Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Cancer”

17 Jun 2013

Excuse Me, I Asked For Mine “Medium”


At one point or another, most of us have called the waiter over, and made a comment about food served to us, that it was not made as we requested.  And we are more than aware of the Youtube videos and television news shows that show what happens behind the scenes of wait staff and chefs who get agitated when a customer complains about the food.

Yet when it comes to the care of a loved one by someone in the medical field, we hush up, like they might do something to us.  What that “something” is, I do not know.  When it comes to food, I have heard stories ranging from sinuses being emptied onto the plate, food dropped on the floor and put back on the plate… it does not matter, as long as the food is cooked the way that we want.

But the example I would like to use, is the medical environment.  I do want to say, that nurses are so overworked, and so understaffed.  This is what I see a major problem.  They are entrusted to care for the patients, but can be bouncing from room to room like a pinball.  A family member who visits regularly, will often encourage their loved one to speak up when it comes to discomfort or pain, but will usually do nothing.  Just like the orange call button will not get used.

I am going to take this to a further extreme.  What happens when the care of the individual requires the extra effort by the caregiver?  And the caregiver refuses just out of convenience?  The situation is a patient that needs assistance in and out of bed (actually all care), asks for help to go to the bathroom in the overnight hours.  But the hired caregiver refuses.  Now the patient instead wets herself, saturated.  Family members are concerned that if a complaint is raised, it will result in the caregiver treating the patient even worse.

What would you do in a case like this?

You make an immediate phone call to the agency and tell them this will never happen again.  The agency will get the message loud and clear.  They do not want any further issue either as it will only turn out bad publicly for them.  But to do nothing is the wrong thing to do.  You must not let the fear of retaliation by the caregiver (should the caregiver’s actions go unpunished to prevent them from happening again).  Just think of the possibilities of not only what they have done to your loved one, but what about others under their care?

If you have no problem asking for your steak to be a little more cooked, or your french fries to be without so much salt (a trick to get fresh french fries by the way), you should have no problem getting your loved one’s needs taken care of.

Posted in Bullying, Cancer, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
14 Jun 2013

Visits With Dad


This upcoming Father’s Day is a special one to say the least, given the events of the last month.  And today, it is exactly one month since my father’s health took a dramatic turn for the worse.  But I am happy to say, that after last night’s visit with him, he is doing great on the road to recovery from not just the original issue of lung cancer surgery, but as a result of or during, or following that surgery, two strokes, and a heart rhythmn issue.

I describe the relationship with my father in two stages basically, basically the two halves of my life.  The first half was based on the results of a bitter divorce, the second half was a matter of circumstance and reconciliation.  Both of us will undoubtedly agree we have made the most of the second half.  In a prior post, I mentioned my admiration for my father.  But in recent weeks, I have learned just how strong a man that he is.

Several months ago, my father had been diagnosed with lung cancer.  After smoking for nearly 85% of his life, fifty-seven years worth to be exact, it came as no surprise when he asked the doctor, what was most likely the cause of his cancer, and then told without a doubt, “smoking.”

The best option for him was to have the cancer surgically removed, meaning he would lose half of his lung, if not all of it because of where the tumor had been located.  There would be risks with the surgery, but my dad was confident what needed to be done.  There had been some slight concerns during recovery, but otherwise, he had tolerated the procedure well.

Within the next twenty-four hours, my brother and I realized something was wrong.  And it would be another twenty-four hours before and it was confirmed.  My dad had suffered two strokes.  But because he was recovering from surgery, it was difficult to determine what damage my dad would be dealing with.

In the days that followed, he would be transferred to a rehab facility, and work very hard with various forms of therapies from speech, occupational, and physical.  Each day, his goals became very clear.  He wanted to go home.  He wanted to be independent.  He wanted to go home to his wife.  There was some confusion on his part that stood in his way, but then the day came.

I picked my father up from the rehab hospital, and stopped by the store for some flowers for my dad to give my stepmother.  Just seconds through the door, he gave the flowers to her, and then sat down at the table next to her, grabbed a deck of playing cards, and together, they did what they often did as if time had never stopped for them, played cards with each other.

He continues to improve, and much to his objections, still has some caregiving to help make sure he that any emergencies are able to be dealt with.  But some day, we all hope that he gets that 100% independence that he had before he had the surgery.  Knowing my dad he will get there.  He is so close.

Happy Father’s Day Dad!

Posted in Adoption, Cancer, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
02 Jun 2013

Lost In All This


I have been working hard to be elected to our local school board for three years now.  I have spent several nights a week attending district meetings, other nights meeting and greeting voters, and remaining evenings meeting with the other members of my campaign.

None of us keep any kind of score on who does how much or when.  It is a team effort.  We can disagree, but we respect that right to do so.  When one of us is down, there is another to pick us up.  And when personal crisis comes up, there is unbelievable support.

My dad had been diagnosed with Stage 1 lung cancer about two months before the recent primary election.  While a cancer diagnosis is not what anyone wants to hear, being staged at 1 was definitely welcomed news.  The recommendation for remission was surgery and so it was arranged.  There is no good time to have cancer, but the surgery had been set for the week before the election.

My father knows how much effort I had put into this election and felt awful, but my priority was clear.  I would stand by his side, not only as his son, but as his medical advocate.  I would figure a way to find balance so that I did not feel that I had abandoned my running mates and campaign.  But everyone involved in my campaign made it clear, “be with your dad.  You have done so much for this campaign, we can hold down the fort while you take care of him.”

His stay in the hospital was only to last four to six days.  Currently, today is day 21.

The campaign activity is picking up after just a week from the election where I won one political party, but not the other, forcing a General Election in the Fall.  But the entire week before the election, everyone in my campaign took all the extra steps to make sure that my absence was not felt during the busiest and most crucial stage of the election.  The group of people that are my running mates are a remarkable bunch.

As my father recovers, I am slowly easing back into my position of candidate, but it is clear that I have to find some sort of balance as my dad will need some care for quite a bit of time yet.

It feels quite odd actually.  During the last election in 2011, there was such a huge “letdown” both physically and mentally the days after the election.  And it would have happened regardless having lost or had I won.  I went from having over 50 emails a day to answer, as well as a dozen voicemails, plus of course door knocking and appearances, to nothing.  Just completely dropped off.  But this time there has been no down time for me.  My time has been so occupied with my dad following the election, that now that the campaign is picking up again, my stride has continued without breaking and I feel momentum will pick up exactly where it left off.

Of course, knowing that with total votes, I came in 4th out of 8 for four positions, eliminating the school board president from his seat on the board, had this been the General Election.  I still have some work to do.  While one of my running mates won overall, there were two incumbants who scored above me yet.

Posted in Cancer, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Politics | Leave a comment

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