Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Education”

Half Of My Life With Cancer


If you have followed “Paul’s Heart,” you notice a countdown box off to the right of the screen. It has a milestone, that to the majority of people, represent something once thought impossible, surviving 25 years from cancer. Yes, today I begin my 25th year of having survived Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. So the countdown should change from twelve months to go, to days left to go.

I am a 24 year survivor of cancer. I have lived half of my life in spite of a disease that kills millions and yet a cure for all seems so far away. Another year down, I know it is no small feat. But once again, as always, my heart is too heavy to celebrate yet another year gone by. I miss so many that I have had to say goodbye to, and this year gone by I include Kim, Karen, Peter, and Michael.

Last week, as I sat across from my father in his hospital room, a nurse asked my father who had been just told his cancer had returned, “what would you like?” To which my father responded, “to survive cancer like my son.”

Today I recognize, but not celebrate, my 24th completed year of remission for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. It is a sad commentary that in the twenty-first century, we still have not found a cure for cancer for everyone. I am disappointed that follow-up guidelines are not more well known so that survivors are better followed-up for late developing side effects. I want to see better surveillance of patients for critical side effects for drugs that are known to have the possibility of causing side effects, some potentially fatal.

We are so close. Seriously, part of the survivor guilt I deal with, is why I have gotten to live, while so many do not. I am hoping that if anything at this point, is that I may see in my lifetime, a cure for cancer is found, patients are followed more closely during their treatments, and survivors are better followed-up. And as the days count down to one next year, I want to celebrate.

Is There A Doctor In The House


I need to warn anyone reading this post, this is going to be one of the angriest, most disgusted posts I have ever written. And because I do not turn off the filter in my brain when I write, I am fairly certain I will drop an “F” bomb before I am finished. I have no problem being vocal, standing up for myself, or for those I feel deserve better than what they are getting. And while I am not defending the Affordable Care Act as the perfect solution, it is far from perfect, it is better than what we had. My comment is that it is not good enough.

Yes, more people are being insured. Yes, people like me with pre-existing conditions cannot be turned down for insurance. But nowhere have I read anything about the quality of care being improved. Sure, new discoveries are being made to find better and safer cures. But even the most simple and basic needs of medical care during an emergency room visit are often a challenge to be met.
My father was diagnosed with Stage 1 lung cancer last year. A victim of his own choice to smoke for over fifty years. There can not be one person who will disagree with the statement, smoking causes cancer. So as disappointing as the diagnosis was, it could not have come as a surprise. As disappointing as the diagnosis was, some of the events of his care have been even more so.

My father made a couple of decisions in the event something should happen to him following surgery to remove the cancerous tumor from his lung, positioned perilously close to his heart, or during or following the completion of any planned treatments. One of those was for me to be his health advocate. He trusted my knowledge and experience, the emotions and fears I lived, and most of all, he trusted me to be a voice for him to make sure that he got the care that he not only needed, but deserved.

This was tested the day of his surgery, to remove at the least the lower lobe of his left lung, possibly his entire lung. The decision of how much lung to be removed would not be known until they were able to tell the exact proximity of the tumor. Following the surgery, I was informed that my father was having difficulty coming out of the anesthesia. No concerns were raised at that point, but the following day, and the day after that, I noticed my father’s attention span quickly fading. A neurologist came in and sat down in front of my father, carried on a two minute conversation with my father and said, “he looks fine.” On the second day, I received a phone call from my brother asking me for my fathers glasses, that he could not see without them. Being legally blind is not something I remember of my father and I had plenty of recollections of seeing him without his glasses functioning perfectly. But my brother insisted, he could not even locate a cup of coffee right underneath his nose. I informed my brother that I did have them and would bring them in with me following work when I came in to see him.

On my way to visit him, knowing that it had been two full days now since my father had eaten, I stopped by the cafeteria to pick something for my father to eat, something that I know he would eat. I purchased an order of mozzarella cheese sticks and proceeded to his room. When I got there, I realized that my father had not had his dentures in his mouth. Perhaps this may be why he had not eaten all this time. I held the cup in front of my father and said “Dad, put your dentures in.” He looked at me and told me that already had them in. And then he proceeded to stick his right hand in his mouth and yanked at his gums as if to mimic pulling out his dentures to show me that he already had them in, something I already knew he did not. But he insisted on continuing to pull at his gums, his imaginary dentures that would not come out when finally he looked up, and saw the cup that held his dentures, in my left hand.

He put the dentures in without drawing any more attention to himself. I showed him the cheat treat that I brought him from the cafeteria. He took one of the cheese sticks out and took a bite and said, “mmm… this is good. How did they make them so soft?”. I said, “Dad, it’s a mozzarella stick.” He responded back, “No, it’s a carrot stick.” My brother and I looked confused at each other. While my dad had a sense of humor, it did not involve being mischievous like that, especially after having been fileted and losing half a lung. The neurologist had been called back in, placed a piece of paper in front of my father, and drew six rows of horizontal broken lines and told my father to draw a vertical line through each line. My father, having completed the task, to all of our disappointment, had actually only completed half of the task. He missed the entire right side of the paper. The doctor pointed the error out to my father who shrugged it off, and proceeded to draw lines through the rest of the horizontal lines, but again, missing the last column of lines. It took no time for the doctor to call out without any fancy testing, he has had a stroke. Of course, a CT scan was ordered and did confirm my father had not one, but two strokes on the left side of his brain, one in the front and another on the rear of the brain.

Now not only dealing with lung cancer, but recovery from two strokes, my father’s oncologist informs us that even though the surgery was successful, for better chance of success of remission, a chemotherapy regimen should be given, just in case to catch any stray cancer cells that might have broken loose. Long story short, he went through the chemo, and did fairly well, very little side effects other than that typical hair loss. But following the chemo, none of us were prepared to hear the doctor say, “we think it is a good idea to go through radiation just to make sure we have used all efforts to make sure the cancer does not come back.”

Out of respect for my father, I will keep my opinions on this decision to myself. Half way through his radiation treatments, he began to develop fluid inside of his chest cavity. This was something that we had not seen since his surgery early last year. The doctors decided to continue on with the treatments while at the same time, withdrawing any built up fluid as needed. Over two liters of fluid had been removed and the treatments had continued. By the time his treatments concluded, my father had retained another liter worth and had to have that removed. And then just days later, a trip to the emergency room would reveal more fluid, building much quicker. The cause needed to be discovered.

Unfortunately, an annual major snowstorm combined with a family tragedy prevented the exploratory surgery from being done as quickly as the surgeon wanted, but it was not going to be too big of a deal at this point. The fluid was removed again and my father released from the hospital before the storm. Another call from my father, this time, he was calling an ambulance. Fluid became too much for him again, and this time, the surgery would get done.

A biopsy would reveal that his cancer had already returned, even before he could be declared in remission. I am not sure as to why success had been declared with the surgery, and additionally the chemo, it reared back during the radiation. A catheter was put in place, which he would go home with to have a visiting nurse drain any fluid that would accumulate.

Here is where I am going to blow a major gasket. I watch vital signs, along with the patient. And when I know a patient as well as I know my father, I know what is normal. I know that when his pulse ox is 98 or 100 per cent, he is breathing well. But his pulse ox constantly sank down to the lower nineties once they removed his supplied oxygen. And of course he struggled to breath. He developed a low grade fever which he would eventually be discharged with. I discovered that he was giving two different blood pressure readings, 20 point difference in one arm over the other. And blood pressure medicine was being given based on one of the two readings which was never investigated as to the cause.

It took three days of arguing with doctors to order a simple echocardiogram for my father because I had concerns with all the fluid that the possibility of congenital heart failure was being overlooked as I was experienced with another patient. I had finally convinced a nurse of my experience, and she was able to get the echo ordered. And guess what, it did reveal some fluid around the heart and a slight decrease in the ejection fraction of the heart (how well the heart pumps). It was not enough to cause the fluid build up, but now the doctors would be aware of another condition my father had developed, and could be watched. But the problem I have is, why was I the one to realize the possibility of a different diagnosis as to the cause. Sure I was wrong, but doctors having overlooked this, my father would not know he has another issue to deal with. Everything now seemed to stem from either the cancer itself, or side effects from the radiation therapy. But when I thought it could not get even worse, it did.

One of the biggest risks patients face in a hospital, as well as the guests who visit them (including me as I came down with some sort of bug during my father’s care), is the risk of infection. The care necessary for the exit site where the catheter tube is critical in preventing infection. It is critical to make sure that the exit site is kept sterile. It is an open wound with an apparatus coming out of it. But you would never know. The nurse came into the room to change his dressing. The room door wide open, no protective gown, no surgical mask, no sterile gloves, no sterile surface for the supplies or the changing of the dressing. I know how this is supposed to be done as I have seen it done. And this was nowhere near sterile. This actually gets worse, and though I might have stated at the beginning that I was angry enough to drop an “F” bomb, now I am just plain nauseated at the risk my father has been put in. Bad enough he is still dealing with his lung cancer, now he also has to be worried about contracting an infection.

You see, now he is to be cared for at home with his catheter. A visiting nurse will come by every so many days to drain any fluid, and change the dressing once a week. ONCE A WEEK???!!!??? Are you fucking kidding me!!!!!!!!!! We fall on the sidewalk and cut our knee, we change the bandaid every day at a minimum. But have an open wound with a tube coming out of it, and change the dressing only once a week? NO WAY!!! Patients who have drive lines for heart pumps coming out of them have their dressings changed daily, and as sterile as humanly possible. And while I completely disagree with charging family members to play doctor (okay, something we enjoyed doing as kids), because I do not have the degree to be a doctor and am not qualified to be one, I understand our society does not want to pay for patients to be cared for properly. After all, diabetics give themselves insulin shots. Why should we not have to take care of our family member’s wound? Hey, why stop there? We have become such a “convenient self-serve” society we practically have drive through service for birth deliveries. Soon we will be expected to perform our own surgeries by simply having someone tell us what to do. Yes, I am pissed and disgusted by this.

We have been prepared that my father’s home care will not last. At some point, a family member must be shown how to change his dressing and withdraw his fluid. I have experience with this, which is what caused this rant. Less than a day after being released from the hospital, this discussion should not be talked about so soon already. My father has a long road ahead of him, and the last thing he needs is an infections causing a setback and delaying any treatment for the lung cancer. I can see that, why can’t medicine?

America The Beautiful… And Diverse


Sunday, February 2nd, 2014 was my day. I was finally getting to see my Seattle Seahawks football team play in the Super Bowl. While I was confident that they would win, I never suspected the rout that took place against the top seeded team from the opposing conference. While I saw the Seahawks win, I would much rather have experienced a closer game. But there is currently something leaving even a more bitter taste in my mouth right now.

The other highlight of Super Bowl Sundays is the onslaught of “all or nothing” commercials who are rumored to have paid up to $4 million dollars for just a 30 second spot during the big game. One such commercial has set off a huge controversy which really shows just how far we still have to go as far as recognizing our country as one of the greatest in how we treat people and their various cultures.

Years ago, Coca Cola used the song “I’d Like To Teach The World To Sing” in their commercials, to demonstrated the world and all of its citizens having the ability to get along with everyone. Okay, it was really to show that everyone all over the world liked Coca Cola. In the modern version, Coca Cola used the song “America The Beautiful”, again with a warm fuzzy message, but subliminally, everyone still loves Coke. But the wrench in the works is that Coca Cola dared to have the song sung in various languages.

I am going to be sarcastic here (I feel I actually need to offer that disclaimer)…

Imagine the horror that television viewers witnessed that singers of the song, “America The Beautiful” would dare sing the song in languages other than English. SACRILEGE!!!

I am now turning off the sarcasm. First off, the United States does not have an official language, many countries do. Our country does not. Second off, the song was not our National Anthem, “The Star Spangled Banner”, and again, while many may express principle, if someone wanted to sing our National Anthem in their native tongue, there is nothing to be done about it.

So what is the issue at this controversy? Are people now pissed off because we have gone beyond having to press #1 for English and #2 for Espanol? Has the frustration grown beyond having to craft a sign printed in several languages? In school long ago, I had the opportunity to study both Spanish and Italian languages. I do not think that I had any plan to use either of them, but I took those courses anyway. No harm had come to me as a result, and to be honest, I have never had a use for them. Occasionally I may understand bits and pieces of a conversation, but no harm has ever come to me. Perhaps if I travel to Spain, Mexico, or Italy, those languages may be of use to me.

But as the parent of two beautiful little girls, who coincidently happen to be adopted from China, I plan of having them learn their native language fluently. In the process, I will probably pick up some of the language. Guess what, they are both American citizens. They are learning the English language as their primary language, but they will learn Chinese, and any other language they so choose. The bottom line is, America is beautiful. And the fact that so many cultures recognize that, and sing a song about America, in their native tongue is not offensive at all, as a select group has expressed their bigoted outrage.

No flags were burned. No embassies were bombed. We still have not solved how to prevent school shootings. Poverty is still a major concern in our country. But it is deemed important to direct attention to a song, not a National Anthem, just a song, that was sung in a different language than what we had always heard it sung. What is embarrassing and outraging, is the narrow-mindedness that a Bangladeshi cannot sing “America The Beautiful”, nor can a Mexican, a Japanese, Chinese, Irish, Italian. There are bigger problems in the world and our country than “Oh hermoso para los cielos espaciosos,Para las ondas ambarinas del grano,Para majestuosas montañas de color púrpuraPor encima de la llanura de fruto!América!”

And yes, I do happen to speak 99% English and only a few words of Spanish, Italian, and Chinese. I applaud Coca Cola for recognizing what a great and diverse country the United States of America really is.

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