Paul's Heart

Life As A Dad, And A Survivor

Archive for the category “Recreation”

09 Jul 2018

Summer Vacation – A Learning Experience


As a kid, who did not love Summer vacation?  But as an adult, I love it so much more.  I have always been the type of person who enjoys watching others’ happiness, more than my own.  And now that I get to witness things as a father, through my daughters’ eyes, yes, I love every chance I get to spend with my daughters.

My daughters love the reality television show, Big Brother.  By default, that means when they visit me during the Summer, I am stuck watching the show with them.  It is unavoidable because I live in a one-room apartment.  A similar situation if you will to the living arrangements on Big Brother, more than a dozen people, trapped in a contained studio house, for over 90 days, with someone being kicked out of the house every week.  Every move is watched.  Every word is heard.  Trapped.

Ok, so our situation is not identical per se, but, the three of us are staying in the same room, for 49 days, but no one is being evicted.  Ok, we get to leave the apartment and do things.  Ok, there is no backstabbing and lying to get favors.  But there is one thing that our situations do have in common, learning about each other.

I have spent most of my cancer survivorship, proving to everyone, that I will be fine.  At the same time, I have spent all of my time, convincing everyone that the many issues I face as a result of my treatments thirty years ago, are very real.  They are not once and done episodes, but a progression of situations, monitored, waiting to have no choice but to be dealt with some day, hopefully before it is too late (read “CABG – Not Just A Green Leafy Vegetable and you will see what I mean).

My daughters were 3 and 5 when my body let me know, that while I may have beaten cancer, it came at a price.  And there would be several more episodes in the upcoming years.  But I have always been of the mindset, to let my kids be kids, let them deal with childish things.  And as I realized how much happier off they were just to know “Daddy was okay,” I used this mentality when it came to family, friends, and co-workers.  By doing so, I did myself a disservice, as well as perhaps other cancer survivors as well.  I figured, if I could keep all the issues hidden that I have to deal with, then I would not have to worry about anyone worrying about me.  The unrealistic part of that is, anytime a crisis would come up, there would be worry.  But then that would be followed up with “get over it already, you are better”, or worse, “just faking it.”

It is ten years now since my daughters saw me hooked up to all kinds of machines, recovering from open heart surgery, and having witnessed many of the other events.  Already during this visit, questions are beginning to come up.  Because of the warmer climate here, many of my scars are exposed, and these lead to questions.  Both daughters were never there when I went through my cancer, though are very proud of me for having made it all these years.  But as they grasp that the fact that many of the things that I deal with health-wise are because of my treatments, they now understand, my body will never get better, only worse.

They know that I have good days, and they have certainly seen my bad days.  They know the issues that I deal with are very real.  But that is not what are visits are about.  Yes, they are learning about me, and I am learning about them.  And I have so much more to teach them.  I take them to visit preserves, complete computer courses that may benefit them in their future, and another first, helped my oldest apply for her first job.  And we still do workbook exercises to prepare them for the new school year, though I have now pared the work down to a specific course that either may have struggled with in school (they each had one).

But there is still so much more for us to do together.  And I cherish every moment I have with them.  And I know that they are enjoying the time with me.  I know that they care about me.  They want to do what they can to keep me around a lot longer, whether it be a better diet, or exercise (we have a nightly walk routine after just 3 days).

They know that in just a few years, our roles may change with each other as I will have to give them responsibilities, as far as things they definitely need to know, and perhaps, prepare for.  They will become my legal guardians and our roles will switch.  If I am faced with the difficult situation of being incapacitated as I have with past events, they will be the ones that will need to carry out my wishes should decisions need to be made.

In the meantime, like I said, I want to let my kids, be kids.  But at least they know, just because I do not show it, does not mean that I am not dealing with some serious health issues.

And just as my children are learning, just because you see this, but do not see something obvious with the person getting out of the vehicle, does not mean that they do not have a health issue that they are dealing with.  But if you feel that you are justified in criticizing anyone anyway?  Feel right on free to trade places with us.

Posted in Adoption, Animals, Bullying, Cancer, Education, Family and Friends, Food, Inspired By..., Recreation, Side Effects, The Heart | Leave a comment
27 Jun 2018

Tag… You’re It


One of my lighter posts today.

Social media takes a lot of knocks, often deservedly so, from stirring the pot of politics, religion, race, etc.  You name an issue, and someone certainly will not be hesitant to launch a grenade onto a social media page to get everyone fired up.  And of course, having an even bigger impact on our lives, having a personal information used by the owners of the particular social media sites.

But I digress.  There is one thing that I do appreciate about social media, Facebook in particular.  No, it is not the cute puppy videos, or travel photos, or flashbacks of days rather forgotten.  But social media has given us an opportunity to reconnect with those in our past like never possible before.  Seriously, you can now live anywhere in the world, and be able to get back in touch with, and stay in contact with anyone.

How far back do you go?  How far would you want to go back?  And why?

Face it, being an adult has its drawbacks.  Responsibility and simply lacking the ability to give a shit does not make being an adult fun (though being a parent is definitely the best feeling in the world).  Look at everything we deal with as adults, politics, war, inflation, crazy weather… we never cared about that as kids.  We could care less.  Playing a game of ball, riding bikes, or just hanging out in an arcade, life was good.

So it would make perfect sense then, to use social media as a way to go back to our childhood.  No, we cannot do it physically, but the memories of a time when our lives may have been simpler, can often be just what we need at a current moment to help us get through a difficult period.

I know on my Facebook, I have several “neighborhood” and school friends that go back more than 45 years, reconnecting in spite of there being over a thousand miles from us.  Every now and then, a photo pops up of us in our younger years, and we can remember everything, every detail of the location, and we cannot help but smile.  Yeah, those were good times.  I remain friends with a kid who lived across the street from me.  I have several friends from elementary school, junior high school, high school, and college.  The levels of friendship vary from casual to remaining the best of friends.  And for the most part, most of these reconnections have survived the controversies blasted on social media.  Instead, the majority of us share stories of our past, support each other as some deal with health issues or other stressful events, and even some, make new travel plans to reconnect in person.

In the movie “Tag” (based on a true story), grown men, 30 years after their childhood, continue a tradition of one game of tag that has continued seemingly forever.  The players get together once a year, for a month, to continue playing.  They have rules that they play by, and pretty much there is no level they will go to, to tag someone.  The thing is, these guys grew up with each other, and continued that friendship 30 years into their adulthood.  I found this very cool.  Why?  Because I still keep in touch with some of my friends when I was a child.  No, we do not play tag or anything, but we do still offer support, share happiness and sorrows.  The friendships are still there, just as in the movie.  And yes, this was based on a true story as the end of the movie shows the actual players involved over the various years, some scenes played out in the movie, others not.  And during the closing credits, and who knew, Jeremy Renner can sing, but you have to stick around for that.

I get the concept behind “Tag”.  In childhood, we did not have to worry about the big issues.  And for most in adulthood, we do not take the time to put those big issues aside, unless we plan it that way.  I say, if you have a chance to get back on that ball field, or hang out in the old basement, do it.  We may change over time, or as some call it, grow up, but the memories are always going to be there, and always available to give us a much needed distraction when needed, to a time when things were simpler.

 

Posted in Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Recreation | Leave a comment
08 Feb 2018

A Reason To Celebrate


One of the best improvements to my life, with the adoptions of my daughters, and being from China, was learning a whole new culture.  The experience of travelling to a country all the way on the other side of the planet, and seeing first hand, where my daughters had come from, allows me to be able to relate to them, the many traditions and customs of the Chinese culture.  This is a promise that I have made right from the beginning, and plan to do the rest of their lives.  Yes, my daughters are American citizens, but they are also Chinese.  They are being raised as American citizens with Chinese culture.

Unlike the calendar new year, Chinese New Year floats in dates.  This year, it is slated to begin February 16th, and typically lasts for about 2 weeks. And I can confirm this.  When done right, as in mainland China, I was adopting my youngest daughter at the tail end of the Chinese New Year.  Firecrackers and fireworks never seemed to stop, even during the daylight hours.  Clearly, the Chinese love to celebrate the new year.  And why not?

But it is not just fireworks that make Chinese New Year so exciting and fun.  This is a time to look forward to the new year and all the blessings it will bring.  Food enjoyed such as spring rolls, dumplings, noodles, and rice cakes, along with chicken and fish, and plenty of vegetables are in great abundance and well prepared.  One side note, because I am a picky eater, I only eat 2 of the before mentioned items.  Clothing worn, though noting in particular, is always new (think “out with the old, in with the new, just as the new year).

One of the most fascinating thing about the culture of the Chinese, besides the fact of the many different dialects of the Chinese language, are the stories and folklore.  After all, one of the main stories of why Chinese New Year is celebrated, is about a monster named Nian, who lived in the sea, and would come on land, once a year to eat the people.  The legend is that he came to a home with a red paper on the door, and immediately firecrackers exploded behind him, causing him to get angry, and run away.

There are things you want to avoid during this festival:  negative talk, breaking ceramic and glass, avoid using sharp objects, do not take medicine (have to question that one), do not visit the wife’s family – which probably also ties in with no fighting and crying, do not demand money that is owed from people, and do not wish someone Chinese Happy New Year while still in bed.

A common gift is a red envelope with money inside.  One to avoid, is the clock as it symbolizes time running out (dying).

And of course, there is the great lantern festival.  So many decorations, it is no wonder that the Chinese start preparing for this festival more than a week ahead of time, and for many of the Chinese people, everything comes to a screeching halt during the celebration so that everyone can celebrate as family.  Like I said, I got to witness this in China personally.  It is truly amazing.

For most of their years, I have celebrated this holiday with my daughters.  This photo was taken four years ago, the last time we got to celebrate this holiday.  Next week, we celebrate again and as often happened, with celebrating with friends.  I am so looking forward to it.

Gung Hei Faat Coi (Gung Hay Fat Choy)!!!

Happy New Year!!!!  Year of the Dog.

Posted in Adoption, Education, Family and Friends, Inspired By..., Recreation | Leave a comment

Post Navigation

← Older Entries
Newer Entries →