Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Bullying”

Too Big To Fail = Too Big To Care


Geezer alert!  I am going to show my age by being able to recall days gone by, when local mattered.  And times were good.  I do not normally do stories like this, but an incident this morning kind of struck me just how far things have gone.  And honestly, I do not know if it has been worth it.  I will let that up to you.

I was helping a friend with their stove this morning.  I used to do that kind of work years ago, and this particular task was easy, and not very physical to do.  So I made the call to the local supplier to see if they had the part, which they did.

ge-oven-bake-element-wb44x5082-ap2031084_01_th

Simple enough, “how much?”  “A little bit over $50 and we have it in stock.”

My next question threw him for a loop.

“Do you have any aftermarket replacements?”  I asked this because at one point, the aftermarket company “Chromalox” actually used to make the element for the name brands.  Yes, you then paid the much higher price just to have the name brand logo on the part.  Years ago, being able to buy “generic” from local parts places saved you considerable money.  But if you went to an “authorized” wholesaler, per the manufacturer, they were not allowed to sell the generic equivalent.  The truth is, at one time, if you needed a belt for your washer, a lint screen for your dryer, a door gasket for your refrigerator, or an element for your stove, generics were always available.

“No, we only carry OEM (original equipment manufacturer) parts.”  So of course I looked around to find someone who was not authorized to sell those parts thinking surely, I would be able to get the original part with the original manufacturer’s name, Chromalox, not the manufacturer of the stove.  It was then that I found out that the manufacturer had bought out the generic replacement line I was looking for.  And yes, now my friend must pay the higher price.  But as I reflect on the past, for decades we have seen that mergers, though originally sold to us as “good for the consumer because it would increase competition which of course would bring lower costs,” I now call bull officially.

Here are some other examples:

telephone

Do you remember when nearly every town had their own telephone company?  Do you remember the customer service we had when there were issues with the lines?  Sure, the costs we thought were high, but look at the times now with just a couple of major players?  Customer service now means talking to someone outside of the US if you are lucky, and with all the hidden extra fees, we are now paying WAAAAYYY more than the days when it was just “Ma Bell”.

money

Banks?  I do not even have to go there because we all know that all the mergers produced one of the biggest collapses in our economy.

cable

Cable TV?  We are on the verge of a monopoly with this one, and our rates have never been higher.  Sure, their defense is “look at everything we are now offering your though… 1000’s of channels of programming.”  I only want four or five of those channels.  And if you try to break down your “package” by eliminating the services, amazingly, it will only drop your $150+ bill by five or ten dollars.  Come on, cable, phone, and internet for $150?  But if I want to drop the phone line, my bill will still be $145?  And anyone who has tried calling “customer service” for at least one of the major providers knows that company only provides “disservice.”

pharmacy

Big Pharm… wow.  The motto used to be “everyone needs prescription drugs” which of course should have translated to job security.  But as mergers occurred, jobs were eliminated.  And as drugs came off patents, generics soon crept in making the medications affordable.  But then Big Pharm started gobbling up generic manufacturers, and now look at today.  The costs of generics are beginning to climb to where many patients are in the same situation as trying to afford the original drug… they cannot!

medical

And here in Florida, as in many other states, doctors are being swallowed up by “health networks”.  This is resulting in the elimination of the general practitioner.  The numbers of general practitioners in the state of Florida are down nearly 50% as their practices are swallowed up by these networks.  Gone will be the times that you could see a doctor, for your life, who knew you, and cared for you.  You will now become just a number, and will get a “standard” level of care set by the network, not necessarily what you need, and perhaps might not need.

Of course, there is the big target, Wal-Mart.  How many local businesses have been put out of business by this company?

Too big to fail?  Too big to care.

Elections Need To Be More Than Just About Politics


Vote Tuesday

For the first time in three years, I am not playing an active role in politics, local or greater.  It feels good on one hand, because my schedule has been a lot lighter.  I learned first hand what it takes for a candidate to make the commitment of running for a public office.  I also found out the price a person pays for exposing themselves to public scrutiny.  There is no such things as privacy, once you set out to do the “right thing”.  And often times, because of the success in the direction of a campaign, the methods used by opposing sides to deal with the more positive campaign, are nothing less than questionable.  And because of the timing of such negative attacks, typically days before the election, there is little time for the “good guy” to respond.

Last year, I shocked my campaign when I informed them that I had filed for divorce.  I had to tell them, because  my ex-wife’s family expressed adamantly that they would do everything they could to cost me my campaign run as revenge.  Their threats included anonymous letters, and protests at election polls.  The most surprising came when a family member actually called my main opponent to spread three brutal, but defendable lies, only if I had the time to do it, which days before the election I did not.  I could prove everything a lie, but I did not have the time or the money.  I could only hope that with it just days before the election, people had paid enough attention to the good that I wanted to do.  After the election, I would deal with the slander that was tossed around.

Long story short, they followed through on their threats.  I did lose the election, but I will not give them the credit for costing me the election.  Voter turnout was abysmal.  With a huge voting base, and plenty of angry voters, a change for the better could have taken place.

People take elections for granted.  Now I am not going to get into Republican versus Democrat because personally that irritates me.  Elections are about making an informed decision, not being told what to think.  The strategy of voting “straight R” or “straight D violates my belief in making an informed decision.  If I believe a candidate in either party is going to support what I believe, I will vote for them.  As long as a candidate is going to run the business of government, local, state, or federal, without infringing on the personal beliefs of others, I will vote for them.

Everyone should vote.  As they say, if you don’t vote, you cannot complain.  And a vote will not make any bigger difference, than in a local election.  Literally, every vote counts and might just make a difference.

Vote Tuesday 1

There are two elections of special interest to me.  The first is back in my home state of Pennsylvania.  A dear friend is running for election to House Of Representatives.  Suzan Leonard is a stand-up candidate.  She does not duck questions or topics, and is quite up front what her concerns and plans are for as a State Representative.  As a school board candidate and member, Suzan carried herself with nothing but professionalism.  She has stayed true to what she stood for as a member of the school board.  And for that reason, I hope my friend Suzan wins the State Rep office that she has truly earned through her campaign.

medical marijuana 5 medical marijuana 1

The other election concerns Amendment #2 in the state of Florida.  I have written enough to show my support of why this amendment is necessary to be approved.  Those who oppose Amendment #2 are doing it for the most selfish of reasons, which has absolutely nothing to do with the amendment itself, but strategy has planted the seeds (no pun intended), that legalizing medicinal marijuana is legalizing recreational marijuana.  Which it does not, and will not.  What the legalization of medicinal marijuana will do, is provide relief to millions of patients who cannot find relieve through other expensive and addictive prescription medications, many of which are more lethal and addictive than marijuana.

Vote Tuesday 2

So, get out tomorrow, Rock the Vote.  It is your duty, no matter what election is happening in your area, school board, judge, state rep, whatever, your vote does make a difference.  It is up to you.

A Tough Question Made Tougher


I have been asked this question at least twice before, by friends and family, and yesterday, by attorneys questioning me during my divorce hearing.  Again, I am not going to go into specifics of my case.  But the question is important, because it was made more difficult for me, by the third person to ask me, my youngest daughter.

At a point during my separation, I made a conscious decision, that due to the hostile environment surrounding my divorce situation, as well as combined with an employment and court order issue, I would need to reside elsewhere other than the immediate area I had previously been living.  But to do the best I could with those two issues would mean I would have to make the biggest sacrifice of my life, separation from my daughters as well.

As anyone who knows me, my daughters mean the world to me.  The happiest days of my life have been those shared with my daughters from the time they were first placed in my arm, to just two days ago, when I got a rare “extra” visit with them, due to my travels back north for legal proceedings for the divorce.

But as any divorce that has children involved, rarely are the children protected from all the actions and decisions made by the parents from the moment of the filing for divorce.  Custody is one of those issues.

Being from a divorced family, I know all too personally, the importance of both parents in the lives of their children, during, and after divorce.  My ex was unaware of the thoughts that I was contemplating about where I would leave, once I actually left my home, shortly after the passing of my father.  But in preparation for a custody agreement, and knowing my intentions, I drafted and submitted a proposed custody agreement that was the hardest thing to concede.

Both my ex and I believe that we should be primary and sole custody holders of the children.  We both have our reasons why the other should not.  In any regard, most cases in most states, only shared custody, 50-50 is issued.  But with my plans to relocate, I knew shared custody would not be accepted any more than sole custody for me.  Instead, desiring quality custody with my children, instead of quantity, and what I felt would be best for my daughters, to be able to remain in the school they have known for the last six years, remain with their friends, at least I could assure this would remain constant in their lives.  I offered my ex to have custody of the children during the entire school year asking only for custody of the girls during extended holiday weekend breaks, the Christmas break, and the majority of the Summer.  My ex originally rejected this proposal and insisted to let the court decide, which soon became the court order for custody.

With the custody order in place, I proceeded with securing a new residence, one that would offer me best opportunity for employment, and the ability to pay any support award for the children.  And I believed, and still do believe, that I have found that place, though it is more than a thousand miles away from the two girls I love with all my heart.

So as my friends, family, and yesterday the court attorneys, on Monday following my “extra” visit with my girls, my youngest asked me a question I had been asked many times before.  And though I had offered answers before quite easily and without thought, coming from my child, who I have always believed in letting children be children, not concerning them with adult issues, especially my divorce, she phoned me later that evening in tears.

“Daddy, why did you have to move so far away?”

I answered her in the best way that I could for a 9 year-old.  That even though I moved away, I would always be her Dad, and her Mom would always be Mom.  And we were both going to do what we could that would be the best for she and her sister.  My daughters visited me already this summer and had a wonderful time, and left here knowing, that my move to here, is going to result in good things for them and their future.  And I hope that their mother is driven the same way.

But as my friend Matt pointed out recently to me, the real answer, “it had to be real bad for a dad to feel the need to move as far away from such a toxic situation for the best interests of his children, and the relationship with them.

And that is how I am going to end this post.

I love my daughters with all my heart.  I will always be there for them.  And even from afar, I will protect them, and guide them.  I shed tears for all the events that I will miss with them, but I know of all the wonderful things we will get to do with each other when we get together.  And so, when I answered my daughter, I allowed her to remain a child with my answer.

I miss my girls every day.  Daddy loves you Madison and Emmalie.  I promise it will get better.

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