Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Behind The Mask


I am going to share some information with you.  During the recent and large brush fires that we experienced here in southwest Florida, I heard several people speak about wearing “masks” to help deal with the smoke.  Of course, the masks that people refer to are nothing more than those used by doctors, surgical masks.

And we have seen these masks used in several different settings by common people in every day situations.  The masks are worn to prevent inhaling allergens or dust, perhaps with the belief that it will protect the person from inhaling a contagion such as the flu or cold.  People can be seen walking the streets, on airplanes, even in doctor waiting rooms, wearing these masks.

You are not as protected wearing these types of masks as you think you are.  In fact, if anything, to a certain degree you protect other people from you.

If you are going to wear a mask, you want to make sure it will serve the purpose you are wearing it.  But honestly, a plain surgical mask is nothing more than a sneeze/cough catcher, and possibly preventing a direct hit of the wearer’s bad breath.  The material is too thin, and it also does not “seal”, and that is the important word, seal around your mouth and nose.  The only way to prevent inhaling smoke, dust, allergens, or contagions, is wearing something called a respirator.

Respirators come in various styles.  What I have pictured is a common respirator.  I know this because at one time in my life, I worked in an environment that required “respirator training.”  In other words, learning and making sure you use the respirator properly.  A respirator when properly worn, will seal and prevent any outside hazards from being inhaled.  The mask has material built inside, to crimp around the contour of your jaw and nose, making a seal.  If you are wearing it properly, as you breath, you will feel the respirator almost “suck” to your face.  That means that there is a seal.  And if it does not, then you are basically wearing it as if it were a surgical mask, offering little if no protection at all.

Of course, in a professional setting, the training involved a lot more than just putting it on and seeing if it stuck to your face.  I actually wore a hood over top of my head, while wearing the respirator, while a mild scent was sprayed inside the hood.  If I could smell the material, then I did not have a seal.

When you are trying to prevent something from entering your lungs, you need to wear the correct mask, and a surgical mask is not it.  A surgical mask will not protect you from smoke inhalation, grass allergies, dust storms, or someone with a case of the flu.  The rule is quite simple, and you do not to be a professional, if you can smell it, you definitely are not protected from it.

 

When You Give A Girl A New Country


Today, I am welcoming a guest author today.  Though we have never met, we have a personal connection, which, when I saw her blog title, I knew that I wanted to share her thoughts with those in my personal circle.  You see… Haley is adopted from China.  I actually got to meet her parents when Haley’s family and I each adopted our second child (respectively) from China.  Haley’s younger sister, and my youngest daughter has a bond that will last forever.  Haley’s family and my family are connected forever.

There are already so many children who have been adopted from China, who have now reached adulthood.  As our children grow, because the majority of us in the adoption world are blended families culturally having those issues to deal with, there are also the needs, interests, and issues that the child will have to deal with themselves.  Well… who better than to reveal what goes on in the mind of someone who has been adopted, heading into adulthood, than someone who is there right now.

So, please allow me to introduce you to Haley, a senior in high school.

“When You Give A Girl A New Country”

In my family, we celebrate an extra holiday every year.

We call it my “Gotcha Day” because on September 12th, 1999, I met my parents for the first time. That day is the day we became a family.

I’m writing this article to answer some frequently asked questions about adoption that I have gotten over the years, currently get, and will continue to get throughout my life. I answer these questions on behalf of myself and many other adopted kids around the world; I’m sure they’ve received the same questions and can relate to my answers.

Growing up, being adopted has proven to be interesting. Some people try to avoid talking or asking about my adoption; many treat it like a sensitive topic. People view the notion of adoption as a tragedy—they treat talking about adoption like talking about a death. People tread very lightly when asking me about my adoption, and they always seem to be very uncomfortable and nervous.

The former has always confused me, because why should anyone feel uncomfortable to ask me about my loving family? Why is the very blessing that brought me to where I am today treated like a tragedy?

Probably the most frequent question I get asked is if I would want to meet my birth parents eventually. Being that the adoption was international and thus closed, we have very little information on either of my birth parents, so the idea of ever actually meeting them is very far out of reach. But even if I could, I don’t know why I’d want to. Meeting them wouldn’t be some magical moment like it would be in the movies. I wouldn’t feel any kind of special connection to them immediately or anything. Who’s to say I would even like them?

I think this is only a thing adopted kids truly understand, but having blood to blood relation doesn’t actually have anything to do with being a family. I have encountered the term “real” parents multiple times in my life, and I want to make it clear that my parents that I live with now are my real parents. They clothed me, fed me, cared for me, and raised me. They are the people that are responsible for the person that I am today, and they are the people that gave me the entire world. I don’t know about me, but it is them that deserve the title of “real” parents. They parented me, thus they are my real parents.

Another frequently asked question I receive is if I am upset or angry at my birth parents for giving me up.

Honestly, I’m not upset or angry at all, but instead, I am indescribably grateful for the decision that my birth parent(s) made to give me up for adoption. They chose the best option out of what I see was three: the first being adoption, the second being to kill me (wich is a common practice done to unwanted children in Asia), and the last being to keep me and try to raise me. Although I do not know the circumstances of my birth parent(s) situation, I can infer that because they indeed did give me up that they were not in the best position to keep me. If they tried to keep me, my life would’ve been a struggle.

I cannot express my gratitude towards my birth parent(s)’ knowledge of what my life would’ve been for me and instead of selfishly keeping me, deciding to give me up and give me opportunities they would’ve never been able to provide.

One of the most commonly asked questions that I’ve received throughout my life is if I believe my parents do not love me, or could not love me, as much as they would if I was their biological child. And this brings me back to a point that I made earlier: blood relationship does not define family.

My family has shown me more love and care than I could ever repay them for. They’ve given me the world and provided me with everything I could’ve wished for in the world. Without them, I would be nothing. They have loved and supported me as if I was their own, because honestly, I am their own.

Although I was not born of the two of them, they are still my parents and they will always be my parents. Biological relation is irrelevant in family. Family is about showing love, care, and support throughout a child’s entire life, and that’s what my family has given me.

 – Haley

 

You Can’t Take It With You


If there is one thing that being a cancer survivor has taught me, is that life will carry on with or without you, and all the possessions you have mean nothing, if life carries on without you.  In a matter of minutes, you can go from thinking no one can get along without you.  And if you are lucky enough, that you get a second chance,  what hurts almost as much, is to see that as you recover, you may not be as valuable as you thought you were.

I get it.  Because it happened to me.  I was told I needed emergency heart surgery.  Just like that, all the money I had made, all the things that I had purchased, no longer mattered.  All I could think about were my two young daughters and the possibility that they could end up without their father.

My car, my house, vacations, all things material… nothing mattered to me at that moment, than getting through the surgery for my daughters.

Over the last week, in Southwest Florida, weather conditions have left the area prime for brush fires.  With windy conditions, drought conditions, and plenty of dead vegetation, it took no time at all for the fire to spread to 7500 acres.  But as fire fighters tried to contain the fire, winds pushed the fire towards urbanized areas.  Mandatory evacuations were issued.  And just as with any other natural disaster, there are always people who will defy those types of orders.  We have all seen people interviewed on television in situations such as being in the path of a brush fire, or hurricane, who insist on staying put in their homes.

It is sad and frustrating to watch.  Homeowners basically sacrifice their lives to protect their property.  They are willing leave their family and to die for their belongings.  Worse, as first responders are known to do, emergency personnel often find themselves having to rescue these people, putting their own lives at risk.  As one emergency personnel member put it during the recent brush fire, “if you choose to remain in your home, not only may we not be able to save you, but we will not be able to do flyovers dumping water and flame retardant over your home, for fear of injuring you with the impact of the liquid.  And yes, you can get hurt by the impact of the water down below.

Thinking about it, I never hear one person say what they will do to protect their home from the fire, or flooding.  They just say, that they are going to do all that they can.  They do not say “why” they are doing it, only that “it’s all they have.”  Could a homeowner actually prevent their home from burning to the ground with a garden hose?  Can a homeowner actually keep floodwaters from flushing out the contents of their home?  Of course not by themselves.  And they have to know that.  Though they do not state it, could they be afraid of looters?  In an evacuation area, police and sometimes national guard members are deployed to the evacuated areas to prevent looting.  Do they realize that they are putting others at risk to potentially need to save them or prevent other damage?

It is sad to say, that often through tragedy or crisis, we realize what is important, what we can really do without.  How many have attics packed with knickknacks that have not been seen in decades, but during an emergency, they become a priority more so than our lives?  It makes no sense really.  Having been there, in that life or death situation, I know my priority.

I went into a cardiologist office for a simple treadmill test (or so I thought).  I was told it needed to be corrected as soon as possible, like “tomorrow.”  And once on the table, it was discovered that it was far worse than imagined, and I would need open heart surgery.  I had explained to my daughters, that I was just going in to the doctor to have something simple done, that I would see them the next day.  I went through the next 36 hours without seeing them or holding them while I waited for my surgery.  Because of my late effect damage from radiation and chemotherapy treatments for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma, the surgery was going to be quite risky.  I might not make it through the surgery, and all I could think about was holding my daughters one final time, and not getting the chance.

Yeah, if I am told to evacuate because of fire or hurricane, you can bet your ass, I am out of there.  There is absolutely nothing more important than those in my life.  Everything else can be replaced.

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