Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Recreation”

Questions And Answers


Every so often, follower of “Paul’s Heart” reach out to me with questions.  I want to take this opportunity right now to answer those questions.

How do you decide your topics?

I am a very impulsive writer in most cases.  With the exception of planned projects, such as short stories I have had published in Visible Ink, various news publications, the majority of posts/stories come from ideas that personally concern me, such as cancer, survivorship, adoption, health care, divorce, and such.  An idea might pop into my head, and within hours, I “lose” that urgency to write, and it falls into a cue which currently holds over 500 prompts.

Are there things I will not write about?

I do not believe in censorship, so I would say that I can and would write about anything if I was asked.  As a rule, when it comes to “Paul’s Heart”, I generally do not discuss my opinions when it comes to religion and politics because those things are private to me, and I do not want that to interfere with the purpose of this blog, to help and support those experiencing similar life struggles as myself.  If I do write about a controversial subject, such as health care, I will do my best to research and present facts.  But I have found, that writing about politics or religion, often cause more harm to relationships, and what I want this blog to achieve.

Do you prefer to write fiction or non-fiction?

I am told that I do not give myself enough credit for my writings.  I have had several assistants editing many of my pieces, all with different approaches for me.  I do not consider myself to have a vivid imagination, yet my writing coaches have a way of drawing out that talent from me.  I do prefer to write biographical type pieces, as many of my followers look to “Paul’s Heart” for inspiration.  I have written about many others on this blog and the experiences that they have gone through, so the stories are not just about me.

I have taken what I have learned from my writing coaches, and encourage my children to write in a similar fashion, by giving them simple prompts to provoke their imagination.

I do enjoy writing editorial pieces also.

Do you make time to write?

I recall the person who asked me this question.  Their claim was that between all of the doctor appointments, work, taking care of their family, this person felt that they had no time to write, in spite of their desire to do so.

I do try to set aside time to write, at least once a week, if not more.  It does not always work out that way, because I also have a tendency to get “stuck” not able to put thoughts together to write a piece, perhaps I do not like the finished project, or I just even give up on that particular piece.  But unless I have a deadline to meet, I write when I write.

In further discussion with this person, it turned out that they spent on average three hours on a train, commuting to and from work.  I mentioned that if they were interested in writing, this time period on the train would be ideal to gather thoughts, to see if there would be anything that they might like to discuss on paper.  Time on the train is a perfect and often quiet time to reflect.

Is writing therapeutic for you?

In one word, absolutely.  I am a person who internalizes… a lot.  I have many emotional struggles as a cancer survivor, one of which is survivor’s guilt.  And that is exactly what it says.  I also deal with PTSD and anxiety in relation to my survivorship.  I do have someone that I speak with, but when I do not have that option available, yes, writing is just one of the things I enjoy to help me relax, along with my other method, music.

Whether you publish something, or just document a thought in some sort of diary, releasing a thought that is of great concern to you through writing is indeed therapeutic.  Keeping concerns inside is not good.  And all too often, we do not have someone that we can just readily talk to, or may not even be good at listening.  We can express our thoughts, reflect on them, and then decide if it is necessary to share with others, or is it good enough that “I” recognize that expressing myself as I had done, that is all that needs to be done.  Yes, it is very therapeutic.

Can I share my story on your blog?

As long as it pertains to cancer, survivorship, adoption, or divorce, I am more than happy to share others stories of survivorship and inspiration.  You can send your story to me at pedelmanjr@yahoo.com .

As always, I am so thankful for everyone who reads and follows “Paul’s Heart”.  As I mentioned earlier, I have a lot of stories in cue to get to.  I think I am caught up on questions.

HR1313 Is A Bad Thing, And Not Just For Cancer Survivors


This is going to be a difficult story for me to post, because as my readers know, I do what I can to avoid talking politics and religion on this blog.  I do my best to navigate any advocacy issue without any bias towards left or right, religion or lack of.  But as a survivor of cancer, and a multi-victim of discrimination because of my health history, HR1313 is a topic I need to write about.

HR1313 is a new bill, called the Preserving Employee Wellness Programs Act, being introduced by our government representatives.  And while the name of the bill looks harmless enough, as the expression goes, “don’t judge a book by its cover.”

So let me start at the beginning, to state my qualifications and experience with the topic of this post.

After nearly two years of battling Hodgkin’s Lymphoma (1990), though I was not unhappy with my employer, I was still looking for opportunities to improve my life financially.  This meant investigating new job opportunities.  My stepfather had recommended that with my personality and charisma, I would be perfect to work in the insurance industry.  He was well known in his company and would do what he could to help me get hired.

I met with my stepfather’s boss, who outlined what the hiring process would involve.  There would be studying for licenses, other interviews, the application itself, and a medical exam.  I was confused as to the need for a medical exam, as any of the other jobs I had held previously, never required a physical.  Only school had required these at certain periods of my childhood.  The manager had said there would be things I could do to save time while I studied.  Getting the physical out of the way was one thing that could be done.

So the physical went as expected.  I was in remission from my cancer.  My body, other than being a little overweight yet from treatments, was in good shape.  A couple more weeks went by.  I continued my studies, doing well on all the exams I was taking.  I completed my application, and participated in an interview.  A couple of weeks later, I received a phone call from the manager.

“Hi Paul.  It’s Jim.  Listen, I was on the phone with the district office, discussing your application, and the home office feels that it we need you to be in remission from your cancer a bit longer.”  I asked, “how long is ‘much longer’?”  To which he responded, “well, it’s tough to say, you just finished your treatments recently.  But you can always try again.”I hung up the phone in shock.  I beat cancer, and I was being discriminated against for it.  Was it going to be like this for the rest of my life?  No one giving me a chance?

I took the manager, the district office, and the insurance company before the labor relations board for discrimination.  I was not even suing for money.  I wanted their practice of discrimination to be punished however.   With the help of my therapist, and a lawyer, this insurance company was in for a rude awakening.

In 1990, the American With Disabilities Act was signed.  It was a law created to prevent discrimination in all settings.  For the purpose of this post, I am referring to employment, specifically hiring practices.  The insurance company representatives were going to be some of the first introduced to the new law.  It was now illegal to have an applicant subjected to a physical without the intent being to hire.  In other words, the physical could only be demanded once the other requirements are met, and employment would then pend on passing the health physical.  It was at least a moral victory.

The lawyer for the insurance company then accused me of withdrawing my application so my complaint had no merit.  Of course I did not withdraw.  I know what I heard.  And it was awful.

The ADA is not perfect.  While on paper, it says it will protect people with disabilities from discrimination, but the reality is, if someone wanted to discriminate against you, there would always be a loophole.  Like saying someone changed their mind verbally about future employment.

Over the next many years, I would find myself fighting management repeatedly over challenging my ADA rights.  I would also watch others, not assert theirs.  Sure, they would complain about their treatment, and at times, allow their conditions to get worse, but they always kept their mouths shut.  Worried about retaliation from management.  At what cost?

Then in 2008, the Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act was signed.  This was a bill that was intended to prevent discrimination based on genetic predispositions.  With technology developing, it should be a good thing that science has been able to find out who might have higher chances of developing a serious illness or physical condition.  But in the hands of an employer or insurance company, genetic testing would become a backdoor loophole to discriminate against employees or clients.  This law at least on paper, is meant to prevent that.

But now comes the Preserving Employee Wellness Programs Act, HR1313.  While it is unclear whether this bill being created is something that will allow employers to demand of its employees and applicants, or whether it will be voluntary, is nothing but a bad thing.  Back in 1990, I volunteered to a doctor, who I was sent to for a physical by the company – not my own personal physician – and volunteered that I just completed treatment for cancer.  Even if this is a voluntary effort, volunteering information to an employer that they have no legal right to know, is setting yourself up to discrimination.  Of course, they cannot tell you that you are not hired because your genes say you are more likely to have a heart attack or develop cancer.  But knowing your genetics in advance of employment or during your employment, gives the employer and opportunity to develop the loophole necessary to deny you, or terminate you.

It is shameful that this effort is under the guise of “enhancing” wellness programs at work, which are a good thing.  But knowing someone’s genetics, is clearly being used to discriminate in either hiring (which the employers will never admit), and also to discriminate employees’ insurance benefits.  Good genetics will get lower insurance rates.  Bad genetics will get higher rates.  DISCRIMINATION!!!  Anyone who has had to fight a serious disease such as cancer, should never have to fight so hard for something they need such as insurance.  Instead, efforts are underway to make it not only more difficult, but financially out of reach.

You want a real good “wellness” program?  Scheduled breaks.  Better pay.  Health insurance that encourages preventative visits.  Less stress in the workplace.  But knowing the genetics of an employee?  That is just a tool for discrimination that an employer should have no right to.

Once you open this door, like toothpaste, once it is out of the tube, you cannot put it back in.

A Smile Has Left…


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It seem like that last year and half, the world of music has just been devastated by losses of talent, influence, and just great music.  Again, music has lost another great musician, John Wetton, most notably of the 80’s super group, Asia.  He was just 67 years old, but had battled several serious issues late in his life from alcohol abuse, cardiac disease, and ultimately, it would be cancer that would take his life.

I can relate to Wetton on many things.  I was a huge fan of Asia, one of a handful of bands that I possess every recording, and not just their “hits” years of the early 1980’s.  And when it came to vocals, I honestly believe my voice is quite similar, if not identical to Wetton’s.  I had enough practice singing his lyrics in the indoor arena known as my car.  Although I was one of millions who thought Asia was going to be around forever, not many were like me, that there was a lot of inspiration and experience that made up this group.  Members of the band came from other great groups such as Emerson, Lake, and Palmer, Uriah Heep, King Crimson, Yes, and the Buggles (“Video Killed The Radio Star”).  I actually got to hear Wetton sing Downes’ “Video Killed the Radio Star” during Asia’s original lineup reunion.  I went from growing up thinking there were just two types of music, pop and country to learning that with FM radio, there were actually different forms of rock, including this type of progressive rock of Asia.

Over the last year, I have been saddened by all the passings of such great musicians like Glen Frey of the Eagles, David Bowie, Prince, George Michael and so on.

But it is not just because of the music of Asia, now being silenced (although surviving band member and co-founder Geoff Downes has stated Asia will go on), but other connections to Wetton that I have.

Though details are not discussed, Wetton had heart surgery.  I know that very well myself, that surviving a diagnosis of heart disease, can result in a re-birth if you will, of life.  And it seemed lyrically, on many of Wetton’s many band projects, not just Asia, but collaboration Icon partner Geoff Downes, and Wetton’s own solo work, religion seemed to find its way into many of the songs.

But it was colon cancer, that turned out to be too much for Wetton.  He had been battling it for a couple of years, after discovering a 1 kilogram tumor.  A quote in an interview following his diagnosis was advice from Wetton, for everyone to get checked.  It is a known fact, that your chances of surviving colon cancer, is to get it taken care of sooner than later.  And often times, pre-cancerous polyps are discovered during colonoscopies and removed, before they get the chance to turn into cancer.  And that should be a good thing.

So, why do not more people get colonoscopies done?  As a long term cancer survivor myself of nearly 28 years, I have to get colonoscopies every 2-3 years, while those without pre-existing conditions often only need to get them done once every 10 years once they hit 50 years of age.  Again, if polyps are found, they get removed before they turn into cancer.  And if they are cancerous, the cancer is treated sooner, than after severe symptoms reveal themselves (such as 1 kilo tumor).

There are a couple reasons I know of why some refuse to get colonoscopies.  One makes absolutely no sense, and is generally only considered by men.  The other, is generally agreed upon by both genders.

It is hard to believe that men often avoid colonoscopies, because they are afraid of “being turned gay.”  Because of how the procedure is performed, there are absolutely some men, who are afraid that they will develop homosexual tendencies.  Nothing could be further from the truth.  And I know from talking to some who expressed this irrational fear, expressed an embarrassment for feeling this way, following their colonoscopy.

For the rest, many complain about prepping for the colonoscopy, because of the amount of fluid that must be consumed to help “clean out” the body.  Feelings of bloating and nausea can be overwhelming.  And once you have gone through one, of course you know what to expect in upcoming colonoscopies, seemingly enough of a deterrent to not go through another colonoscopy.

But the fact is, colonoscopies save lives.  And though it did not make national headlines, the late John Wetton of Asia, made it clear, the importance of getting screened.

Because of my love for music, I do have a tendency to take the deaths of musician a bit more hard especially compared to other celebrities or athletes.  But because of a connection I felt to Wetton, musically, cardiac, and cancer, his death is hitting me a bit harder.

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