Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the day “July 20, 2022”

Real Dad


A while back, I wrote about a co-worker, someone I had considered at least on friendly terms, who made an unfortunate comment about my decision to adopt my daughters. Because I was adopting internationally, he felt that I was bringing people here to take jobs away from Americans, as opposed to the US sending job overseas.

It is not unusual for people to make ignorant and bigoted comments. Especially when it comes to the world of adoption. Some of the comments can be quite insensitive. But nothing could have lit my fuse more, than a comment made over this past weekend, not to me personally, but came across my news feed.

Because I want this post to be directed as intended, and not something political or any other cause, I am not going to name the person who said it, not even gender. But after reading my post, a simple “google” will tell you who said it. Said what you ask?

“Children are in the greatest danger in America today, because traditional family values are being destroyed, the idea that Mom and Dad together, not fake Mom and fake Dad, but biological Mom and biological Dad, can raise their children together, to do what’s right for their children raising them to be confident in who they are, their identity. Their identity, they’re a child made by God.”

Again, a simple “google” and you can find out who spit out this garbage on their podcast, last Thursday, July 14th on Rumble, and you will find a person who has made racist and bigoted comments in the past. So it is no surprise that this person would have no issue making an ignorant and pompous comment as to imply anyone other than a biological parent, is “fake.”

Now, as some may figure out who this is, may want to run to this person’s defense with “they did not mean that you were a fake Dad. You are taking them out of context.” Am I though? This person clearly said, on the video with their own tongue and voice, available on Twitter, “Mom and Dad together, not fake Mom and fake Dad, but biological Mom and biological Dad,” is quite clear.

If this person wanted to be specific, as I said, being a racist and bigot, they know how to single out a specific type of “fake” parent if they wanted, such as “gay parents” or family’s with trans family members. But they did not, because in the past, this person has had their ass handed to them for the other stupid comments made in the past about race and the LGBTQ community.

No, this person was quite clear, if you did not birth the child, you are a fake parent. If the child does not have your genes, you are a fake parent. So, let’s take a look at the types of “fake” parents this person could be referring to as not having “traditional family values.”

  • step parents
  • single parents
  • gay couples
  • trans families
  • adoptive families

I am going to stop there, because I need to make sure I stay in my lane, in other words, speak only of which I know. Though I have had both a stepmother and a stepfather, I do not credit either with who I am today, so I am not going to refer to them either. I will let everyone else advocate for the groups they support.

But, for me, I am an adoptive parent. I am not “fake” as this person put it. I am a real Dad. And from the moment they were placed in my arms, I have done all that I can, to make sure that they learned my values, which I know are different from this person. After all, who is this person to decide that their values are better than mine? Neither of my daughters have gotten into any trouble, legally or morally. They seem to have done well with the values I have taught them. I have taught them how important it is to be proud of who they are and where they are from, and to learn and respect all of our American history as well as their Asian culture, for that is the only way not to repeat the ugly parts of it. They are law abiding, respectful, polite, and loving. And if you asked either of my daughters, I am definitely their real Dad. And they are definitely confident in who they are.

No, they were not born of my blood. But they were born in my heart. And from the moment they were placed in my arms, I became their real Dad.

I am sure the adoption community will have a field day if they share the outrage and disgust I am experiencing from yet another worthless and pompous self-righteous judgement from someone who really needs to look at themselves before judging others. In fact, it has been a while since I have opened it, but if this person believed in what they spoke, which is clearly written in the Bible I was raised on, Matthew 7:1, Jesus warns that those who condemn others will themselves be condemned (also loosely translated, “judge not, lest ye be judged”. Someone needs to practice what they preach.

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