Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Recreation”

05 Oct 2014

The Counter Reads 4


In my hectic world, I have never really taken time to slow down.  Even when my body left me with no choice (cancer, heart surgery, 2 cases of near fatal pneumonia, and another undiagnosed heart episode), I rarely slow down.  I have always been known to overcome all my crazy health issues that came to me courtesy from my treatments from Hodgkin’s Lymphoma years ago.  That is just what I did.

My world was turned upside down again over the past year, although in fairness, it started long before that.  I had to put my furry companion of 14 years down after quality of life became an issue for him, the loss of my father and a very dear friend, the break-up of my second marriage, loss of my job due to downsizing, and of course, learning to deal with an amazing distance geographically between my children and I.

But as I mentioned, I rarely take opportunities to slow down, even when I am “freed” up by something else.  I simply find something else to replace it.  And currently, what I am dealing with is no exception.  While I plan for my next visit with my daughters, I am also still trying to secure work.  I also have a major court appearance in regards to my divorce, and the implications are huge and carry severe resolution to it.  Clearly no one will win regardless of the outcome, and clearly, it will be the children who lose.

Today is a rare day for me.  I am at half speed.  The day itself is a beautiful Fall day here in Florida.  I took some time to work on some various writing projects, and hang out on the beach behind my condo.  Blissful peace.  Time to clear my head of all things causing me stress.

As I sat down at my laptop, amongst all the busy hubbub of my life, I logged on to “Paul’s Heart” and I noticed something that I had taken for granted and forgotten about.  The amazing thing is, it is one thing that can never be taken away from me.  There is a counter on the front of my page.  And it is counting down to a number that even to this day is recognized as a major milestone.

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In less than 4 months, I will hit 25 years since my last treatment for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma.  Funny, it has taken this long, and in spite of everything else I have gone through in my life (not just the last two years), my body and I have defied the odds.  I am a long term cancer survivor.  No one can take that away from me.

Posted in Adoption, Cancer, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Politics, Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
02 Oct 2014

Beam Me Up!


For those of old enough to have remembered the “old days without” certain technologies, and at those time thought such technologies would never happen, I for one am glad those technologies had been invented.  I am glad that the flip “communicators” used in the 1970’s television series Star Trek became common as hand held cell phones.  By the turn of the century, nearly all of us were able to afford and use a similar looking communication device as Captain Kirk, the cell phone.  But even more impressive, growing up watching that television series, was the concept that one day, we might be able to see each other as we talk to each other.  Of course we were already broadcasting images and sounds across the television, but to actually have a conversation while looking at each other seemed impossible as Captain Kirk communicated with his ship mates on the planet below.

But then came camera accessories for the computer, which would eventually lead to programs like Skype, Tango, and Facetime.

Being away from my children, over a thousand miles away would be so much more difficult would it not be for this new technology.

My parents had a custody agreement, which back in the late 1960’s was quite rough on the fathers who virtually had no rights.  I do not know the exact orders that my parents had between them, but I do know that I only saw my father, every other Sunday, and for just a few hours.  He was not able to see me or my sister.  He regularly missed special events in our lives such as birthdays, special events in school, and more.  Sure, we could talk on the phone.  And we were living just two cities apart from each other, so there was no great distance.

In my father’s last years, we often talked about what happened in the past, and how he wished that things would have been different for my childhood.  But unlike technology helping with the future, technology cannot give us back the past.

But as I continue on through this second year of the divorce process, I am taking the lessons I learned from conversations with my father.  Yes, I am a huge distance physically away from my daughters.  Thankfully, with technology, and a court order, I am allowed to see my daughters at any time, no matter how far apart we are.

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Every night, we chat with each other on Facetime.  We talk about the day’s activities, homework, boys, and upcoming plans, and what we would like to do next time we are with each other.  We tell each other we miss each other, and love each other.  And I get to say goodnight to them.  Of course we use other technologies to keep in touch with each other from texting to videos, to just plain phone calls.

The same courtesy is given to their mother when the girls are visiting me.  As my friend Matt told me, I will miss a lot of events in their lives, and there are some that I will be able to attend.  And when I do, those will be extra special.  And those that I cannot, hopefully technology will give me the ability to share in those memories.  But with everything we currently have, I would have only myself to blame if I did not get to “see” or talk to them each and every day.

Posted in Adoption, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Recreation | Leave a comment
17 Sep 2014
1 Comment

What’s Your Sign? Mine Is Cancer.


One of the most common issues I come across patients is when it comes to dating, when is the right time to discuss that you had cancer, and as in my case, some very serious late developing side effects.  I had originally wrote this in various forms, but felt this small script would illustrate a lighter side, to hopefully take some pressure off wondering when would be the right time.  I will write about my own personal experience in a near future post.  As always, feel free to comment or ask questions, if you can relate to this type of problem.

 

“My name is Stephen. I have a friend named Paul. Poor guy. He is in the middle of his second divorce. If only that were the hardest of his problems. He is not a bad looking guy, and he is really nice. But for the first time in twenty-four years, he is heading back into the dating pool, that’s not the hardest this got. In that twenty-four years, he had to battle cancer and some late developing side effects from the treatments.

He has been reluctant to date, because he wants to be honest about his medical history, but has no idea, when the time would be right to bring his health up. I told him to go with his heart. He would know when. And with that, I set him up on a dinner date with a friend of mine, Josephine. They are about the same age, attractive, both have hearts of gold, and unfortunately share something in common.”

 

Hostess:              If you follow me sir, your guest is already seated at your table.

Paul:                      Thank you.

Hostess:              Here you are sir, may I introduce you to Josephine.

Paul:                      Nice to meet you.

Josephine:         Nice to meet you too.

Hostess:              Your waitress will be right by to take your drink orders.

A couple of minutes pass as Paul and Josephine exchange some chit chat. The waitress stops by the table.

Waitress:            Good evening. My name is Alyssa and I’ll be your server this evening. Can I get either of you something to drink?

Josephine:          I would like a glass of cabernet please.

Paul:                      I will have a glass of Yuengling Lager, and I had cancer twenty-three years ago, (he says softly and very quickly under his breath).

Josephine snaps her attention to Paul, unsure of what he just said following the word lager.

Waitress:            Very well. I’ll be right back with your drinks and to take your orders.

Paul:                      So Josephine, it is really nice to meet you. Please, tell me about yourself.

Josephine:          Well, I’m originally from New Jersey but have lived here for about ten years. I have two grown children. How about you?

Paul:                      I’m originally from Pennsylvania and moved here recently. (The waitress returns with the drinks) I have two children that I adopted from China because chemo left me unable to have biological children (once again much too softly and quickly for Josephine to hear what he has said)

Waitress:            And here you go… Cabernet for you Miss and a Yuengling for you sir. Are you ready to order?

Josephine is really confused at this point but nods “yes”.

Paul:                      Yes, we are.

Waitress:            For you Ma’am?

Josephine:          I’ll have the mussels for an appetizer, a Caesar salad, and the baked mozzarella ravioli with Shrimp in Alfredo sauce.

Waitress:            And for you sir?

Paul:                      I tried radiation first I’ll have the house pirogues with the garlic butter sauce… (Josephine now really concentrating on Paul’s seemingly subliminal conversation) And I too will have a Caesar salad because chemo worked better. And I would like the sirloin cooked medium my Hodgkin’s lymphoma was rare enough.

Waitress:            Very well. I will put your order in right away.

Josephine:         (looking for clarification) So Paul, you were saying… you have two children…

Paul:                      Yes, two beautiful daughters. I work as a laboratory assistant for a pharmaceutical company as a way to pay forward, for medicine finding a cure for me.

Josephine now totally confused, asks Paul…

Josephine:          Is there something that you need to tell me?

Paul:                      Actually there is. I just don’t know where to start. I’m attracted to you. And you are definitely a wonderful woman. But I’m afraid that what I am about to tell you, might ruin any chance I might have to get to know you better.

Josephine:          Why don’t you let me decide? What’s on your mind?

Paul:                      I am a cancer survivor. I had Hodgkin’s Lymphoma twenty-four years ago. I have had to deal with some pretty nasty late developing side effects since then. But for the most part I am healthy otherwise.

Josephine:          I must tell you, I wasn’t expecting to hear that at all. But guess what? My son, who is twenty-three just completed his treatments for Hodgkin’s Lymphoma and I’m sure he would love to meet someone who has survived for so long. It won’t happen right now, he’s recovering from his own complication from his treatments as well. That is actually what I am doing here. I have been staying here while he’s recovering in the hospital.

 

Stephen: Sometimes when we least expect it, and not looking for it, opportunity finds us. At times, it is more than just an opportunity; it might just be much bigger than that.

Posted in Adoption, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart

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