Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the month “January, 2014”

22 Jan 2014

It’s Not Our Fault – It’s Your Body


There are now tests available to determine if you are at a higher risk for certain cancers. I have always felt uneasy about this “Pandora’s Box” opportunity because I am afraid of the emotional stress it can cause, a fear that may never come true, but take away so much. I know what it is like to worry about the “what if” scenario because as a cancer patient, I was told that certain things could happen to me as a result of the treatment options I pursued towards my remission. And then of course, there is the protocol that my doctors follow me as a long term cancer survivor, which includes all kinds of testing on nearly every system of my body, to see what is going wrong, heading in that direction, or nothing to worry about.

When I had my open heart surgery nearly six years ago, is when I became aware through the extraordinary screening, all the things that had the potential to go wrong. And I will be the first to admit, that the knowledge I gained, crippled me and took away a minimum of four years of my life as all I did was worry about what could happen. If you live in the past, or just look to the future, you are going to miss the present.

I am not saying that the cancer gene tests are not without merit, quite the contrary. I am a firm believer that the earlier you can diagnose and treat cancer the better chance at survival. But when those tests lead to such extreme decisions such as voluntary mastectomies, hysterctomies, and other omies, when an acutal risk severity has not been determined is unfair to terrorize patients.

Of course the cynic in me needs to recognize this “test” is not just about what is good for the patient, but what people do not realize, by being diagnosed with a pre-existing condition, up until the approval of the Affordable Care Act, that test, if confirmed, was a ticket for the insurance companies to deny you health insurance, and will still lead to denial of life insurance. If the test is definitely going to save your life immediately, then by all means. If it is just going to make your stomach turn each and every day, then it may need to be thought about more.

And it is not just with personal insurance that this discrimination occurs. It also happens with Worker’s Compensation Insurance. Insurance companies always look for exits for WC claims. But guess what? As long as it happens on your employer’s property, it is Worker’s Comp. There is no doubt you will be put through an emotional and financial wringer, but just because you have cardiac disease, if you have a heart attack at work, that is Worker’s Compensation.

We are born with our bodies. In our lifetime, we are lucky if all we have to deal with are common colds and other ailments. But what happens when your body has to deal with something that will leave your future health in question because of measures that must be taken to save your life now?

In 1988 I was diagnosed with Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. Strike 1. In 2008 I underwent emergency bypass heart surgery. Strike 2. But wait. The surgery was necessary because of treatments that I received back in 1988 for my cancer. Fortunately I had good insurance. Two bouts of near fatal pneumonia in 2012. Strikes 3 and 4. Restrictive lung disease. Cardiac disease. Radiation Fibrosis Syndrome. Osteopenia. My list goes on and on. But God help me the day that I lose the insurance that I have. Fortunately I do not have to rely on that statement anymore because of the Affordable Care Act.

I am not saying that it is perfect, but the one thing that it did do, was make sure that people like me, are not denied coverage, not only for something that just happened, but also for what was done to me. No longer does some pen pushing puke get to turn me down because I had cancer, or problems because of it. I have two daughters that I plan on seeing graduate from high school, and if they choose, to get married. I want to see them grow into adulthood.

I am not the only one in this situation. There are millions of other people, not just cancer patients who would have faced other dire circumstances if insurance companies were able to deny health coverage. In my last post, I mentioned about cancer not discriminating, especially by age. Millions of children are treated for any number of illnesses, and live long and fruitful lives. And they need that coverage.

Posted in Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
21 Jan 2014

Cancer Does Not Discriminate


Back in 1989, as I walked through the hallway of the 9th floor at St. Luke’s Hospital for the first time as a cancer patient, the first lesson I learned was that cancer does not discriminate. Whereas early in my childhood, and mainly because of stereotypes that cancer created, it seemed that only certain people were diagnosed, and died from cancer.

Within minutes, I would see the widest of ranges in age of patients, from as young as two, to patients in their eighties. I saw men and women, people of all ethnicities. I would be willing to be also, that it did not matter if you were a good person or a bad person. Short and tall, rich and poor. It did not matter.

It was after those first steps on the cancer floor, that I had it in my mind I was going to be my cancer, Hodgkin’s Lymphoma. But it also became a moment that would change my thought process. After seeing the various patients, and in their various states, from that moment on I no longer gave myself the opportunity to feel sorry for myself, to allow myself to feel or acknoledge any pain or discomfort, physical or emotional. Someone was always going to have it worse than me. My situation was going to be temporary. This was thinking was going to be an issue for the rest of my life, and it is, often in a horrible way.

You see, no matter what the pain or discomfort, it does not take away from the reality, that it is real. Your pain, my discomfort, someone else’s ail, they are all real, and all deserve the proper attention. Yet while for the most part, I appreciate being able to be referred to as a long term cancer survivor. But at the same time, my heart mourns for Jennifer (see Jennifer’s Story on this blog page), and now my heart completely mourns for Michael. My thoughts begin to be dominated by a three year old neighbor battling a cancer that just a few years ago, took my stepsister’s life with her second battle having survived the first time for more than 30 years. I worry about my dad who just turned 70 as he worries about his cancer surviving.

Cancer does not discriminate. And even if it did, I do not know if that would help to make sense as to the “why” it has to happen. All I know is that it hurts. Every time I must say goodbye who has come into my life, it hurts. That is why I participate in fundraisers like the Relay For Life, Light The Night, breast cancer walks. Money cannot be the reason that we continue to lose someone. We need to find the cures, for all cancers, and then prevention.

Posted in Animals, Cancer, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Side Effects, The Heart and tagged , | Leave a comment
20 Jan 2014
1 Comment

Super Baby – Part 2


It appears that I am not going to have to wait another thirty years to see my football team get to the Super Bowl. Last night, my Seattle Seahawks defeated the division rivals the San Francisco 49ers to advance to the greatest show on earth. Of course, this similar scenario took place eight years ago.

During the 2005 football season, the Seahawks were catching everyone by surprise. Even more of a surprise was that they were advancing deep into the playoffs. At the same time, another major event in my life had been advancing. I was deep into the process of adopting my second daughter, Emmalie.

You probably have co-workers that operate football pools or bet on the games, and I was no different. I stayed away from them, because I am a much better fan than a gambler. However, January 2006 was different. I had a bravado that had me making statements like “Put your house on Seattle”. I actually told a co-worker, a very serious better with football, to bet his house. Of course, he looked at me like I was crazy. But I was very serious.

If you have followed me a long time, or even just begun, you can see I do not really have the greatest of luck (though it is beginning to turn around). In my past, anything good that happened to me, always ended up underminded, a cruel Murphy’s Law trick.

My paperwork from China for Emmalie was on its way from China, meaning that I would be travelling soon. Though the Super Bowl was three weeks away, I had to prepare myself, that if the Seahawks were to get to the Super Bowl in 2006, no, they were going to get to the Super Bowl in 2006, I was not going to be able to be here to watch the game. Although clearly, I was much more eager to meet my youngest daughter. Conflicted, but eager.

I told my co-worker to bet everything he had, including his house, that the Seahawks would beat the St. Louis Rams (another division rival) in the NFC Championship game to advance to the Super Bowl. And then I explained why. Of course he looked at me as if I were three gallons of crazy in a two gallon bucket. But I stood firm. Unfortunately for him, he did not share my confidence. I do not know how much he had wagered, but clearly he did not win his full potential.

As expected, the Seahawks won and advanced to the Super Bowl on February 6, 2008. As expected, I got my notice that I would be travelling to China to adopt the newest addition to my family, Emmalie on February 9th. But at least I would get to the my team for the first time in its history, play in the Super Bowl.

I received a telephone call just a week before February 4th. It was the adoption agency. “Mr. Edelman, I’m happy to tell you that your travel date has been moved up to February 6th.” That was great news! I would get to hold Emmalie sooner. Then it hit me, that was Super Bowl Sunday. Oh well, I would just have to rely on the DVR, because big sister Madison and I were too anxious to travel to China to bring Emmalie home.

There is one bad thing to the technology in 2006, memory usage. My DVR had been erased back to zero per cent used, so I had plenty of space to record the game. What I had not been counting on, was that my ex was taping all of her soap operas while we were gone. Of course I had to record the Super Bowl in high def which would take up more memory, but look great. BUt unfortunately, when the memory maxed out, the DVR would start to delete the oldest programs first. So, after two weeks of recording two soap operas every day, when we arrived home from China with Emmalie, though I already knew the results of the game from two weeks before, and being jet-lagged with the thirteen hour time difference, I still wanted to watch the game.

What game? Memory usage had pushed the oldest program off of the DVR, in other words, my Super Bowl. I never got to see it after all.

As we sat at the table last night, Emmalie and I had a conversation on how she and I were going to watch this year’s Super Bowl together. Even more strange, thanks to a childhood friend, even my oldest daughter is into football now. Although it is more because she heard of a football player with our last name (Julian Edelman of the Patriots).

It was an entertaining game, not pretty, but gutsy. But in two weeks, my Super Bowl baby, now eight, and my older daughter will sit down and watch the spectacle that I missed eight years ago. I have always enjoyed telling the story of the game that never was. That I was flying over the North Pole during the kickoff of my football team’s first Super Bowl appearance. But the eight years of memories being the father of two beautiful little girls… priceless.

Posted in Adoption, Family and Friends, Recreation and tagged

Post Navigation

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →