit, there is a 50-50 chance I will help, just because, who am I to judge if someone is legit.  But in front of my daughters, I faced another test.  Lead by example, or teach a very bad example.

Do I teach them that it is better to be benevolent, without judgement?  Or do I show that that it is okay to lie.  Or do I make it more complicated than that, that it depends on what you are lying about?  Those who understand the mind of a child, knows there is a reason that there are age limits for a reason, because in many cases, the minds are not developed enough to make the right decisions.

I personally feel it is an awful lot to expect of a child to figure out the difference between telling the truth, and understanding potential consequences of telling lies.  We have all been there.  The phone rings.  A child answers the phone.  The caller asks to speak to a parent.  The parent says, “tell them I’m not home.”  As adults, we do not see the big deal, but as children, they get confused.  Telling lies is bad.  But their parents do it.

I could have easily have told the stranger that I did not have anything extra to give, because I really did not have any extra, as I budget myself when I travel for the visits with my daughters.  But as I said, I have taught my daughters to be empathetic, even if it means “giving the shirt off of my back.”  As I looked at my younger daughter, I knew what my answer was going to be.  My daughter, knowing that I do not have much, saw me pull out some change out of my pocket, handing her a $5 dollar bill.  The woman expressed her gratitude, and both my daughters had smiles on their face, believing that they just made someone’s day even just a little bit more better.  Though none of us talked about it, there is also the chance that we all realize, we could have also just been had.  But again, I have raised my daughters to see the good in people.

It is one thing to be aware of problems and issues.  It is another to do something about them.  And this is where both parenting and schooling play the most important part of teaching a child how to be a good advocate, to express themselves properly.

Now older, my daughters have opportunities in school, where they must present “arguments” or opinions to certain discussions from English literature to historic events and world issues.  Some of these opportunities may be in the classroom, or in front of a debate level stage.

My daughters have seen many opportunities to witness me standing up not only for myself, but for others as well.  They have seen the good and the bad.  It is important to them to see the consistency that I do not sacrifice what I believe in.  Just as important, they must also witness that I do not let any defeat deter my efforts.  They have learned that it is important to be educated about the cause that is supported, and then also to learn how to communicate their points of view, especially in the firestorm of an “all out” opposition, to never stoop to someone else’s level because that is not who they are.

It would be easy if people just did the right thing all of the time.  But the world does not work that way.  It would be just as nice if we could have a simple discussion to point out the needs to correct a wrong situation, and have the humility to accept the error, instead of defending pride to the death, and “better them than me”.  My daughters have learned, in all of the areas that I am an advocate for, health, cancer, adoption, child custody issues, discrimination and more, I do not give up.  A loss is just that, a loss, not an end to my efforts.

Posted in Adoption, Animals, Bullying, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Politics, Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment

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